Aussie Jokes

Old Jan 22nd 2008, 12:59 am
  #1  
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
 
simonmarkellis's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Whitby Wellington
Posts: 2,440
simonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond repute
Default Aussie Jokes

Kiwi bloke was on earth doing the Haka. Somewhere in space, Aliens were watching this unusual dance.

"Kamate, kamate, ka-ora, ka-ora......"

The Aliens were very interested and they wanted to see what would happen if they would take a part of his brain away without him even knowing. So with their alien technology they sent a laser beam down that hit the Kiwi's head and took a part of his brain away.

The Aliens then sat back to see what would happen.

"Ka-mate, ka-mate, ka-ora, ka-ora......."

What the??? The Aliens were amazed with what they were seeing. The Kiwi guy could operate with less than a full brain. So they decided to send the beam down and take another part of his brain. The Aliens watched on.

"Ka-mate, ka-mate, ka-ora, ka-ora......"

"WHAT!!!" the Aliens said to each other. "These Kiwis are very clever people even with half a brain. Let's see what happens if we take the rest of it away and leave him with no brain at all!"

So with a push of a button the Aliens sent the beam down and took away the final part of the Kiwi's brain.

"Now surely he won't know anything at all.He should be too dumb and stupid to do anything now?"

And sure enough, with no brain and no knowledge of anything at all as the Aliens watched on the bloke sang,





"WALTZING MATILDA, WALTZING MATILDA......"
simonmarkellis is offline  
Old Jan 22nd 2008, 1:28 am
  #2  
Here in Dunedin
 
southerner's Avatar
 
Joined: May 2003
Location: Dunedin
Posts: 1,975
southerner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond reputesoutherner has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Aussie Jokes

In a similar vein, a NZ prime minister in the 1970s famously declared that the "immigrants moving from NZ to Oz helped to raise the average IQ of both countries".
southerner is offline  
Old Jan 22nd 2008, 1:55 am
  #3  
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
 
simonmarkellis's Avatar
 
Joined: Nov 2006
Location: Whitby Wellington
Posts: 2,440
simonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond reputesimonmarkellis has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Aussie Jokes

The seven dwarfs went off to work in the mine one day, while Snow White stayed at home to do the housework and cook their lunch.

However when she went to the mine to deliver their lunches, she found there had been a cave-in, and there was no sign of the dwarfs.

Tearfully she yelled in to the mine entrance:"hello - is anyone there. Can anyone hear me".

A voice floated up from the bowels of the mine:
" Australia will win the Rugby World Cup"

"Thank god" said Snow White "at least Dopey's still alive"
simonmarkellis is offline  
Old Jan 22nd 2008, 3:44 am
  #4  
Forum Regular
 
Joined: May 2006
Location: Takapuna
Posts: 270
waynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to beholdwaynepfry is a splendid one to behold
Default Re: Aussie Jokes

Following on from the great rugby joke from Simon - a little dated this one but I nearly split my corset when I read it the first time

http://www.sundaymirror.co.uk/sport/...8487-19950430/
waynepfry is offline  
Old Jan 22nd 2008, 6:09 am
  #5  
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,118
dreamfish is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Aussie Jokes

An Englishman, an Irishman, an Australian and a New Zealander were in a plane, getting ready to make their first parachute jump. The Englishman's exit was spectacular; he leapt out of the plane with the cry "I am doing this for my country.....". The Irishman leapt out immediately afterwards, calling out the same words. Then the New Zealander ripped the parachute off the Australian, pushed him out of the plane and cried "I'm doing this for my country.....".
dreamfish is offline  
Old Jan 22nd 2008, 6:10 am
  #6  
 
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,118
dreamfish is an unknown quantity at this point
Default Re: Aussie Jokes

I just seen these jokes and they have had me roaring (i have a simple mind )



How many Aussies does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

    What should you do if an Aussie throws a grenade at you.

      Did you hear about the Aussie who had a brain transplant?

        What's the difference between yoghurt and Australians?
          dreamfish is offline  
          Old Jan 22nd 2008, 7:10 am
            #7  
          Maz
           
          Joined: May 2005
          Posts: 5,763
          Maz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond reputeMaz has a reputation beyond repute
          Default Re: Aussie Jokes

          Maz is offline  
          Old Jan 22nd 2008, 8:03 pm
            #8  
          TeamEmbo
           
          TeamEmbo's Avatar
           
          Joined: Jan 2007
          Location: Rangiora
          Posts: 1,557
          TeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond reputeTeamEmbo has a reputation beyond repute
          Default Re: Aussie Jokes

          Q. Why do Australians call their beer XXXX?


          A. Cos they can't spell beer.
          TeamEmbo is offline  

          Posting Rules
          You may not post new threads
          You may not post replies
          You may not post attachments
          You may not edit your posts

          BB code is On
          Smilies are On
          [IMG] code is On
          HTML code is Off
          Trackbacks are Off
          Pingbacks are Off
          Refbacks are Off


          Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service - Do Not Sell My Personal Information

          Copyright © 2018 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.