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Is this uncertainty normal?

Is this uncertainty normal?

Old Apr 6th 2013, 12:14 am
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Default Is this uncertainty normal?

I moved out to NZ from England in 2007 after a 3 week backpacking holiday. Loved the country, met a kiwi guy and wanted an adventure (i was only 25) so went back to NZ for what was initially meant to be just a one year OE. The relationship went well and I ended up staying for 5.5 years. Last year however the relationship sadly ended. For many reasons, but one was partly that I could never seem to accept the idea of settling so far from family forever. In hindsight this may have been because deep down I knew the relationship wasn't quite right, but I loved him and wanted to try.
Anyway after we split I wanted to give it some time to stay in NZ on my own. Not rush home too quick, because despite missing family, I loved NZ and without the commitment of the relationship, I didn't feel so pressurised about how long to stay in NZ (my kiwi guy always made it clear he wouldn't move to UK).
I had a good 6-7 months in NZ but after a holiday home at Xmas and then being made redundant, it seemed the right time to finally move back to UK this year.
So I returned to NZ after my Xmas break, packed up my stuff, had one last incredible month in NZ with friends and enjoying a wonderful hot summer holiday, and then moved back to UK mid February.

While I have to say its lovely to be able to be closer to family, to not have to Skype, to be able to phone at any time and not have to think about using ALL my annual leave and savings each year coming home to see them, as well as being closer to some good friends and having Europe on my doorstep again, I'm just still not feeling happy. I have managed to find work, brought a car and am hoping to move into a flat soon with some people, my whole life just feels so uncertain. While all my friends have these great networks that they have built and lives they have led here the last 5.5 years I've been gone, I haven't. My life has been on the other side of the world, and so I really am having to start out again from scratch, and in truth, I think my heart still lies in NZ. I love NZ. I don't love UK...if my family weren't here, I'd have never moved back. The awful weather here and lack of lifestyle isn't helping either!
Perhaps, given that I've only been home under 2 months, this feeling is normal. I know I had good reasons for coming back. Maybe others who have been in a similar situation can advise that I just have to give it time. I just feel quite desperate. Because financially, I'm worse off now than in NZ, and while I know my partner & I separated for good reasons, I can't shake this regret that this time last year, I lived with him in a beautiful home overlooking the ocean in NZ, had a good job, good money, lived a lifestyle that totally suited me, great weather etc (but I really missed my family). Now I'm home, closer to my family, but I'm single (almost 31), earning less money, most of my friends are in relationships or married, I'm going to be renting a room in a house with people I don't know - and somehow, I just feel I'm maybe going backwards.
Any advice from anyone who's had a similar experience?
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Old Apr 6th 2013, 1:17 am
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Default Re: Is this uncertainty normal?

I'm sure its normal. friends are going to of moved on a bit as time does not stand still. You made the move over to NZ knowing hardly anyone and I'm sure had these sort of thoughts in those early days.
You look back a year and say you had a BF, nice home good job but you then say you felt the relationship wasn't quite right, and you were also redundant so things were bound to change.
Look at it as your next adventure, put all the effort you did when you came to NZ into it.
You state that you initially came to NZ for a year but stayed for 5 plus. Nothing is set in stone it is what you can make it and what you are prepared to accept.
It's only been 2 months give yourself time to realign to a new life style, new friends and enjoy the time with your family.
I wouldn't say you are going backwards, you're just getting started on a different way of living from what you had been for the 5yrs. embrace it, don't analyse it to much it could drive you nuts
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Old Apr 6th 2013, 7:06 am
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Default Re: Is this uncertainty normal?

[QUOTE=SuffolkbritinNZ;10642815]I moved out to NZ from England in 2007 after a 3 week backpacking holiday. Loved the country, met a kiwi guy and wanted an adventure (i was only 25) so went back to NZ for what was initially meant to be just a one year OE. The relationship went well and I ended up staying for 5.5 years. Last year however the relationship sadly ended. For many reasons, but one was partly that I could never seem to accept the idea of settling so far from family forever. In hindsight this may have been because deep down I knew the relationship wasn't quite right, but I loved him and wanted to try.
Anyway after we split I wanted to give it some time to stay in NZ on my own. Not rush home too quick, because despite missing family, I loved NZ and without the commitment of the relationship, I didn't feel so pressurised about how long to stay in NZ (my kiwi guy always made it clear he wouldn't move to UK).
I had a good 6-7 months in NZ but after a holiday home at Xmas and then being made redundant, it seemed the right time to finally move back to UK this year.
So I returned to NZ after my Xmas break, packed up my stuff, had one last incredible month in NZ with friends and enjoying a wonderful hot summer holiday, and then moved back to UK mid February.

While I have to say its lovely to be able to be closer to family, to not have to Skype, to be able to phone at any time and not have to think about using ALL my annual leave and savings each year coming home to see them, as well as being closer to some good friends and having Europe on my doorstep again, I'm just still not feeling happy. I have managed to find work, brought a car and am hoping to move into a flat soon with some people, my whole life just feels so uncertain. While all my friends have these great networks that they have built and lives they have led here the last 5.5 years I've been gone, I haven't. My life has been on the other side of the world, and so I really am having to start out again from scratch, and in truth, I think my heart still lies in NZ. I love NZ. I don't love UK...if my family weren't here, I'd have never moved back. The awful weather here and lack of lifestyle isn't helping either!
Perhaps, given that I've only been home under 2 months, this feeling is normal. I know I had good reasons for coming back. Maybe others who have been in a similar situation can advise that I just have to give it time. I just feel quite desperate. Because financially, I'm worse off now than in NZ, and while I know my partner & I separated for good reasons, I can't shake this regret that this time last year, I lived with him in a beautiful home overlooking the ocean in NZ, had a good job, good money, lived a lifestyle that totally suited me, great weather etc (but I really missed my family). Now I'm home, closer to my family, but I'm single (almost 31), earning less money, most of my friends are in relationships or married, I'm going to be renting a room in a house with people I don't know - and somehow, I just feel I'm maybe going backwards.
Any advice from anyone who's had a similar experience) unquote





I think what you feel is quite normal. If however you still feel like this in say 9-12 months then you need to seriously do some thinking about where your heart lies eh? It is very hard when others have 'moved on' as you say and you are stuck in a time warp of some 6 years. Give your self some time, you will know what to do when time passes. In the mean while enjoy what you have and the moment. Very best of luck to you.
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Old Apr 7th 2013, 7:29 pm
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Default Re: Is this uncertainty normal?

I know people who have moved back to the UK from Canada and feel exactly the same way. I'm not sure if it passes, you'll have to let us know
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Old Apr 7th 2013, 9:14 pm
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Default Re: Is this uncertainty normal?

It took me about 2 years to get used to living in Germany again after living in the US. So yes, it will pass if you allow it to.
I still miss some parts of the US but I don't have the urge to move there anymore.

Last edited by Assanah; Apr 7th 2013 at 9:22 pm.
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Old Apr 7th 2013, 9:39 pm
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Default Re: Is this uncertainty normal?

Friends of ours moved back from Australia to England due to family reasons

However, it only took 3 months for them to realise what a mistake they made and went back. Luckily they had lived out in Australia for enough time to get their Aussie passports for all

Its natural to think oh bother have I made the right choice. Others know straight away, others take a while. I'd seriously give it a few more months in England and if you are still down in the dumps, get yourself back here!

Try a few weekends down Devon/Cornwall way or head to Scotland to get your NZ scenery kick if your missing that.
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