Bumptious

Even though I have lived in NZ since the 80s, my family and I moved to new town 11 years ago where we only knew my inlaws. However as my youngest was at kindy and the eldest at primary school that is where I have made friends. Two in particular are still really close to me and we hang out on weekends or during the week if we are around - they are both kiwis. Also I have made two English friends dog walking but it took a year or so of meetups for us to get really pally.
Just depends on your personality and I do believe it is what you put out there. I am quite gregarious and a chatterbox so that helps I suppose.
I also have two other close friends one English and one Australian that I met through work and a common interest in Greyhounds.
Good luck and don't give up trying, most people are quite open I find as long as the friendship doesn't encroach on their lives too much and they have the time (people are so busy these days).

LauraNotts

I'm not naturally outgoing and I'm a (more than a) little eccentric but I have gone fine too it's just a matter of being yourself and taking the time.

dannigirl

No, I said maybe you need to take a look at yourself, you know, be introspective and not blame others/things/a country. What do you bring to this recurring theme?

Because clearly what you are doing is not working. Because your incessant whining about it being down to dumb kiwis not getting your obvious superior intellect, dazzling wit, humour and personality, as well as your superior work ethic and ability is boring.

Pom_Chch

Right

Snap Shot

I'm not excluded from an opinion about Kiwis or anyone else or anything else for that matter just because I'm married to a New Zealander.

Re: work. I could quote from an excellent reference from the boss I reported to during a temporary work booking last year but I don't see why I should justify myself.

BEVS

It is , isn't it.

It all takes time and I suppose, a bit of effort on both sides.

If you click , then you click. If you don't, you don't.

It also depends on how you see or feel about friendship, friends, acquaintances and the like I suppose.

I would add that blanket covering an entire nation as hard work is bound to bring out counter opinions. Thar is because it is a sweeping statement.

Far better to say, I am in Nz and have not found anyone like me that I can click with.

Also, I do understand that it is not nice to read about your own countrymen in an uncomplimentary light. Bit like having to hear the 'whingingPom ' thing every moment one expresses something less than rosy about any part of an NZ life .

Look. Let's move on can we, coz I love you all in my own way.

apologies to the NZ mods. You are having a lovely NZ evening & not online.

So . Making friends for the OP.

dannigirl

Yes and most of us have a filter in our brain that tells us what might be inappropriate. No-one says you're not entitled to an opinion. You were rude and insulting. End of.

BEVS

I think we cross posted. I was hoping to guide the topic back to 'Making Friends'

Rather than slag this off in this way and losing the help for the OP , please report any inappropriate posts.

Thanks

BEVS

I will add here that it would be better for the thread to remain open for the OP with regard to making friends in a new country , rather than it be closed because it is turned into something else.

Thanks

& with apologies to Darbydoo.

Mark Smith

Thinking positively. Join a tramping club, service club, voluntary organisation, check out neighbourly, use meet up to make your own group, take up a new hobby, start a friday ritual after work, take a night class or how about posting a get together for newbies on this site?

Woodlea

My first friend in NZ I met through here in 2006, the next one was my heating engineer and we all started going to a quiz night as a team, then there was a mate from work, then the second mate brought a mate from work, then the mate from work brought a mate and we continued going to the pub when the quiz season finished and made more friends. Meanwhile I meet my wifes friends and family and they become friends and I meet my kids friends and their parents become friends and so it snowballs. Then all of a sudden you realise that this is your life here and your old friends become just that and whilst you keep in touch with them, you realise that if you ever go back to the UK you might just do so for the castles rather than old acquaintances....
Well thats my plan anyway!

bourbon-biscuit

All the above advice re joining things that interest you
Remember that when you are an immigrant your need for friends is much higher than the need of the people you are trying to befriend. I think this in some way accounts for the attraction of other immigrants - you are looking for the same thing in new friendships - and also why some people think of kiwis as stand offish or unfriendly.
So, get busy doing and giving, resist making generalisations about people even if you feel frustrated because this will be detectable, stay positive but play interactions as if you already have lots of friends and your need is lower than it actually is. It will happen in time if you keep putting yourself out there with the right attitude Good luck!

sazzle1979

Hi Darbydoo, making friends is different for everyone, I think this is the case even when we are back in the UK. There will be some of us that people gravitate to naturally and some that are a slow burn.

I make friends quite easily on a superficial level but true true friends are harder to come by and mine will always be back in the UK. I have met some lovely people here but sadly because I live in a small town (population 31,000) and work in quite a senior position in one of the big firms in the town I find that professionally I cant be friends with everyone.

So, I joined a netball team last season and that was great for making friends they were a lovely bunch (chose sports teams wisely... especially female ones! some even in the UK can be terribly catty) and my husband and I joined the work rowing team last year and that was great.

My husband on the other hand struggles, he works for himself and doesn't get the interaction on a daily basis that i do, In our small town people seem to find the concept of someone working from home odd and they cant get their head round it, so much so he has been made to feel like a bum and it is not helping him pluck up the courage to want to make friends.

Whilst I don't completely agree with the sweeping statements I do have sympathy for Snap_Shot and completely understand, unfortunately we too have not come across many people that have been friendly and welcoming. Like I say it is different for everyone but once bitten twice shy and I know for my husband he is now beyond the point and too tired to keep trying.

We will leave NZ with just a handful of people that we will keep in touch with.

I actually came here with the thought that i didn't want to make friends with expats i wanted to totally emerse myself and not be the "whinging pom" we are called every second of the day.... the total opposite is now true I never laugh as much as i do when I am having a wine with the other expats at work (not to the exclusion of other work mates) just the banter the humour and the unspoken knowledge of understanding is very comforting.

jmh

It's interesting because I have experienced it going the other way. I lived in the UK for 24 years (i.e. pretty much all my adult life). I'm quite friendly, so I was able to make friends via work and study but I found that once I moved on it was hard to maintain those friendships. I did make the effort to call in and keep in touch, but it led to nothing. I can honestly say that I made no very close friends in the whole time I lived there. I met lots of lovely people, but for some reason it never went deeper.

When I got back to the home country in 2011 I put my name on a site called OldFriends. A school friend I last saw when we were 17 (We're 52 now!) got in touch. She was in touch with other friends from the same year, and we have met up several times. It's so amazing how similar we are, how well we got on and how we seemed to have the same view on life despite not seeing each other for 30 years. We are friends at some fundamental level that I haven't experienced elsewhere.

I think often friendships made at particular times of your life are more likely to be meaningful than acquaintances we might meet through work etc. Bear in mind that the people you are meeting have their own set of friends they spend time with, family commitments etc, so they are not likely to drop everything to be your friend. Also, if you are expressing a desire to return to the UK, there's not a lot of point in them investing in friendship if you are just going to piss off back home at some point.

As others have said, joining things that interest you is a great idea. You will probably make one or two good friends, but remember that you are a migrant, so don't expect too much to begin with. How many migrants to the UK did you take to your bosom when they were just off the plane.

sazzle1979

yes I agree, I think it is perhaps society the world over not just UK v NZ, I personally have very good friends at home in the UK whom I met through work that had just arrived in the UK from Aus/NZ/USA/Spain but i think that arrived from the company i worked for and the very social culture we had in London after work etc. It was very easy for people to make friends.

I would agree when I was in the UK we used to be driven incessantly mad when trying to get people together for a bbq or a catch up to no avail as everyone is so caught up in their lives (which is completely fine)

For us maybe we didn't need to move to the other side of the world to change our lives we just needed to move within the UK and broaden our friendship group by changing our lifestyles and hobbies.

I think Social media has a lot to answer too ---- but that is a completely different subject !

I think intrinsically we will always feel comfortable with our fellow countrymen (or think we do) there is a common bond an understanding.