Emsy88

Hey all,

So my better half is a New Zealander who's in the UK because he joined the British Army. He's thinking about leaving and going home and taking me with him.

He's worried I'll find the NZ pace of life too slow and frankly I'm a little terrified about leaving my family behind.
How have you all found the adjustment and coped with keeping in contact with your loved ones back in Britain? I love this man and I want to move, but I also want to be informed before I make such a big decision.

BEVS

Hi there and welcome to British Expats and this little NZ forum.

Have you ever been to New Zealand? Not for a holiday I mean. Maybe when your husband was on leave and to stay with his family.

Emsy88

We're planning on a trip over Xmas. We speak regularly on Skype (even without Ben) but no trips as yet

Mark Smith

I'm from a little town originally and find Christchurch to be a large buzzing metropolis, whereas I know Londoners who really struggled with how small Chch feels and hated the slow pace of life. Horses for courses I guess.

I skype with parents weekly and I'm sure they are fed up with me. My wife only gets to speak to her mum about every month and misses her dearly (she won't do internet).

escapedtonz

Originally lived in a big town up North and worked in Manchester CBD. Initially lived in Wellington and found it to be a quieter city than I was used to but in a good way. Wellington didn't suit us long term so we moved up to the Bay Of Plenty but I do get to visit Wellington on business often and always enjoy being back there to get my fix of a bustling CBD and the many restaurants, cafe's, bars etc on offer.

Do use Skype / Whatsapp etc to speak to family on a weekly basis which is pretty easy although it'll never be a substitute for seeing your parents/siblings face to face when you want to. As for close friends that are back in the UK, I wouldn't say we've lost touch, but it's very rare to have a conversation now after 5.5 years in NZ. We usually just get by with Facebook posts and using Messenger/Whatsapp every few months for a quick catch up. Unfortunately life gets in the way and since our timelines are 11-13hrs apart, contact seems to be the last thing on the agenda, but we did expect this so isn't that much of a surprise.
I'll always remember our leaving party where every man and his dog pledged to be out very soon to visit us but in all that time we've only had my in laws and one set of good friends once. Funny how the people you expect to come - the ones with the means/money/good health/youth on their side, don't come and the people you expect maybe shouldn't travel for whatever reason will be arriving for a third visit soon.

In conclusion, speaking to close family should continue on a fairly regular basis, but as for friends etc don't be surprised if you only catch up every month / every other month or so when you are out here. It's just the way it goes.

Emsy88

I love my UK friends very much but I don't have very high expectations based on our current contact (we don't live in close proximity). I am fine with maintaining relationships electronically and hope that we can make it home for key events, I'm mostly worried about something happening to my parents where I can't make it home in time to say goodbye...

carcajou

escapedtonz has had a similar experience to me . . .

As for the dying relatives and "saying good-bye," I don't believe that should be a consideration. You cannot predict when or how that can happen - and you could just be an hour away and not have enough time. You can't predict a stroke or an accident. Though, you may have some relatives use that as a way to try and guilt-trip you into not going.

I don't believe New Zealand has a "slower pace of life" - you will work just as hard there, or in fact harder, than in the UK but just (in a lot of cases) for less money.

It is much more remote and isolated - Auckland is not a big city by global standards, Sydney and Melbourne are 3-4 hour plane flights away (both are about 3x the size of Auckland), and aside from other Australian cities, Singapore is a 10 hour flight away, and Hong Kong and Tokyo are both 11 hours away. How people cope with that can be unpredictable - I would encourage you to spend a few months (not a few weeks) in NZ with your husband to help you get a feel for it.

sr71

Pace of life is quite broad, I found much of the UK, and Europe, to be quite slow outside major cities of London, Paris etc. Slower than Auckland.

Also we have a 12yo and 7yo - I really wish life was slower as kids keep you ultra-busy with school and extra-curricular activities.

Ultimately I think it's up to you how fast paced you want it - outside Auckland/Wellington it will be slower no doubt. The big thing about NZ is as above, it's distance from everything else. Sydney is only 2.5 hours away, and quite frankly I just find that too busy now.

Emsy88

The problem I suspect would be getting a few months off to spend out there, he's in the Army so his leave is limited to 2 weeks at a time and is on their say so. I have more flexibility but without taking a leave of absence from work, I don't see how I could spend that volume of time out there prior to the decision to move.

You're right about family, my dad had a heart attack in 2011 and I was lucky that he survived, I wouldn't have found out until it was too late. I am very close to my family, so do worry that I would miss them too much.

simonsi

Haha - same experience here :-)