wackywoman

Has anybody got experience of having to get documentation signed by ex partner/husband to allow you to take the children out of the country to live somewhere else.

My ex has alot to do with the childre, as you would imagine at the moment relationships are strained and he is very sad and angry so I dont know if he will sign the papers.

I also dont know if there are standard forms with the wording provided by immigration it doesnt seem clear from the stuff that I have read, I have spoken to a family law solicitor and she said that there should be a standard form.

Anybody got experience of any of this at all?
Alison x
Nottingham

Am Loolah

Hi Alison, and welcome to the forum.

Have you ploughed your way through this "Stepchildren" thread?

http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=537388

Quite a few in a similar boat and some useful information there.

HTH.

wackywoman

No I havent seen that thread, so thanks for the help.
Will go have a read...
Thanks again
Alison x

teambwr47

Hmmmm......

As a dad but luckily one in a stable married situation its hardly a surprise that your partner is a little pissed that his kids are about to disappear from his life?

While i try to understand you want to move etc, if I was him and involved in their lives, which i would be, I would fight like hell to prevent you taking the kids 12000 miles away!

wackywoman

I understand your point of view....
There is no animosity between us....
Its a decision I have made for my life...
I wouldnt go without them....
Maybe I should get the forms to see if he will sign them before I bother with the EOI and all that stuff coz he could scupper everything...
Hmmm but would the kids let him???
I dunno whether they would want to see him anyway if he does that so their relationship will be affected anyways.
Things have been difficult this year and he is a vollatile character...
My son was diagnosed with diabetes and now his dad regards him as disabled and is struggling with it.
I dont think we will be gone for ever but I want them and me to experience something different of life...
Alison x

Am Loolah

My Husband says the same thing ... the stepchildren thread seems to be dominated by mums who have done the main of bringing the kids up and it seems only now they want to emigrate the ex's are stepping up to claim paternal interest. I don't confess to having read the whole thread though.

Alison, looking at your intro's thread and seeing the age of the kids, it may be a situation, from reading other's posts, where CAFCASS get involved and will take in to account what the children want. Have they expressed their thoughts to you on the move?

JAJ

There is a difference between cases like that, and situations where a non-custodial parent is heavily involved in the lives of the children.

teambwr47

Not judging, i'm not in your position, but i can imagine as I love my kids beyond belief, that if someone were to take them out of my life, which is what you'll effectively do by moving from the UK to NZ, that i would be very very annoyed.
I can't for one minute think that its going to be anything but a difficult process and not knowing you or your ex's circumstances its not fair to judge.
I started reading the link mentioned and sorry couldn't help but feel it was very biased towards one side of a situation that being a 'female' side and in particular one poster who had a very one sided view.

Good luck and I hope the best for your kids ultimately gets decided......

wackywoman

I just read this article: I’m Leaving on a Jet Plane, Don't Know When I’ll Be Back Again: Can I Take The Children With Me?

and now feel that I probably wont be able to go at all... much from it giving me a boost it has flattened me....

I dont want to ruin their relationship with their dad at all... he does loads with them... and they love the things he does... but he can be an emotionally damaging person for them too.. he is very temperamental and can be vicious emotionally... not physically with any of us at all...

Hmm the kids have lived with me the whole time since separating... he has never paid into my living expenses with them.. he does buy them things... I feel that as a woman... why should I not do this... I have rights too.... to live my life to the full... I feel that he is keeping us in one place. yes it is the other side of the world..but the world is smaller now... he does have a job and can save to come stay in our home when he comes to see them. I feel that I should have the right to do this.... but I also feel that coz of that article that the chips will be stacked against Me....
Feel that before I fill in any of my forms to move my registration and the immigration forms I need to sort this out coz he could deffo scupper all the plans...
I have said I wouldnt go without the kids.. but maybe I could go for 6months and leave them with him whilst there... hmmm they wouldnt want to live with him though... he is too strict and he has been and can be emotionally too hurtful to them both. And he would not be able to cope with my sons diabetes... nope not an option...
oh oh oh oh ohoh
Alison x

Jo-Chris

This must be so difficult for you, I cant even imagine how dfficult this must be. Its hard enough for me and hubby to go and leaving our friends and family.
I hope that you can make a decsion that you will be happy with.

Good Luck x

wackywoman

Aww thank you so much for your support....
I have found some wording for a statutory declaration today and I am going to try and organise a discussion with their dad without the children in the vicinity so that we can argue and rant and rave without hurting their feelings... he tends to do it infront of them and it hurts them... and actually turns them against him which is sad and I dont want that to happen coz I know it will negatively affect them when we do go coz they Do love him to pieces really.

So need to make sure that he doesnt burn his bridges with them whilst I still try and encourage him into letting me widen their wings slightly into the world outside. I actually dont feel that we will be gone for ever... but I guess you never know that fact until it happens. He isnt a bad person at all, but I definately will be relieved not to have him having full access to MY life as well as theirs for a while.

Thanks again for all your comments today.
Alison x
Nottingham, UK

j19fmm

[QUOTE=teambwr47;7622840]I started reading the link mentioned and sorry couldn't help but feel it was very biased towards one side of a situation that being a 'female' side and in particular one poster who had a very one sided view.


Sorry hun , but when you're in this situation it is biased and it is one sided, human nature I guess. That and the fact only the people actually involved know the whole story. It's not meant to offend anyone. And people here can be very supportive

Rustie

I can understand how you feel WW, but he's not stopping you from leaving, just stopping his/your children from going, which would be the same if he decided to go.

I do really feel for you, but i think the only way to go is to try and get his permission and come to some sort of agreement on access during the holidays?

I did get my daughter's fathers permission, although my situation was different in that 1. i didn't legally need it as we were never married and she was born before the law change in 2002 (i think it was!) and had no legal agreement on access, etc.... and 2. sadly, he didn't see her very often and the relationship was getting worse as she was old enough to realise this (she was 12). I do have to say that i don't think i would've have gone if he hadn't agreed.

I would say that you do have an awful lot to consider, even if he does agree, as you could be blamed (by them and him) for a diminishing relationship between them if you do take them away. Also, if you do agree access then the 14 year old will have HUGE quantities of homework/assignments/tests, even over the school holidays, and the 12 year old will do too soon. It very much depends on what subjects they are taking as to whether school will be difficult and sometimes the school will either 'hold them back a year' or put them forward, as the school year starts in February here and there are alot of differences in teaching methods (dependent of schools). At 12, it isn't too bad for a child to switch education systems but i think 14 could be, but that depends entirely on the individual.

Lastly, i would say that there is alot more help for single parents in the UK. I was a single parent in the UK and moved in with my boyfriend when i got here, in the UK i had my own house in a nice area, brilliant childcare, etc. and i really don't think i could afford the same in NZ. There aren't really 'childminders' that will do the extra's that i had in the UK, plus you won't have family and friends to help out if you need to, also the salary's here aren't anywhere near those in the UK.

Good luck WW, with your decision (sorry for the waffle!) xx

TeamEmbo

My ex agreed and gave me a letter stating his permission for the children to be removed from the jurisdiction which was signed by himself and a Notary Public. I did speak to him on the phone after a couple of letters from my solicitor stating all the arrangements. My situation was such that he hadn't really seen the children for 4-5 years, which was his choice not mine or theirs, so it was fairly straight-forward. In fact he actually came up to see the children for two weekends in a row immediately before we left and has been out to see them here, although that had its ups and downs. But I must admit that if he had still been in regular contact with the children during that 4-5 years it would not have crossed my mind to even consider emigrating.