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3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Old May 22nd 2020, 12:48 pm
  #31  
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
34... don't waste any more of your prime years. Go home, get a new job and get pregnant. In that order.

If he can make the move with you, great. If not, personal happiness comes first. Don't get pregnant if you're not happy, it'll get worse.
Posting in the NZ forum, does this mean you are considering leaving Disneyland?

I recall you have been kicking around a move to this part of the world.
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Old May 22nd 2020, 1:57 pm
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Originally Posted by Millhouse View Post
.... Don't get pregnant if you're not happy, it'll get worse.
Same applies to marriage - getting married will not fix all the other problems you have, and will make some of them worse.
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Old May 22nd 2020, 5:10 pm
  #33  
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

I'm 34 this year, my partner 36. We are probably on the cusp of marriage and children. I'm worried that if I mention all of the above to him, the proposal won't come and our otherwise strong relationship will be at risk. The truth is, I cannot imagine raising children here and in my heart would rather move back to the UK. I feel as though my kids would be missing out on art, culture, news, the world in general by growing up in NZ....not to mention they'd miss out on having a relationship with my large family. I worry that I'd be at massive risk of post-natal depression if we went ahead and started a family here - I already feel so cut off. I worry that we wouldn't be able to afford to live a decent lifestyle and that trips home to the UK would be sacrificed. When my parents start to age, what will happen? I've already missed some huge milestones like my sister's 30th, Dad's 60th... The truth is I would never have even bothered visiting NZ if it wasn't for my boyfriend. I just don't like it.

You should call it quits and return to the UK...... from reading lots of posts on this forum regarding people missing their family as one of the prime reasons for not liking a new place, the posters never get over that feeling and homesickness just gets worse.

You've given it 3 years and apart from your boyfriend there is not much you like about NZ - you don't like your job, the climate, the isolation, your house etc etc.

Don't get married and have children - then you'll just be married, with children and unhappy.

You say your boyfriend cannot return to the UK because you are not married - not sure where you got this idea from but not true. If YOU want to sponsor HIM for an unmarried partner visa for the UK, you could.
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Old May 22nd 2020, 9:57 pm
  #34  
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Read my post, don't have children here if you are not 100% sure about staying here until they are 18. Please x
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Old Jul 8th 2020, 1:29 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

THANK YOU FOR THIS POST! It made me feel so much less alone.

I'm 29f from the UK, the midlands originally but have lived nomadically and travelled for the last 5 years. I have been trying to adjust to life in NZ (specifically Great Barrier Island - which is unbelievably remote and isolated even by NZ standards) for the sake of my wonderful boyfriend who loves it here. He's a kiwi and I swear will never love anything or anyone more than he loves NZ.

The problem is: I don't. For a lot of the same reasons you have said. I feel culturally starved and socially under-stimulated. I feel like I have given up so much of my rich social, cultural and creative life in Europe and whilst NZ, and GBI is so beautiful, there just isn't enough here for me. My bf can't understand because he's of that 'toughen up' hunting and fishing kiwi persona. Live simply, don't think too much etc. Even the most basic things here, food, power, hot water, firewood (no heating) take a Hercluean effort and it's draining.

And the fact that people constantly make jokes at the expense of poms - the in my case blatant dislike of Brits is exhausting.

I feel like I'm facing the choice between living my fullest, most fulfilled exciting life and being with my boyfriend whom I love.

How are you doing since Corona? Are you based in Auckland?

Last edited by GBIStowaway; Jul 8th 2020 at 1:51 am.
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Old Jul 8th 2020, 1:44 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Girl I am so sorry.

I'm in a similar situation. But I live on Great Barrier Island. Which is so remote and isolated - even by NZ standards. It scares me how often I keep seeing on this thread people saying 'I don't even feel like myself anymore.' That's exactly how I feel.

It helps me be able to reframe things though - the advice I would give to anyone here is clearly the advice I should follow for myself - go home. Get back on with your life, you are all you need. No one is worth sacrificing yourself for.
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Old Jul 9th 2020, 1:11 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Originally Posted by GBIStowaway View Post
Girl I am so sorry.

I'm in a similar situation. But I live on Great Barrier Island. Which is so remote and isolated - even by NZ standards. It scares me how often I keep seeing on this thread people saying 'I don't even feel like myself anymore.' That's exactly how I feel.

It helps me be able to reframe things though - the advice I would give to anyone here is clearly the advice I should follow for myself - go home. Get back on with your life, you are all you need. No one is worth sacrificing yourself for.
I think it is time for a very serious talk with your boyfriend, before things pass the point of no return. Perhaps with giving another place in NZ a chance first. There are plenty of rugged locations in NZ that don't require you to have a generator, and where you don't have to take a boat to get to the supermarket.
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Old Jul 9th 2020, 1:42 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Originally Posted by carcajou View Post
I think it is time for a very serious talk with your boyfriend, before things pass the point of no return. Perhaps with giving another place in NZ a chance first. There are plenty of rugged locations in NZ that don't require you to have a generator, and where you don't have to take a boat to get to the supermarket.
Thank you for this advice. Yes there are absolutely parts of New Zealand I think I would be more suited to, I love the South Island and Whangarei. I'm not afraid of the outdoors lifestyle but the problem is it's very easy to feel trapped on GBI. But bf has grown up holidaying out here and has made clear he won't consider somewhere else.
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Old Jul 9th 2020, 1:49 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

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Old Jul 9th 2020, 2:54 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

What is your job? It seems hard for me to think of a life you have on GBI unless you are in tourism.
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Old Jul 9th 2020, 3:34 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

I'm a writer - self-employed, and I need WiFi to work, which also is patchy on the Barrier. So my job is also very isolating too. I enjoy it when I have a wider social circle and I can meet people easily. You are right though - most people here work in tourism or trades.
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Old Jul 9th 2020, 3:53 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

I have a friend who has been in the same situation for 25 years! Its annoying as all hell. Back and forth between UK and Melbourne, relocating every few years. They never married but do have a child, dog and houses together (UK & OZ). Marriage and children complicate things, on a massive scale.
If you are not happy now, why would a marriage proposal change things? Surely that would just be even more complicated?
What about returning to the UK for a long break? See if it is really something your are missing.
Do not put your life and happiness on hold for another (especially when they are not willing to do the same).
You cannot say you didn't give it a really good go. It is not a failure, it's an adventure that has ended short, is all!
Its time to pull up your big girl pants and move on.
Find your joy x
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Old Jul 9th 2020, 5:30 am
  #43  
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

Is there some financial, work, or family reason your boyfriend has to be on the GBI? Is the extent of the link, that he took holidays there as a boy?

I am sorry to say but it seems your relationship is at a fork. You probably need to have a frank talk where you tell him that for your own mental sanity, you need to get off the GBI, ASAP. Emotionally prepare for the possibility he may say no, and you may have to walk.

Sorry, but good luck.
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Old Jul 10th 2020, 9:25 am
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

I imagine Great Barrier to be somewhere people go to get away from the world for a while, not as a plan for the rest of their life. That surely is a step too far away from the world on a long term basis and it's not like you can pop over to 'town' at your will. Would he consider Waiheke Island as the next best thing? At least that offers a best of both worlds scenario, being well connected to Auckland with regular ferry service (at least hourly and likely more frequently at peak commute and holiday times) with only 40 to 45 minute journey.

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Old Jul 10th 2020, 11:20 pm
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Default Re: 3rd year in & unhappy - will this change?

[ TE😲mball;12878826]I have a friend who has been in the same situation for 25 years! Its annoying as all hell. Back and forth between UK and Melbourne, relocating every few years. They never married but do have a child, dog and houses together (UK & OZ). Marriage and children complicate things, on a massive scale.
If you are not happy now, why would a marriage proposal change things? Surely that would just be even more complicated?
What about returning to the UK for a long break? See if it is really something your are missing.
Do not put your life and happiness on hold for another (especially when they are not willing to do the same).
You cannot say you didn't give it a really good go. It is not a failure, it's an adventure that has ended short, is all!
Its time to pull up your big girl pants and move on.
Find your joy x[/QUOTE]

So agree here. Life just flies past too quick, and it's too short to be unhappy. Personal experience..

There's a member of this forum who gave some advice a few months back, about having a shite bucket and a happy bucket, and balancing those buckets. If the shite one is too full, time to reassess. He may be better at explaining it but you get my drift.

​​​​​​Best advice I've seen, works for me even with all this global pandemic stuff.

​​​​​​Do what makes you happy ❀️
​​​​​​

Last edited by Mishclark; Jul 10th 2020 at 11:22 pm. Reason: Gramma
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