SuffolkbritinNZ

I just had news this morning that my mum is sick and been taken in to hospital and it's times like these I really question living in NZ. I am actually flying home for Xmas in 3 weeks fortunately but I have a feeling her ill health is going to continue beyond the 4 weeks I'm home and I just don't know how I can not be there with her to help her through. Her own mum died 5 years ago and she gave up her job / life to look after her in her last year of life and not that my mum is at that stage yet thank god but I do fear at some stage in the next few years she will need some help and I want to be there with her. I honestly do.
But my kiwi fella and I are thinking of having a baby here in NZ and he won't move to Uk and so now I just don't know what to do. I love our life here in NZ but I also want to be there to help my parents as they get older / sick.
Wondering how others cope when family get sick back home???

MrsFychan

sorry to hear about your mum and really hope she gets better very quickly and you can all enjoy a good Christmas together.

I'm not sure how I would feel as not out there yet so not even done the "we're leaving today" thing yet but can imagine it being very hard

jmh

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear that. I had the same situation but in reverse. I was in the UK and my mum in NZ when she had a serious event, nearly died and ended up in hospital for a long period. She then had a long period of recuperation. I couldn't decide whether to travel back or not, and if so, how long it would be for. I procrastinated so long that she started to recover and I didn't go in the end. I feel very bad about that and don't think I made the right decision.

She is part of the reason why I decided to come back to NZ for good (although it did coincide with being made redundant from my job). It was the best decision for me. Having said that, some parents, although they would love to see their adult children, also want them to have a better life, and if she believes that is what you have here in NZ, she may want you to stay. Hard to say, because all family relationships are different.

Go back for your planned holiday and see how you feel. Talk to her about it. Talk to other family members.

Don't compare the sacrifices your mum made to your current situation. She was at a different life stage than you. Her children were grown and maybe she felt she had the freedom at her stage in life to give up her job and care for her mother. You are at a different stage and expectations would be different, especially when you have children of your own. Maybe you need to talk through her experiences looking after her mother to get a feel for how she felt about it.

These are the real tough situations for expats. I found I resented only being able to experience family weddings and Christenings on facebook. You no longer participate in those pivotal moments that bind families together. If, like me, you are family focussed, it's hard.

I hope you mum gets better soon. You trip home is probably timely.