britwhore

Well we arrived a year ago today.

It's been a lovely if somewhat stressful year. Filled with ups and downs.

Being around family has been lovely. Going to the supermarket has been a joy. Driving has been a huge pain in the arse.

What have I learned? Well I'm not a huge baby in cold weather. I enjoy long walks. History actually makes me emotional and actors can't pay bills by just acting.

My husband and I have also learnt that we are WAY more American than we thought

He still hasn't found a job. We're running out of savings. The BBC's wages are laughable and we both miss LA terribly. All to say there might be a chance we'll be moving back by the end of the year.

I'm not sorry we came over. It's been really good for his health. The fact that we sold our house and spent A LOT of money makes me sad.....but what can you do?

Will keep you all updated if you're interested.

Cheers.

lf1

Great minds think alike. I have just finished typing my 1 year update. I am sorry to hear that not all things have worked out for you, but I hope you and hubby will be really happy when you move back to LA. Best wishes to you and keep us posted.

britwhore

Thanks lf1. Was thinking about you guys today! Will take a gander at your year update Thanks x

curleytops

It hardly seems like 5 minutes since I was watching you guys dock in Southampton on the QM cam! Sorry to hear things haven't worked out as you'd hoped Britwhore but great that you can stay optimistic in your outlook and see all this as a valuable experience. It sounds as though you learned a great deal about yourself during this time and that in itself can make the whole experience worthwhile. I think this time here will help you have a greater appreciation for both the UK and the USA and the part each country plays in your life. I wish you all the best for the future, whichever side of the pond you end up on. Thanks for your candor and sharing your experience.

quoll

Gosh, a year already! Sorry to hear that the work situation hasn't been that great though - that certainly puts a downer on things! Good luck with the next step!

Lestergirl

Wow, that year has flown.. sorry it hasnt worked out as you had hoped.. and I wish you well for the future.

NiHao

britwhore,

Thank you so much for the update. Sorry things have been such a mixed bag

I would love to hear more about your experiences. I was interested that you have found you are more Americanized than you realized. In what ways does this show itself? How long did you live in the US?

You mentioned that the year in the UK has been good for your husband's health, without being too nosy do you mean the NHS, different climate, mental health of being home?

Is it motorway driving, city driving or just all UK driving that you don't like? My husband goes back fairly often for work and always mentions how crowded the roads are.

Do you feel that you will/would have stayed if your husband was able to get a job?

Please do keep updating us and I wish you good luck with whatever you decide.

britwhore

Thanks for all the replies and well wishes.

NiHao I will try and answer as much as possible. Regarding his health - my husband had a brain tumor (benign) that was removed in NYC 14 years ago. However due to its location he was left with epilepsy and a mood disorder. Over the years he has been put on different medication that has never quite worked. He was also put on other medication to deal with the side effects of the epilepsy medication including a bunch of anti-depressants. In 2010 he got laid off from his job and things went downhill from there. A year before we left for the UK he was put on another medication and more anti-depressants that made him put on a ton of weight and messed with his personality. Truth be told his personality had been "off" for about 4 or 5 years.

We returned to the UK and had to find him a neurologist (as well as a cardiologist for me......but that's another story!!!) We gave them his very long medication history. I was also interviewed separately to explain his change in personality (he obviously didn't think he'd changed much) The NHS sent him away for two weeks to the Epilepsy Society where they watched and monitored him 24/7, weened him off ALL the drugs and played around with new ones until they found the right one. He's now on a low dose epilepsy medication (he was on huge doses in the US) but more importantly the side effect of this medication is that it's also a mood stabilizer so I now have my "old" husband back!!!! They were absolutely amazing!!!!

As far as feeling Americanized I can't really describe it. It's just a feeling. It doesn't help that by moving back I feel like a child. I left the UK as a teenager so I never built credit history, never had to pay bills etc. in the US I had built an entire adult life - mortgage, car payments etc. by moving back I felt like I was being treated as a child and it really affected me. I also don't understand the "system" over here - utilities, banking, a lot of everyday life things really so that's been weird. I also miss the positive outlook that Americans have. Why are the Brits so down on everything?!?

Driving - I actually don't mind the motorways as they are closest to driving in LA!!! It's the country roads, the tiny towns, bus lanes, speed cameras, being on the wrong side of the car and the road and dealing with gears. My BIGGEST headache though is HILLS!!!!! I can't stand getting stuck on a hill if I'm driving. I actually get heart palpitations.

Would we stay if he got a job? I don't know. I really wouldn't be able to pay my bills with the amount they pay actors over here. Some people obviously make a good living from it but I think I'm screwed as I know how much I can make doing the same work in the US. A guest star on a tv show in the US pays $15,000. A guest star on the BBC pays £850. So it's a huge difference.

I can obviously try and go back and forth between the UK and the US for my work while he lives here. For now that would work but if we decided to start a family it wouldn't be fair to do that.

It's a very difficult and confusing time to tell u the truth.

Sorry if I've bored anyone!!!

britwhore

Oh we lived in the US for 15 years - almost half my life.

NiHao

Britwhore,

I'm so sorry about the medical issues your husband has faced over the years but so fantastic about the treatment your husband has received in the UK! I"m so glad for you both it must have made such a difference for you both. Even if you do return to the US that alone will have made the move worthwhile.

I can understand your frustration with not knowing how everything works over there with regard to banks etc. For me it was like that when we moved to the US. Often I was okay and saw it as part of the adventure but there were days when I just wanted to cry because absolutely nothing was straightforward and people seemed to think I was an idiot for not knowing! Now of course I know the US systems and would have to learn the UK way if we returned! At least it is something that gets better with time.

I am the opposite to you with the driving, I like the rural roads and hate to be on the highways but I can imagine that for you having learned to drive in LA the UK country roads etc. must be very nerve wracking, so totally different to what you are used to.

Its interesting that you mention the negative approach of many people in the UK. I hear this from so many people and yet when I lived there I was never really aware of it. In the US there is a general "can do" approach but I think a lot of what some people see as negative attitude in the UK I see as being "anti bragging" for want of a better term. I think my friends never want to be seen as boasting or showing off so tend to "play things down". I don't know it will be interesting to see what I make of it if we do move back!

That is a huge difference in the pay scale for your profession and I'm guessing the opportunities are much less in the UK too compared to LA. I don't know if it would interest you but would there be any possibility of supplementing your income from acting with teaching? I'm just thinking that for UK actors and drama students they would be very interested in your experience of professional acting work in LA. Of course I know teaching acting and acting are two very different professions so you might not be interested in or suited to teaching. Just sounds like you'd have good credentials that would be somewhat unique in the UK.

It must be stressful trying to decide what to do def difficult and confusing. I guess at this point I'd say give it a bit longer in the UK if you can but maybe commute back to LA for jobs to help with the finances and to keep yourself in the loop there while you figure things out. You are right whatever you decide to do its harder to change things once you have children. If you can afford to give yourself more time, either things will get better for you in the UK or you will become more comfortable with making a decision to return.

Its hard, having left the UK as a teenager you are very much inbetween two nations with a pull in both directions.

Good luck and please do keep posting, its interesting and really helpful for those of us who are considering moving. I've been in the US for nearly 20 years (spent more of my adult life here than in the UK) and although I think the UK would be best for me personally I know that I've changed and the UK has changed, its confusing, stressful, scary and exciting all at once.

britwhore

NiHao thank you so much for your kind reply. I think we're going to try the "back and forth" plan for a year if possible. We've been together for so long I'm sure my husband will relish the time I'm away!!!!!!!

There are so many pluses about living here. I'd hate for people to think it was all doom and gloom. I do love this country. One of the reasons we haven't just said sod this and moved back already is because there are so many things we enjoy about being back.

I DO think life here is harder than in the US. For us anyway.

As far as teaching I understand what you're saying and I appreciate the advice but its a case of "those that can do, those that can't teach" Not that I have anything against teachers. My sister and brother in law are teachers. Besides I would make a terrible teacher!!!!!

I know you're still in the early stages of moving back. The UK really has changed a lot since you left. In some ways for the better but in a lot of ways for the worse. Good luck with your decision.

lf1

You certainly haven't bored me! What a great result about your hubby's health and, as has been said, that alone must be worth making the move, even if it will not be permanent. I have my fingers and toes crossed for both of you that things will work out for you, regardless of which side of the pond you end up on. Funningly enough, my OH is working in Canada again, so if you end up doing the LA commute we'll have one more thing in common.

britwhore

Hahaha weird!!! I hope the commute isn't too much for him.

I'm hoping to do the LA commute. I THINK it could work and then it really will be the best of both worlds!

Now I just have to pass my driving test

lf1

Get yourself up to Hollywood North and get a Cdn driving licence. You can then just trade that in for a UK licence.

Pombat

Sorry to hear things have not worked out too well so far, although great news about your hubby's health. What will happen with the dogs if you do go back? My daughter still talks about how cute they were on the QM2!

Good luck with your driving test, and best wishes and good luck with whatever and wherever you decide is best for you all in the future.