So hard!

Old Mar 31st 2018, 12:27 am
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Default So hard!

I've read many times on forums how people have left their adult kids behind and moved, I'm struggling with this at the moment.

I am returning to NZ from Oz with one keen daughter and my 20 year old is staying back in Oz. She doesn't want to move, she wanted to move to QLD with us and then changed her mind, so I have lived without her since July, and I know it's good for her independence, and I am not not moving back to NZ cos she won't come, but how do you do it?

Groan, my first major challenge as a parent to an adult, I think I liked it better when they were little kids!! I know she will be ok and so will I, just another life hurdle to get over, small in the scheme of things I know!

Michelle
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Old Mar 31st 2018, 12:41 am
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Default Re: So hard!

Originally Posted by Mishclark View Post
I've read many times on forums how people have left their adult kids behind and moved, I'm struggling with this at the moment.

I am returning to NZ from Oz with one keen daughter and my 20 year old is staying back in Oz. She doesn't want to move, she wanted to move to QLD with us and then changed her mind, so I have lived without her since July, and I know it's good for her independence, and I am not not moving back to NZ cos she won't come, but how do you do it?

Groan, my first major challenge as a parent to an adult, I think I liked it better when they were little kids!! I know she will be ok and so will I, just another life hurdle to get over, small in the scheme of things I know!

Michelle
Not the same but my oldest is 20 and away at uni. He is planning to stay there this summer, so it could end up a year or more between his visits home. We know they’re adults with their own lives, but you’d have to be pretty hard hearted not to feel a twinge.
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Old Mar 31st 2018, 3:01 am
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Default Re: So hard!

Originally Posted by Teaandtoday5 View Post
Not the same but my oldest is 20 and away at uni. He is planning to stay there this summer, so it could end up a year or more between his visits home. We know they’re adults with their own lives, but you’d have to be pretty hard hearted not to feel a twinge.
Oh yes, I think it is the same in a way, so you know how I feel!

It's all part of mum letting go!!

Michelle
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Old Mar 31st 2018, 3:23 am
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Default Re: So hard!

least its just a 4 hour or so flight, so less time than Wellington to Auckland by car.
I think you do just cope, Skype is a great thing
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Old Mar 31st 2018, 3:42 am
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Default Re: So hard!

Originally Posted by Mishclark View Post
I've read many times on forums how people have left their adult kids behind and moved, I'm struggling with this at the moment.

I am returning to NZ from Oz with one keen daughter and my 20 year old is staying back in Oz. She doesn't want to move, she wanted to move to QLD with us and then changed her mind, so I have lived without her since July, and I know it's good for her independence, and I am not not moving back to NZ cos she won't come, but how do you do it?

Groan, my first major challenge as a parent to an adult, I think I liked it better when they were little kids!! I know she will be ok and so will I, just another life hurdle to get over, small in the scheme of things I know!

Michelle
Sending you a hug.

Our 14 y.o. is already planning his return to 'civilisation' (i.e. UK) once he turns 18. Enjoy them while they're young...
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Old Mar 31st 2018, 4:04 am
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Default Re: So hard!

What a ridiculous situation, she's an adult, don't insult her by treating her like a child
I have two boys in Europe, of course I miss them and a couple of times I have considered going home to be with them. but they are in their 20's, they are adults, they are more than capable of making decisions for themselves and if they need advice they call or Skype.
This is their time, if they were here they would have moved out and be living independently, so what's is the difference.
This is as bad as parents who kick up a fuss and play the guilt game when their grown up kids who have families of their own, say they are emigrating.
Get over yourself stop being selfish and let her live her own life.
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Old Mar 31st 2018, 4:39 am
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Default Re: So hard!

Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
What a ridiculous situation, she's an adult, don't insult her by treating her like a child
I have two boys in Europe, of course I miss them and a couple of times I have considered going home to be with them. but they are in their 20's, they are adults, they are more than capable of making decisions for themselves and if they need advice they call or Skype.
This is their time, if they were here they would have moved out and be living independently, so what's is the difference.
This is as bad as parents who kick up a fuss and play the guilt game when their grown up kids who have families of their own, say they are emigrating.
Get over yourself stop being selfish and let her live her own life.
Yes, I do agree with you to a certain extent Justcol, although I have lived without her for nearly 8 months as I live in Qld and she lives in NSW, to be honest, I really don't want her living with me as she is hard work and a princess and it is a relief not to have her here at times, which can be hard to admit.

It was quite the opposite, she was going to come but I told her to stay there as she has all her friends and nice newish boyfriend who I think is great for her, and she has tried to guilt me many a time into staying, which myself and my other daughter won't do, which seems silly since we live in different states!

Doesn't mean I don't miss her though, still can be hard, just don't miss the headaches...

Last edited by Mishclark; Mar 31st 2018 at 4:42 am. Reason: spelling
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Old Mar 31st 2018, 4:44 am
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Default Re: So hard!

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
least its just a 4 hour or so flight, so less time than Wellington to Auckland by car.
I think you do just cope, Skype is a great thing
Yep, indeed, 3 hours Christchurch to Sydney! Although I am not travelling again in a hurry for a while.

One thing I have learned, and one reason we are doing it, life is too short, lost my hubby 6 years ago and I am 50 in June, time to live life for me now while I still have it, life is too short!
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