Making friends
Sep 6th 2015, 4:03 am
#46
.
Joined: Jun 2010
Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Making friends
Thank you for your comments.
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I have sent you a PM.
Sep 6th 2015, 9:14 pm
#47
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 67
Re: Making friends
I've been the new person a few times.
In the UK. I could easily copy some of your statements and replace the word "Kiwi" with "Brit".
But it's not about the nation. It could be any.
But you'll often be a new person entering a small community of people who've know each other for decades. They know each other's parents and siblings. They might be curious about you but ultimately, your need for new friends is far greater than theirs. They might not even want new friends.
Which often leads to the well known "foreigners stick together". Yup, they often do, because they feel they can't break into natives' circles and at the same time, other foreigners are in the same position so sympathise and can identify; they need friends too.
So you spin in circles.
Think about this:
1. try to understand WHY it's hard to break into circles. When you understand why it is the way it is, you'll find it easier to identify people who want new friends and what they need.
2. different nations/individuals socialise in different ways and have different needs. You might be looking for friends in general but most people around you have those already. Different people have different approaches too. I've had people invite me for holidays after talking to them twice and I've had some who've not invited me to their house after months or even a year of knowing them/being friends. We are all weird in our own ways.
3. be yourself. It might not get you loads of friends but it will get you the right ones: the ones who'll like you. Do the things you like. When you find people with mutual interests, you found potential friends. Linda Brown might not be looking for someone to have coffee with but maybe she needs a pal at metafit to keep her motivated.
Don't give up though. Sometimes it's easier to meet potential friends online, on FB or forums like this, break the ice and suggest a coffee...
In the UK. I could easily copy some of your statements and replace the word "Kiwi" with "Brit".
But it's not about the nation. It could be any.
But you'll often be a new person entering a small community of people who've know each other for decades. They know each other's parents and siblings. They might be curious about you but ultimately, your need for new friends is far greater than theirs. They might not even want new friends.
Which often leads to the well known "foreigners stick together". Yup, they often do, because they feel they can't break into natives' circles and at the same time, other foreigners are in the same position so sympathise and can identify; they need friends too.
So you spin in circles.
Think about this:
1. try to understand WHY it's hard to break into circles. When you understand why it is the way it is, you'll find it easier to identify people who want new friends and what they need.
2. different nations/individuals socialise in different ways and have different needs. You might be looking for friends in general but most people around you have those already. Different people have different approaches too. I've had people invite me for holidays after talking to them twice and I've had some who've not invited me to their house after months or even a year of knowing them/being friends. We are all weird in our own ways.
3. be yourself. It might not get you loads of friends but it will get you the right ones: the ones who'll like you. Do the things you like. When you find people with mutual interests, you found potential friends. Linda Brown might not be looking for someone to have coffee with but maybe she needs a pal at metafit to keep her motivated.
Don't give up though. Sometimes it's easier to meet potential friends online, on FB or forums like this, break the ice and suggest a coffee...
