Corporate jargon

Old Aug 26th 2014, 7:06 am
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Smile Corporate jargon

Since when did it become appropriate reply to e-mails with a disclaimer reminding people to behave ethically?
e.g.
Originally Posted by Another Manager
Originally Posted by Me
<I give feedback and compliment a new system being tested suggesting it could raise performance quite rapidly.>
Yes this will be of great value if used ethically.
Didn’t we just expect that people would behave ethically at one point? Also what use is there of lecturing someone unethical about being ethical? I've seen this several times now in one form or another. Anyway as forewarning I think this could be the new corporate jargon thing this year...if used ethically .

Other trends so far this year:
- Big data: Like small data but bigger.
- Cloud computing: So far however it has only replaced the need to e-mail myself documents, pictures etc.
- Strategic table: My friends from HR love this term at the moment, they all think they can "add value" and use "strategicness" to get closer to it. Hopefully this gives us the opportunity to finally talk them round to a model that doesn't pretend human performance although it conformed to a bell curve.
- Tactical initiative: I don't know what a tactical initiative is but I'm sure the military use it on new recruits.

Remember in the old days when we used to make products and provide services people really wanted and make a lot of money doing it? I think one day that will come back into fashion .
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Old Aug 26th 2014, 8:45 am
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Default Re: Corporate jargon

With all due respect, it is what it is; at this juncture the take home message from the 'world-class' corporates of Nu Zulland is that every show pony out there is sticking to their knitting, looking for quick win; they're all looking at the low hanging fruit, duck shoving or on a fishing expedition and trying to get some face time with the boss so that they might table and triangulise their robust and anonomised puff piece about some raft of measures that they stole of t'internet.

They'll be dying in a ditch to get everyone ITL on this collaborative project that's going to provide a world-class solution and leverage the core competencies within a minimal timeframe.

They all like to talk about bang for their buck but we all know it's destined for the too hard basket; the bottom-line says it barely washes its own face.
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Old Aug 26th 2014, 9:34 am
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Default Re: Corporate jargon

Fantastic ! I wish there was a round of applause icon. I'd use it for you, for this post.
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Old Aug 26th 2014, 11:54 pm
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Smile Re: Corporate jargon

Great work Bo. Have you thought about making money from this skill?
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Old Aug 27th 2014, 7:24 am
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Default Re: Corporate jargon

All I need is a web geek to help me write some standard online reports with drop-down menus that insert appropriate bullshit in all the right places.
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Old Aug 27th 2014, 11:59 pm
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Default Re: Corporate jargon

Originally Posted by Bo-Jangles
All I need is a web geek to help me write some standard online reports with drop-down menus that insert appropriate bullshit in all the right places.
Just reminded me of another of this years "in" corporate jargon.

Industry disruptor/disruptive technology: When your son or daughter points out the dress or shirt you just tried on and like is half the price on Amazon without even taking her eyes off her iPhone.
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Old Aug 28th 2014, 1:07 pm
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Default Re: Corporate jargon

Originally Posted by Bo-Jangles
With all due respect, it is what it is; at this juncture the take home message from the 'world-class' corporates of Nu Zulland is that every show pony out there is sticking to their knitting, looking for quick win; they're all looking at the low hanging fruit, duck shoving or on a fishing expedition and trying to get some face time with the boss so that they might table and triangulise their robust and anonomised puff piece about some raft of measures that they stole of t'internet.

They'll be dying in a ditch to get everyone ITL on this collaborative project that's going to provide a world-class solution and leverage the core competencies within a minimal timeframe.

They all like to talk about bang for their buck but we all know it's destined for the too hard basket; the bottom-line says it barely washes its own face.
You didn't mention 'Deliverables'.
But maybe that is sooo last year
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Old Aug 28th 2014, 11:29 pm
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Default Re: Corporate jargon

Some funny and all too familiar pieces of corporate jargon in this article;

CLICKY, CLICKY
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Old Aug 29th 2014, 3:19 am
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Default Re: Corporate jargon

Originally Posted by TommyLuck
Some funny and all too familiar pieces of corporate jargon in this article;

CLICKY, CLICKY
It missed out "proactive." As soon as that comes up in a sentence, I switch off and
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