AnnieNell

Hi Mandie
Have PM'd you, which you've probably got by now. I think you have to go with the negative feelings right now, eventually you will be able to see some positives but go with how you feel .

I'm afraid I don't subscribe to the things happen for a reason school (just my own personal experience with IVF & misc has clouded this view for me), however if it works for you in the long term....
I understand how your OH feels in terms of his parent's age but at the same time I know so many people (including my parents), who wanted to emigrate but didn't because of their parents & now regret it. It's a no win situation.

Wishing you strength & as I said earlier ...Never say Never...!
Stay around,
love Annie x

jueinnz

Mandie,
I said the same sthing to my husband about 10years ago, NO I am not going.
But here we are
He may just not be ready I wasn't then because my job was awsum and my career was mapped out, also because my Dad was terminaly ill and I new I should be with him, when he asked me about 3 years later when all those issues were not such a factor I agreed.
So its not nessessary over.
jue

Bo-Jangles

That is very sad for you Mandie, and I really do feel for you having built your hopes and dreams up for so long, it must be such a disappointment but the blessing I think comes from the fact that your husband has reached that decision now whilst you are in the UK. He could have gotten rushed along on the crest of your wave, not really wanting to go to NZ and that would never have worked. Your blessing is that although you maybe can't see it right now, you have saved yourselves a fair anount of grief at this end and not spent thousands of serious £'s to find this out.

I know it must be really hard not to feel resentment, but you must both find something new to focus your attention or this will drive a wedge through your relationship. I don't think you will ever be satisfied just to leave everything as is: you have come so far down the line and already moved on in your head. Whilst you have those thoughts and the will to change your life, you have to do something else that will suit you both. Maybe look at other things, a move within the UK to get some of the 'better' lifestyle options you were looking to gain in NZ.


Keep talking and you will work something else out.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

sky

Fantastic post .... Mandie if I were in your shoes and knew what I know now I would stay where you are for now

valitus

Really feel for you when you may qualify to go but cant go because of the hubby.

Is he well insured ? :scared:

Mandie

ok so here's my next thought...

I've been thinking over the weekend about just getting up and going without him...the reasoning behind this is that if me and the girls go then he'd have to follow. I just feel really sad that he's stopping me doing something we've planned for so long just because he feels safe where he is and is frightened :scared: of change...this does sound harsh but what a total f*^~in wimp!!! my anger for him hasn't eased at all, in fact it's getting worse. i feel miserable, can't crack a smile and am thinking of nz and what could have been all the time! i feel so totally sad for my girls too, how are they ever going to afford a nice family home without being mortgaged for the rest of there lives, the traffic is getting worse by the day where we live blah blah blah...

i'll stop ranting on now or it'll turn into a novel
take care and thank you all for kind words and support
Mandie x

hazeandsteve

Ooer, not feeling over festive then?
Not advice, but I get the feeling that if you feel like this and don't go, you'll never forgive him, then you'll live a smileless life if you stay together.
If you can afford it solo, go, and give him the choice to follow.
Best wishes Mandie, hope you resolve it with him. I'd do whatever Haze tells me, but then she's the boss.

Rascal

I hate to say this Mandie, but one of the reasons I came to NZ was because I thought (wrongly) that the kids would at least be able to afford their own home here-not so!
Prices have risen here so sharply this last 2-3 years, salaries have not. Unless your kids go to work in Europe or elsewhere, I am afraid they may find themselves still mortgaged up to the eyeballs here earning crap pathetic wages and paying a higher interest for the benefit of owning a wooden box.
I wished I had stayed in the comfort of my home in UK now I know what it is REALLY like living here.

Liz & Co

Mandie

STOP, just for a while!!

Get Christmas and the New Year out of the way and then do some serious thinking. I will PM you later.

Liz & Co

Am Loolah

Tough call Mandie, and I know how cross and independant you feel right now ... and bloody fuming that as you see it your dream has been denied. But ... who would honestly chose to make this journey alone??? We all know how tough it is, just to get the paperwork done in the UK, never mind going it alone on the other side of the world.

And, whilst you think long term it'll be better for your kids, there's no way a life without their Dad would be better if you can hold it together?

I met my hubby 19 years ago and found out he was born in NZ ... I started then, before we were a couple and way before we had kids, about how I couldn't understand why he would be here in the UK, when he could be on the other side of the world?

Been a couple for 16 years, 4 kids, married for 11 years and now we're going ... these things take time!!!

Don't split your family up ... family is sooooo important.

kwprwn

Absolutely, I agree, I met owen and we have been together 15 yrs and i have always known he wanted to come home, and for one reason or another we have never done anything about it until last year, and finally got her this year

it takes time as caroline says

danny.f

Mandie-I'm so sorry love. I hope he comes round eventually. Good luck-take care. xx

JoanMC

Rascal "you''',,, yours' is the most realistic reply (only my opinion) I have read on Mandie's plight...We have also been wrestling with the idea of re-locating for quite sometime but after driving around our Island (Isle of Wight) we cannot in all honesty say that we would be improving our View's (literally) or lifestyle..I feel that it is all about balance; if one lives in a sh1thole then the final decision would be easy...As I implied previously, perhaps the Roses are outside the front door..My feeling is that Mandie's Husband is not a twerp, but he certainly would be one if he chased the woman he married to the other side of the world because she wants to gamble her family's future on a Grass is Greener attitude...Keep the dream by all means, but again, stop to smell the Roses on this Sceptered Isle before pining for something that although is attainable, may not be all that it is cracked up to be...I have read a lot of postings regarding the tunnel vision of people that I would have to work with in NZ and if they are to be believed, we would not even be matching let alone improving our present quality of life..

claire hopkins

Hi Mandie,

You sound as pathetic as you like hon, I would be so so unforgiving at the moment. Hubby and I thought about emigrating 15 years ago and I told him I couldn't leave my family, (biggest mistake I ever made) here we are 15 years later doing our upmost to succeed (got a medical problem with my son) so at present going back and forth to medical assessors, (B***dy nightmare), we moved to Lincolnshire 3 years ago my brothers have never been to visit, my sister has been once and my Mum a few times (christ my sister only lives 90 miles away) and to top that we had only been here 13 days and my beloved stepdad died, from that moment on I have realised life is too too short and you have to live your lives not that of your parents it doesn't matter where in the world you live if things are gonna happen they will whether you are 2 hours away or 24 and there is nothing you can do to stop it, another thing my sister was widowed in April at the tender age of 43 now you tell me that life aint too short. Anyway enough of me going on, don't give up on your dream but make him suffer a little in the meantime.

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

Claire

sky

:scared: Noooooo Mandie don't do it, NZ is not worth your marriage being destroyed over!