dannigirl

Hi all,

Not expecting an answer but just thought putting my thoughts down might help me to clarify some things in my head.

Background info: I am a 33 year old kiwi living in London. Came here in 2002 for my OE, main reason to gain work experience. Never planned to stay as long but 7 years has gone very quickly. Met and married a Welshman, we now have a six month old baby girl. We live in Streatham (not great but not awful either), I have met loads of local mums and have friends through work etc. Recession has hit us quite hard, hubby's earnings are down from last year, he earns a good basic but job has commission element which is way down. I am on maternity leave also so things will pick up financially when I am back at work later in the year.

The original plan was to move to Cardiff as this is where the bulk of in-law family are, however, this is not possible due to the job market there for hubby. His job is a real London job based in the city, could move to Cardiff but would never be as lucrative. We are fine with leaving the London bubble of good wages etc in exhange for a better quality of life.

We have begun thinking about moving to NZ, have been doing quite alot of research (you all depress me very much!!!! apart from Genesis...I love your posts) and in my mind coming back with anything less than £100k would be silly. Not sure what hubby's earning potential is in NZ as commission again would be an element of his earnings, but would certainly be looking at $75,000-80,000 minimum. I work as a social worker here but would not do this at home for various reasons (it would have to be the PERFECT job). I have a job here I really enjoy but does not really exist in NZ. I would work in NZ probably not full time to begin with but eventually would.

We don't plan to stay in London long term but would be prepared to stay here for another couple of years to set ourselves up either in Cardiff or NZ (prob Wellington).

I am settled here and think I would enjoy living in Cardiff esp to be near family for support (practical and emotional), however I do at times feel like I will never fit in totally in the UK. I just don't fit in culturally. Welsh family life is quite similar to kiwi life but there always seems to be a bit missing for me...food is different, humour is different, the crowds do my head in, nothing is easy here for me, life can be complicated. I like being near Europe but it is not enough for me to want to stay, my passion for travel is in South East Asia (this is true for hubby also, although he does love Europe). My hubby is the youngest of six children (yes strong RC family) but he is much younger than his siblings, therefore all of his brother's have kids who are much older than our little one, and they are approaching the age where they are all doing their own thing. We have a new baby and we are kind of stuck in the middle of nowhere, our nieces and nephews are only just a few years younger than us and are off doing their OE or living in London etc...not having children yet. We would be fine in Cardiff but I am not sure if I would love my life there.

I am a typical one eyed kiwi , I love my country very very much but I do know all of the pitfalls and downsides through and through. I am in two minds about moving back home, as I know my husband may experience all the feelings I am having now!!! I have also spent a long time away and know it will be difficult to adjust, however I do love the thought of how life can be much easier/simpler and our quality of life would be better on the whole! Family support would be good in NZ, although we would probably live in Wellington and my family are in Dunedin, my sis is single and has a well paid job so would be able to visit us lots and I dream of driving holidays down in the South Island (which I LOVE). None of my family are extremely well off but they have all managed to travel over to see us, but paying for a whole family is different to just one person!
I don't think we can realistically go back until we set ourselves up financially and in my mind this means about £100k to go back with for a good deposit on a house and some money in the bank for trips back to the UK. House prices are very high in Wellington (although not as much as in London) and we don't want to be stuck in NZ and not be able to do anything, although I managed just fine when I was living there albeit in Dunedin which is much lower in terms of living costs etc.

So, we have a big list of pros and cons for each place. Hubby is keen to move to NZ but as keen to stay in the UK, I know what it is like to live in both places. What do you do when you can see good and bad in both places??? Will hubby miss all the UK things as much as I miss the NZ things....do we decide on what is best for our kids. I say NZ for lifestyle but then will my children be like me and end up moving overseas to do their OE and not coming back!!!

Anyway, just rambling. Well done if you have read this far. Any thoughts appreciated - please be nice. We are trying to discuss but at some point I need a goal to work towards, whether that is in the UK or NZ not sure!!

Thanks

Dannigirl

Browner_

Id be a bit reluctant to come with less than 100 grand certainly, probably not with less than 150 grand.

Is it the right time for your husband to leave a stable job in London??? Depends on his occupation and how certain he is of getting something in Welly.

Has hubby been to NZ? People who live in London and like travelling in Europe and Asia could have a bit of a culture shock when they move to remote Wellington and perhaps havent got the time or money to escape like they used to.

Dont listen to Genesis too much, he'll have you living in a paddock in Palmy North, with two chickens and a sheep for xmas.

Genesis

Dont listen to Genesis too much, he'll have you living in a paddock in Palmy North, with two chickens and a sheep for xmas.[/QUOTE]

Just the sheep...the chooks will be Xmas lunch.

Browner_

That didnt take u long!

dannigirl

Good thoughts Browner. Hubby has been to NZ, and loved it but tis very different living there....I certainly know that!

We have just been discussing the culture shock actually, small minds, people who have never travelled, small town gossip culture....all valid points wherever you.....esp the Welsh valleys!!!

We are definite on one thing, London is not for us long term at all. Too big, too many people, too little space, our quality of life is not good only millions of £s would fix this so we could live is some big old drum and travel where we wanted when we wanted!

We are thinking at least two years, his job is stable at the moment but has just had to take a pay cut...who knows what the future holds.

I do wonder if both of us will miss the buzz and anonymity of London (which I love) but we don't get to experience the greath things about London as much as we are now parents and our social life is pretty non-existent at the moment anyway.

I just think on a day to day level our lives will be easier in NZ, but and it is a pretty big but...we would need to be financially secure in NZ. I don't ever want to live in NZ and not be able to afford to come back to the UK if we need to...although having said that we can't afford to travel back to NZ at the moment!!!

PS I wouldn't mind being stuck in the wop wops for xmas - we used to go camping in Omakau every xmas...nothing like a spitroast chicken and ham for xmas dinner...hubby might be another story!!!

Browner_

Yeah but Genesis lives there ALL year!

God, I have some issues with NZ, but Im not sure I fancy bringing up kids in Streatham I have to say.

dannigirl

You are right, I would not choose to raise my child/ren in Streatham...thing is all the young professionals are all priced out of Balham and Clapham so more moving over this way....things are slowly improving but not enough for me. No costa coffee as yet....ha ha....apparently that is how you know you've finally surpassed up and coming...when you have a starbucks and costa on the high st. Still I am NOT prepared to pay close £300- £400k for an average three bed house in Streatham...£500 - 600 in other areas! You might have a lovely (warm...btw I hate central heating, nothing wrong with a bit of cold air) house but lifestyle in London is v v difficult for me to adjust to long term

Am Loolah

We had our first two children whilst we were living in London. I was born and bred London (well, I was bought up there from 6 weeks old ) and have to say I do love London. We thought we were doing the right thing for us by moving out of London, thinking the kids would have a better life. So we moved to the back of beyond - Cornwall. Talk about insular and small minded ... We stuck it for 10 years and for the last 3 of those 10 I'd never been so miserable.

We then decided to move, but where? We could move further down Cornwall nearer to the "city" and the kids' school, back to London or to NZ where my Husband is from. Well, I figured there was little point moving further in to Cornwall. I was tempted back to London but by then we had 4 kids and to be honest it would have been such a change in lifestyle for them with what we could have afforded back in the Big Smoke that NZ seemed like a plan!

We took a 3 week campervan holiday in NZ which was such fun and that as they say was that! A year after returning from our hols we moved here. It has worked out brilliantly for us and we all love it here.

What I am trying to say is maybe try Wales for a couple of years and then rethink NZ when you are looking for a change again? You may not, you may love Wales. Only you can decide. But I know it's a heck of alot easier to move within the UK than overseas!

Good luck whatever you decide.

irnbru14

Hi Danni, its a hell of a dilema, you now have options on where you guys want to live and where best to bring up a family and sounds like the end of your London stint is coming on the horizon so what to do next. Having been in Cardiff about 3 weeks ago I can honestly say that I would rather live in Wellington, not dissing Cardiff in any way but would rather be here.

You will have to remember just how remote living in NZ is, especially for holidays with a young child, Aussie is 3 and a half hours away, its not like hoping on a plane or the Eurostar to the continent for a weekend away, will be a bit of a culture shock I suspect, especially when coming from London. You do swap that huge metropolis kind of annoymity for Wellington which feels like a big town at times (much like Edinburgh where I am from) and always bumping into people you know, which I think is a good thing to be honest

Remember you trade that big city living for the amazing outdoors of NZ, though the shopping will depress you when you come back!!

Why not come over and rent for 6 or a year til you work out if this is what you want to do, yes come over with cash in the bank should you want to put a big deposit on a house but don't jump straight away, see if this is really what both of you want first before getting tied down by property, as you say travelling through and across this lovely nation is different to actually living somewhere.

Good luck with whatever you decide on and just rememeber you can't beat Wellington on a good day

southerner

Hi Dannigirl

I'm a bit like you - trained and worked in Dunedin, started the OE, but instead married a brit and lived the good life in London. We moved to Dunedin when the kids were coming up to school age (back in 2003). We have settled in really well and Dunedin suits us really well. The missus obviously misses (no pun intended) her family, but in other ways is even better settled here than I am.

Not sure if any of this is relevant to your own circumstances (apart from the Dunedin connection) but thought I'd say Hi, and good luck with the decision making and all that!

Also, can I ask what reason you are leaning towards Wellington rather than Dunedin where you have a family and network already?

Jay-Producer

Hi Dani,


Me and my partner have lived in London, I lived their for 5-years. We are currently living in Auckland and are moving back to the UK, Cardiff this time.

So from that short introduction id say I would be a decent position to offer advice.

I have done a comparison thread for NZ V UK so read that. Cardiff at the moment is building one of the largest shopping centres in the UK. So being a female you would love it
Cardiff council have spent £1billion on re-developing the city of Cardiff. The bay has been re-vamped and the city centre will have some of a make-over near the shopping centre. Plenty of sources online about this.

I hate London, its too busy, too many arrogant people - I just cant stand the place. Great for jobs and prospects but that's it I'm afraid. Although the night life is great in London. I would choose Cardiff over London but then again I have never been to Cardiff I just hate London. Lower crime rates are one reason, its also cheaper to live in Cardiff. It's small and close to London if you want to pop through to see friends or family.

I would say stay in the UK but that's your choice as you have a big dilemma. If your family are important to you and they live in NZ then NZ would be the choice. But if you can live without your family and you have a good network of friends then perhaps Cardiff might be an option. Then you need to find a job which is hard I know. My comparison thread will explain why I prefer the UK over NZ any time of the day. But thats my opinion.

Sue

Just a reminder from the site rules: -
Thanks for reading.

Sue

this charming man

xxx

dannigirl

Thanks for your all your comments.

Loolah, sound advice but when you say move to Cardiff then if doesn't work out try NZ...I have this yelling inside me saying nooooooo. Mmm maybe I do know what I want to do.

IRN - I really do remember how isolated NZ is, I am not bothered about that but then hubby may be a different story. The way of life is so different in NZ, more relaxed and chilled out, I remember not wanting the exotic holidays that I crave here because you just need to get away from London. Most people I know here live for their holidays, it is the only thing that gets them through the year. How depressing is it now that most people have to holiday in Britain. I have to say though Britain is an amazing country, but just doesn't have the weather unfortunately.
It is different to take your spouse out of their comfort zone (although he is very keen). I hate the thought that one of us will may always have to compromise....or we may not, we may both love it in NZ. Trials and tribulations of marrying someone from another country!! TBH what freaks me out the most is that bumping into people you know (all the time). Typical kiwi here, anti social at times (comes with the isolation don't you know) but that is something I have to get over. I love the anonymity of London but am tired of just being a number and not having that community feeling. Shopping - I am sure I will miss it, but think I will adapt very quickly. Don't get me wrong I love the variety here but not enough of a reason to stay!! ha ha. I think you are right about the renting thing too, we need to take the plunge at some time and I guess wanting to be financially secure is so if we did want to go back to the UK we would have some money to go back with. Very expensive mistake but better than taking nothing back with us!!

Southerner - We don't think Dunedin would suit us short term due to hubby's job. He is a recruitment consultant (an honest, nice one!!!!). He does legal recruitment and am pretty sure his job will not transfer to Dunedin. We could be convinced to move to Dunedin for a business opportunity but still it would be a huge culture shock London to Dunedin - for both of us.

Thanks all,
Dannigirl

here to stay

Hi
just like to say i lived in the Welsh Valleys for 36 years before we moved out here.Our son was 2 when we moved (now 6) and i am so glad we have done.
Wales will always be home, but i am too settled and happy with the life style here in NZ to draw me back "home".One thing that has helped me here is the fact that both parts of the world are so alike,green hills and so on..
Good luck in what ever you decide...