Go Back  British Expats > Living & Moving Abroad > New Zealand
Reload this Page >

Do I stick it out?

Do I stick it out?

Old Dec 16th 2009, 11:56 pm
  #1  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Nov 2009
Location: Auckland
Posts: 20
emma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the rough
Default Do I stick it out?

Hi everyone

As some as you may be aware me and my other half have had a bit of a rough time since arriving. We are 23 and 27, both finally have work - but now feel like all we're doing is working and not have any fun. We would love to go home to the UK, back to family and friends and maybe try again over here in ten years or so. However, my other half has his IRRV, whereas mine runs out in Feb 2011 - do I stay and do my two years (184 every 12 months) or do I give up the ghost and just go? Cry almost every day and although I would like to obtain my IRRV I don't know if it is worth my unhappiness staying. Could go back to the UK in between the two years, but the other half is starting his nursing training back in the UK in Sept 2010 - so it would mean me coming back for 6 months on my own just to get those other 184 days done! Not sure what to do!
emma23 is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 12:07 am
  #2  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Wanganui/Whanganui
Posts: 164
garfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to all
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by emma23 View Post
Hi everyone

As some as you may be aware me and my other half have had a bit of a rough time since arriving. We are 23 and 27, both finally have work - but now feel like all we're doing is working and not have any fun. We would love to go home to the UK, back to family and friends and maybe try again over here in ten years or so. However, my other half has his IRRV, whereas mine runs out in Feb 2011 - do I stay and do my two years (184 every 12 months) or do I give up the ghost and just go? Cry almost every day and although I would like to obtain my IRRV I don't know if it is worth my unhappiness staying. Could go back to the UK in between the two years, but the other half is starting his nursing training back in the UK in Sept 2010 - so it would mean me coming back for 6 months on my own just to get those other 184 days done! Not sure what to do!
Hi ,
sorry that you are unhappy here, there is no point in staying somewhere that makes you so unhappy.

Although you may be issued with an IRRV in the future, I am unsure whether you would need to reapply for residency if you look at returning to the UK then trying to settle here again in 10 years or so as there would be a huge gap in your residency periods.

The IRRV is not the be all and end all, it may be that in 10 years you have the opportunity to come back or emigrate elsewhere......you've tried it, it does not work for you but at least the opportunity was taken.

I am afarid only you can answer the problem, many posters will say do this or do that but ultimately it's your decision.

Good luck
garfield250 is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 12:20 am
  #3  
BE Forum Addict
 
irnbru14's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Wellington
Posts: 1,208
irnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by emma23 View Post
Hi everyone

As some as you may be aware me and my other half have had a bit of a rough time since arriving. We are 23 and 27, both finally have work - but now feel like all we're doing is working and not have any fun. We would love to go home to the UK, back to family and friends and maybe try again over here in ten years or so. However, my other half has his IRRV, whereas mine runs out in Feb 2011 - do I stay and do my two years (184 every 12 months) or do I give up the ghost and just go? Cry almost every day and although I would like to obtain my IRRV I don't know if it is worth my unhappiness staying. Could go back to the UK in between the two years, but the other half is starting his nursing training back in the UK in Sept 2010 - so it would mean me coming back for 6 months on my own just to get those other 184 days done! Not sure what to do!
Hi Emma, the main thing is would you be happier back in the UK? Is there currently work available where you want to stay that you can get, the UK has been hit harder than NZ with the financial collapse so things may not be quite as rosy as you remember them, even though the pull of family and friends is a strong one, is there any point in moving if you can't find work there and will be miserable at home too!

Remember your own personal happiness and state of mind is worth more than any bit of paper in your passport and you need to do what ever is needed to make you happy, life is just too short to sit out 2 years here being miserable.

Good luck, it's a hard decision to make.
irnbru14 is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 1:23 am
  #4  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Nov 2009
Location: Auckland
Posts: 20
emma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by irnbru14 View Post
Hi Emma, the main thing is would you be happier back in the UK? Is there currently work available where you want to stay that you can get, the UK has been hit harder than NZ with the financial collapse so things may not be quite as rosy as you remember them, even though the pull of family and friends is a strong one, is there any point in moving if you can't find work there and will be miserable at home too!

Remember your own personal happiness and state of mind is worth more than any bit of paper in your passport and you need to do what ever is needed to make you happy, life is just too short to sit out 2 years here being miserable.

Good luck, it's a hard decision to make.
Hi

Thanks irnbru14 for your comment. I think probably the reason I am not enjoying it so much here is becuase this is not my dream. My other half persuaded me to come over, this is his parents dream and ambition to live in NZ and their not even here yet! We are here, alone and at the moment have nothing to look forward to. He works nights, I work during the day - so every afternoon I am giong back to an empty house with no one to talk to. If I went home tomorrow I would have the support of my friends and family until that job came along, so that really doesn't bother me. I mean I waaited 3 months to land the job I have now and we had to spend money on rent etc - whereas at home I wouldn't have to do that - I could just look for a job without the stress of paying bills etc. I know I will be happy at home - I just worry that in 20 years time my other half may want to come back and then I will be left with a very hard decision! I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it! I have left a very loving close family to come here and it just doesn't seem worth the heartache!
emma23 is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 1:37 am
  #5  
BE Enthusiast
 
alanmacc's Avatar
 
Joined: Mar 2008
Location: Rolleston
Posts: 734
alanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond reputealanmacc has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by emma23 View Post
Hi

Thanks irnbru14 for your comment. I think probably the reason I am not enjoying it so much here is becuase this is not my dream. My other half persuaded me to come over, this is his parents dream and ambition to live in NZ and their not even here yet! We are here, alone and at the moment have nothing to look forward to. He works nights, I work during the day - so every afternoon I am giong back to an empty house with no one to talk to. If I went home tomorrow I would have the support of my friends and family until that job came along, so that really doesn't bother me. I mean I waaited 3 months to land the job I have now and we had to spend money on rent etc - whereas at home I wouldn't have to do that - I could just look for a job without the stress of paying bills etc. I know I will be happy at home - I just worry that in 20 years time my other half may want to come back and then I will be left with a very hard decision! I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it! I have left a very loving close family to come here and it just doesn't seem worth the heartache!
Hi Emma

Sorry to hear your having a tough time, hard to say whether you stick it out or not, thats is a personal choice and a hard one and not to mention the expense of getting back to the UK and then starting all over again.

One of the hardest thins to get here is a good friend group for support when times are like this, we have found it tough sometimes here ourselves bt we decided that we would be worse off in the UK and weighed up the pros and cons of it all.

We took out the equation of friends and family and looked at it as a whole then if we would be happy in the UK if we had the friends and family down under ..... not much help I know

But good luck in what ever you decide
alanmacc is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 1:42 am
  #6  
Somewhere
 
BEVS's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Below
Posts: 34,843
BEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond reputeBEVS has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

I'll add that no-one should live someone else's dream. Your in it together.

If I said to my OH that I wanted to leave NZ , he would support me and vice versa. The aim is to make each other happy and to be happy together.

Tough decision my love. Only you can decide really . The best people to talk with though are your own family and your other half.

It might be that you do need to return to the UK for a holiday & even that would make you feel differently. It is the not being able to be with your much loved family at this time that is making it all the more tough to feel where you want to be.
BEVS is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 2:11 am
  #7  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: Wanganui/Whanganui
Posts: 164
garfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to allgarfield250 is a name known to all
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by emma23 View Post
Hi

Thanks irnbru14 for your comment. I think probably the reason I am not enjoying it so much here is becuase this is not my dream. My other half persuaded me to come over, this is his parents dream and ambition to live in NZ and their not even here yet! We are here, alone and at the moment have nothing to look forward to. He works nights, I work during the day - so every afternoon I am giong back to an empty house with no one to talk to. If I went home tomorrow I would have the support of my friends and family until that job came along, so that really doesn't bother me. I mean I waaited 3 months to land the job I have now and we had to spend money on rent etc - whereas at home I wouldn't have to do that - I could just look for a job without the stress of paying bills etc. I know I will be happy at home - I just worry that in 20 years time my other half may want to come back and then I will be left with a very hard decision! I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it! I have left a very loving close family to come here and it just doesn't seem worth the heartache!
Hi Emma,

Please do not wish your life away and think "what if in 10 or 20 years time".........when the time comes you will make the right decision, your health and happiness are what is important now.
It is a decision not to be taken lightly, as previously said, only you can make the choice.
garfield250 is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 2:34 am
  #8  
BE Forum Addict
 
irnbru14's Avatar
 
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Wellington
Posts: 1,208
irnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond reputeirnbru14 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by emma23 View Post
Hi

Thanks irnbru14 for your comment. I think probably the reason I am not enjoying it so much here is becuase this is not my dream. My other half persuaded me to come over, this is his parents dream and ambition to live in NZ and their not even here yet! We are here, alone and at the moment have nothing to look forward to. He works nights, I work during the day - so every afternoon I am giong back to an empty house with no one to talk to. If I went home tomorrow I would have the support of my friends and family until that job came along, so that really doesn't bother me. I mean I waaited 3 months to land the job I have now and we had to spend money on rent etc - whereas at home I wouldn't have to do that - I could just look for a job without the stress of paying bills etc. I know I will be happy at home - I just worry that in 20 years time my other half may want to come back and then I will be left with a very hard decision! I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it! I have left a very loving close family to come here and it just doesn't seem worth the heartache!
Sounds like you are really not enjoying yourself here, sorry to hear that

Get Christmas and New Year out your hair and enjoy the summer weather in the new year and see how you feel, it does take a long time to settle in a new country and we all have found it really hard at times and had that temptation to jump on the next plane to the UK. I had that more than once in my first 6 to 9 months here, the urge does become less as you settle and adapt and meet new people.

The one good thing about the 6 months out of every year, is that once you have done your first 6 months you can head off for a bit and come back in year 2 if you need to or feel the urge to go home for a while.

Keep your head down and try and keep your spirits up!
irnbru14 is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 5:45 am
  #9  
BE Forum Addict
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Location: bottom of the world
Posts: 4,023
Justcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond reputeJustcol has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

I've not read any of the other replies but my only advice to is

Go back to the UK and be happy

Some see returning home as a failure and dont want to
admit its the best thing to do.
I've done it before. I migrated to OZ in 1991 and
couldnt settle, i returned home and spent 15 very
happy years in the uk.


From your post you already know what your answer should be
your just looking for reasurance on here to justify it.
Justcol is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 12:03 pm
  #10  
BE Forum Addict
 
luvwelly's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2,285
luvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond reputeluvwelly has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by colandros View Post
I've not read any of the other replies but my only advice to is

Go back to the UK and be happy

Some see returning home as a failure and dont want to
admit its the best thing to do.
I've done it before. I migrated to OZ in 1991 and
couldnt settle, i returned home and spent 15 very
happy years in the uk.


From your post you already know what your answer should be
your just looking for reasurance on here to justify it.
I agree with Colandros especially if I have read correctly and your OH is returning and expecting you stay behind and be even more miserable ..life's too short...you could fall under a bus tomorrow....go home when he goes and then if you do come back in the future, don't set foot in the country until you have PR again and then do the 2 years to get IRRV.
luvwelly is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 4:30 pm
  #11  
BE Forum Addict
 
Genesis's Avatar
 
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 4,274
Genesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond reputeGenesis has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by luvwelly View Post
I agree with Colandros especially if I have read correctly and your OH is returning and expecting you stay behind and be even more miserable ..life's too short...you could fall under a bus tomorrow....go home when he goes and then if you do come back in the future, don't set foot in the country until you have PR again and then do the 2 years to get IRRV.
I nagged Kate into coming to NZ and she does love it here. It was always my dream in the first instance but as Bevs says it needs to be right for both of you, whilst we came here with a no going back attitude had Kate really hated it I do hope I would have supported her and gone back...Kate is way more important than a place to live much as I love it here. I really feel you should return from what you have said..I do feel for you and your situation sounds awful...specially never seeing your beau in relation to one working nights and the other days. Life is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too short..all the best Emma.

Dom XX

Last edited by Genesis; Dec 17th 2009 at 6:27 pm.
Genesis is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 5:43 pm
  #12  
TeamEmbo
 
TeamEmbo's Avatar
 
Joined: Jan 2007
Location: Rangiora
Posts: 1,557
TeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Just do whatever makes you happy Emma. AFAIK, we've all of us got one life; why spend it being miserable?

You'll have lost nothing if your not happy here and go back with your boyfriend and who knows? You might get married, have kids and in the future be apply to come back as a family on the back of his IRRV.

Your too young and life's too short to be worrying it away. Whatever you do, be happy
TeamEmbo is offline  
Old Dec 17th 2009, 6:38 pm
  #13  
MnB
 
MnB's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2009
Location: Welly UK to Welly NZ to Welly UK
Posts: 2,227
MnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond reputeMnB has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by emma23 View Post
Hi everyone

As some as you may be aware me and my other half have had a bit of a rough time since arriving. We are 23 and 27, both finally have work - but now feel like all we're doing is working and not have any fun. We would love to go home to the UK, back to family and friends and maybe try again over here in ten years or so. However, my other half has his IRRV, whereas mine runs out in Feb 2011 - do I stay and do my two years (184 every 12 months) or do I give up the ghost and just go? Cry almost every day and although I would like to obtain my IRRV I don't know if it is worth my unhappiness staying. Could go back to the UK in between the two years, but the other half is starting his nursing training back in the UK in Sept 2010 - so it would mean me coming back for 6 months on my own just to get those other 184 days done! Not sure what to do!
Hi Emma
Just wanted to add my support to that already recieved from others on here, only you can decide what to do and we'll always be here to listen & support if needed lol.
B x
MnB is offline  
Old Dec 20th 2009, 7:28 am
  #14  
Just Joined
Thread Starter
 
Joined: Nov 2009
Location: Auckland
Posts: 20
emma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the roughemma23 is a jewel in the rough
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Hi everyone

Thank you so much for all you're support. I am pleased to say today we booked our flights home and already feel a great deal of pressure has been lifted and we are looking forward to returning to Cornwall in March. Happiness is the most important thing, my family are very supportive, however the other half's isn't - but this is their dream and we must do what feels right for us as a couple! And going home feels right - I hope they will understand! If not I guess it's tough! We having a quick trip to OZ first which will be good fun! Thanks again everyone for all your kind words. I wish you all the best and have a lovely Christmas!
emma23 is offline  
Old Dec 20th 2009, 9:55 am
  #15  
appreciate life
 
willand tina_h's Avatar
 
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Papamoa New Zealand and loving it so far.
Posts: 678
willand tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of lightwilland tina_h is a glorious beacon of light
Default Re: Do I stick it out?

Originally Posted by emma23 View Post
Hi everyone

Thank you so much for all you're support. I am pleased to say today we booked our flights home and already feel a great deal of pressure has been lifted and we are looking forward to returning to Cornwall in March. Happiness is the most important thing, my family are very supportive, however the other half's isn't - but this is their dream and we must do what feels right for us as a couple! And going home feels right - I hope they will understand! If not I guess it's tough! We having a quick trip to OZ first which will be good fun! Thanks again everyone for all your kind words. I wish you all the best and have a lovely Christmas!
Hi Emma,

we are pleased for you, do what you feel is right and you onviously have as you feel great about it, now have a fab xsmas make the most of it as you know you will soon be back home with all you family and friends, so precious time spent with oh will now be fab, catch up soon and have a great trip to OZ!!!!!!

Tina. x
willand tina_h is offline  

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.