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is it mean't to feel like this?

is it mean't to feel like this?

Old Jun 2nd 2010, 11:59 pm
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Default is it mean't to feel like this?

HI eveyone,

I moved to NZ on the 1st April 2010 me, my hubby, two little girls and the following day our dalmatian flew out so far so good at that point!
Pickfords had packed up the house the week before and we were sharing a container so therefore told we would be looking at 11-15 weeks ( informed that this was a conservative estimate and should be sooner), great we thought!

So we arrived, we live in torbay (North shore) in a beautiful rental which allowed our pooch with long bay beach 5 mins walk away beautiful! The girls started school and love it! husband and dog living the dream!

I get to the big however! i dont want to sound like a whinging pom but i feel really sad, I am missing friends and family and despite this idilic lifestyle i feel really down. I have no desire to get a plane back to the UK at all and seeing my girls truely feel at home is wonderful.

I work out west so travel is not easy although i am sometimes based up north which helps. Hubby not got a job yet, and then to top it off found out that our stuff only left the UK on the 25th may!!!!!! and is changing ships during the journey! thanks pickfords UK for not telling me anything but Pickfords NZ told me the day it left - yep 9 weeks after it was packed away!

I guess this is a major part of feeling sad as i have not got my things, kids have not got all their toys, we have no computer etc have to go to the library! we have spent so much on getting things so we can at least be comfortable and lots of expats have borrowed us some things, but my house does not feel like home despite sea views etc

I have heard people say the first 6 months are not easy and certainly i am feeling that at the moment. I try and look on the bright side and think the family are happy, i have a good job, but i still have this saddness within me

anyone experienced similar or do i need to just get a grip?
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 12:39 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

Sorry you are feeling low. It does take months to settle and although possessions are just ‘stuff’, having familiar things around will help.

You’ve also come at a bad time of year. A lot of people get SAD at this time of year especially as unlike the Northern Hemisphere there is no Christmas to look forward to in the middle of winter…just 2-3 months of ‘head down – get through it’ punctuated by some nice bright days.

However it does get better. Honestly, little by little you will build up a circle of mates and start filling you life with activities.

I know people will disagree with me and I know that the first 6 months are hard on the pocket anyway BUT whilst you have no possessions and are renting a house there is less demand on your time for maintenance and so on so my advice is to spend some time and money and treat yourself to getting out and about and finding out why it was you came here in the first place. In other words…do things with the family….even simple things and just enjoy being here.

Chin up and best of luck
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 1:13 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

Originally Posted by Wooly_Cow View Post
Sorry you are feeling low. It does take months to settle and although possessions are just ‘stuff’, having familiar things around will help.

You’ve also come at a bad time of year. A lot of people get SAD at this time of year especially as unlike the Northern Hemisphere there is no Christmas to look forward to in the middle of winter…just 2-3 months of ‘head down – get through it’ punctuated by some nice bright days.

However it does get better. Honestly, little by little you will build up a circle of mates and start filling you life with activities.

I know people will disagree with me and I know that the first 6 months are hard on the pocket anyway BUT whilst you have no possessions and are renting a house there is less demand on your time for maintenance and so on so my advice is to spend some time and money and treat yourself to getting out and about and finding out why it was you came here in the first place. In other words…do things with the family….even simple things and just enjoy being here.

Chin up and best of luck
Thanks, that is sound advice
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 1:16 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

U are not on ur own, recently i have been having a hard time with the place and TBH i have the best lifestyle over here we are short of nothing, but it,s like u say the pull of friends and family is strong. I have no real advise for u just knowing that u are not on ur own may help a little ?

Neil
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 1:18 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

Originally Posted by forshy View Post
HI eveyone,

I moved to NZ on the 1st April 2010 me, my hubby, two little girls and the following day our dalmatian flew out so far so good at that point!
Pickfords had packed up the house the week before and we were sharing a container so therefore told we would be looking at 11-15 weeks ( informed that this was a conservative estimate and should be sooner), great we thought!

So we arrived, we live in torbay (North shore) in a beautiful rental which allowed our pooch with long bay beach 5 mins walk away beautiful! The girls started school and love it! husband and dog living the dream!

I get to the big however! i dont want to sound like a whinging pom but i feel really sad, I am missing friends and family and despite this idilic lifestyle i feel really down. I have no desire to get a plane back to the UK at all and seeing my girls truely feel at home is wonderful.

I work out west so travel is not easy although i am sometimes based up north which helps. Hubby not got a job yet, and then to top it off found out that our stuff only left the UK on the 25th may!!!!!! and is changing ships during the journey! thanks pickfords UK for not telling me anything but Pickfords NZ told me the day it left - yep 9 weeks after it was packed away!

I guess this is a major part of feeling sad as i have not got my things, kids have not got all their toys, we have no computer etc have to go to the library! we have spent so much on getting things so we can at least be comfortable and lots of expats have borrowed us some things, but my house does not feel like home despite sea views etc

I have heard people say the first 6 months are not easy and certainly i am feeling that at the moment. I try and look on the bright side and think the family are happy, i have a good job, but i still have this saddness within me

anyone experienced similar or do i need to just get a grip?
Forshy
Hi, well atleast you don't want to return home!! You have only been here 2 months so I would imagine your emotions are on a roller coaster. Be kind to yourself. To a degree you may be in mourning for your 'old life'. I remember my excitement with the move to NZ..I was sooooooooo excited and still am to a degree, we bought an awesome house days within getting here and within 3 weeks we were in our dream home. I remember bursting out into hysterical crying a day later thinking of the huge steps we had taken. My emotions were all over the place. I miss much of the Uk but realise my kids have such a wonderful life here NZ is soo the right place to be. I have never regreted the quick purchase as we have what I would consider as the perfect neighbourhood to live in (whilst Palmy is a tad dull when compared to places like Northland it will have to do for now). So you don't need to get a grip I would say its all natural and they reckon it takes atleast 2 years to be really settled. What we have done is quite a large undertaking aye?? Good luck and remember be kind to yourself!!
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 1:31 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

I can only reiterate what others have said, be kind to yourself and know that what you are feeling is entirely normal. Given time things will begin to slot into place, but many of us have been through the exact same emotional rollercoasster that you are going through now. Take your time, try and focus on why you made the move and don't beat yourself up. Evertyhing is new and unfamiliar but every day will bring more experiences and things will become easier. Just go with the flow.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 2:23 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

For me it wasn't having my own things but having my own place.

I'd never lived in rented accommodation before and although the place was nice it never felt like a "home".

After 3 months I'd bought my own place (still had nothing in it) and I felt much more settled. 2 weeks after that all my stuff arrived and everything was hunky dory.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 2:28 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

I would agree with what everyone else has said. Firstly 2 months is nothing, these things take time, especially when it is the complete unknown. Hopefully through your work you may start to mingle and be able to socialise and start the beginnings of a support network.

It's great that the kids are settled and happy and that must be a blessing.

The bummer is your container, but unfortunately there's not a lot you can do about that. As others said try and get out and about with the family and explore places so you spend less time in the rental looking at the bare walls! It always helps in settlement terms if you start to have things like a favourite cafe for brunch on a weekend, a favourite walk with the dog, a favourite bar for a vat of wine ...

You definately don't sound like a whinging pom, it's just baby steps ...

Hope you perk up soon.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 5:55 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

The short answer is yes, it feels like that for a lot of us. Hang in there, it will get better
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 7:20 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

Can't help with the feelings, but just wanted to wish you well
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 7:33 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

Originally Posted by bourbon-biscuit View Post
The short answer is yes, it feels like that for a lot of us. Hang in there, it will get better
Succinct as always. I agree.

It is totally normal to feel as you do. Goodness. Some days I still feel just the same. All I can say is that it does ease with time.
I do actually think that it says something about you as a person. You care. You love and you mourn what has been left behind. I think that is healthy and normal.

Join our club. You are a normal , healthy , happy, caring , loving person.

Whinge here anytime you need to. It's what it is all about really. Help and support.

Other than that. See you in the Kiwi Bar.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 9:14 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

I'd agree with everyone else... When we first landed here (Sep 2009) everything was wonderful... things rapdily went downhill (in terms of missing "home" and everything that went with it) and christmas was appalling - no matter what anyone says christmas at the height of summer when you've grown up with white christmas' - is just fundamentally wrong....

Had it not been for the wife having secured a job to start Feb 2010 (and the fact that our container was already half way to us), we absolutely would have packed our bags and gone back to the UK... we were depressed, lonely, finding it difficult to forge new friendships, living in a rental with just camping equipment to live off, sleep on, eat with, and four beanbags as a sofa...

...but you know what? Everyone is right, they're right above and they were right when they told me the same earlier this year... it does get better and having your stuff arrive, getting it unpacked and in situ (although we've STILL not unpacked everything) helps enormously... we've now got lots of friends, seem to be making more on an almost daily basis, we're regularly at other people's houses for dinner, or having guests over to ours and although I still have those days where I think I absolutely want to go back to the UK I have far more days when I can't ever contemplate going back - and we've just actually been talking tonight about whether we should now be considering applying for residency (something we'd previously shelved as we were so unhappy here).

Hang in there and give it more time... it may not seem like it right now... but it will come good.

(For the record, we are now looking forward to Christmas this year... now that we know what to expect from the local community (almost no recognition of Xmas whatsoever) we're ready to step up to the mark and make christmas our own!!!)

Last edited by thedtb; Jun 3rd 2010 at 9:17 am.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 11:05 am
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

Originally Posted by thedtb View Post
I'd agree with everyone else... When we first landed here (Sep 2009) everything was wonderful... things rapdily went downhill (in terms of missing "home" and everything that went with it) and christmas was appalling - no matter what anyone says christmas at the height of summer when you've grown up with white christmas' - is just fundamentally wrong....

Had it not been for the wife having secured a job to start Feb 2010 (and the fact that our container was already half way to us), we absolutely would have packed our bags and gone back to the UK... we were depressed, lonely, finding it difficult to forge new friendships, living in a rental with just camping equipment to live off, sleep on, eat with, and four beanbags as a sofa...

...but you know what? Everyone is right, they're right above and they were right when they told me the same earlier this year... it does get better and having your stuff arrive, getting it unpacked and in situ (although we've STILL not unpacked everything) helps enormously... we've now got lots of friends, seem to be making more on an almost daily basis, we're regularly at other people's houses for dinner, or having guests over to ours and although I still have those days where I think I absolutely want to go back to the UK I have far more days when I can't ever contemplate going back - and we've just actually been talking tonight about whether we should now be considering applying for residency (something we'd previously shelved as we were so unhappy here).

Hang in there and give it more time... it may not seem like it right now... but it will come good.

(For the record, we are now looking forward to Christmas this year... now that we know what to expect from the local community (almost no recognition of Xmas whatsoever) we're ready to step up to the mark and make christmas our own!!!)
NZ xmas's are crap if you have had 45 cold ones!. You will most likely be also suffering from culture shock ( I did) if you have recently arrived in NZ, unless you have lived here before you have no idea of what living (not holidaying) in Nz is like. Nz is soooooooooooooooooooooo far removed from the UK it may aswell be another planet. For me the only similarities are driving on the same side and the lingo, that is where it ends..the rest is alien.
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 12:04 pm
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

You don't sound nothing like a whingingpom

From what I've read homesickness and a sense of disorientation is pretty normal in the circumstances.

You're all upside down now after all!

Chin-up! or down, or whatever.

WP
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Old Jun 3rd 2010, 8:05 pm
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Default Re: is it mean't to feel like this?

Originally Posted by Robbie2010 View Post
For me it wasn't having my own things but having my own place.

I'd never lived in rented accommodation before and although the place was nice it never felt like a "home".

After 3 months I'd bought my own place (still had nothing in it) and I felt much more settled. 2 weeks after that all my stuff arrived and everything was hunky dory.


yeah i get that! as we have never rented either and i feel frustrated at not being able to hand pictures etc not that i have any..............Pickfords!
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