c_wal10

Hi, its been a while since I last posted and not sure if I'm allowed to post here or if there's somewhere else.
We moved to NZ in Aug 2013 started off in Gisborne and then moved down to Kaikoura. It was my husbands idea to move, he's a farmer and thought the NZ way of farming was much better. Anyhow in April 2015 he decided he wasn't happy and wanted to return home. We had got residency at this point, and nice job, house and friends. I was devastated and 22 weeks pregnant when we left NZ back to the UK.
We are now once again in a nice job, house and making friends but no matter what I miss NZ. It's really dragging me down. I know I should be happy because of what we have is great but still I'd swap it any day to move back. I can't talk to anyone cos they don't understand and after the recent earthquake even think I'm crazy (our house in Kaikoura is now in 2 pieces).
a few months ago hubs said that if in 10years time I still wanted to go back then he'd consider it. I told him I can't wait 10 years on countdown, plus then its more difficult with the kids and getting residency cos of our age and that.
I just don't know what to do and wondered if anyone has/ is in a similar situation and can offer me some advice.
Thanks

MrsFychan

sounds very similar to a dear friend of mine, she was also pregnant and doubting her return to UK. She also lived upper SI. she is now with family, husband a kiwi so no real visa problem, in the Kapiti area and very happy. but her return was a return to her previous life in UK, same area etc.
I personally would say look at the reasons you left in the first place. why do you think you are missing NZ, what is it you are missing? think objectively what you would be feeling if you had still been in Kaikoura, which yes is still having major quakes, last night, 5.1 strong,
sounds like your move back has been a successful one.

Genesis

I feel for you, I shall be quite blunt too. I think your husband is totally unreasonable. I cannot fathom his selfish attitude. He had the idea to come, then he has the idea to leave!! Hardly democratic is it?

I admit I cajoled my wife to move to NZ. She had never been. I had. We were disillusioned with our careers, where we lived and felt that somewhere would be better for our 3 very young kids.

My now ex wife got a job in NZ. We have been here 12 years now. I did feel like returning back in the early days but vowed I would only return if it was what my ex wife wanted. We stayed. My attitude was that as it was my idea, I had to lay in the bed that I have very purposely made.

Your husband seems to only consider his needs. The 10 year thing is unreasonable. He is unreasonable. Personally I would not put up with it, but that is easier said than done.

I suggest you try to negotiate with him. What kind of future will you have if he continues his dictatorial behaviour? It won't be a good and fair relationship for you I fear.

My ex wife finally thanked me in Feb 2016 for making the move, saying NZ really is home now!! It takes a decade I reckon to really get your feet under the proverbial table in a new country. I wish you well and hope your husband stops his unreasonable behaviour. The very best of luck to you my dear.

Your small person will have a wonderful life in NZ if you manage to return. I really think NZ is the best place on earth to raise a child.

Robbie2010

Genesis, he's not being unreasonable .. its just a case of either him being miserable in NZ or her being miserable in the UK.
The only people who can sort it out is them and not an expat forum.

Genesis

Sorry I disagree, he was the one who got them over there and then HE was the one who decided to return. Seems like he has to have his way. Stuff what his partner wants. That is not fair in my books. As I said when you make a bed you should be prepared to lie in it. Life is not perfect. But this bloke wants to call all the important decisions. What next? He wants to go to Canada? And when that does not float his boat he will drag his family somewhere else. Totally selfish. I guess we will beg to differ.

She has not asked anyone to 'sort it out'. She has asked for advice. You could say the same about lots of posts on this site where folk ask for advice. I think we all realise its only them that can sort it.

Robbie2010

And of course you know his side of the story because?

Genesis

We beg to differ. I am okay with that, how about you? There is not much more you or I can add. We just have differing opinions. Nothing wrong with that eh? I have no idea why you think I seem to know his side of the story. All I know (with the information provided thus far by his wife) is that he had the idea to go to NZ, he then decided (because HE was unhappy) that the family should leave Aotearoa, much to the chagrin of his wife. When someone tells me or updates me with 'he moved back to the UK to nurse an aged, ailing relative' or some such, my opinion is that he is a selfish individual who likes getting his way with no thought for his partner. Peace.

simonsi

Good post. I agree.