Matewx

Don't want to spread my (lately) negative thoughts BUT I wonder...

Is there any stats on couples breaking up when immigrating?

Let me explain myself...

OH works with two kiwis, both came over to London with wife/gf. After 2 yrs over here, the ladies just flew back to NZ leaving their longterm partners behind...
One of my friend recently moved to NZ with hubby n kids, they just broke up...
When I talk around, seems it happens to quite a few friends of friends...

See where am getting at? I assume that if things are not right when you move, then moving will add Xtra pressure n terminate it all. BUT then again, since when relationship are perfect?

Can you tell am freaking out here?? Clear danger of having TOO much time on my hands!

Genesis

Yes alas I know quite a few couples who have split up after the move..however there are loads that stay together. I think the ones who break up probably had big issues afore the move and part of the move (maybe) was in the hope that a new start may shore up the relationship....sometimes it does I guess..sometimes not. Best thing though is to be aware that this process can be very, very stressful..even loooong after you have arrived, thus as partners we need to be kind to our better halves..if we wanna keep 'em.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TeamEmbo

Sometimes you just have to ignore some of the crap that happens after emigrating and not take it personally. The culture shock and homesickness can affect people in different ways. You or your OH may become incredibly moody and unpredictable and say an awful lot of weird and hurtful things. You just have to remember you're both going through it together and be very kind to one another. It's only natural I guess to take it out on one another as you've not got your usual network of friends and support that you'd usually vent at. Oh and I mean verbal outbursts and moody behaviour before anyone thinks I'm condoning violence.

Just be kind and remember you've only got each other.

bourbon-biscuit

I think once you're 'out of context' all sorts of new possibilities come onto the horizon. I've heard and met many tales of post-emigration seperation. Doubly messy when there are kids involved.

Persephone

Hi
I guess it all depends on whether you are both equally as committed to the move and have both discussed the possible pitfalls involved. Make sure you both know what the other's fears are with the move, is it being so far from family and friends, starting again in a new country and so on.
My partner lives and lived in NZ and we discussed that I may feel homesick at times and miss family etc and as a result become withdrawn or snappy. He understands that and that he will have to bear with me for a while if it happens. Been fine so far but only been here 6months
It's a case of appreciating that the other may feel and react differently to the move and working together rather than let it pull you apart. Though it is right that if there are any unresolved issues in the relationship it is probably best to sort them out before emigrating.
Sounds like you need to relax and stop thinking too much-though that'll only happen once NZIS pull their fingers out and give you your blue stickers
Sue

jjthefridge

Hi,

We're not in the situation to apply yet, havn't lived together long enough, but we've been through quite alot so far, with ex causing problems, trying to sort my house, i've just gone through major problems at work, long and short i jacked in thursday gone, but start new job wednesday. I'd hate to up root girlfriend and kids for them to come back 6-12mnths later, but then i guess if people split after emigrating things weren't good before hand.

Think oh is worried that we'd go out with job offer and a employer would pull plug just before you start, or just after, but once we can apply it'll be speak to employers carefully, and make sure job is really secure, or as secure as can be.

changing subject, its warm and sunny in devon at moment, hopefully not going to be like previous years where summer becomes wet and horrible, and i've sold my boat, but been trying to sell it for quite a while.


j.j.

luvwelly

I think a lot depends whether you both were equally as keen to make the move in the first place... and the quality of the UK life you are gambling with for an unknown quantity in NZ.

If in the UK you depend on an extended support network of friends and relatives on a regular basis for your emotional wellbeing...rather than it coming mainly from your kids and partner, I think you will find it hard, because it will not be easy to find Kiwi equivalents for these people.
Throw financial problems into the mix and you potentially have a recipe for disaster.

From that it follows that you will be thrown together here far more than you may have been in UK and so if your relationship is not the strongest, it will magnify any existing problems.

It really does have to be a mutual decision to take this leap into the unknown...to stand the best chance of success.

crap coffee

I totally agree with luvwelly.

You better think twice. You know it ain't easy - the worst case scenario what can happen?

We seperated, because of the move, simply - No other reasons.

I was utterly devastated. I couldn't go to work, eat, and sleep for a while ...when he returned to the UK.

am still thinking about this everyday -- Damn it. We should just have stayed in Edinburgh!... then I'd be still with him (very happily)...

One of the biggest regrets of my life is giving up my partner - a trade-off between my job and my loved one. How silly is that!

Either way you have to option, you can let it ruin your life (like mine) or you can fight it. .... life isn't always sweet...

Good luck.

Plaisir d’amour ne dure qu’un moment.
Chagrin d’amour dure toute la vie.

The joy of love is but a moment long;
The pain of love endures a whole life long.

Batty

Don't overthink things! If you're ok now, the chances are fairly high that you'll be ok a couple of years down the immigration trail. If you're not - it's like thinking a baby will 'make everything better'.

Am Loolah

Awww Libby - that's pants. Cyber Hugs is all I can offer - crap I know.

If anyone has any hints on how I can get rid of my partner, please PM me ...

Bellasmum

Matewx it's a bit like buying a car as I see it.

My OH bought me a newer model car. I had never seen one like it ever until then and certainly not one the colour of the one he bought.

Within days they seemed to be everywhere, same colour and all.

When things come into our sphere that we have never thought of before sure we must consider them and the potholes in the road they bring, but they don't have to be our reality.

Call me crazy if you wish, but my life leads me to believe that we should never ever under estimate the power of our thoughts.

Seems to me those we send out comes back one way or another and even good experiences can create a lot of stress that can test our relationships etc.

http://www.stresstips.com/lifeevents.htm

But enough of me. IMHO Persephone and her partner have got it right.

Charismatic

I've never been one for the emotional attachment thing but it seems to me (as said above) that people who slip often have prior problems. Perhaps they think that changing geographical locations will make all their problems go away but...alas this is not usually the case.

That said there are some very lovely kiwi girls out there and not much "competition" amongst the local boys. I can see how temptation could arise for a foreign boy (thats my excuse anyway and I'm sticking to it ).

crap coffee

Whatever the reasons, breaking up is never fun. It is very difficult to lose someone who was such a big part of your life. (We were together for over 5 years so, and I never imagined that such a thing could happen to me)

Bellasmum

Yes it is tough Libby (somehow crap coffee doesn't suit you and it can play a big role in the kind of future live we choose for ourselves.

Girls especially tend to have really unrealistic views of what relationships and marriage are like. Only know that because I was a young gal once

Trouble is real relationships and marriages take a lot of hard work by both parties.

Take care.

bourbon-biscuit

That's a top post Bellasmum.

Compromise too, that's key to long term relationship success.