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Should I stay or should I go?

Should I stay or should I go?

Old Oct 15th 2013, 12:31 pm
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Default Should I stay or should I go?

how many of you can relate to this?

As a wannabe immigrant you make the decision for whatever reason to leave the UK & emigrate, then the doubt sets in even before you get the visa, becomes worse after the visa is in your passports. Is it the reality that OMG we are leaving or we should not have gone down this path or do you become scared of the unknown - what is it?

For those that make it to their new land, some become homesick and/or whinge & compare to back home, cannot settle for whatever reason after being in NZ for 1, 5, 10 or 20 years on & want to return back home.

Do you have challenges with 'shall we stay or shall we go' How did you come to the decision?

Last edited by not2old; Oct 15th 2013 at 1:14 pm.
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Old Oct 15th 2013, 6:01 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

I know exactly what you mean. I actually googled "second thoughts" although there were not many postings about it.

You get to a certain point where you think "wtf am I doing? I am moving to the other side of the world, where we know no-one"

Mine come just after I we had just told our close friends and family we are going to NZ and you could see the hurt on their faces.

You do get through it though.

You just have to keep reminding yourself why YOU are doing it. Your friends and family will always admit that selfishly they want you to stay.

In the last week, we have put our house up fro rent, sent off our police certs and have been for our medicals today and I am sure have got through the worst bit. Now we are on the conveyor belt, every day feels more and more like the right decision.

If you think / talk about going you never will. Do something positive towards making the move.
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Old Oct 15th 2013, 7:11 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

It was when I booked that one way ticket that I suddenly felt the full weight of what I was doing. The feeling that I was making a big mistake, that I hadn't thought this through at all and yep, wtf am I doing?
The only way I got through it was to keep saying that I wouldn't have got this far down the immigration route if I wasn't definite. The feeling passed in a few days. After all, if it was a complete disaster then the UK was still going to be there and I could return, a little bit poorer but having had an adventure!
It's such a big life change that it's normal to have second thoughts.

I haven't had any second thoughts about moving to NZ since arriving. I am glad I made the move. NZ has its faults and is not perfect but then again where is? I could also live in the UK quite happily.
Maybe I will change my mind with time, maybe not. I moved for different reasons than most in that it wasn't for a better quality of life or because I had a particular desire to move to NZ. Long story that isn't really relevant to this thread!
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Old Oct 15th 2013, 7:43 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Before I departed the UK I made a list of pros and cons UK v NZ. If I get a small pang I pull up that list, read it and realise the pros for NZ has grown and the long list of cons for the UK has not altered one bit. I then pour a glass of wine (NZ) sit down in the sun and listen to the quiet.....
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Old Oct 15th 2013, 8:23 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

never really had those thoughts before we left, everything was done fairly quickly for us so no real time to think much, plius it wasn't my desire but my husbands and to be honest he just wanted out of the UK, NZ just happened to offer him a job.
Since being here 22mths I've had many a time of "what the hell have we done", mainly due to the weather, the winds are awful and I apparently have a severe phobia of them didn't have that in the UK. The schooling so far my experience for my 11/12yr old isn't that good and I do sit and hope that we haven't completely fecked up her chances for a decent career.
I know that I do not want to retire here, the thought of being old and having to fling yourself under tables every few months along with the spring winds has made that decision for me.
How long we do actually stay is up for debate
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 8:10 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by not2old View Post
how many of you can relate to this?

As a wannabe immigrant you make the decision for whatever reason to leave the UK & emigrate, then the doubt sets in even before you get the visa, becomes worse after the visa is in your passports. Is it the reality that OMG we are leaving or we should not have gone down this path or do you become scared of the unknown - what is it?

For those that make it to their new land, some become homesick and/or whinge & compare to back home, cannot settle for whatever reason after being in NZ for 1, 5, 10 or 20 years on & want to return back home.

Do you have challenges with 'shall we stay or shall we go' How did you come to the decision?
It depends on your finances to be honest. Nz is more expensive than the uk for everything.
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 11:10 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

not sure I agree with that. I think it depends on your outlook.
If you want to complain and whinge about the smallest thing and the cost of cucumbers then you will, like so many
others be miserable, end up on here moaning over everything while getting sadder and sadder before finally
giving up and heading home. If you just accept that things are different, dont moan about the small things
and how wrong you were to think it was anything like the uk, then you'll be fine
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 6:54 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
not sure I agree with that. I think it depends on your outlook.
If you want to complain and whinge about the smallest thing and the cost of cucumbers then you will, like so many
others be miserable, end up on here moaning over everything while getting sadder and sadder before finally
giving up and heading home. If you just accept that things are different, dont moan about the small things
and how wrong you were to think it was anything like the uk, then you'll be fine
Probably true, but then OP could use this technique now while still living in the UK which would mean OP is fine in the UK so no need to move.
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 6:57 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
The schooling so far my experience for my 11/12yr old isn't that good and I do sit and hope that we haven't completely fecked up her chances for a decent career.
Just wanted to say that your first concern, with regards to NZ education (not how she may be adjusting to change), doesn't make much sense as NZ seems perfectly capable of producing professionals in every field, and ones that seem to have no problems moving overseas to live and work too! Access to uni here is excellent, imo. I would have liked my kids to have gone through UK high schooling, partly because I *get* GCSE's and, more broadly, qualifications that reflect the UK's history and place in the world. However, it was not to be, and now I just think about the bonuses that a NZ education gives them, though granted for my younger one it can sometimes be hard to see that as she is not sporty, nor really gives a toss about Ag day etc, adn just wants to dance, sing, read and write. Anyway, try not to worry- fwiw, my oldest dauter found the transition to GCSE's very easy, much more so than moving back to NCEA's.


Originally Posted by Justcol View Post
not sure I agree with that. I think it depends on your outlook.
If you want to complain and whinge about the smallest thing and the cost of cucumbers then you will, like so many
others be miserable, end up on here moaning over everything while getting sadder and sadder before finally
giving up and heading home. If you just accept that things are different, dont moan about the small things
and how wrong you were to think it was anything like the uk, then you'll be fine
I really disagree with this post. Your tone is a bit unpleasant and the way you have set up immigrants as either/or is kind of nonsensical.
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 9:37 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by Assanah View Post
Probably true, but then OP could use this technique now while still living in the UK which would mean OP is fine in the UK so no need to move.
Um. OP is currently in Canada. Not the UK . Also, the OP has not indicated they intend to move ( again) to NZ but is rather exploring our thoughts on the issue of 2nd thoughts at the point of departure. That's how I read it anyway.
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 10:25 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
The schooling so far my experience for my 11/12yr old isn't that good and I do sit and hope that we haven't completely fecked up her chances for a decent career.
From my and OH's memory primary schooling in NZ (OH was teaching in a mid decile school) was much better than it is currently in the UK. I think my 2 kids will be in for a bit of a shock with the level of work they'll be expected to do if we move over.
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 10:38 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by BEVS View Post
Um. OP is currently in Canada. Not the UK . Also, the OP has not indicated they intend to move (again) to NZ but is rather exploring our thoughts on the issue of 2nd thoughts at the point of departure. That's how I read it anyway.
Exactly ....

The OP (me) is a Brit that left the UK at the age of 20 with one suitcase & 100GBP to Canada in 1967 & I can say that emigrating back then was so easy & so foolish of us looking back. But eh!, we survived & have loved every minute of it.

Through the 80's I/we lived (where my work sent me) as PR's in OZ, NZ & the USA. It was different back in the 80's also.

Spent most all of the 90's into the early 2000 traveling globally - having seen & been to some of the most horrible places on this planet that you'd never want to venture to. Now retired I totally dispise (use of word) in traveling for any reason (its no longer in my blood to see near or far off strange places) - even having to go to the UK which is only a 6-7 hour flight would be a drain & a drag.

Bev as you pointed out, OP was simply trying to get a sense today of the wiggles of those that post on the BE world threads 'how they must leave the UK for better opportunities- its nothing for them' or 'whats it like in NZ, OZ, SA, Canada, USA' - then of those that have emigrated & now want to go back home.

No hidden agenda, not wanting to go to or move back to NZ, simply thought it might be an interesting topic for folks who can relate.

While on this point - in a perfect world as retirees we'd like to rock back & forth at our leasure between Canada & wherever, but you know what, the thought of traveling sitting in airports then the long flight just mind boggles me.
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Old Oct 16th 2013, 10:51 pm
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by Chippy Giles View Post
From my and OH's memory primary schooling in NZ (OH was teaching in a mid decile school) was much better than it is currently in the UK. I think my 2 kids will be in for a bit of a shock with the level of work they'll be expected to do if we move over.
my 12yr old is bored and in her own words "I'm not learning anything, term 1 all we did was colour in".

My 7yr old only gets 5-8 spellings to learn a week and that's it. He got more than that in reception in the UK.

As BB I'm hoping things will get better when my 12yr old moves on in 2015.
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Old Oct 17th 2013, 1:33 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
my 12yr old is bored and in her own words "I'm not learning anything, term 1 all we did was colour in".
Sounds like she's got a crap teacher (tho am quite certain she did more than ten weeks colouring!). Hope she gets a more inspirational teacher next year.

Originally Posted by MrsFychan View Post
My 7yr old only gets 5-8 spellings to learn a week and that's it. He got more than that in reception in the UK.
Ah, well, I'd be in favour of that; that would count as a mark against UK education for me

I actually feel a wee bit sad thinking about reception kids (so age 4/5) getting spelling words, and I think Kiwi kids messing about in sandpits and sawing stuff up have got the better start.
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Old Oct 17th 2013, 1:50 am
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Default Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally Posted by bourbon-biscuit View Post
Sounds like she's got a crap teacher (tho am quite certain she did more than ten weeks colouring!). Hope she gets a more inspirational teacher next year.



Ah, well, I'd be in favour of that; that would count as a mark against UK education for me

I actually feel a wee bit sad thinking about reception kids (so age 4/5) getting spelling words, and I think Kiwi kids messing about in sandpits and sawing stuff up have got the better start.

Unfortunately she has the same teacher for yr 7 and 8 so will be the same teacher. I'm going to have words with her when they are back from camp.
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