Why....

Old Jun 20th 2010, 8:18 pm
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Default Why....

do people leave a country go back from whence they came BUT still post about how crap previous country was? It would be like me lurking on a copper's forum slating all the plonkers I had to put up with. Why on earth don't folk let sleeping dogs lie and get on with their lives. I see no point in being on a forum that you have no reason to sign into. I guess some might say they are trying to help people be aware of all the crap. It is not because I don't think NZ should slated now and then because it should. It has more than enough negative points to debate. But there are enough people like me and others who currently reside here to let people know of the down sides.
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 10:16 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
do people leave a country go back from whence they came BUT still post about how crap previous country was? It would be like me lurking on a copper's forum slating all the plonkers I had to put up with. Why on earth don't folk let sleeping dogs lie and get on with their lives. I see no point in being on a forum that you have no reason to sign into. I guess some might say they are trying to help people be aware of all the crap. It is not because I don't think NZ should slated now and then because it should. It has more than enough negative points to debate. But there are enough people like me and others who currently reside here to let people know of the down sides.
I can understand it, sorry you can't........
I think you need to make the distinction between the "sinner" and the "sin".

Your analogy might explain why these people cause you so much ire?

It's not necessarily the people who are here and enjoying it that these posters are bemoning it's the system, the way NZ works (or doesn't), the things they hated - it's not about all Kiwis or all of NZ.

Don't take it so personally, this is a forum, people have views, they may be right or wrong, the subjective stuff does help either way......if we can take it in context and take time to look at where the person is and what they are posting about. I konw that it can put off some noobs, but then that's the nature of forums.......

Let people get it off their chest, it's their right and they often have a useful perspective.

Just my 2 cents.
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 10:38 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by lardyl View Post
I can understand it, sorry you can't........
I think you need to make the distinction between the "sinner" and the "sin".

Your analogy might explain why these people cause you so much ire?

It's not necessarily the people who are here and enjoying it that these posters are bemoning it's the system, the way NZ works (or doesn't), the things they hated - it's not about all Kiwis or all of NZ.

Don't take it so personally, this is a forum, people have views, they may be right or wrong, the subjective stuff does help either way......if we can take it in context and take time to look at where the person is and what they are posting about. I konw that it can put off some noobs, but then that's the nature of forums.......

Let people get it off their chest, it's their right and they often have a useful perspective.

Just my 2 cents.
Hey I don't take it personally..at all. I don't own NZ anymore. I just think it is daft suscribing to any forum to slag off the subject (understandable if it is something like a product). I had loads of aggro and I mean LOADS with a new Skoda. When I got rid of it that was it inspite of it being something purely objective. I moved on and did not post on the VW/Audi forum going on about the shite service etc (Skoda are owned by that group). Likewise my grief with plod and more recently losing all that money with Hanover I am not seeking out forums to slag off them, it comes up now and then on this forum but I have no wish to carry on the pain that debacle caused me by bringing it up regularly on some kind of crusade. I just move on. I would like to understand their logic. Is it cathartic release or that they feel duty bound to warn others of the things that so upset them?
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 10:49 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
.....I would like to understand their logic. Is it cathartic release or that they feel duty bound to warn others of the things that so upset them?
But these people are who they are how they are - as you say they may want to warn others as they pain they went through was great or they may want to get if off their chests.

Some people respond like that - if they suffer they set up self-help groups (in the extreme you might say) they network with like-minded people, it becomes their obsession. Other people wonder why. Can't speak for them all but I can see it and I can understand it.

Sometimes these groups effect great changes, just look at Northern Ireland. Not saying it's the same but the reaction could be of a similar type - other people in the same situation might just throw their hands up in the air and say I'll move on.......without that diversity then we'd be a poorer species, IMO......

Anyway I'm glad to be in NZ our move has been great but I will still get on my hobby horse as I think that people need to know what they are letting themselves in for and I'm glad that others did the same before me.....

Chin Up Genesis
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Old Jun 20th 2010, 11:43 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Having made a similar move many years ago that turned out to be unsuccessful
and then returning to the uk i can tell you it takes A LOT to get over the emotional
rollercoaster of a failed migration. When you plan it you go throught all the
worry and excitement of the move and then you invest so much of yourself
in your new home trying to make it work. When it doesnt work out it comes as
a hammer blow and simply going home does not put to rest the personal turnoil
you feel when your dream dies, it hurts, and the recovery proccess is much like grieving in
that there are stages you have to work through before you reach acceptance.
Denial, anger, and even depression are all part of getting your life back on track.
Dont think its just a case of going home, getting on with things and ignoring everything
that has happened, its not that easy.
When our 1st migration dream ended the internet wasnt around so we couldnt
vent online but we did have some understanding friends who allowed us to
talk about how we felt.
Today we have places like this where we can all speak our minds openly.
Its a way for those who go home to work through thier emotions so they can
move forward in their new lives and release any negativity they feel about
the whole migration experiance.
That is why they come on here and we should respect them for at least
having the courage to have given it a go in the first place and even more so
for being able to admit to themselves and others that their dream has died.
Having been on both sides of the fence i can speak from experiance that the
latter is the harder to do.
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Old Jun 21st 2010, 3:45 am
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by colandros View Post
Having made a similar move many years ago that turned out to be unsuccessful
and then returning to the uk i can tell you it takes A LOT to get over the emotional
rollercoaster of a failed migration. When you plan it you go throught all the
worry and excitement of the move and then you invest so much of yourself
in your new home trying to make it work. When it doesnt work out it comes as
a hammer blow and simply going home does not put to rest the personal turnoil
you feel when your dream dies, it hurts, and the recovery proccess is much like grieving in
that there are stages you have to work through before you reach acceptance.
Denial, anger, and even depression are all part of getting your life back on track.
Dont think its just a case of going home, getting on with things and ignoring everything
that has happened, its not that easy.
When our 1st migration dream ended the internet wasnt around so we couldnt
vent online but we did have some understanding friends who allowed us to
talk about how we felt.
Today we have places like this where we can all speak our minds openly.
Its a way for those who go home to work through thier emotions so they can
move forward in their new lives and release any negativity they feel about
the whole migration experiance.
That is why they come on here and we should respect them for at least
having the courage to have given it a go in the first place and even more so
for being able to admit to themselves and others that their dream has died.
Having been on both sides of the fence i can speak from experiance that the
latter is the harder to do.
Can't give you karma for that, have to spread it around. Really insightful post.
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Old Jun 21st 2010, 11:34 am
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by Am Loolah View Post
Can't give you karma for that, have to spread it around. Really insightful post.
Doh! Same here. Colandros you must be making too many karma-ful posts too quickly.
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Old Jun 22nd 2010, 8:30 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
do people leave a country go back from whence they came BUT still post about how crap previous country was? It would be like me lurking on a copper's forum slating all the plonkers I had to put up with. Why on earth don't folk let sleeping dogs lie and get on with their lives. I see no point in being on a forum that you have no reason to sign into. I guess some might say they are trying to help people be aware of all the crap. It is not because I don't think NZ should slated now and then because it should. It has more than enough negative points to debate. But there are enough people like me and others who currently reside here to let people know of the down sides.
Well Dude
I presume you aimed that at me, why do you post on the Returning to the UK forum?

I post on here as it is still a habit I suppose and I only comment on things I have experience of, unlike yourself who must be BEP most prolific poster. You need to get a job Dude.

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Old Jun 22nd 2010, 10:56 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by mcuddy1 View Post
Well Dude
I presume you aimed that at me, why do you post on the Returning to the UK forum?

I post on here as it is still a habit I suppose and I only comment on things I have experience of, unlike yourself who must be BEP most prolific poster. You need to get a job Dude.
Nope, don't need a job, my wife earns enough thank you. I do not post on returning to the Uk saying the country is crap.

If you look at my posts you will see a fair few are helping people and keeping people up to speed with NZ stats..both good and bad.

And pray tell me what do I post about that I have no experience of OR that I am not allowed to have an opinion on??? I look forward to your reply.
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Old Jun 23rd 2010, 8:57 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by Genesis View Post
Nope, don't need a job, my wife earns enough thank you. I do not post on returning to the Uk saying the country is crap.

If you look at my posts you will see a fair few are helping people and keeping people up to speed with NZ stats..both good and bad.

And pray tell me what do I post about that I have no experience of OR that I am not allowed to have an opinion on??? I look forward to your reply.
Never said you posted on the UK forum saying it was crap, just that you do post there. Jumping to conclusions again?

Never said you have no experience and right to comment just you post a lot on most subjects LOL, just quoted I only comment on things I have experienced myself. Reading things into it again?

You post mainly goes along the lines of, This is shit, this is shit but I love it here. Are you trying to convince yourself you like it in NZ?

What's it like to be a kept man, do you feel fulfilled and how does that go down with the macho kiwi's and do you wear a pinny?
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Old Jun 23rd 2010, 11:43 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by mcuddy1 View Post
Never said you posted on the UK forum saying it was crap, just that you do post there. Jumping to conclusions again?

Never said you have no experience and right to comment just you post a lot on most subjects LOL, just quoted I only comment on things I have experienced myself. Reading things into it again?

You post mainly goes along the lines of, This is shit, this is shit but I love it here. Are you trying to convince yourself you like it in NZ?

What's it like to be a kept man, do you feel fulfilled and how does that go down with the macho kiwi's and do you wear a pinny?
No not trying to convince anyone, now you are jumping to conclusions you rascal!!. I could only now ever live in a country with a very low pop. density..that is why I do love life in NZ..probably the main factor. I do have a good life here..more importantly so do my family. There is loads of shit in NZ as I do often say and as you know. Apart from the driving I fortunately dodge all the rest. Our house is properly heated with proper d/glazed windows and as for being a kept man its awesome, thank you for your interest. Dreamt of it since I was a teen. Luckily for me I have very little macho bullshit going on so I don't stereo type the man having to be the earner. As a care giver I see it as an important role (but a very hard one..give me criminals anyday!!). Furthermore none of my male mates (kiwi or otherwise) are macho..most of them are envious of me funnily enough and have major, major respect for my role as a kitchen bitch. How are you doing back in the UK?

Do I feel fulfilled? In some ways yes and in some ways no. Nothing to do with being 'retired' I love not having to go to work but I am looking for something else to do with my free time having just finished an educational course and now that most of the work needed on our shed is done. Having said that as long as my kids remain happy and stay healthy (ditto my wife) I guess I don't really need much more fulfillment. On a final note I have achieved waaaaaaaaaaaaay more that I ever thought I would OR could at 51 years so I guess all is good. I am very lucky that I have the time and the money to make choices aye?

Last edited by Genesis; Jun 23rd 2010 at 11:58 pm.
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Old Jun 25th 2010, 11:37 am
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by mcuddy1 View Post

What's it like to be a kept man, do you feel fulfilled and how does that go down with the macho kiwi's and do you wear a pinny?
Bit below the belt there, when you obviously have no knowledge or understanding of his specific situation.

Brings back memories of comments my husband's 'best mate' made to him, when he was able to retire at 52. Some comment about Marigold Gloves and an apron, I recall
Smacks of envy! and so denotes your own status in life! (If you have one!)
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Old Jun 25th 2010, 8:38 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by jennifer45 View Post
Bit below the belt there, when you obviously have no knowledge or understanding of his specific situation.

Brings back memories of comments my husband's 'best mate' made to him, when he was able to retire at 52. Some comment about Marigold Gloves and an apron, I recall
Smacks of envy! and so denotes your own status in life! (If you have one!)
Well;

At least he took it with a pinch of salt, but alas insults from one of the coven up north.
You must wear the pants in your house, now why am I not surprised at that!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old Jun 25th 2010, 10:37 pm
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by mcuddy1 View Post
Well;

At least he took it with a pinch of salt,
I just didn't rise to your attempted slurs upon my limited manhood. Sticks and stones aye? I have long since tired of those who seem irked by the 'comfort zone' I have achieved in NZ. Why can't people accept gracefully it works for some of us and not for others? Getting sorted in NZ has not been easy nor a bed of roses. We have had to contend with the good, the bad and very the ugly in our five years. We have had some good luck and some really bad luck. Swings and roundabouts.
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Old Jun 26th 2010, 9:17 am
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Default Re: Why....

Originally Posted by mcuddy1 View Post
Well;

At least he took it with a pinch of salt, but alas insults from one of the coven up north.
You must wear the pants in your house, now why am I not surprised at that!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep posting, someday you'll post something intelligent!
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