MissSunshine

Hi - Just wondered if anyone had moved back to the UK from their choosen country only to be reminded of exactly why they left in the first place.

When I did not have a job here I was convinced I would be able to get one back in the UK. I now have a job here which I am starting to enjoy but alas we are due to return in September. From my point of view I would quite like to stay as we have made so much effort to get over here and cost wise - wow that was a real shocker.

We are a family of 4 - 2 of us want to return and 2 wish to stay.

I think if we did stay certain things would have to change i.e change of house as it is so cold.

Don't get me wrong I am looking forward to seeing my family and friends and touching base with certain places but wonder what will happen when all of this has been done a few times. Cost wise I do not think we could afford to ping pong back and forth.

We have work permits for 3 years and feel we should have given it more time - we have only been here since January this year. Does anyone have similar thoughts? I guess there will be some out there will think you have hardly been here 5 minutes and others that will say go back home. I guess at the end of the day it is up to the individuals - you must do what is right for you.

BEVS

I will move this into the main NZ forum for the moment.
However, do you feel it may help more for it to be in the Moving Back To The UK forum?
Let me know.

pricklykina

Oh, it's hard isn't it.
I haven't returned to the UK but I do remember those early days. THinking, surely its meant to be more fun that this.
It took me a good couple of years to acclimatise and probably five to really settle.
What helped me was getting to know more and more kiwis.
I had a baby, joined mum's groups, did volunteering, worked, studied....the whole kit and caboodle.
It was not easy initially, my partner is not a social person so couldn't help or really support me.
But...ten years on...here I am. Loving it. With absolutely no regrets.
Nothing worth winning is easily won.
If I was the type to give advice, which I'm not :P
I would say...more time...one more summer and a concerted effort to get the most out of it.
if you do go back....then...suck it in, don't look back as there is no value in what ifs
Good luck!

nick333

Prickykina,

Wise words and very objective thoughts.

Regards

Nick

Genesis

Wise indeed. I would ask the 2 that wish to return to just give it that bit more time. As you say you have invested much time and $$ to get here and ultimately they will get their wish if only slightly delayed it in the fullness of time they stiil dislike life in NZ. However during that 'extra time' they may well find their way here and that has to be worth a plug. I feel for the two that ultimately may have to return to the UK under some duress...what a difficult situation. Have you tried to analyse why the other 2 are not happy...the cold house will certainly be a downer. Could any of their issues be addressed with some time and effort? Or is it the case that not matter how good life was in NZ it will never be for them? Time is a great healer and it is also good place to totally re-evaluate everything. Get them to look at the reasons they left the UK. Could where you are be the 'wrong place'. I hope you do stay a while if only to be able to say we gave it our best shot...because you are right you have not been here long enough to know (some may argue that and know it aint right after 1 week!!).

MnB

Hi please think seriously about this .... UK is as you remember it only worse... good advice given by previous posters .... maybe give it a bit more time? ... have a read of posts from people who have come back only to realise they should have stayed.
Maybe try to get back for a visit but not to stay..... the 'greyness' would get to you I'm sure!
Hope you find a happy place
B x

Kiwi-Irish

It "always" takes 2-3 years to get settled wherever you go. I found that when I came here, to London from the South Island. At first I was comparing left right and centre - making comparisons as to why the english did this and that and I found fault EVERYWHERE in england from the food to the culture. I now think England has so many more advantages to NZ, but I really believe its a case of what-you-get-used-to. I think if I moved back again after 2 years or so I'd be used to NZ again. You can't expect to be used to it after only six months, it just doesn't happen. Remember, it'll cost you an arm and a leg to setup again in England, unless you kept yourself on the property ladder and have a gaff here.

scrubbedexpat094

Miss Sunshine, this is our story.

We got PR early in 2005, ADHB were anxious to have OH on board asap & so he came out to NZ in Feb 2005, whilst I stayed behind to sell the house & organise everything for the move. Our original intention had been to arrive in Auckland in Sept 2005 & do things at a more leisurely pace but OH felt lucky to have secured a job in his field & we didn't want to jeopardise this. We sold our house quite quickly (sorry to those reading this who are struggling to sell theirs at the mo) & I flew out about 9 weeks later.

TBH, I was starting to have second thoughts about the move whilst still in the UK. I loved our house, had some great friends & loved the area we lived in. I tried to be excited when I got here, of course it was wonderful to be with OH. I had missed him so much & had found all the organisation very stressful without him there as my rock. We had a week of exploring together & then I started my job. I hated it, the people were unhelpful & hostile. The ward was not low-risk as I had been told & practices were poor. I was miserable, I'm normally a very bouncy, out-going (some might say mad!!!) sort of person but I spent the majority of my time in tears. Added to this, we were living in a modern apartment on the edge of Parnell, which was near the container port. It was so noisy & didn't have a full night's sleep for 11 weeks. We didn't see our neighbours & most didn't seem to speak English anyway. I was so lonely. It put an enormous strain on our relationship.

We had planned to buy on the Shore prior to getting here but we didn't like what we saw. The houses were so close together & had smaller gardens to the one we had left in England. I was incredibly homesick & decided that we had made a huge mistake & wanted to head home to the UK. OH had settled very quickly here, but he was used to moving about with his family & had lived in NZ & Australia as a kid. My parents still live in the house I was born in 44 years ago!!!! OH agreed (reluctantly) to our going back. So we basically turned the container around, sold the car & headed back to my parents house. No home, no jobs to return to. I should have been worried but I was elated, though a little embarrassed. We did leave a bank account open in NZ though at OH's insistence. OH was not happy to be returning but our marriage was the most important thing. OH eventually got another job after 6 weeks back & we rented a house approx 10 miles from where we had lived previously. I got a job about 12 weeks later (which I loved). It was great to see family & friends again but we only saw our friends a couple of times & then weeks would go by & we would get texts from them but never saw them. One friend was really weird, she seemed to resent us having come back. We looked for a house but didn't see what we were looking for, so stuck with the rental. OH's heart certainly wasn't in it.

Only 4 months after returning, I mentioned about not having made enough of a go of NZ . We both agreed that with all the stress of the move etc., we had lost our sense of adventure & fun. We started talking about returning!!! We kept it to ourselves for about 5months & talked it through thoroughly & started planning a timescale. Our RRV's ran out in Feb 2007, so we had to return by then if that was what we were going to do. We planned it far more carefully second time around. First OH had to secure a job, which he managed to do by August 2006 & they were happy to wait for him until the end of Jan 2007. We decided that we would live on the Whangaparaoa Peninsula, as we both liked it & that I would look for a job when we arrived. I wanted to get a feel for the hospitals before accepting a job though North Shore did offer me a job whilst in the UK despite me making it very clear that I was just fact-finding. Glad I didn't take it cos I knew it wasn't for me as soon as I stepped onto the ward!

Most importantly, we agreed to keep a sense of adventure about the whole thing & remind each other if we were losing it . So in July 2006 we informed family & friends that we were leaving again. Family was very supportive, friends made a few rye comments. We still see much of our friends apart from a couple of very good ones. Though, as soon as we were a couple of weeks away from leaving they all emerged from the woodwork saying how much they would miss us & begging us not to go.

We arrived on my Birthday in Jan 2007 & a week later got a rental in Gulf Harbour. By April we were settled in our own house with our things about us. OH's job was going ok, I was generally ok but did get homesick. Had a meet-up with some of the ladies on here & gradually started making friends. We did plenty of exploring at weekends & kept a sense of fun. I looked around a few hospitals & eventually got on the bureau with Geneva & at Birthcare.

It hasn't all been plain sailing but I suddenly felt this sense of calm & of being 'settled' by Sept 2007. There are things I miss from England but I don't dwell too much on these things. I might have the odd moan to OH & close friends to get it off my chest & then move on. We are going back to the UK in August for a holiday & am looking forward to seeing my family & hitting the shops but frankly I wish we were heading to Aitutaki .

Do I regret going back to the UK so soon the first time. Absolutely not, it was what we needed to do. I wish it hadn't come to that because it cost us a lot of money which we could ill-afford to lose but it is only money & our relationship is by far the most important thing in the world. Given the same situation again, I would do the same thing.

I'm not sure whether this will help you, only you can decide what is right for you at this time. Maybe you need to head back to find out what you really want. I have some understanding of what you are going through & wish you lots of luck with whatever you decide.


Gosh, I think that's the longest post I've ever done

TeamEmbo

It's a very tough decision to make. We are also a family of 4 and agreed before we came over here that we would give it 2 years before making any decisions. If after 2 years anyone was homesick or felt they wanted to go back then they could go back to the UK for a holiday to see how they felt. This seemed to work for us as everyone knew from the outset what the score was and so despite several ups and downs we got to the 2 year anniversary and no-one asked to go back - which is good as we haven't got the money set aside for that anymore anyway!

We went out for a family meal and had our vote. 2 wanted to stay, 2 wanted to move on - but not back to the UK. But at the moment there is not a lot of options with finances being the way they are so we all agreed to stay. The 2 that wanted to move on weren't unhappy here - just wanted to try something new.

I really do think you go through such a rollercoaster of emotions that being kind to yourselves and allowing time to adjust and rebuild a life takes a good few years. Would it be possible in your case for the 2 that are unhappy to have a holiday back to the UK to see how they feel? Seeing family and friends again might help settle them and also give them a chance to see first hand what they would be going back to - you never know they might end up homesick for NZ and although a holiday back is not a cheap option, it is far cheaper and less disruptive than everyone moving back if it turns out to be the wrong decision.

I wish you well in whatever you decide to do in the end. Personally, I don't think you've had long enough here to properly find your feet and settle but having said that it is all very personal and individual and only you as a family can decide what is the right thing for you to do. Good luck

Wellington Will

I completely agree with others. Take a bit more time... one more summer somebody said.

You won't regret another 6 months, but you might regret jumping back so soon.

I don't really want to be here tbh. It's the other half you see. She's the Kiwi-phile while I'm a true englishman.

not that i dislike it. We've lived here for 3 year of the last 10 or so going back and forth, but we never sold up in the UK only rented and used storage.

now she wants us to committ... oh no I'm not sure I can.

englishheaven

The longer you are here the harder it will be to move back. And after a few years on NZ wages you wont be able to afford to move back.

lapsed kiwi

Wow, you've migrated three times since we left the UK - I got tired just thinking about it. Great reading your post

We got here in late 2005, had a holiday back to UK in late 2007 and to be honest it felt like a foreign country back there. I also had a couple of weekends in UK last year on a work trip and it felt no better, but was great to catch up with friends and family.

We agreed before we moved that we would call it a 5-year trial period and not decide anything before then, but 2.5 years in I think we decided we're here to stay.

derab

Miss sunshine..

Could it be your choice of location in NZ that is adding to your angst regarding the move to NZ? without trying to be judgemental, Manukau isn't exactly the best place in NZ to try to settle down.
I emigrated to Christchurch quite a while ago, the surroundings down there were very brit-friendly (the culture shock was very minimal) and I had the misfortune of a family bereavement about 2 years later, it took me the length of the arrivals hall at Heathrow to realise that I had made the right choice in coming down under.
I am in Melbourne right now, but missing Christchurch and heading back there very soon.
So, my advise would be, try another location, if you are liking your job, relocate to somewhere which is still within easy commute but with completely different atmosphere. you might be one of those families that would love Hamilton or North shore over Manukau.

Rustie

I would say that 5 months isn't long enough to have given it a good run, as i know i'd be wondering 'what if' if i'd gone back to the UK after a short time, even though i did feel quite crappy then

I remember talking to some other newbies at the time and the best thing someone said to me was, 'don't think of it as permanent' and since then i haven't! I'm just trying it out. I set a time limit for my daughter to finish school and we've both settled alot more than when we moved here initially.

Have you looked elsewhere in NZ? You've moved half way round the world and it doesn't mean that you'll be happy in the first place you move to!

I've been here for 3 and a half years, the UK is still my 'home' and i do still get homesick, but that's ok! Most the time i'm ok and just get on with it, it's not that much different than the uk in many ways in my opinion!

MissSunshine

Many thanks for all your replies. Lots of words of wisdom there. I would ideally love to try a different area as we have put all this time, effort and money into relocating. Time is of the essence though my OH has been offered his old job back in the UK starting September. I guess we feel very lucky that he has been offered this again as he got on really well with his boss before we left. Why did we leave well because we wanted to try something different before it was too late for us to try it - we are both in our mid 40s. I think if he had not been offered the job then it might be a different story. I think he feels that if he says he is not returning after all that offer will never be there again and as we do not know if moving to a different area will be right for us either I think going back to what we know is a safer option. Do we sound as though we like to take no chances or not?? Me I would like to stay here and give it a go but having said that I was not that keen when I did not have a job and did not have the financial independence I was used to back in the UK. I guess we all made noises about returning and I guess I cannot blame my OH for saying well it was what all of you wanted at one time or another. My OH would definitely have to have another job offer before even contemplating trying a different area and I do not think he is that keen to try. He now has a few weeks off work maybe things will change his mind but I'm not holding my breath.