Kevin

Isn’t it funny how we get things thrust upon us that we really don’t want!...

It must be about seventeen years ago when I got my first PC. In fact I built it up myself, as PC’s were not so readily available back then. I bought all the components from a small company who operated from a shabby looking back unit on a “business” estate. Took me days trying to configure everything using a whole stack of floppy disks, which included DOS, Windows and all the various “drivers”.

Back then I had a job as a College Lecturer, and having the ability to “word process” and draw effortlessly for my handouts and overhead projections… well it was a godsend!.. but little did I know what was to come later.

It was a while before I got onto the interweb thingy, and like many folk I was amazed at the sheer scope of this marvellous new tool. It was so easy, sign up to AOL, log on (dialup) and away you go! And it got better, we learned how to do such things as online banking, chatting with people overseas without having to remortgage the house to pay the telephone bill, book holidays….. oh wow this was so much fun.

So, how is it that now I seem to spend most of my time trying to keep the computer working? What do I mean?... well, like most of you I guess, I have constant “conflicts” of the various programs I run. In fact it must be like world war three for Tron and his buddies inside the circuitry of my PC. I get messages popping up with stuff I don’t understand, “fatal errors” (I always feel like some big mainspring is going to blast out of the PC and slash my wrist or something!)…. Messages that tell me “You have performed an Illegal Operation”… In fact by now I must have performed more of these that a back street plastic surgeon in down town Mexico, messages abound that seem to want to confuse me, many with an added twist, and that of offering me yes, no and cancel options, with a warning that goes along the lines of “get it wrong and you may never see your hard drive again!”
If all this isn’t bad enough, I now have to keep constant vigil over my computer in a bid to try and make sure that no one steals my information from it. Including access to my bank account, and all my personal files, records, family photo’s…. and even my very identity! Who knows, as I type this maybe there is another me sitting in a Starbucks somewhere in Moscow ordering a large Latté and a bowl of Borsch … I dread getting my bank statement these days!
Then there is the constant maintenance of support programs, anti-virus software, windows “fixes”, registry cleaners… and the cost of some of these alone!

The latest bugbear of mine is the search engine battle. I used to “Google” everything, but recently I have had to “Ask” everything, as it seems that I have inadvertently loaded something or other that takes away my choice of which search engine to use. I “Googled”… sorry, I mean “Asked” for answers, only to find that my browser has been “Hijacked”….. I was so worried last night I couldn’t even sleep. I’m still waiting for a note being shoved under the door with a ransom demand…! Or am I getting this confused with “kidnapping”? who knows, that might be next!.... I might get a package with a bit of a “snipped edge” from a printed circuit board or something… oh the humanity, how can people do such things?

Do I learn?... do I heck!
I am somewhat of a fool to myself. A bit of a sadomasochist maybe. Why?... well the other day I was given the option of a free mobile phone upgrade, which made sense at the time, as I was looking to combine my Broadband and telephone/s to save money, by opting on to one of the oh so very confusing packages that are available these days.

So after a week of deliberation, searching for (using “Bing”, because that is the latest search engine to hijack my browser), anyway, searching for the best telephone to suit my needs, I decided on a mid-range smart phone. Apparently I can use it to get email, it can tell me where I am on a world map as it has GPS, it can play music, videos, FM radio. It has Gmail, facebook, twitter, a camera, a video camera, a gallery for viewing all the pics and videos, voice search, calculators, Bluetooth, Wi-Fi tethering, has an Android operating system…… oh the list is endless. And to top it all (I was gobsmacked) you can even use it to make and receive telephone calls, yes I kid you not!

Well, two days after getting my new “smartphone” I decided to take the bull by the horns and get to grips with some of these features. It was a mere 30 mins before I had actually managed to work out how to make a telephone call with it. Funny that, my old model seemed easier… it had a key pad, and you just sort of tapped in the number and away you went!..... okay, well no big shakes, now I know how to get the right screen up (the one with the keypad on it) making calls should be a breeze.
As for setting up the rest of it, well the one sheet of instructions that came with the phone did seem a little “light” to say what it was supposed to be capable of. It shows how to install the two cards, the battery and a few simple instructions…. But how do you set up things like Bluetooth? Downloading to the PC? Using the email functions? Using it to log in on your home wireless network?........ these and about a hundred other topics seem to have been missed!
I telephoned Telecom, and the first person I spoke to was as much in the dark as was I, but the second “tech head” managed to find (after he did some searching…. probably using “Ask”…. or “Bing”) a pdf for a much more complete set of instructions, which for some reason they seemed to not consider putting in with the phone. Maybe because it would have doubled the size and weight of the actual phone box packaging? So now I have it. A seventy two page… yes a 72 PAGE document on how to set up and use the features included with the phone….

Apparently there is a Uni course you can take for setting up your smartphone. You come away with a certificate at the end of it, which I believe is on par with a PHD in telecommunications electronics. It is a short course, only lasting two terms, and costs a mere $1500.00 which is quite a bargain given the complexity.


I know that these things are meant to make life easier, communication better etc. But is it just me, or has it all got a bit out of hand? A bit confusing? A bit unnecessary!

Do we really need all this crap?

Amendment.

This is meant as a dig at myself, my own inept attempts to get to grips with my own computer.

Before anyone replies, can I please state for the record that “the rant” is tongue in cheek. Computer welfare personnel have been consulted at every stage of the production, ie no computers were actually harmed, and counselling was available for any computers that felt they needed it.
My apologies go out to all tech-heads that may feel that their masculinity has been questioned by any of the above. I’m sure you all are quite capable of getting women (or men)… I have seen “The Big Bang Theory”, and yes Penny is quite hot!

No, my problem with windows isn’t due to the downloading of Pron (see previous which is now in the Lab).
No, I don’t “jack off to Jazz magazines” (once again… see previous)
Yes I am a bit thick when it comes to the nuts and bolts of my PC
No I am not wanting to spend a month learning a new system or building up an old computer that I happen to have lying around… which I don’t!
Yes I admit that I did give up rather quickly with the Linux install…. I mean I gave up after just one day of trying and TRYING to get it going.

Lastly, for anyone who gets even a bit of a laugh out of my post, that’s great. For anyone else who wants to have a go at me for trying to “share” and inject a bit of humour into what has been a frustrating weekend ….. well go fek’ yourself!

kaihoe

The lengths some people will go to just to get noticed

Kevin

Gee whiz it’s you again!.... You really are just a miserable old humourless ******d aren’t you. At least I try and give folks a bit of a laugh, all you can do is come back with a one line putdown (again). Why bother huh?.... Please refer to the last bit of my post!

kaihoe

Kev matey..I really thought you were having probs with your pc,and offered my small bit of advice as did other members,but you sneaky little man,you were having ''a bob each way''and now its a funny rant,did the advice get a bit ''heavy'' to the point where it was beyond your comprehension,? were you peed off because no one laughed? I,ll be your friend Kevin and laugh at your posts,just warn me in advance that they are intended to be funny !!
Now wheres that ''tongue in cheek'' smilie ??

rachmac

I didnt see the one before, only this one..... but i was amused!

Kevin

Naw…. No problems here matey. I suppose I just get a bit narky when I post a thread which is intended to be just nothing more than observational humour, moreover, the fables and follies of a middle aged guy struggling with technology… ie me! and then subsequent replies go on to suggest porn related viruses, illegal downloads, doing anything to get oneself noticed….silly little rant… jacking off to magazines!!!!!! I mean WTF?

I’m not apologising for trying to write a few funny posts here and there. I like trying to put a smile on people’s faces. Sure, not everyone will see the humour, and I’m sure some may think its egotistical to write about myself or my own experiences (don’t we all write about our own experiences here though?). With all due respect, if I may just suggest, the next time you feel like penning a curt one line response to a post, could you take just a little time to evaluate your “remark”. If you disagree with the post or the subject matter, fine. But can’t you see that a snide remark aimed directly at the poster isn’t very clever.
I too was out of line, as I should have been less quick to respond in the way I did, and for that I apologise. As for my tongue in cheek smile, oh yes, its still here.

lardyl

Sorry mate if I got this off on the wrong foot.
As I said there are some useful websites if you want to persevere with Windows.
When I installed Linux on a AMD-K5 machine 10 or 15 years ago it worked for a day and then the CPU fried. So that experiment didn't work either.
Good luck with getting it straight.
Ian

Kevin

Hey that's okay Ian, no problem... these things happen. As for my computer probs, well I may well try again, but first I have to get a new CD writer and for what it costs I might get a new 'second' hard drive and have a play with that. At least if I stuff up, I wont lose anything important. When I do try again though, I will get as much info as I can through one of the many Computer/Linux forums that are out there on the interweb. As I said, I really only put up the post to hopefully give folks a bit of a giggle... I wasn't really looking for tech help, not that I don't appreciate any advice that is.

Regards.