how do i settle in nz??!!
Jan 24th 2015, 4:58 am
#1
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Thread Starter
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Posts: 41
how do i settle in nz??!!
Hi all! long time since my last moany post! lol! hope you are all well.
im looking for some advice about settling in. we arrived here in oct and im struggling to settle in. my husband works away in aucks and myself and our 3 kids are in tauranga, he comes home at weekends. My question to you all is, is it normal to feel like i dont belong here? i thought this would be the best thing ever but im starting to wonder if iv made a mistake. Iv not made any friends and im feeling pretty bloody home sick. My husband is absolutly loving the kiwi life but im really struggling with things here. My family all live in tauranga also so i know i should feel happier about being here. I just dont understand why i feel like thi when when i was in the uk this was all i wanted. i feel like a horrible spoilt brat. i miss my friends terribly and i miss being a family until with my husband. I find getting to know kiwis a little bit hard, as much as you all might think im a moany old cow, im actually quite a happy go lucky sort of person, not a lot gets to me, so i thought id get here and make friends pretty quickly but not so! Please could someone advice how to settle in and embrace this beautiful country.
Thanks so much
Happy new year to you all.
gemma
im looking for some advice about settling in. we arrived here in oct and im struggling to settle in. my husband works away in aucks and myself and our 3 kids are in tauranga, he comes home at weekends. My question to you all is, is it normal to feel like i dont belong here? i thought this would be the best thing ever but im starting to wonder if iv made a mistake. Iv not made any friends and im feeling pretty bloody home sick. My husband is absolutly loving the kiwi life but im really struggling with things here. My family all live in tauranga also so i know i should feel happier about being here. I just dont understand why i feel like thi when when i was in the uk this was all i wanted. i feel like a horrible spoilt brat. i miss my friends terribly and i miss being a family until with my husband. I find getting to know kiwis a little bit hard, as much as you all might think im a moany old cow, im actually quite a happy go lucky sort of person, not a lot gets to me, so i thought id get here and make friends pretty quickly but not so! Please could someone advice how to settle in and embrace this beautiful country.
Thanks so much
Happy new year to you all.
gemma
Jan 24th 2015, 5:19 am
#2
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Location: Wellington - I miss Castles, the NHS & English school system
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Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
Hi Gemma, sorry to hear you are feeling so down. I know its said a lot but is has been such a short time of you being here so go easy on yourself, I've been here 3 years and still feel like a fish out of water at times
why has your family not helped you settle in more? have they not taken you out and about and introduced you to people.
Do you have school aged kids, could you get involved with the school? do the kids do activities, maybe go to the library and see if there are some clubs you could join.
The OH with jobs seem to forget how difficult and lonely it can be being the ones left holding the kids and house together and should be more attentive to helping fix those situations.
Sure I read some other people are/have moved to Tauranga, maybe check out the arrival stickies and have a look and maybe contact them, you could at least help someone else get to know the area.
Edit - The Chainey family are coming over on the 1st March so maybe drop them a PM and help them out.
why has your family not helped you settle in more? have they not taken you out and about and introduced you to people.
Do you have school aged kids, could you get involved with the school? do the kids do activities, maybe go to the library and see if there are some clubs you could join.
The OH with jobs seem to forget how difficult and lonely it can be being the ones left holding the kids and house together and should be more attentive to helping fix those situations.
Sure I read some other people are/have moved to Tauranga, maybe check out the arrival stickies and have a look and maybe contact them, you could at least help someone else get to know the area.
Edit - The Chainey family are coming over on the 1st March so maybe drop them a PM and help them out.
Last edited by MrsFychan; Jan 24th 2015 at 5:21 am.
Jan 24th 2015, 6:33 am
#3
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Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
TBH that might the last thing I would do. I found that steering clear of other new migrants was the easiest way to settle into NZ, otherwise I was constantly getting reminded of the UK. Pommy migrants can be a funny lot...
Jan 24th 2015, 6:46 am
#4
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Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
Jan 24th 2015, 7:24 am
#5
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Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
It was more the fact that OP has only been here a short time but will have a bit more knowledge than the member coming over it would be a kind thing to do and help the OP at the same time
Jan 24th 2015, 9:50 am
#6
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Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
Many (well most actually) of my friends here are brit expats and I have no issues with that.
they are all people who love living here but the common history made things easier at the beginning.
I think the OP's problem isnt in finding friends, its more to do with hubby being away all week, I mean come on,
who wouldnt struggle with that on top of trying to find your place in a new country.
In 1991 my ex and I and our 6 month old son moved to Australia. I had a job and try as she might,
she couldnt find one. Eventually the strain on her (and me) and the loneliness she felt was too much
and we moved back to the uk 9 months later.
Having seen my ex wife go through a similar situation, personally I think its quite insulting and
patronizing to say stay away from poms, when your feeling lonely and isolated all you want is friends
it doesnt matter where they are from
Gemma, I cant really offer any advice luv, apart from just keep going and be yourself, its still early days
for you yet, things tend to fall in to place with time
they are all people who love living here but the common history made things easier at the beginning.
I think the OP's problem isnt in finding friends, its more to do with hubby being away all week, I mean come on,
who wouldnt struggle with that on top of trying to find your place in a new country.
In 1991 my ex and I and our 6 month old son moved to Australia. I had a job and try as she might,
she couldnt find one. Eventually the strain on her (and me) and the loneliness she felt was too much
and we moved back to the uk 9 months later.
Having seen my ex wife go through a similar situation, personally I think its quite insulting and
patronizing to say stay away from poms, when your feeling lonely and isolated all you want is friends
it doesnt matter where they are from
Gemma, I cant really offer any advice luv, apart from just keep going and be yourself, its still early days
for you yet, things tend to fall in to place with time
Jan 24th 2015, 10:32 am
#7
Truth is the safest lie.
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: @ the beach.
Posts: 7,240
Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
"Settle in." Just like that. So business like and pragmatic. I never felt like that about her really. It was her sunshine and warm demeanor that first attracted me but attraction is the superficial projection of what you want rather than learning to love her for what she is.
I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.
The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.
So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.
I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.
The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.
So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.
Jan 24th 2015, 10:51 am
#8
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Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 37
Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
What you are feeling is loneliness and isolation, which is pretty common, especially as your husband works away.
Is it not possible to find a small part time job or maybe take up a hobbie or sport a few hours a week to help you meet new people such as badminton, walking or something similar?
I would be careful of 'moaning' too much as eventually people will class you as a whinging Pom, and on here and in life you will eventually be told to get on a plane and **** off back to where you've come from, so sad, but unfortunately that's the attitude.
Some poms are ok but you get 2 types, ones that miss the UK and are not too keen on NZ, but they tend to be quiet and reserved about the subject and then you get the 2nd lot, who love NZ, love the lifestyle and finish most sentences with 'not like in the U.K.'
I found the lifestyle quiet boring after a few weeks, the better weather, the empty beaches seem to lose the sparkle after a few weeks, I missed the hustle and bustle of a city centre, I missed my local pub which would be packed on a Friday and Saturday night.
You do get the feeling that life is just passing you by when there, hopefully if you got a small part time job or took up a hobby you may find some friends and settle in a bit better.
All the best,
Is it not possible to find a small part time job or maybe take up a hobbie or sport a few hours a week to help you meet new people such as badminton, walking or something similar?
I would be careful of 'moaning' too much as eventually people will class you as a whinging Pom, and on here and in life you will eventually be told to get on a plane and **** off back to where you've come from, so sad, but unfortunately that's the attitude.
Some poms are ok but you get 2 types, ones that miss the UK and are not too keen on NZ, but they tend to be quiet and reserved about the subject and then you get the 2nd lot, who love NZ, love the lifestyle and finish most sentences with 'not like in the U.K.'
I found the lifestyle quiet boring after a few weeks, the better weather, the empty beaches seem to lose the sparkle after a few weeks, I missed the hustle and bustle of a city centre, I missed my local pub which would be packed on a Friday and Saturday night.
You do get the feeling that life is just passing you by when there, hopefully if you got a small part time job or took up a hobby you may find some friends and settle in a bit better.
All the best,
Jan 24th 2015, 5:58 pm
#9
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Joined: Jan 2015
Location: Tauranga
Posts: 19
Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
As MrsFychan says we are coming to Tauranga next week and I'm petrified so maybe I'm not the person to meet at the mo.But give me a month or so and I'm up for it ! I hope we bothfeel better when me meet. I will be working shifts so will be free when kiddies are at school.
Oh and I am normal(ish)� ����
Oh and I am normal(ish)� ����
Last edited by MrsEeyore; Jan 24th 2015 at 7:49 pm.
Jan 25th 2015, 6:28 am
#10
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Joined: Jun 2003
Location: North Shore, Auckland
Posts: 688
Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
"Settle in." Just like that. So business like and pragmatic. I never felt like that about her really. It was her sunshine and warm demeanor that first attracted me but attraction is the superficial projection of what you want rather than learning to love her for what she is.
I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.
The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.
So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.
I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.
The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.
So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.
that
Jan 25th 2015, 8:55 am
#11
Truth is the safest lie.
Joined: Jul 2008
Location: @ the beach.
Posts: 7,240
Jan 25th 2015, 9:08 am
#12
Nz
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Canterbury
Posts: 368
Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
I moved here in august. It's hard settling in but what Iv found helps is chucking yourself in the deep end. Involve yourself in the community. Join groups. Help others. Go to community events and embrace the culture.
Iv been here 5 months and I can't walk down the street without people saying.
'hi Clare how are you?'
It's very easy to stay in. But with that you will feel very isolated and like you don't belong.
It's still early days so you will have doubts. I did and still do the odd day.
I have kiwi and expat friends. I tend to save my moans for the expats as generally kiwis hate a moaning Pom
What I'm saying is embrace the culture. Nz has a lot to offer.
The simple things like leaving key in the car, not locking your door, people saying how are you and are genuine and expect a reply. I found in the uk it was just something people said out of habit not to see how your are.
People want to help you out, providing your helping yourself. The kids seem that bit younger and seem like free spirits.
I could harp on but I won't.
In other words don't focus in the negatives focus on the positive little things then you will see how the little things are the big things
P.s if your living in an area with higher crime rate I wouldn't advise leaving keys in the your ignition and your front door unlocked. I live in a small tight knit community.
Iv been here 5 months and I can't walk down the street without people saying.
'hi Clare how are you?'
It's very easy to stay in. But with that you will feel very isolated and like you don't belong.
It's still early days so you will have doubts. I did and still do the odd day.
I have kiwi and expat friends. I tend to save my moans for the expats as generally kiwis hate a moaning Pom
What I'm saying is embrace the culture. Nz has a lot to offer.
The simple things like leaving key in the car, not locking your door, people saying how are you and are genuine and expect a reply. I found in the uk it was just something people said out of habit not to see how your are.
People want to help you out, providing your helping yourself. The kids seem that bit younger and seem like free spirits.
I could harp on but I won't.
In other words don't focus in the negatives focus on the positive little things then you will see how the little things are the big things
P.s if your living in an area with higher crime rate I wouldn't advise leaving keys in the your ignition and your front door unlocked. I live in a small tight knit community.
Last edited by moving2NZ2013; Jan 25th 2015 at 9:13 am.
Jan 25th 2015, 9:10 am
#13
Nz
Joined: Mar 2012
Location: Canterbury
Posts: 368
Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
"Settle in." Just like that. So business like and pragmatic. I never felt like that about her really. It was her sunshine and warm demeanor that first attracted me but attraction is the superficial projection of what you want rather than learning to love her for what she is.
I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.
The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.
So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.
I fell in love with the little things at first. Kids making the customary bare foot ballet dance across hot footpaths to buy an ice cream from the dairy, the four fingered wave so obligatory when you pass someone on a rural road and net curtains blowing in the wind on hot summer afternoons. As my eyes grew accustomed to that vibrant, bright light I couldn't help but marvel at her colours, the sky a super Azure, sea like Lapis and every shade of green adorned the hills.
The people where unpretentious, joyfully free of many of the trappings of the hierarchical societies of parochial old Europe. While in Europe friendships would require an intricate social dance in which both parties would have to partake. In New Zealand the plain, simple honesty of folk had disposed of such unnecessary contrivances that had trapped their forefathers...this is the New New World after all.
So when I say I settled because it's sunny, beautiful and the people are hospitable what I'm really saying is I was seduced. It wasn't a transaction, I never made a choice to give up one life to have another but just chose not to swim against the current.
Jan 26th 2015, 4:30 am
#14
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2014
Location: Whitby, Wellington
Posts: 23
Re: how do i settle in nz??!!
Why does no one go to the pub? That is weird!!!
Jan 26th 2015, 4:58 am
#15
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