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Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Old Dec 11th 2010, 12:38 am
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Default Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Well

My honeymoon/holiday period is fading fast.

I've started to notice little things that are beginning to annoy me

1. Rubbish holiday leave entitlement
2. My job totally sucks - this is the main problem. All i do is have meetings about meetings and no one likes making decisions. It bores me to death and sucks the life out of me. I've already had a go at one person at work who questioned my attitude, so in true Gallagher brothers style i said 'your NZ way of doing things is total rubbish'. It wasnt my proudest moment i admit, but i needed to let off steam. The Kiwi's i work with are obsessed with work. I'm a slacker at heart and i'm not prepared to work my ass off for a job i have no interest in.
3. Finding it hard to make friends. I get on well with most people at work and we do go for a drink after work quite often. But its the weekends where its a bit tougher. My housemates are cool, but i dont want to hang around with them all the time. I'm a little stuck, in that i've never really had to make the effort to make mates before and now i have, its bit of a culture shock. Getting a little homesick too i guess as xmas approaches, but no surprises when you move to the other side of the world on your own.


I've applied for a 2 year permit, thats where my passport is at now. That will give me a multiple entry visa. I intend to visit Australia as soon as possible on holiday. May as well check it out whilst i'm down here. But i doubt i'll be here for the 2 years. I'll be driving around the North Island at xmas to see as much as possible.

I'm not going to go for PR, the way i'm feeling at the moment. I aim to do around 9 months to a year in NZ so that it looks good on my CV and then head elsewhere. I'll go travelling for a few months then think about getting a job in Europe somewhere.

Some things are not as easy as they seem.
Its not awful, but its not totally great either. Some days are amazing. But i'd say in a week, 2 days great, 5 days not so. Not good enough for my liking.

Bergkamp
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Old Dec 11th 2010, 2:19 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Sorry you're finding life hard. We never know how things will turn out until we take that chance and go for it.
Could you look at changing jobs? I presume you have a work visa and as far as I know you can transfer to another job as long as it fits into one of the categories of visa. Another workplace may well be totally different, no different to the UK in that respect.

If you need to let off steam, it may be better to have a rant on here; most of us have emigrated and will have been there and understand how you feel a lot better than your average kiwi. Hell, even I had a good rant a few months back and I tend to let everything flow over me normally- a workplace situation pushed all the wrong buttons and I needed to do something or scream at the boss [not a good move when everyone knows everyone else in my small profession!]

As for finding friends, I know exactly where you're coming from. At least I have my NZ other half but I am having trouble getting to meet and know other people. Not sure what the solution to that is as yet...

Leave entitlement is crap over here, any chance you could get unpaid leave? I always had 5 weeks a year back in the UK and I would be asking any potential employer about how feasible it was to take 1-2 weeks a year off unpaid to get myself some decent holiday time. Luckily I don't have the Xmas shutdown to contend with, it would not be possible in my job due to the guidelines and legislation we work under. Still means you get less pay but it depends on your level of pay to start with, whether you can afford it and what you value the most.

Anyway hope life starts to turn in your favour soon. It is hard to emigrate and sometimes it is not the right decision and other times it takes some work to get to where you want to be. Good luck wherever you end up, you may even stay over here you never know!
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Old Dec 11th 2010, 11:13 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

All right that's work done! What about outside work?
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Old Dec 11th 2010, 10:36 pm
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Originally Posted by Stormer999 View Post
All right that's work done! What about outside work?
Well outside work isnt too great as i've only got 3 friends so far

The problem is its hard to make friends therefore boredom/lonliness/a little homesickness is starting to creep in

I've been driving round checking many places and sights out - but it would be good to do something different from time to time
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 6:12 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Originally Posted by DennisBergkamp View Post
Well outside work isnt too great as i've only got 3 friends so far

The problem is its hard to make friends therefore boredom/lonliness/a little homesickness is starting to creep in

I've been driving round checking many places and sights out - but it would be good to do something different from time to time
Yes I can see what you mean. I moved 7 miles from Leamington Spa to Kenilworth and changed jobs at the same time and had exactly the same problem. The difference is I'm married and that does not leave too much boredom time. I did take up a motorcycling activity that enabled me to make friends via a local club. Hopefully with the large choice of outdoor activities in NZ you will be able to do likewise.....
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 6:21 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

I can understand how your feeling in many ways.
I've been here for 4 months and I'm lucky in at least I love my job, I work with a great bunch of people and I get on really well with everyone. My only work 'issue' would be that my salary doesn't go as far as I imagined. I'm also here on my own and I guess I didn't expect to have to buy a 3 bedroom house with a pretty high rent to find a house that I was willing to love in.
Maybe my standards are too high and I'm freely willing to admit that but I wasn't really willing to come home alone to an empty house that made me miserable so I had to pay more and get more space than I planned for.

But, I sympathise totally with the social side of things. I have a couple of friends that I go for coffee with but its the lack of 'long term' friends that I find hard. I also dont really know how to start meeting friends as an adult (kids have it soo easy!) I've done a few things, joined the newcomers network, gone along to the local badminton club etc but its how to go from 'forced' social chat to actual friendships that I find difficult. I'm hoping its just something that'll come with time but who knows.

I'm also just not sure I'm cut out for the kiwi way of life. I've quickly discovered that I like the availability of 'stuff' like decent clothes shops and big stores and affordable organic food that I just cant find here. I like to be able to go sit in a coffee shop at 7pm with a book (they all close at 4 here) and no, I don't want to go mountain biking or kayaking and yes I do think $9 for a beer in the pub is excessive.

I have a 3yr work permit as that was the fastest way to get here at the time (was in the process of putting in my ITA but a relationship breakup meant I wanted to leave asap). My original plan was to get PR pretty much straight away but I'm having second thoughts about that now. I'm thinking now that I might stay for a year or so and then investigate elsewhere in NZ or possibly Oz. I'm a midwife so I'm lucky that the job situation means I can find jobs pretty much all over which makes things easier.

Who knows though, sometimes I think my life here is almost as good as it was back home and I just need to suck it up and get on with it and other times I think there must be something/somewhere better than this.

Hopefully in time we'll both be happy with our destination, where ever they may be.
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 6:49 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

A Kiwi friend of mine told me quite bluntly..."If you like city life don't come to NZ as over here you have to make your own entertainment and if you can't do that it won't work" This is the sole principal we are working on.
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 7:08 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Originally Posted by Stormer999 View Post
A Kiwi friend of mine told me quite bluntly..."If you like city life don't come to NZ as over here you have to make your own entertainment and if you can't do that it won't work" This is the sole principal we are working on.
I totally agree and my original plan was just that, to come over here and make my own entertainment doing new things and going new places. But, my original plan also included going and seeing those things with someone else so when your left to do it alone its really not all that easy.
I definitely under estimated the impact of 'going it alone'. It's easy for people to say get out and about and find things to do and I've done that but its not easy being the single person trailing around tourist places, getting the 'poor you' looks and the 'oh, just one' remarks when you buy tickets/ask for tables etc.

I know this is my issue and I'm sure its clouding my opinions at the moment but its not something that's going to change any time soon so I need to find some way to work around it and if that means finding somewhere a bit more 'lively' to base myself then that might be the way to go.
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 9:20 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Originally Posted by lisamct View Post
I totally agree and my original plan was just that, to come over here and make my own entertainment doing new things and going new places. But, my original plan also included going and seeing those things with someone else so when your left to do it alone its really not all that easy.
I definitely under estimated the impact of 'going it alone'. It's easy for people to say get out and about and find things to do and I've done that but its not easy being the single person trailing around tourist places, getting the 'poor you' looks and the 'oh, just one' remarks when you buy tickets/ask for tables etc.

I know this is my issue and I'm sure its clouding my opinions at the moment but its not something that's going to change any time soon so I need to find some way to work around it and if that means finding somewhere a bit more 'lively' to base myself then that might be the way to go.
Best of luck finding your solution.....
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 9:38 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

It is hard to make new friends but honestly...that can happen anywhere. I have gone through that in Chelmsford and felt thoroughly miserable.

It has taken me many many years to make friends here and if I could, I would have done it differently at the outset.
The old "join a club" thing sounds old fashioned but really works. I have done Vicitm support, toast masters and many others and picked up friends along the way. You have to not be shy and be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs really.

I felt like everything was inferior when I got here but that was just a defensive thing cos I felt so miserable. Banging on about how great the UK was didn't help me to make friends!

good luck though BK...I hope that it gets better for you
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 9:55 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

I believe i can cope with work sucking as i just get on with it and try and do as little as possible. Everyone at work get on well as a group, so for me to jump in is tough.

I'll try and join some clubs etc and see how it goes.

I'm 25 and i like going out - but i've never been on a night out on my own and doubt i'd meet the kind of folks i'd call friends as well (once they are sober)

I agree with a lot of things lisamct said - even chilling out and reading a book on an evening is impossible in Welly. The little changes seem very big at the moment.

The weather is great, i'm away from the Midlands - just need some folks to socialise with, otherwise i'll become a relcuse and thats not what i want.

I'm planning on joining some travelbuddy site to hopefully see parts of NZ over xmas and for my trip to Aus in March.

Last edited by DennisBergkamp; Dec 12th 2010 at 10:00 am.
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Old Dec 12th 2010, 10:12 pm
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Good luck to both of you.......luckily I had my OH with me to share the up's & down's of 'living' in NZ, and I can only imagine how hard it would have been if I'd been on my own
When we came back to the UK an 'old' friend, who's son lives in Perth, summed up the friendship thing, she said 'at our age, if you emigrate it's difficult to find 'old friends'.... in time you'll both make some 'old friends' and find an 'in road' to get you there.
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Old Dec 13th 2010, 6:05 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Originally Posted by MnB View Post
When we came back to the UK an 'old' friend, who's son lives in Perth, summed up the friendship thing, she said 'at our age, if you emigrate it's difficult to find 'old friends'.... in time you'll both make some 'old friends' and find an 'in road' to get you there.
That pretty much sums it up exactly for me. I'm actually more than happy to have friends that I just coffee and chat with, thats all I did with most of my friends back home but its the absence of friends that 'know it all already' that I miss.
It'd be good to just not always having to start from scratch with everyone..I guess I knew that would be the case but didn't expect the reality of it to be so difficult.
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Old Dec 13th 2010, 8:30 am
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Originally Posted by lisamct View Post
That pretty much sums it up exactly for me. I'm actually more than happy to have friends that I just coffee and chat with, thats all I did with most of my friends back home but its the absence of friends that 'know it all already' that I miss.
It'd be good to just not always having to start from scratch with everyone..I guess I knew that would be the case but didn't expect the reality of it to be so difficult.
hey lisa i'm hopefully passing through Taupo and Rotorua after xmas on my drive around the north island - i'll give you a shout if your about!
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Old Dec 13th 2010, 9:17 pm
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Default Re: Second Thoughts 2 Months In...

Originally Posted by DennisBergkamp View Post
Well

My honeymoon/holiday period is fading fast.

I've started to notice little things that are beginning to annoy me

1. Rubbish holiday leave entitlement
2. My job totally sucks - this is the main problem. All i do is have meetings about meetings and no one likes making decisions. It bores me to death and sucks the life out of me. I've already had a go at one person at work who questioned my attitude, so in true Gallagher brothers style i said 'your NZ way of doing things is total rubbish'. It wasnt my proudest moment i admit, but i needed to let off steam. The Kiwi's i work with are obsessed with work. I'm a slacker at heart and i'm not prepared to work my ass off for a job i have no interest in.
3. Finding it hard to make friends. I get on well with most people at work and we do go for a drink after work quite often. But its the weekends where its a bit tougher. My housemates are cool, but i dont want to hang around with them all the time. I'm a little stuck, in that i've never really had to make the effort to make mates before and now i have, its bit of a culture shock. Getting a little homesick too i guess as xmas approaches, but no surprises when you move to the other side of the world on your own.


I've applied for a 2 year permit, thats where my passport is at now. That will give me a multiple entry visa. I intend to visit Australia as soon as possible on holiday. May as well check it out whilst i'm down here. But i doubt i'll be here for the 2 years. I'll be driving around the North Island at xmas to see as much as possible.

I'm not going to go for PR, the way i'm feeling at the moment. I aim to do around 9 months to a year in NZ so that it looks good on my CV and then head elsewhere. I'll go travelling for a few months then think about getting a job in Europe somewhere.

Some things are not as easy as they seem.
Its not awful, but its not totally great either. Some days are amazing. But i'd say in a week, 2 days great, 5 days not so. Not good enough for my liking.

Bergkamp
Hi I know how you feel, I was having second thoughts after three months which was just long enough for the honeymoon period to well and truely wear off.
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