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A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no contact

A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no contact

Old Apr 6th 2013, 9:26 pm
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Default A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no contact

Sorry to post again so soon, head full of questions right now!

One of our bigger concerns is about our eldest son. Firstly, he is biologically not my partner's even though he is his dad in every other way. His bio father has never wanted an involvement and I wouldn't know where to find him now. Never met him, not on the birth certificate, but I just know if I tracked him down and asked for permission to take my son out the country he'd say no just to be cruel as he's just that kind of man. We are looking into adoption but this may not be possible without bio father's consent.

I've been trying to find an answer to this but all the cases I keep seeing involve dads who are on the birth certificate and involved in some way. I don't suppose any of you know if I would need consent of a completely absent parent to emigrate with ny son?

And a second concern involving the same child. He is about to begin an assessment for autistic spectrum disorders. If it is a yes it will be at the milder end of the scale. Does anyone have any clues as to whether this would likely make him fail the health and character requirements?
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Old Apr 6th 2013, 9:31 pm
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Default Re: A couple more questions - sorry!

If you search the threads there are several on taking a child to NZ without the consent of the father (for whatever reason), I think generally they like consent, but if you are unable to find him, I would suggest you consult a lawyer who specialises in this field - as the fathers name is not on the birth certificate, this may help.

As you say adoption would solve this problem, but again depends on whether finding the father is crucial or not.

With regard to health, at the very least it may delay your medical whilst its being referred, but personally I wouldnt have thought it would be a problem (others may disagree though!!)

Good luck.
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Old Apr 7th 2013, 8:59 am
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Default Re: A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no con

Originally Posted by tiger mama View Post
Sorry to post again so soon, head full of questions right now!

One of our bigger concerns is about our eldest son. Firstly, he is biologically not my partner's even though he is his dad in every other way. His bio father has never wanted an involvement and I wouldn't know where to find him now. Never met him, not on the birth certificate, but I just know if I tracked him down and asked for permission to take my son out the country he'd say no just to be cruel as he's just that kind of man. We are looking into adoption but this may not be possible without bio father's consent.

I've been trying to find an answer to this but all the cases I keep seeing involve dads who are on the birth certificate and involved in some way. I don't suppose any of you know if I would need consent of a completely absent parent to emigrate with ny son?

And a second concern involving the same child. He is about to begin an assessment for autistic spectrum disorders. If it is a yes it will be at the milder end of the scale. Does anyone have any clues as to whether this would likely make him fail the health and character requirements?
If he is not named on the birth cert it don't need to find him as it is a non issue.
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Old Apr 7th 2013, 8:11 pm
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Default Re: A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no con

Have a look at this thread-it is a long one but there may be some useful stuff in there:
Step children

j19fmm posts on here and has been through this, she may be able to confirm things for you. But as Bellasmum said, I don't think it's a problem if the father is not on the birth certificate and has no part in the child's life.

Last edited by Persephone; Apr 7th 2013 at 8:19 pm.
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Old Apr 8th 2013, 5:28 am
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Default Re: A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no con

Originally Posted by tiger mama View Post
Sorry to post again so soon, head full of questions right now!

One of our bigger concerns is about our eldest son. Firstly, he is biologically not my partner's even though he is his dad in every other way. His bio father has never wanted an involvement and I wouldn't know where to find him now. Never met him, not on the birth certificate, but I just know if I tracked him down and asked for permission to take my son out the country he'd say no just to be cruel as he's just that kind of man. We are looking into adoption but this may not be possible without bio father's consent.

I've been trying to find an answer to this but all the cases I keep seeing involve dads who are on the birth certificate and involved in some way. I don't suppose any of you know if I would need consent of a completely absent parent to emigrate with ny son?

And a second concern involving the same child. He is about to begin an assessment for autistic spectrum disorders. If it is a yes it will be at the milder end of the scale. Does anyone have any clues as to whether this would likely make him fail the health and character requirements?
This is a legal opinion from a colleague at work

Under New Zealand law he would have no say in this matter as he would not be a guardian and therefore have status to object. So the birth certificate should be enough.

HTH
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Old Apr 8th 2013, 9:16 pm
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Default Re: A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no con

I have faced the same predicament. My eldest daughter has always known who her biological father is, but he wished to have no contact. She is now 22, but when she was just 2 years old despite proving paternity in court with DNA testing, I could not put his name on her birth certificate without him. I was devastated to have the blank space where her father's name should have been. My lawyer tried to console me at the time with the information that should her father show no further interest in his daughter, that if I had a new partner who wished to become her father, he could simply put his name on her birth certificate. This seemed little comfort and a bit shocking at the time. When my daughter turned 18, after 14 years of being with her step father as the only father she knew (though we had paid to send her to meet her biological father when she was aged 16, but it didn't go well), we gave her the choice of adding her step father to her birth certificate. She wholeheartedly agreed. My husband merely contacted births, deaths and marriages and put his name on her birth certificate. Hey presto - he is her father. There is no legal impediment as far as I was led to understand. We have done our best for our daughter as I am sure you are trying to do. You are not trying to deny her anything - you are trying to offer her a better life.
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Old Apr 9th 2013, 12:52 pm
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Default Re: A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no con

Thank you all. I really hope you are all right! It doesn't make sense that someone who has never met my son (through his own choice) could potentially put this block on all of our lives but then a lot of things in life don't make sense. I did read that step children thread, so awful to read what j19fmm went through over it all. Hopefully the birth certificate will be evidence enough as we wouldn't be able to afford much in the way of legal fees.
Trafford I wonder if laws have changed since then as I'm under the impression it's not legal to do that (any more at least) but I can't see a lawyer having told you to do something illegal. I'm so glad you had a happy ending! I have been very tempted on more than one occasion to just stick my partner's name on his birth certificate and be done with it as he's been a dad to him in every possible way other than biology, but we're the type of people who attract bad luck like iron fillings to a magnet so if it is illegal we would I'm sure be found out and made an example of!
I know entirely what you mean about feeling devastated and ashamed about the blank space on the certificate. I somehow feel like my eldest has had a more disadvantaged start in life than the others because of it. But then I tell myself he is almost certainly better off without that individual in his life and has everything in a 'normal' family now, but I do wish it could be 'official' :-(
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Old Apr 9th 2013, 10:32 pm
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Default Re: A couple more questions - sorry! Taking my son whose biological father has no con

Originally Posted by tiger mama View Post
Trafford I wonder if laws have changed since then as I'm under the impression it's not legal to do that (any more at least) but I can't see a lawyer having told you to do something illegal.:-(
This was in NZ that I got the advice. The system may be different in the UK. I know that in the UK if you have paternity proven by the court, you can add the father to the birth certificate now without his consent. That wasn't available 20 odd years ago in NZ. I would say that it is not a lie/illegal exactly - it does not say the person on the certificate has to be the biological father - just that you cannot add anybody as the father. The father must consent either by being married to you or if unmarried by stating he is the father (or having the court prove paternity). Splitting hairs maybe, and perhaps since it is an official document it might be a grey area if the purpose is to deceive or deny someone their rights. But in my case, and in yours by the sounds of it, it is not the case. Besides - how many "mother's baby, father's maybe" cases are there out there, where the father's name is added to the certificate? Many people would have been breaking the law!

Originally Posted by tiger mama View Post
I'm so glad you had a happy ending! I have been very tempted on more than one occasion to just stick my partner's name on his birth certificate and be done with it as he's been a dad to him in every possible way other than biology, but we're the type of people who attract bad luck like iron fillings to a magnet so if it is illegal we would I'm sure be found out and made an example of!
Maybe leave it as it is if you are worried. Since he has opted not to put his name on the birth certificate, and since he has not claimed any sort of parental rights (let alone parental involvement), then surely it is not up to you to chase him for advice or permission for anything (including emigration)? I can't see how you would get into trouble for leaving the country.


Originally Posted by tiger mama View Post
I know entirely what you mean about feeling devastated and ashamed about the blank space on the certificate. I somehow feel like my eldest has had a more disadvantaged start in life than the others because of it. But then I tell myself he is almost certainly better off without that individual in his life and has everything in a 'normal' family now, but I do wish it could be 'official' :-(
I thank God that my daughter's biological father was not an influence nor around to interfere. Sometimes things turn out for the best, despite our worries at the time. I tried to ensure that I never bad-mouthed him. I even became his apologist - trying to explain his absence for all her life by explaining we were young / a lot of water had gone under the bridge / he might feel he was interfering if he tried to get involved etc etc. Then when she began asking more and more questions, we began trying to find him. Then we set up an intermediary to contact him and made sure that she had plenty of control and privacy over her email contact with him so that the relationship could develop outside of my influence (a hard thing to do - to trust a man who is now a "stranger"). We paid for her flights to see him, and someone on hand close by that she could go to if she felt overwhelmed. However, it seems that life had not taught him to be less selfish. He blamed me, and any of the other previous women in his life for everything. My daughter insisted that she and I had no ill will or thought towards him, but he was not to be dissuaded. He scared her frankly. The relationship broke down one week into a two week visit, and he made it clear he wanted nothing more to do with her. Cruel - and devastating for her. But she got to know her father and satisfied her curiosity. It made her closer to her step father too, who was very supportive (even though it was difficult for him) during the process.
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