One for all Nurses
Sep 7th 2006, 3:24 am
#1
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,066
One for all Nurses
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to
hell??
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You may be a nurse if.....
You believe that every patient needs TLC...
Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer
system some night in a dark alley.
You believe not all patients are annoying, some are
unconscious.
Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.
Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and NHS
pillowcases.
And their presents are wrapped with Transpore tape.
You know the phone number of every late night food delivery
place by heart.
Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.
When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea
was, you show them your shoes.
If they missed your shoes, you use the well-known "poo curry
colour scale" ranging from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo.
You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell
of it.
Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all
the keys, scissors and clamps in your pocket.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they
are dispensing than they know.
You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants
when you're on holiday.
You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the
real thing and it triggers flashbacks or...
Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty because you
spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out
upside down X-rays.
You avoid answering the phone on your day off to in case
anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to
work.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone
at another table throw up.
You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than
you did before you started nursing.
You've seriously considered catheterising your children
before a long car journey.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least
4 of them on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives
on them.
You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.
You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle,
to convince the doctor is more difficult"
You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.
You've told a confused patient that your name was that of
your co-worker and to shout if they need help.
Eating crisps out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly normal.
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water
tank.
When checking the level of a patient's orientation you
aren't sure of the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.
You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in
supermarket queues.
You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on
your dinner break and are not be embarrassed when you wake up
You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre
for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do
CPR on your day off.
You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed
sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.
You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work
nights and realise you don't need alcohol or drugs to
hallucinate just lack of sleep...
You pull over in a layby after working nights because you
are too tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking
on your window thinking you've had a stroke because you're
passed out in your car drooling.
Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.
You've seen more penises than any prostitute.
You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your
chest. Soon.
If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend
who is, it's just to help you understand our mindset and
questionable mental state!
hell??
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You may be a nurse if.....
You believe that every patient needs TLC...
Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer
system some night in a dark alley.
You believe not all patients are annoying, some are
unconscious.
Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.
Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and NHS
pillowcases.
And their presents are wrapped with Transpore tape.
You know the phone number of every late night food delivery
place by heart.
Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.
When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea
was, you show them your shoes.
If they missed your shoes, you use the well-known "poo curry
colour scale" ranging from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo.
You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell
of it.
Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all
the keys, scissors and clamps in your pocket.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they
are dispensing than they know.
You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants
when you're on holiday.
You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the
real thing and it triggers flashbacks or...
Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty because you
spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out
upside down X-rays.
You avoid answering the phone on your day off to in case
anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to
work.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone
at another table throw up.
You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than
you did before you started nursing.
You've seriously considered catheterising your children
before a long car journey.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least
4 of them on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives
on them.
You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.
You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle,
to convince the doctor is more difficult"
You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.
You've told a confused patient that your name was that of
your co-worker and to shout if they need help.
Eating crisps out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly normal.
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water
tank.
When checking the level of a patient's orientation you
aren't sure of the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.
You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in
supermarket queues.
You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on
your dinner break and are not be embarrassed when you wake up
You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre
for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do
CPR on your day off.
You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed
sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.
You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work
nights and realise you don't need alcohol or drugs to
hallucinate just lack of sleep...
You pull over in a layby after working nights because you
are too tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking
on your window thinking you've had a stroke because you're
passed out in your car drooling.
Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.
You've seen more penises than any prostitute.
You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your
chest. Soon.
If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend
who is, it's just to help you understand our mindset and
questionable mental state!
Sep 7th 2006, 6:30 am
#2
Keeping Busy
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: East of Eden?
Posts: 1,215
Re: One for all Nurses
LOL
I'm used to Nikki saying things during meals and think 'am I becoming too used to this' - I'm no longer put off my food!
I'm used to Nikki saying things during meals and think 'am I becoming too used to this' - I'm no longer put off my food!
Sep 7th 2006, 6:57 am
#3
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Devon
Posts: 19
Re: One for all Nurses
ooh so true thank you making my colleagues laugh first thing in the morning
Lou x
thank you making my colleagues laugh first thing in the morning Lou x
Originally Posted by annqldau
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to
hell??
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You may be a nurse if.....
You believe that every patient needs TLC...
Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer
system some night in a dark alley.
You believe not all patients are annoying, some are
unconscious.
Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.
Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and NHS
pillowcases.
And their presents are wrapped with Transpore tape.
You know the phone number of every late night food delivery
place by heart.
Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.
When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea
was, you show them your shoes.
If they missed your shoes, you use the well-known "poo curry
colour scale" ranging from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo.
You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell
of it.
Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all
the keys, scissors and clamps in your pocket.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they
are dispensing than they know.
You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants
when you're on holiday.
You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the
real thing and it triggers flashbacks or...
Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty because you
spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out
upside down X-rays.
You avoid answering the phone on your day off to in case
anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to
work.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone
at another table throw up.
You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than
you did before you started nursing.
You've seriously considered catheterising your children
before a long car journey.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least
4 of them on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives
on them.
You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.
You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle,
to convince the doctor is more difficult"
You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.
You've told a confused patient that your name was that of
your co-worker and to shout if they need help.
Eating crisps out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly normal.
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water
tank.
When checking the level of a patient's orientation you
aren't sure of the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.
You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in
supermarket queues.
You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on
your dinner break and are not be embarrassed when you wake up
You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre
for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do
CPR on your day off.
You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed
sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.
You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work
nights and realise you don't need alcohol or drugs to
hallucinate just lack of sleep...
You pull over in a layby after working nights because you
are too tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking
on your window thinking you've had a stroke because you're
passed out in your car drooling.
Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.
You've seen more penises than any prostitute.
You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your
chest. Soon.
If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend
who is, it's just to help you understand our mindset and
questionable mental state!
hell??
It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You may be a nurse if.....
You believe that every patient needs TLC...
Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.
You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer
system some night in a dark alley.
You believe not all patients are annoying, some are
unconscious.
Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.
Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and NHS
pillowcases.
And their presents are wrapped with Transpore tape.
You know the phone number of every late night food delivery
place by heart.
Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.
When asked by the doctor what color that patient's diarrhoea
was, you show them your shoes.
If they missed your shoes, you use the well-known "poo curry
colour scale" ranging from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo.
You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell
of it.
Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all
the keys, scissors and clamps in your pocket.
You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they
are dispensing than they know.
You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants
when you're on holiday.
You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the
real thing and it triggers flashbacks or...
Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty because you
spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out
upside down X-rays.
You avoid answering the phone on your day off to in case
anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to
work.
You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone
at another table throw up.
You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than
you did before you started nursing.
You've seriously considered catheterising your children
before a long car journey.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least
4 of them on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives
on them.
You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.
You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle,
to convince the doctor is more difficult"
You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.
You've told a confused patient that your name was that of
your co-worker and to shout if they need help.
Eating crisps out of a clean sick-bowl is perfectly normal.
Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water
tank.
When checking the level of a patient's orientation you
aren't sure of the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.
You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in
supermarket queues.
You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on
your dinner break and are not be embarrassed when you wake up
You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre
for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do
CPR on your day off.
You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed
sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.
You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work
nights and realise you don't need alcohol or drugs to
hallucinate just lack of sleep...
You pull over in a layby after working nights because you
are too tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking
on your window thinking you've had a stroke because you're
passed out in your car drooling.
Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.
You've seen more penises than any prostitute.
You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your
chest. Soon.
If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend
who is, it's just to help you understand our mindset and
questionable mental state!
Sep 7th 2006, 9:33 pm
#4
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Brisbane!
Posts: 968
Re: One for all Nurses
PMSL It's so true!!!!!
Sep 7th 2006, 9:53 pm
#5
Ok this isn't so bad
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Dundee (Scotland) now Bayside Brisbane
Posts: 4,824
Re: One for all Nurses
Ohhhh how true are these....Couldn't stop myself from laughing!
Brings back all those old memories and phone numbers of the take aways!
Cheers
Ginny
Brings back all those old memories and phone numbers of the take aways!
Cheers
Ginny
Sep 7th 2006, 10:26 pm
#6
Living the Dream!
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 6,515
Re: One for all Nurses
That is so true !
I've been out for a kebab on 2 of my 3 nights this week. When i got to Abduls I was in the queue behind 2 paramedics and a police officer!
I've been out for a kebab on 2 of my 3 nights this week. When i got to Abduls I was in the queue behind 2 paramedics and a police officer!
Sep 7th 2006, 11:02 pm
#7
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,066
Re: One for all Nurses
Originally Posted by Mrs JFW
That is so true !
I've been out for a kebab on 2 of my 3 nights this week. When i got to Abduls I was in the queue behind 2 paramedics and a police officer!
I've been out for a kebab on 2 of my 3 nights this week. When i got to Abduls I was in the queue behind 2 paramedics and a police officer!
Sep 7th 2006, 11:09 pm
#8
Living the Dream!
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 6,515
Re: One for all Nurses
Originally Posted by annqldau
And they will have the same sense of humour... as in sick. Well don't know if you can class Aussie police the same as UK as they are all mainly traffic cops... I even got a ticket for being in a bay the other day from a cop that said it didn't exist even though five of us had parked in them for months and it clearly had white lines around it.
I thought that bit about eating crisps out of the vomit bowl was funny. We also drink pepsi out of (clean) sputum cups! lol.
Sep 7th 2006, 11:54 pm
#9
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,066
Re: One for all Nurses
Originally Posted by Mrs JFW
What a bummer about the ticket! Let hope he don't need hospital treatment at any time then!
I thought that bit about eating crisps out of the vomit bowl was funny. We also drink pepsi out of (clean) sputum cups! lol.
I thought that bit about eating crisps out of the vomit bowl was funny. We also drink pepsi out of (clean) sputum cups! lol.
Sep 7th 2006, 11:56 pm
#10
Living the Dream!
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 6,515
Re: One for all Nurses
Originally Posted by annqldau
Can remember 3 of us eating crisps going past a trolley with someone on being pushed by Ambo's, patient had blood streaming out of nose and mouth... we never missed a crisp just crunched and wondered why they were bleeding and crunched again obviously we had all been hardened to sight of blood and no longer had a Oh! my God reaction just an Oh! wonder why they are bleeding reaction.
Yeah...its like when you've just cleaned up a bed full of shite....take off your gloves and pinny ... wash your hands and sit down and tuck into your lunch!
mmmmm.
Sep 8th 2006, 4:10 am
#11
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 9,066
Re: One for all Nurses
Originally Posted by Mrs JFW
Yeah...its like when you've just cleaned up a bed full of shite....take off your gloves and pinny ... wash your hands and sit down and tuck into your lunch!
mmmmm.
mmmmm.
I've had a few tummy roles at horrendous smelling wounds but never the full Hughie.
Sep 8th 2006, 8:03 am
#12
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2005
Location: Brisbane!
Posts: 968
Re: One for all Nurses
Originally Posted by annqldau
Yep...wonder what it would take to put a nurse off....did know one once who had been nursing for years who ran out of a room and vomited after popping a very nasty foot abscess.
I've had a few tummy roles at horrendous smelling wounds but never the full Hughie.
I've had a few tummy roles at horrendous smelling wounds but never the full Hughie.
I used to sit in report on an early shift with a vomit bowl on my lap whilst I was pregnant!!! The crunch came when I had aspirated an NG tube and the 14 year old girl on the paeds surgical ward asked me if I thought it looked like garlic butter inside chicken kiev!!!!!!
Sep 8th 2006, 8:43 am
#13
Account Closed
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 29,154
Re: One for all Nurses
Excellant
And to think...I've just had a year off...and now going back to it !!
And to think...I've just had a year off...and now going back to it !!
Sep 8th 2006, 12:24 pm
#14
happy to be here!
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Ellenbrook, WA
Posts: 2,732
Re: One for all Nurses
LOL! Great thread
I remember in my training, leaning over a chap who'd had a stroke (his wife sitting by his side) and asking him if he was OK - as I was talking, he projectile vomited into my mouth (have never told hubby, he'd never come near me). I'd just had my lunch and promptly threw up all over the bed!
The worst thing was, the vomit was all over my hair and down my neck and the horrid senior sister wouldn't let me go home or even get changed because we were busy!
Remember cleaning up this lady who was incont of feaces - she'd been lying on a rich tea biscuit and the new choc covered ones had just come out. I dipped the rich tea in the poo and asked my friend if she'd tried the new ones - she started heaving and had to run to the loo!
Also remeber ordering a curry from the local takeaway one night - we got a phone call from the unit below asking for me - looked out the window and the delivery guy was shouting at the top of his voice (it was 2 am) 'curry for Tracey Brien' he woke up everyone on the unit below and our ward and everyone knew I was having curry for tea!
Those were the days!
Tracey
I remember in my training, leaning over a chap who'd had a stroke (his wife sitting by his side) and asking him if he was OK - as I was talking, he projectile vomited into my mouth (have never told hubby, he'd never come near me). I'd just had my lunch and promptly threw up all over the bed!
The worst thing was, the vomit was all over my hair and down my neck and the horrid senior sister wouldn't let me go home or even get changed because we were busy!
Remember cleaning up this lady who was incont of feaces - she'd been lying on a rich tea biscuit and the new choc covered ones had just come out. I dipped the rich tea in the poo and asked my friend if she'd tried the new ones - she started heaving and had to run to the loo!
Also remeber ordering a curry from the local takeaway one night - we got a phone call from the unit below asking for me - looked out the window and the delivery guy was shouting at the top of his voice (it was 2 am) 'curry for Tracey Brien' he woke up everyone on the unit below and our ward and everyone knew I was having curry for tea!
Those were the days!
Tracey
Last edited by nightnurse2; Sep 8th 2006 at 12:27 pm.
Sep 9th 2006, 12:04 pm
#15
Living the Dream!
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 6,515
Re: One for all Nurses
Originally Posted by annqldau
Yep...wonder what it would take to put a nurse off....did know one once who had been nursing for years who ran out of a room and vomited after popping a very nasty foot abscess.
I've had a few tummy roles at horrendous smelling wounds but never the full Hughie.
I've had a few tummy roles at horrendous smelling wounds but never the full Hughie.
I had a patient the other week that had a really bad reaction to his chemotherapy and was covered in huge....and I mean huge blisters.....I got the job of popping them all!