davros1984

Col - hope you're doing alright. If you have any questions or are interested in knowing how the return to UK has been for mrs and myself, happy to discuss. The one bit of advice I would give you - it appears you're already aware, is not to move anywhere thats too overpopulated or busy, i.e. a big metropolitan city. We've moved back to Wales and have to say I really love it here, I feel incredibly settled and it just feels right. Plus I'm 2 hours from London (not that I'm a london person), less than 3 hours from home in Cornwall and the same distance from the Mrs family over in the SE.

Don't take this the wrong way, in some respects, leaving family and moving to the other side of the world can be seen as quite a selfish thing. However, we only live once, we all have to try things, have adventures and live our lives. Having moved back to the UK I can see why some people may have felt that Mrs and myself were selfish by going to NZ in the first place. although I see it as a great adventure and living in NZ was a fantastic experience for us.

But as I said in my opening paragraph, its nice to be able to physically see family and be there to help with things from time to time. We have kept our distance though so that we aren't swamped or over-run with family issues and what not.

I also think that as time goes on, what you want, what you feel does change. When we moved to NZ, being that close to our familes wasn't an issue, we wanted to do something different, we wanted an adventure. After the pain I had of Auckland and housing and a need to settle/start a family etc, I eventually realised that we couldn't achieve this in Auckland and so we made arrangements. Now we've been back 9 months, I have to say it really feels like it was the right thing to do to come home and the opportunities for us here have just blown us away.

Good luck and hopefully you'll work out what's right for you. How long have you been in NZ now?

Justcol

Been here almost 7 years now.

I arrived as one of a family of four with plans for my families future.

My ex wife ruined those plans and I ended up here on my own.
I now have a kiwi wife and am very happy.

My boys are just early 20's and both are living independently,
They struggle and need parents. My ex is too wrapped up with
her self and her new life to be of any use to them and I am
tired of seeing them looking for parental support from her
and being left both disappointed, confused and upset.
I can do little from here hence my wish to return.

There are so many considerations to take into account
that may mean I cannot make the move, but given the circumstances
what kind of father would I be if I at least didn't try

MrsFychan

do your children have the right to return to NZ?

Justcol

The youngest does but not the eldest.

Being the ages they are nz is far too small and remote for them
I would never expect them to come back, they are building their
own lives but like all kids, they need steadying hand and shoulder
to lean on in times of trouble

After talking with the wife, my brother and his wife, it may be
that just a year or two over there might be the best idea.

Still only at discussion stage at the moment so am using this
time to look into work, rentals, visas..etc..etc

Robbo25

Think you're doing the right thing for what it's worth, as someone who's a single dad of two lads with an ex wife who was worse than useless to them.

MrsFychan

have you spoken with your sons? wonder how they would feel if you went back for a set amount of time?

Justcol

Just adding an update to this.
After 2 months of careful consideration and research in returning to blighty, I have decided that it's just not worth the risk.
The only pull I have is an emotional one, the desire to be closer to my boys, but once I remove that from the equation, there is simply
too much risk involved in permanently relocating. The employment and financial implications are just too great if things didn't go to plan.
So, we are going to carry on with lives here in NZ. I've said all along I do love living here, it was just the paternal urge I couldn't shake,
that was spoiling things. So, its onward and upwards from here on in, and start saving my pennies for my holidays and visits.

Thank you to everyone who has chipped in with advice, it all helped.