birkinshaw

I have a 17 year old son who is causing no end of problems at home, for about the 3rd time since arriving in NZ 8 months ago, i have had to kick him out of the house. Don't want to go too much into details. But this was the final straw and not taking him back again!!

The problem is he has nowhere to go as doesn't know anybody well enough to stay with them.

Can anyone suggest where i might be able to turn to????

:curse:

Andrew Cross

I can totally sympathize with you, my son is 17 in two weeks and is Satans Child Im sure !!! If I knew of somewhere for him to go, he would have gone a long time ago !!! Hopefully he will mature and be a model citizen sometime soon....

birkinshaw

thanks andrew, but this time he isnt coming back into the house.

what did you do with your son. you can send me a private email if you dont want to make it public knowledge.

how long ago was this and how has this turned out?

Nu-Shooz

Is he rebelling because he doesn't like NZ?

My daughter 16, was rebelling because she hated OZ...like you, we ended up kicking her out twice. But she had nowhere to go either. I couldn't forgive myself, so took her back to UK, where she wanted to be. She is 100% better now.

Andrew Cross

Beat you to it..

choccydog

My elder brother was kicked out by my parents at nearly 17 after a 'last straw' series of incidents (very bad behaviour had gone on a couple of years).

Unfortunately he turned out much worse in most respects than one would have reasonably expected given his upbringing and education at that point.

His life certainly went rather negative. Nearly into crime. Into drugs and booze. Poor succession of rubbish jobs. Failed marriage.

I often wonder what might have been the outcome if he hadn't been kicked out but can hardly blame my parents.

Could you give this young man a last chance?

TeamEmbo

I was kicked out at 16. Wasn't into crime, drugs, booze or anything bad really. I just had attitude and was rebelling against my parents move away from my friends and all things familiar to me. I had planned to stay on at school, do my A levels and then go to Art College. I did well in my o levels and was looking forward to the summer hols and going back to 6th form. Then a week into the hols my parents announced we were moving (to the Isle of Wight) and I hated them for not taking my life/feelings/needs/plans for the future into account. They didn't listen. Instead they mocked and said what did I know. So after moving to the IoW they then kicked me out. I knew no-one. Had no money. No friends. Nowhere to go. I ended up in a B&B, on the dole and hence forced to live in a world I was not used to with what some would call the dregs of society. Basically it was hell on earth. I did not get to study the further education I had planned and lost what should have been happy teenage years just trying to survive, taking any work I could and living hand to mouth and trying to basically scrape together enough basic things to just survive. I didn't eat for days on end as I simply couldn't afford to.
Years later the rift with my parents was patched up but that was long after a lot of damage and misery.
I would sincerely urge you to talk again with your child and see what you can work out. Could you perhaps provide a sleepout and some ground rules? And at the same time get your child the help they might need, counselling, work, whatever it is they need.
I am a parent now to two kids. One's 13, the other coming up to 12. The 13 year old is full of attitude herself and I can see how I must have driven my parents mad!!! But I do know that I would never ever turn my back on either of them and subject them to the kind of life I had to live. No matter what it takes. Afterall, I made a commitment when I got pregnant. They're mine for life and I feel it is my duty - no matter how tough the going gets.

I know everyone's experiences and hurts are different and I am by no means judging anyone. I just wanted to share my experience with you. What I wanted most was to be heard, loved, understood and have my opinion and feelings validated and accepted. What I got was lonliness, despair, self-hate and no self esteem whatsoever.

Here comes the sun

Maybe its a good thing he has no one to turn to, as it makes the consequences of his actions more final. I imagine in the UK he would have friends to put him up which gets him out the house but doesnt really teach him anything. Sometimes a short, sharp shock will work but i can see from a mothers point of view he is still your son and you wish no harm to come to him.

As a short term solution what about a caravan? it would give him space and maybe some peace of mind for yourself whilst sticking to your guns and barring him from the house.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Maz

That sounds like a good compromise. It must be rough moving countries, especially so far in one leap, when you're in your teens. I think I'd want to be able to keep tabs on my daughter if she rebelled at that age, and reading everyone's posts here. There's no easy way, eh? Being a parent is a hard job, full of ups and downs. And unpaid with no holiday, too! But we still love our children unconditionally. I make sure I remind mine of that every day.

dreamfish

i have had to hold back from replying yesterday when i saw this post. I was quite appalled, but now understand where you might be coming from.

Is he your first child? Maybe its a case that YOU need to learn how to handle him.... I find my eldest child the hardest, but then accept she is my first and eldest and she will always be teaching me lessons. Lessons I can can then carry on to my younger children.

You're his parents. Without sounding like a complete dick - (thats dick not deck) could you see if some parenting classes could help? Trying to suggest you see a professional who could give you some ideas - not suggesting you are a bad parent.

Good luck.

Boopy

I think many of us parents have similar stories. I have 3 grown up children, my oldest started behaving like a total dick from about 13 yrs old. By 17yrs old I had to also kick him out. But you don't want to see your child on the streets, so I told him that his only option apart from the street was to join the Army, he would have a bed, food & job. He joined & was in 7 yrs.
Another option would be for the problem kids in NZ, to do house swaps or problem swap. Sometimes when young people are in a different environment the behave better, because they are treat like an adult & away from constant banter. Good luck to you all, most kids do grow out of it & settled down.

garryhg

sorry not trying to judge anyone here...but can't imagine turning my back on any of my children.....no matter what...but thats just my opinion.....

there but for the grace of god goes any one of us...jacky

dreamfish

yip with you on that one

Maz

Same here. My home is also my child's home, and always will be. Likewise I know that my parents' home is my sanctuary, should I ever need one.

SavBlancGal

I can only suggest this organisation for support:

http://www.toughlove.org.nz/