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-   -   Homesick...just bit me (https://britishexpats.com/forum/new-zealand-83/homesick-just-bit-me-619655/)

pricklykina Jul 12th 2009 12:01 pm

Homesick...just bit me
 
Hi there...I'm an irregular poster.
Well...I'm not irregular but ..you understand
I've been here 10 years in Sept and have been struck by the most crippling bout of homesickness....I haven't had it like this for at least 8 years
Where the hell did that come from?

So ...I'm a mess and just wanted to get it off my chest and I know that you guys get it...cos many of you are here and know how it bites

I love, well like strongly,my life here..but I think that immigration comes at a huge cost.
While I've gained greatly, I've lost me, and I don't have close friends to laugh with here as In order to protect myself from the pain of loss, i have succeeded in building walls that are hard to let people through.

At the moment I'm thinking "what the hell was I thinking" I must have been crazy to leave my friends and family behind, to deny my daughter her family, my nephews an aunty. My parents a daughter, my nan a granddaughter...all on a whim - I came here on a WHV and still here.

Anyway ...NZ has presented me with opportunities that were out of reach back there, however, it's like making a deal with the devil...I get the trinkets and lose small parts of my soul.

Whoops....there's posting as therapy!

j19fmm Jul 12th 2009 6:43 pm

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 
Oh hun, can't say I know how you feel cos not there yet but really feel for you. Hope things are a bit better today? Good to get it all out eh?
Hugs and best wishes, x

irnbru14 Jul 12th 2009 10:30 pm

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 

Originally Posted by pricklykina (Post 7745511)
Hi there...I'm an irregular poster.
Well...I'm not irregular but ..you understand
I've been here 10 years in Sept and have been struck by the most crippling bout of homesickness....I haven't had it like this for at least 8 years
Where the hell did that come from?

So ...I'm a mess and just wanted to get it off my chest and I know that you guys get it...cos many of you are here and know how it bites

I love, well like strongly,my life here..but I think that immigration comes at a huge cost.
While I've gained greatly, I've lost me, and I don't have close friends to laugh with here as In order to protect myself from the pain of loss, i have succeeded in building walls that are hard to let people through.

At the moment I'm thinking "what the hell was I thinking" I must have been crazy to leave my friends and family behind, to deny my daughter her family, my nephews an aunty. My parents a daughter, my nan a granddaughter...all on a whim - I came here on a WHV and still here.

Anyway ...NZ has presented me with opportunities that were out of reach back there, however, it's like making a deal with the devil...I get the trinkets and lose small parts of my soul.

Whoops....there's posting as therapy!

Happens to us all alas, it's the portrait of Dorian Gray in the attic or selling your soul to the devil for a donut (Homer!) and is part of the price to pay for moving out here, especially when you get a bit maudlin and feel guilty about it.

Currently suffering from my first instance of "elderly relative in hospital in the UK" syndrome and my head isn't really working today, feels a bit fuzzy and not sure what I should or shouldn't be doing...

But, we all moved here for a reason and as you say the life you lead here is so different to where you would be at home, gotta hang onto those reasons why you moved here in the first place, its hard at times, but you need to be a bit selfish I guess and remind yourself why you moved to NZ for you, can't go living your life trying to please everyone else :)

Wellington Will Jul 13th 2009 7:29 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 
In the words of one of my favourite film characters, "Go with it, it will pass."

(Guess the movie)

I don't know how you deal with this, but it's good to know, I think, that we all get it.

Skype video calls do help, but they also make you very aware of time passing. My mum said to me the other day, about the kids, "Oh no, they've grown already!"

We've only been out here 6 months, and I find it difficult to contemplate her not seeing them for another year or more.

Matewx Jul 13th 2009 8:02 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 
I think that wherever you are you, from time to time, get homesick...

I lived for 7yrs in UK and also France was just across the Channel I more often than not missed home... Getting on the flights or Eurostar back were sometime v painful... OH once thought I'd never get on the flight as I was such a mess... He even admitted thinking I was a freak :sneaky:

Now am here in NZ & I do miss them... Dearly... But we've done it for a reason - Experience life down under (mainly, adding a bit of job promotion - for me anyway). And are thinking that in a few years, at end of my visa, we will move back to Europe... Or somewhere else...

Within 10days of being here, my uncle passed away... Arggh :( Another Aunty isn't too well either... But what can you do?

Homesickness is normal... But after 10yrs here, it might be a call from inside yourself that it is time to move on??

Let us know how you get on!! At BE there's always someone available to cheer you up... Just beware of the mods... They may just try to get wine off ya... :sneaky: LOL

Be strong!! x

pricklykina Jul 13th 2009 8:05 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 
Thank you everyone
You're right...today is a better day - I just won a private preview screening of Harry Potter!

But, yes, i think what is hard is that I never made a big decision to come.
I took a year of work for my WHV, a sabbatical with my post open for my return.
I said goodbye to my grandfather (now dead) at the train station and he said, with tears in his old eyes that saw service now streamed for me "make sure you come back" I replied "of course" then got married, within the year to a kiwi, got pregnant and that was that.

So it seems like a series of indecisions that got me here. I didn't go through a huge process of immigration. I did it the easy way..but sometimes I wonder whether I made the impetuous decisions of youth.

My best friend was here and I worry that I got married so that I could stay here with her. Saying that she lives at the other end of the island so very inconvenient.

But yes...there are good points.
I have much more understanding of my own identity from learning about maoritanga...how bizarre is that, travelling 12000 miles to know who I am. As an adoptee this was a huge awakening.
I got my degree, learnt to drive, did triathlons, became a mum, got the job of my dreams, all here. I certainly count those blessings.

You know the crazy thing about today, and how the universe gives what you need at time?

I won 30 tickets to Harry Potter so had to phone people to come. I never phone people as I think that they will be too busy to talk. I had to phone or sit on my own in a private theatre viewing and it was really nice!

strawbie Jul 13th 2009 8:28 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 

Originally Posted by pricklykina (Post 7747679)
Thank you everyone
You're right...today is a better day - I just won a private preview screening of Harry Potter!

But, yes, i think what is hard is that I never made a big decision to come.
I took a year of work for my WHV, a sabbatical with my post open for my return.
I said goodbye to my grandfather (now dead) at the train station and he said, with tears in his old eyes that saw service now streamed for me "make sure you come back" I replied "of course" then got married, within the year to a kiwi, got pregnant and that was that.

So it seems like a series of indecisions that got me here. I didn't go through a huge process of immigration. I did it the easy way..but sometimes I wonder whether I made the impetuous decisions of youth.

My best friend was here and I worry that I got married so that I could stay here with her. Saying that she lives at the other end of the island so very inconvenient.

But yes...there are good points.
I have much more understanding of my own identity from learning about maoritanga...how bizarre is that, travelling 12000 miles to know who I am. As an adoptee this was a huge awakening.
I got my degree, learnt to drive, did triathlons, became a mum, got the job of my dreams, all here. I certainly count those blessings.

You know the crazy thing about today, and how the universe gives what you need at time?

I won 30 tickets to Harry Potter so had to phone people to come. I never phone people as I think that they will be too busy to talk. I had to phone or sit on my own in a private theatre viewing and it was really nice!


wow, you have a way with words! maybe you should start writing your story :D:rofl:
has anything changed in your life recently? are you stil married-as i noticed your comment that you wondered if you'd only got married to stay with best friend?! if you managed to get 30 folk together for the film then you obviously have lots friends. i think sometimes, no matter where we live in the world we can get sentimental about family/friends n what could have been! hopefully its a passing phase! :thumbsup:

pricklykina Jul 13th 2009 9:25 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 

Originally Posted by strawbie (Post 7747722)
if you managed to get 30 folk together for the film then you obviously have lots friends.

I cheated. The screening is at 5 and I had less than 24 hours notice. Most people that I know work or have child care issues...so a friend got her teenagers to fill seats (half of them ) :D




Originally Posted by strawbie (Post 7747722)
are you stil married-as i noticed your comment that you wondered if you'd only got married to stay with best friend?!

I am, unbelievably, 9 years later.
And my best friend is still my best friend and coming up from Wangas tomorrow...great timing!


As for writing....I love writing...in another life I would have loved to have been a journo

MnB Jul 13th 2009 9:57 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 
Hi there glad you're feeling better!! :thumbsup: keep smiling and know we're here for you.
lol B x

strawbie Jul 13th 2009 3:10 pm

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 
That will be nice for you to see your friend tomorrow! hopefully she'll make things better!!
its never to late to follow your dreams-get writing!!!
I may be wrong, but you dont sound overly positive about your marriage so maybe thats having a knock on effect to you feeling a little unsettled! :unsure:

Get drunk with you mate!!!!:rofl:

love30stm Jul 14th 2009 12:30 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 

Originally Posted by pricklykina (Post 7747821)
I cheated. The screening is at 5 and I had less than 24 hours notice. Most people that I know work or have child care issues...so a friend got her teenagers to fill seats (half of them ) :D





I am, unbelievably, 9 years later.
And my best friend is still my best friend and coming up from Wangas tomorrow...great timing!


As for writing....I love writing...in another life I would have loved to have been a journo

Your best friend lives in Wangas? do you mean Wanganui, my best friend lives in Napier, a 3 hour drive away and we dont get to see each other as much as we like, but its nice to know we are here for each other.

southerner Jul 14th 2009 4:21 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 

Originally Posted by pricklykina (Post 7747679)
So it seems like a series of indecisions that got me here.

Nothing wrong with going with the flow if its going roughly in the right direction. Thats how I tend to do things, not too much planning, a bit instinctive really. In middle life (and I'm not saying you're there yet, I have no idea) its only natural to look at where you are and start asking some what if and why questions.

SarahB Jul 14th 2009 7:13 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 

Originally Posted by pricklykina (Post 7747821)
I cheated. The screening is at 5 and I had less than 24 hours notice. Most people that I know work or have child care issues...so a friend got her teenagers to fill seats (half of them ) :D

I am, unbelievably, 9 years later.
And my best friend is still my best friend and coming up from Wangas tomorrow...great timing!

As for writing....I love writing...in another life I would have loved to have been a journo

Hiya, I hope you are feeling better today. I'm not exactly homesick at the moment... but.... I lost my best friend on 27th April this year to cancer, I'm having a really bad time at the moment.... missing her like crazy. She was my best friend for the last 20 years and we met through owning horses. I could talk to her about anything and we would natter for hours and hours... all I'm saying is make the most of your best friend, give her a hug and tell her you love her. :cry_smile:

MnB Jul 14th 2009 10:47 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 

Originally Posted by SarahB (Post 7750478)
Hiya, I hope you are feeling better today. I'm not exactly homesick at the moment... but.... I lost my best friend on 27th April this year to cancer, I'm having a really bad time at the moment.... missing her like crazy. She was my best friend for the last 20 years and we met through owning horses. I could talk to her about anything and we would natter for hours and hours... all I'm saying is make the most of your best friend, give her a hug and tell her you love her. :cry_smile:

[[[[[big hugs]]]]] sorry they are only 'virtual hugs' lol x

love30stm Jul 15th 2009 12:02 am

Re: Homesick...just bit me
 
I am also feeling homesickness kicking in at the moment, and does not help Im bily no mates :(


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