marblep

What a week. My Daughter turned 5, I made the mistake of asking her UK aunty to send a card. WWIII erupted. I got abuse left right and centre from chav central. I think my niece stopped pouting long enough to call me several expletives.

So, we've decided not to visit the UK in the near future. We can pay for my parents-in-law, but they've been sick so won't commit.

How do we break the news to them? Help?

MrsFychan

? sorry not to clear. have you told them you would be over and when?

Are you parents long term ill? If not then say you would like them to come over and see for themselves the place you living so they can picture it better when you talk about things

marblep

Sorry Mrs F. We were meant to go for a visit next year. But we've decided not to.

In-laws have visited several times, but are now too ill.

We have to break the news that we are not coming next year. We cant afford it and to be honest we don't want to. Bad daughter-in-law.

RedDragon2008

Just keep to the fact the GFC has hit home, or perhaps use mine "Flights are all booked out, except first class - you don't mind paying??"

marblep

I'lltry that. Will it keep a pouting, black eye-browed 20 year old off my back?

Snap Shot

You might want to strike while the iron is hot if that's helping you keep your nerve. Or, calm down until you can say your piece so that it doesn't degenerate into (another) slanging match over the phone.

Unrelated anecdote: My Dad turned 70 last year, in June. My sister had arranged a big deal party for him (in my Dad's local pub - nuff said.) She invited me, with plenty of notice.

Anyway, I declined as my husband turned 50 last year and we travelled out of NZ for a week for his birthday in September.

We couldn't afford to do both and didn't really want to travel to Britain (at my sister's request but our expense) in June, then also go scuba diving in September.

My sister just about managed to send a grudging birthday card to my husband, IIRC with no reference to his milestone year. Point taken.

We turned up in NZ in 2011, returning for a visit less than 18 months later to suit somebody else wasn't really going to happen.

Genuine emergencies, ok. Not birthday parties.

My sister has also asked me if she can give the twenty quid I sent her husband for his birthday last year to her children. 'We can still do the birthday thing' is what she said. 'The birthday thing' since when did the straightforward birthday present giving/receiving become the 'birthday thing' ? There's no reasoning with her. It's just easier to be pragmatic.

I've sent my niece who turned 17 in August and my nephew who is 20 next week a card and small present irrespective of the fact that I now live in NZ. I've only ever had a birthday card from them, but, that's the way it is.

Not sure when to call, 'time' on this birthday present giving to my UK niece and nephew, I have a feeling it won't be long.

MrsFychan

if you can't afford it just say so.

as for your niece just tell her to grow up and stop acting like a spoilt brat and live in the real world where not everything you want you get without working for it, and you will visit when you are able to and not when demanded

marblep

And if she can go one minute without pouting.

marblep

Stop!! Stop sending them presents. They are like my nieces and nephews. Bloody ungrateful. Don't indulge them anymore.

marblep

That's my 'lovely' niece. Such a nice girl.

marblep

Such a nasty pouty piece of ...... whatever.

Good news, spoke to the in-laws, told them we're not coming. If they want to come, we'll pay - far cheaper.

Snap Shot

My husband has told me the self same thing. To the point that, this very morning, I have said to him that I will sent my niece a present next year for her 18th Birthday as that's what her brother got.

When my nephew turns 21 next year that's when, 'just a card' will start.

BEVS

We've got one of those each. I'll match a niece & niece-in-law and raise you the worst of a sister & sister-in-law. We divorced the lot of them.

Mr BEVS goes back to see his Mum ( too elderly to travel here) & other extended family members but doesn't bother with that pair. He would be civil but won't engage.

Shame when it gets like that really.

j19fmm

Hehe not alone! Divorced mother and sister...well actually they divorced us! Can't say I've missed them for the last 8 years

marblep

We stopped at 18. Apparently, that has been a major cause of the latest ructions. I'm confused. We send the kids 20 pounds at xmas, and 30 pounds for birthdays. We sent a very special piece of jewellery for the niece's 18th. Haven't ever received a xmas card, birthday card, email or phone call from them. Not even a card for our daughter's 5th birthday.