MrsFychan

Only way we sorted bullying in school was to get Hekia Parata involved. Than jumped a year meaning we could leave the area which was also a good move. 5 years and still miss the structure and procedures in the UK, least you know what was happening and where to go. Hard when you are used to structure.

Spacecake799

I think we all did what we thought was the right thing for our children when we moved to NZ. I had investigated, spoken to people, read, everything but until your actually there you really are looking through rose tinted glasses.
For us we had decided surely NZ would be better than the UK which of course has many faults.
6 years in NZ and you realise what else the UK has, how many good points and the fact that yes some of us prefer it.
We have three children, our oldest son was 14 when we arrived and yes they were all excited with what we had told them this great place would offer.
He finished year 13 and returned to the UK!
Dont get me wrong NZ has some lovely qualities, its just not enough for everyone.

bearskin

NZ has quite a few things that are worse then the UK, and although it undoubtedly has many things better; it can be the things that matter to you that are the difference. For example the cost of livings is an issue here, but it doesn't particularly bother me (maybe I'm frugal or just not your usual 'consumer'?). However, I can't stand the weather here and for the majority of people it's not a big problem... At 4 months you will still be in full-on compare-everything mode - you can't help that. Over time that will fade, and life will just be life. Swings and roundabouts as it were.

Bullying IS NZ - it's like it's part of it's Operating System!? NZ IS a teenage country - it's immature - it's a new place (compare it to the Uk that has history back thousands of years). It's unfortunate but there you go. Younger children do get a lot more 'freedom' to just be kids than in the UK, but the flip side is the toxicity of the bullying. I think it has an abnormally high suicide rate, and child abuse too I'm sorry to say.

This too will pass. I remember working twice as hard as I did in the UK for the first two years I was here. They have a ridiculous phrase here - "doing the hard yards". I think it means working like a dog until you prove you can stick it, then you can slack off like the rest of the kiwis. Maybe the whole country is actually run on all the work that migrants in their first two years do here??? Wait til you get to Christmas and realise you're expecting to take HALF your annual leave at once "because it's Christmas, that's we all do!!" It really sucks having Christmas and the main school holidays at the same time. Sorry, I can't call it 'summer holidays'... the 6 weeks of actual summer usually only starts as the schools go back in Feb.

Woodlea

I read this yesterday and thought as I often do when I read stuff on this site that I must live in a parallel universe. I suppose it is just that it must be vastly different up North. I have never experienced bullying in NZ, the driving is no worse than Scotland but the climate is infinitely better.

Maybe the OP needs to move down South. The majority of the whingers on here all seem to be in the North, and it pisses me off when they tar the whole of NZ with the same brush.

I love it in Canty and so does my family

BEVS

My husband has unfortunately experienced insidious bullying in his work place. All because he came from England FFS. Never a moment to strike was missed. He couldn't simply walk out as there would have been an undertone of derogatory gossip about A Pom who couldn't cut it. The trades circle is small out here.

He's moved on from that now , although it knocked his self confidence in himself for a while.

I believe Ssky also wrote about the bullying she received in her workplace.

We're both on the South Island.

I don't think my post holds any sweeping statements however I do feel that there is a bit of a culture of 'bullying' here in New Zealand. Something which seems to make it acceptable and to be ignored rather than addressed.

As I live here , I'd like to see this addressed , along with any other issue which does NZ and its people no credit and can cause harm.

LoCarb

I'd be interested to know if this situation applies in Australia too.

I know Kiwis get a lot of ribbing across the ditch.

Anybody here have experience in both countries?

A Rush And A Push

Yeah, I agree. I'm not saying there is no bullying in NZ, far from it, but the statement "Bullying IS NZ" - I just can't agree with that. I've been here 16 years and never experienced bullying, in or out of work.

I'm not saying it doesn't exist but to suggest it is somehow universal is something I disagree with. I'm in Auckland btw.

To the OP, hope things improve for you soon.

Reylan

Sadly I experienced bullying at work in the UK so, while I know it is a terrible thing to experience, it isnt just NZ I don't think.

I too hope the OP can resolve things one way or another. It's horrible to feel so torn and out of control I'm sure.

BEVS

Best bet is to ask on the Oz forum . That lot may be able to say.

My husband wasn't "ribbed" . I hope that isn't the suggestion here. That somehow he was a fragile little Pom that needed to 'toughen up' . He was being insidiously systematically bullied , sideswiped , targeted, made to feel third rate despite all his best efforts. Utterly disgusting and frankly what a bunch of pathetic bankers.

With regards to bullying, it obviously happens anywhere there will be people . Anywhere. Why? Because those people have chips on their shoulders and need to make themselves feel better. It happens in the animal kingdom also with the need to be a top dog. To cow those that might be seen as some threat for some reason.

I don't get why, when this or other issues that happen here in NZ are mentioned it is almost immediately stated that said issue is also in < insert country > . Almost like a deflection to dilute the NZ issue, as nothing to be concerned about, will make it not so or go away, rather than take it by the horns and stand up and say, sorry this is happening here. Let's DO something about this. Face it straight on . Get it out there & pull the heck out of it .

We live here. In New Zealand. Not somewhere else. Our eyes should be on New Zealand.

I don't know why there is the need for all the aggression here in NZ. It's on the roads. It's endemic among the quite unsporting NZ sports fans. It's the reporting style when interviewing or rather not interviewing but barracking.

MAZ-10's son is experiencing bullying to the point where he has not wanted to go to school. That's damaging and isn't going to be fixed easily by joining some group or a sport. It needs to be acknowledged & addressed by the school.
The boy is not the perp here, the bullies are.

Early days MAZ-10 . I do hope a solution, something, anything is done to stop this from happening to your son. Disgraceful. Those bullyblog kids have parents and I would hope those parents would not find the behaviour in any way acceptable.


edit...
To add.

Ribbing is not bullying.
and
Bullying is not ribbing.
Everyone knows the difference.

LoCarb

Including me.
I wasn't suggesting otherwise.
Just stating a fact that Kiwis get ribbed in Oz, not sure about bullying though, hence the question I posed above.

I got bullied at school in the UK, not by kids but the headmaster, and missed quite a few days because of it.

I believe Public Schools in the UK are rife with bullying, at least when I lived there they were

BEVS

So what. Kiwis equally like to poke at Aussies don't they.

That is nothing like being systematically bullying is it ,so I remain unsure why you would even have written it.

FWIW I was bullied badly by a group of boys when I had to start at a new school because my family moved area. It. Was. Not. Good. So I feel for this lad. I really feel for this lad.

No idea what UK public schools have to do with the bullying issues right here, right now in NZ. Nothing to do with NZ.

However , one man, one woman , one boy being bullied in NZ by NZers is an NZ issue. Except it isn't one offs is it. So lets forget pointing the fingers elsewhere. Let's acknowledge and deal with what is right here.

Statement: In my opinion and it is just my opinion, there is far too much bullyblogs going on here in NZ and far too much denying it happens here in NZ.

Solution: Accept and acknowledge this is an issue out there, even if one hasn't personally been on the receiving end. Talk out loud about this and actively look to stop this. This type of issue , just as with child abuse or suicide feeds on silence.

LoCarb

I have no idea if Australians in NZ get "poked".
I think you need to start another thread as it's wandered off topic.

Reylan

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Apologies if I offended, it was not intentional.

bourbon-biscuit

Bullying is a bit of a problem in NZ, possibly because it's a culturally young nation and has an insecurity about its place in the world - clever Kiwis in NZ unis have made the link between this and the high rates of suicide in NZ, especially for men. It doesn't really matter much if you haven't personally experienced that; it's well-acknowledged to be a problem and pretending it isn't contributes to it and is a covert form of victim-blaming (because even if it's not what you mean, you can be heard as saying, "oh, really? Strange, it's not something *I* have experienced ...."). I think the high rates of bullying/ tall poppy syndrome/ this-is-how-we-do-it-here-ness also stem from this sense of insecurity. My understanding is that it's especially toxic and dangerous for men in NZ.

I don't know about the bullying culture here but I do know that we have especially high rates of suicide in industries such as construction and that the frustrations of tall poppy syndrome is discussed in relation to R&D quite openly so I imagine it's a problem here too. But I think we trade Kiwi 'insecurity' for Oz 'arrogance'

OP: have you approached the school about how your son is struggling to settle and the negative experiences he has had? If you haven't yet, I would suggest giving it a go, initially via email to raise the issue with the tutor or year head and see if you can arrange to meet up and discuss if they have any advice. Don't use the word bullying the first time you contact but see how they respond to your contact. They get masses of kids arrive from the UK and might have some ideas. I speak from experience of CHS, assuming that's where he is. Have you met any of the local 'expats' yet?

The above advice is great: no matter what time you come home, spend your time at home being as present with your lad as you can, fill his weekends with family time, be there for him, suggest ways he can meet kids out of the classroom and just encourage him to stay as close to you as possible. We moved our daughter TWICE in her mid-teens (wasn't the plan, wouldn't advise it) and I think we all survived because we stayed close, stayed open, validated her feelings while telling her it would get better, etc. All the best to you; hang in there - it's very early days.

carcajou

I have experience in both countries.

Very different countries, very different cultures, very different lived experiences.

I was in New Zealand before Australia. In New Zealand it seemed I read about Australia every day in the newspapers and heard about it on TV. Here in Oz - I never read or hear about NZ. Australians don't seem to think much about NZ unless there is an election there (which will merit a story on the day or the day before). That (the indifference/inattention) was a surprise to me. I do live in WA, not the Eastern States, but there are a lot of Kiwis (Pakeha and Maori) here yet still it's like NZ doesn't exist.

I was on the receiving end of bullying in NZ. Mostly people who wanted to bring the foreigner down a peg or two and haze me into the "Kiwi Way." I have never experienced anything like that in Australia. That isn't to say bullying doesn't exist here. It does, and it does in the schools. But people here are more likely to take a stand against it, and if brought to the attention of school officials, they will try to do something too, though not always effectively.

That's just my experience.

I should also add - don't tar all Kiwis with the same brush. It is a minority who engage in this bullying! But they are not an insignificant minority, and when it happens to you, it's unforgettable.