LauraNotts

I've nipped back home for a couple of weeks, typical emotional roller coaster.

Good things (not in order):
- Food is cheaaaaaaaaaap
- Get to see my Mum and Dad
- Get a good look around my old haunts.
- More shopping choice.

Bad things:
- Where is the sun? I know its winter but slate grey clouds cmon sun?
- Terrifying narrow roads with cars parked EVERYWHERE
- So many many people.
- Paranoia and terrorism.
- People not being as keen to see me as I am to see them and not turning up or cancelling last minute. This one hurts.

I am literally within a few weeks of submitting my residency application. I was using this trip to see if I could resolve my wobbles about it. I think I have. I left the UK for a reason and I think that the emotional connection I had here is far more tenuous than I'd thought. I miss my family but I don't think I could seriously live here again. Who knows that might change but really I think I've started to build a nice life in NZ and its broken the link I had back home.

Pom_Chch

Hi Laura,

Glad to hear your wobbles have been resolved! I reckon residency is a good idea, it just opens up your options a little more, particularly in the future. Always good to have options.

I think sometimes it takes a trip home to realize how life has changed. I guess we get caught up in the hum drum of life and think "well, how is life different in NZ?" Then you go back to the UK for a visit, reflect and realize so much as changed and how life is different (hopefully for the better!)

When you're back in town feel free to message me to catch up over coffee (number is still the same...)

PS - come back with a stash of pickled onion monster munch and a few bars of galaxy choc please

LauraNotts

Duly noted Pom I'll nip to the shop today.

RobClubley

Sounds very similar to how we felt going back. People refusing to make a small effort to come and see you is very disappointing, we had the same. We gave 6 months notice and said we'd be in x pub on this Sunday afternoon. So many said they couldn't make the 5 mile journey to see us, or said they were busy/working etc. I guess you know who your real friends are!

Toodles23

Good to hear a visit home helped. We've only just got over and are right at the beginning of our adventure so it's nice to hear some positives :-D (before I get slated, yes, negatives are also valid and helpful but when everything's up in the air it's good to hear people are doing well)

TommyLuck

Good to hear that your visit back has cemented your decision to press ahead with your residency application.

My recent visit back taught me a lot about myself, my thoughts and feelings and answered a few nagging questions that could only be answered by paying a visit back to Blighty.

Here's to your application and ongoing residency in New Zealand!!!



Yeah this is a tough one, it does sting a little.

This is a subject that fascinates me, because all told most of us can only truly rely on a select few people at any one point in life. And even then the roster of those people does change a little over time and people who you perhaps should be able to call on rain or shine (siblings and the like) often don't or can't and other relative randoms can't do enough to help you when in need.

People, eh? We're an odd bunch.


I'VE GONE ON A BIT LONGER THAN I INTENDED TO WITH THIS, BUT BEAR WITH ME. JUST TRYING TO GIVE A BIT OF OPINION IN MY COMPLETELY UNINFORMED WAY. BUT I THINK I MAKE SENSE.


But I would argue the following for (most of) those people;

When you pop back to the UK, presuming it isn't for Family Reasons and a few other must do reasons, it's almost your sole objective to catch up with people and schedule the necessary time accordingly.

It isn't a holiday in the typical sense.

However, everyone who you are trying to catch up with are in the hum drum of normal life (even at weekends) and as such are not in tune with your keenness to have a beer, a meal or whatever.

As the visitor mentally you are resolved to the fact you're going to spend too much, drink too much and eat too much - people in that hum drum don't budget their time or money like a visitor does and they can find themselves caught short on their plans.

Some people are down right rude and muck you about. But I genuinely think that (and not in a vindictive way) to most of them your visit and subsequent presence isn't a priority, just as you probably weren't a priority to them when you did live locally, nor were they to you.

I know I've meant well to catch up with people and just failed because for whatever reason schedules didn't fit and phone calls and texts were missed, or picked up too late. Never however, because I just couldn't be bothered.

We should also consider that when we organise mass meet ups some people aren't keen because;

a. They aren't feeling that sociable and don't fancy it. Some people just don't like making small talk with people they don't really know. I've turned down wedding invitations on this basis, with couples who are acquaintances at best. Would I have invited them to my wedding ... ?

b. It doesn't work with what the other half or kids are doing.

c. Someone else might be there that they've fallen out with, a falling out that in your absence you're unaware of or have forgotten about.

d. They are of the opinion that they wont get to actually spend much time with you, so what's the point?

e. They have a good reason not to turn up, but they just don't want to of feel they can't tell you for whatever reason.

f. They got a better offer - if we're honest, it happens.

g. I could go on ...

h. And on ...

i. And on ...


With all this in mind, on my recent visit, I effectively made a list of people I must see on a one-to-one basis, well not literally, but for instance my bestest mate and his new girlfriend.

I also made a list of social groups I wanted to catch up with; school mates, ex-work colleagues, ex-Cricket team mates, extended family.

I then offered up times and locations to those groups which was quite successful. I missed out on a few people, but that's collateral damage I suppose.

The flip side of this is that was haring around like a lunatic for 2 weeks solid. I'm not a late type of person, but I was often late for the next appointment trying to squeeze out the final few minutes with each person or group.

If I lived life like I did those two weeks, I imagine I would age very quickly. It was fun, but ... Yeah.

Anyway, there is no right answer to this, but I think we have to accept that we've probably fallen out of the consciousness of most people - simply put; we've moved on to a new life with fond memories (hopefully) of a previous life. They however are largely still living the same life, only we have dropped off of the radar and as such they have adapted to that small change in their life, which appears like a massive one in our lives.

Even social media doesn't help than much as time zones mean that the UK and NZ are really online at the same time for only a couple of hours per day, max.

So let's try not to chastise people too much as there is always next time, whether it be in the UK, New Zealand or somewhere else in the big wide world.

Bo-Jangles

There are so many extremes of course, those that will try to commandeer your visit, or lay on the guilt and make you feel as if you never spent enough of your time with them already. They try to encourage you to stay longer or they plan all sorts of tedious things and people for you to catch up with, when you really don't have the time. It's no holiday and so bloody hard to please everyone, nobody considers that you might actually like some time to yourself to rest or relax and it's a constant battle to share yourself equally around and maintain your sanity.

And the other major time suck is hunting around shops for random requests and errands from people here in NZ - some of whom take the piss, providing shopping lists and calling in all kinds of random favours or errands required. I once agreed to pick up what I had been led to believe were a few bits and bobs of kids birthday things from someone's mum and ended up with half a suitcase of gear to bring back, including a large haul of clothes from various online shopping expeditions that had been nicely time to coincide with my visit. I was not amused they took up my valuable shopping space.

TommyLuck

There are all sorts of variables, but as the old adage goes "You can't please all of the people, all of the time". Or something like that.

Ah yes, the hunting around for things. I'm a bit of a grinch on this. Unless I can find it at a regular Supermarket in all likelihood I'm not going to bother hunt for it.

Or, they can order said thing on-line, get it delivered to my Mum's house and I'll get it back from there.

I try no to just say "No", I feel I'm providing a service with options

Although the wife did order some "Fake Bake" when I was over recently, I was presented with a squillion products at Boots and had no clue whatsoever

I took a punt after chatting with the shop assistant and we managed to luck out and choose the right thing!!

As for people taking the piss, yes they do!! A difficult one.

I'm always inclined to advise people that my stuff takes priority and their stuff will be at the top of the cull list in the event of capacity being reached, just as a get out clause.

To be fair I've never had to actually use it, but people do seem to be more reasonable to give themselves a chance to get all of a reasonable request, rather than some of a take the piss request.