DennisBergkamp

All was going well in NZ - applying for PR etc Passed my medical...

Then last week, out of the blue my MUM passed away in the UK. She was 52and died suddenly. I'm only 26, its just so hard to take in.

Finding an immediate flight was hard work and the 25 hour journey back was awful. I've never felt so helpless and alone before in all my life, so far away from my bro who was dealing with all this.

I'm in the UK now - but when i head back in a few weeks i'll apply for PR (ITA), but not sure if i'll end up staying long term

The last week has been the worst week of my life

Justcol

That must have been a terrible shock, really sorry to hear about your loss.

As a heads up for others there is repatriation insurance available for just such events
but i guess we dont often think about it.

scrubbedexpat094

Oh love, I'm so very, very sorry & saddened to hear of the loss of your dear Mum. How awful for you & your brother.

We were looking at having to fly back quickly last week too but have had better news. It's at times like this that you realise that NZ is a very long way away. People trot out the 24 hours stuff but in reality it's much longer than that when you're going through the worst situation in your life.

Now is not the time for making any big decisions. Be very gentle on yourself, my love. Remember the happy times you & your Mum shared & she will forever live on in your heart & your memories.

Much love to you & your brother. My thoughts are with you.

MrsFychan

How very awful for you, your brother as well as other members of your family.
Take your time, do what you have to do but know your mother would want you to do what is best for you in the long run.

BEVS

How sudden, shocking and awful and you are right, it is at times like this we find out how truly far away we are from our much loved immediate family.

I am so sorry for your sudden loss. She was far too young and is gone too soon.Without a doubt the worst week(s) of your lives.

You & your brother take care of each other .

Genesis

Dear Denis, it is impossible to even comprehend what you have been through along with your brother regarding such a loss. I am so sorry for you and hope that being with your brother at this time is some help for you. My MiLaw died young and VERY unexpectedly BUT Kate was in the UK at the time. It is at times like this that your family are so important eh?

I wish I could be of some practical help to you Denis. If there is anything any of us could do let us know eh? We have been able to help people before in times of need. Thinking of you, Dom.

PS Kate got some solace from this when her mum passed away.

She is not far,
She is always near,
In the memories that you hold so dear, in the hearts that still care,
In the love that still goes on,
She will never be far,
She will never be gone,
Forever in my memories, my mind and heart.

jmh

Very sorry to hear the sad news.

My parent's ill health was a significant factor in deciding to come back home. Even harder I think when it's so unexpected.

Best wishes.

Margaret Parkinson

I know just how you feel. We were in Tenerife when my Mum died. She died Monday morning but we could not get a flight home until Wednesday so as in your case my brother had to do the same.

I would like to think this is true.


Where do they go to, the people who leave?
Are they around us, in the cool evening breeze?
Do they still hear us, and watch us each day?
I'd like you to think of them with us that way.

Where do they go to, when no longer here?
I think that they stay with us, calming our fear
Loving us always, holding our hands
Walking beside us, on grass or on sand.

Where do they go to, well it's my belief
They watch us and help us to cope with our grief
They comfort and stay with us, through each of our days
Guiding us always through life's mortal maze.

June

luvwelly

That's awful for you. You are too young to lose your Mum and she was too young to die. These things happen while we are based abroad but not usually this quickly. You have been very unlucky. My OH has lost his Mum (but older) during our stay here. I have lost someone as well.
You may well feel that you want to be nearer the UK, just to be there for the rest of your extended family at this sad time. Don't make any hasty decisions but do what you feel is best for you and your loved ones long-term.
We will be leaving NZ soon (after 5 yrs) and I will be glad to be much nearer my elderly parents, my OH will be glad to be there more often for his widowed father (the one left behind).

You need to stay in NZ for 2 years after PR has been granted and then you get the PR Visa which allows you to come and go as you please based on the current law. You do not have to wait for citizenship (5 years post PR).

Take the time to grieve properly - she was your Mum . Guilt is a normal emotion for you to feel and it will pass with time. Best wishes.

Bo-Jangles

It must be awful and I feel for anyone in this situation. Take heart that losing your Mum is devastating no matter how old you are, how near or how far, or where you are in the world. So don't be hard on yourself for not being there

I remember one day trying to get fom one side of London to the other in a state of panic to get to a family member in an emergency situation. It was indeed the worst day of my life and seemed the longest and loneliest journey ever; it was as if someone had conspired to put every possible obstacle in the way to prevent me getting there.

You're head will be all over the place, so don't make any plans just yet. Take each day as it comes; it will take time to grieve and come to terms with this.

Stormer999

Dennis that is extremely bad news and must be hard to take in at her and your young age. My sympathies to you and all of the family.
I know it will not be of any help but my father died suddenly when I was away on holiday and I too felt far far away. I have since realised that his so sudden exit meant I was never going to be at his side. Only time will help now.

MnB

Very saddened by your news, take care of each other. I reiterate what previous posters have said...... thinking of you & your family, pm me if I can help at all while your in the UK.

Big hugs
B x

florabundi

Thinking of you and your family xx

selondon

Sorry to hear your terrible news. 4 years ago when we were in the UK my wife got the dreaded call telling her that her sister & niece had been killed whilst driving south just outside Dunedin. The trip over was rough with Val being numb all the way. Then when we arrived at Chch we were driven immediately to Dunedin where her mum was on her deathbed.
Must be an absolute nightmare for you getting the call we all dread. Stay strong and take one step at a time. Our thoughts are with you

jemima55

Popped in from the USA forum to say I am so sorry! 52 is so young! You are so young to be dealing with this. My thoughts are with you.
My hubby was about your age when he had to make that flight UK to OZ when his dad died (at 52, coincidentally). Be assured that you and your brothers were the chief joys of her life!