Sega Mad

Mr. S. Claus
Christmas Cottage
Christmas Lane
North Pole
4UR HOHOHO
Dear Mr Claus,

It has been noted that contrary to the above policy you have been seen riding around in your unlicensed ‘Reindeer Drawn Snow Vehicle’ dressed in an overtly Christmassy manner which may be likely to cause offence to those of a different festive persuasion.

It is imperative that you follow the ‘New Directive’ as outlined in the enclosed policy document. It outlines new proposals for your gift distribution business including a design suggestion for your new uniform that is more in keeping with the international styling standards for parcel delivery personnel. You will of course note that we have incorporated some of the old design motifs that we have deemed not overtly Sectarian in appearance.

In keeping with local by-laws concerning noise abatement we will be monitoring the decibel levels from your sleigh bells and incessant laughter as you travel on your rounds after the hours specified as ‘noise permissible’ under the law.

Additionally we shall be considering using CCTV footage to bring prosecution for ‘breaking and entering’ into private dwellings.

We urge you to either cease your seasonal activities or be served with an A.S.B.O which could mean eviction, a fine and possible imprisonment.

We have informed your accomplices, the Church, of our intentions and will be pursuing a vigorous campaign against their continual promotion of ‘peace and goodwill’ in such an openly Christian way.

Trusting you will have a ‘Happy Holiday’ this Winterville


Yours Truly



Mr. F. Bastage
Director
Seasonal Enforcement Office




Proposed new North Pole delivery man uniform (non sectarian, fur trimmed).



Merry Christmas Everyone With Love From Ali, Phyl and Kids
xxx xxx xxx xxx xxx