Poppy2

I know it has been touched on in the current *slagging off NZ* thread and I am following that with interest. But why is it that when negative comments are raised by one member they illicit such venom from others?

Well the brass tacks of why *I* ask is that in several instances people have told me that they have followed my posts on both the NZ and the Canada boards (so they know I want to understand more about septic tanks ) and they finally have to break their silence and frankly flame me and my opinion. *Looks over to husband to see if that is the right word to use in the right context* Shrugs, probably not.

Is it as simple as I am more inflamatory than I intend to be or are these people responding to all critisism, even the clearly lighthearted or sarcastic with such venom for other reasons.

I might say - hey, the shopping isnt up to much (ok, I am a little more florid than that, I'll give them that ) and I get WELL NO-ONE ASKED YOU TO COME HERE, YOU'RE THE KIND THAT WOULD NEVER BE HAPPY, ITS YOU THAT IS THE PROBLEM, WHY DONT YOU F OFF SOMEHWERE ELSE AND MOAN THERE.

Wow. Well actually so much more can get said, and it gets very personal - why?

I read very negative threads about Canada and I think *ok, that is an experience that has made them feel very strongly there, but it may not be my experience*....................I dont lose it and start attacking the person.

Neither do I hunt out any positive post regarding NZ and start attacking those people - wouldnt even consider it. I have actually added to posts with some very constructive replies with praise for NZ. I have never said NZ was a dreadful or boring place, I have always said it just isnt for us.

And the people who are so offended by the critisism of NZ take it so personally that they are in turn (not always obviously) very personal in their replies. Even in the face of me sharing some very painful personal experiences whilst here - someone has felt able to say they were *poor little me* stories. Nice, truly nice.

I dont want to become pc about everything I write, though I do beleive there is balance if you read it all. I dont want to say, *well the shopping isnt great, but the Zoo in Auckland is the best I have ever been to and could teach other Zoos a thing or to* - something I do actually believe. Start a thread *I heart NZ* and there will be things I would love to contribute, because reading what I wont miss is apparently detracting from what people think of us (my family) and our experiences here.

Things are being taken far too seriously by some and far too personally. As for people telling others that they will be glad to see the back of *moaners* such as ourselves, but then saying that we will spend all our lives unhappy and cursed by being *moaners* is ridiculous!

I think negative threads are in part, part of the process and people shouldnt feel slighted because someone else doesnt value as highly, what they do. I agree that if we dont feel that the opinion is accurately reflecting our experience, then saying so is fine - but is it necessary to attack the person?

I see more negativity towards *people* from the members who love NZ than those who are talking about the things they dont love about living here. Thats a shame. Maybe there should be a Negativity corner to go post that stuff on, so that people know entirely what to expect will be posted and can avoid it if it so consumes them.

Well I am off to go say something nice about NZ somewhere because apparently I havent done so enough to get noticed!

Apple13

There is... it has been called different things at different times, the current version of this is the "slag off NZ thread" or something like that.
At any one time there is always a thread around like this...
And of course there is the "moving back to the UK" board, which is full of this kind of thing.
These opinions are very well represented on this site.
It is when opinions get turned into generalisations which get turned into personal attacks, that this board turns nasty. So petty.
Don't forget that there are trolls out there who delight in shi**stirring, and these names come and go. There is usually 3-4 like this at any one time, you soon get to know their manner and their posts, and it is just not worth stooping to it.
It happens about once every six months, then settles down again, just part and parcel of what this sort of forum is like.
It happens on most boards too, the Aussie one had a huge hissy fit only a few months ago, there are still people licking their wounds from that one.

Poppy2

I can see that, you are right. And being new here, I will be honest, I have reflected alot upon what people hoping to move to NZ will think of my replies in particular, so I have tried to be balanced when I have remembered. But the personal stuff is a bit much. I have read the slagging thread and found a lot of it to be lighthearted, until someone has taken it so personally - thats a shame.

mcuddy1

I see more negativity towards *people* from the members who love NZ than those who are talking about the things they dont love about living here.



Well put.
It is the supposed happy brigade who have been in a confrontational mood. A few people making personal attacks on other members. These alleged stalwarts have become increasingly aggressive . Freedom of speech does not seem to matter to them if you say something they don't want to hear.
They also seem to lack any sense of humour.

Avid

It's all relative...

To give an example from Japan's main Internet message board. The first 5 posts in a thread in the 'Recreation' section.

Poster 1 asked where the best beach outside Tokyo was.
Poster 2 put up a picture of Batman on a beach
Poster 1 called Poster 2 'gay'
Poster 3 put up a picture of a man having sex with a car (don't ask)
Poster 1 called poster 3 a 'pedo'

and so on and son on. When you realise that most people working in Japan have graduate qualifications you get the idea of just how insane a message board can be.

This place is a Teddy Bears Picnic compared to many

Apple13

And some would read your opinion as quoted here as a personal attack.
Do you see how this works?

Poppy2

Yep - confrontational is definately the mood of some respondants! On another thread, people talking about getting banned so they didnt need to come here to post?? Like whats up with that??

Ha, ha Avid!! That is insane.............I can read that both ways, just to clarify. Are they being nerdy funny or are they mad as badgers and hoping to never get invited for a get together????

....................having sex with a car I bet the mental image is better than reality!

mcuddy1

It is what you call defending oneself.

Apple13

And so it goes on... then the others who have just been accused as having no sense of humour feel the need to defend *them*selves.
Do you see how this works? This is how you get into the unpleasant spiral.

Avid

You really don't want to see the reality..trust me on this.

Mad as badgers...unregulated forums are fun at first, but soon become insane hell-holes of grudges and fights. To give another example, a few weeks ago a British girl was murdered near Tokyo (it made the UK news) and some of the posters were making jokes about it. This has led to an out-of-control war between the 'sick-jokers' and the 'moral majority' that poisons almost every thread!

Add to that the fact that people can have multiple-usernames and rejoin if banned and you get..one big headache, to be honest.


dear god, please don't let anybody from the other site come on here and reveal just how much of an 'innocent bystander' I was

Poppy2

Yes, I do see that it takes both sides, but that sometimes a generalisation can be stretched to the very personal is still a shame. The grudges get started and nasty pm's, re-registering under a new name to trounce on people and make them feel cyber stalked! Crazy stuff.

Avid.......what are you doing on Japanese site out of interest?? You are a mysterious one it sounds hiddeous when people joke about things like that, I have to say I am not sure that is something I would get on board with. I like that here I can report a post and get a good response if it is valid. Phew! I like rules. Even if I am not very good at remembering them

Avid

Lived in Tokyo for the last ten years. Just reached my third month in Wellington....

Sorry, I'll say that again....


3 MONTHS INTO WELLY AND LUVIN' IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poppy2

I am liking your work there fella!!

And if I may add - we love Welly too, would have very seriously moved there had we not thought *heck if we move the kids from schools, we may as well do that to another continent before highshcool years and see where we want to end up*. But Welly was the other option, as was Palmerston North too. My fave place (I am sad because we only do stuff with kids in mind) is going to Te Papa, especially for lunch! We were there last wednesday and it was empty but for us, we had the best time reading the paper, eating 2 puddings because we could and the kids played merrily! We also love Waikinae (I forget how to spell that) beach on our way home, its gorgeous.

See.........I can do that stuff too

Poppy2

I have just been reading the VENT thread...............got to page 2 and couldnt stop laughing!! Some of things said there I wouldnt dream of saying, but have been said so well and sum up so much if our little niggles and reflections about being here!! But that said, *I* get the nasty replies to completely unrelated threads and venom aimed at little old me?? Wow, I am impressed with myself right now - for the Force is strong in this one!

phil01

Well personally my family and I love New Zealand...we know it is not Eutopia but we love it faults and all, unfortunately, some people attack those of us that do love NZ, tell us it's full of crime, graffiti, gangs blah blah blah...well if I was living in an area like that I'd move, quite simple really but I wouldn't be telling the world NZ is crap...unless I had tried a few areas. NZ is a reasonably large enough place to be able to find pretty much any lifestyle you choose and because we happen to be happy with where we are living and enjoying our life we get attacked no end by the negative NZers...yes everyone is entitled to an opinion but no one can tell me my opinion is wrong...it's mine I own it and if I am happy with my lot I should be allowed to SHOUT OUT I LOVE NEW ZEALAND without being attacked.