Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
Sep 19th 2014, 1:08 pm
#16
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
Hi MDD,
I hope you are feeling a little less anxious about the big move. I agree that the move back to your home country can cause an immense amount of anxiety and expectation. I think as long as you know this you can mange those expectations.
The UK is not "going to the dogs". There are negatives but there is with any country and only you can decide what the compromises are/can be for your family.
The only thing I would warn you about, and I have no local knowledge of Bath, is education. As you will be aware there are pockets of the UK where schools are very difficult to gain a place in. If your eldest is 12 and you have been in NZ for over 10 years then I gather you have not had your children in the UK system at all. Totally not a reason to not do it, but be prepared for the extra stress that you *may* have. What I found difficult was the school/house - chicken/egg situation. How do you know where you want to live until you know what the schools are like? Some schools are very strict about zoning, some areas are very oversubscribed. Once you know the system you'll be fine, but might cause an initial headache.
I think once you have homesickness and it permeates your life to an annoying level you need to do something about it!
Do give yourself time on the other end to integrate back into UK life. It won't all be wonderful all at once, there will be challenges. I moved back to NZ in 2013 after being in the UK for 12 years (I am a kiwi). It was really hard, so hard we came back to the UK. I wish I had given myself more time, space to grieve family we have here in the UK. I thought my homesickness would go away once we got back to the UK, but it didn't. I totally regret coming back to the UK. Nothing to do with good or bad points of a country, just in my heart I miss NZ too much.
I think if you don't do it you will regret it.
I hope you are feeling a little less anxious about the big move. I agree that the move back to your home country can cause an immense amount of anxiety and expectation. I think as long as you know this you can mange those expectations.
The UK is not "going to the dogs". There are negatives but there is with any country and only you can decide what the compromises are/can be for your family.
The only thing I would warn you about, and I have no local knowledge of Bath, is education. As you will be aware there are pockets of the UK where schools are very difficult to gain a place in. If your eldest is 12 and you have been in NZ for over 10 years then I gather you have not had your children in the UK system at all. Totally not a reason to not do it, but be prepared for the extra stress that you *may* have. What I found difficult was the school/house - chicken/egg situation. How do you know where you want to live until you know what the schools are like? Some schools are very strict about zoning, some areas are very oversubscribed. Once you know the system you'll be fine, but might cause an initial headache.
I think once you have homesickness and it permeates your life to an annoying level you need to do something about it!
Do give yourself time on the other end to integrate back into UK life. It won't all be wonderful all at once, there will be challenges. I moved back to NZ in 2013 after being in the UK for 12 years (I am a kiwi). It was really hard, so hard we came back to the UK. I wish I had given myself more time, space to grieve family we have here in the UK. I thought my homesickness would go away once we got back to the UK, but it didn't. I totally regret coming back to the UK. Nothing to do with good or bad points of a country, just in my heart I miss NZ too much.
I think if you don't do it you will regret it.
Sep 21st 2014, 7:45 am
#17
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
The older I get, the more I believe that folks who are miserable want others to be as miserable as they are. DH is the UKC; I am the USC spouse (hoping to become a UKC soon - application is in). At 74, he yearns for the England he knew as a child in the late 40s and as a teenager in the early 50s. He hates change, and after perusing far too many websites saying that the UK is totally screwed up, he moans about the state of the country for hours on end.
I lived here in the early 90s and loved it. We went to the US in 2000 (economic reasons/family issues - long story) and returned in 2011. I see changes, some of which I don't like, but then again I don't like all of the changes I see in the US. Bottom line though - I accept the UK for what it is, and don't pick the good bits from the past while glossing over the not-so-good. I love it here; missed the UK like crazy when we lived in the US.
Everyone is different. Our situation as retirees will not mirror that of a younger family with kids in school. As others have said, give yourself time, and keep an open mind. When folks ask "why did you give up living in such a great place as NZ?" - just smile and say "because we live in an equally great country now"!
I lived here in the early 90s and loved it. We went to the US in 2000 (economic reasons/family issues - long story) and returned in 2011. I see changes, some of which I don't like, but then again I don't like all of the changes I see in the US. Bottom line though - I accept the UK for what it is, and don't pick the good bits from the past while glossing over the not-so-good. I love it here; missed the UK like crazy when we lived in the US.
Everyone is different. Our situation as retirees will not mirror that of a younger family with kids in school. As others have said, give yourself time, and keep an open mind. When folks ask "why did you give up living in such a great place as NZ?" - just smile and say "because we live in an equally great country now"!
Sep 21st 2014, 7:59 am
#18
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
The older I get, the more I believe that folks who are miserable want others to be as miserable as they are. DH is the UKC; I am the USC spouse (hoping to become a UKC soon - application is in). At 74, he yearns for the England he knew as a child in the late 40s and as a teenager in the early 50s. He hates change, and after perusing far too many websites saying that the UK is totally screwed up, he moans about the state of the country for hours on end.
I lived here in the early 90s and loved it. We went to the US in 2000 (economic reasons/family issues - long story) and returned in 2011. I see changes, some of which I don't like, but then again I don't like all of the changes I see in the US. Bottom line though - I accept the UK for what it is, and don't pick the good bits from the past while glossing over the not-so-good. I love it here; missed the UK like crazy when we lived in the US.
Everyone is different. Our situation as retirees will not mirror that of a younger family with kids in school. As others have said, give yourself time, and keep an open mind. When folks ask "why did you give up living in such a great place as NZ?" - just smile and say "because we live in an equally great country now"!
I lived here in the early 90s and loved it. We went to the US in 2000 (economic reasons/family issues - long story) and returned in 2011. I see changes, some of which I don't like, but then again I don't like all of the changes I see in the US. Bottom line though - I accept the UK for what it is, and don't pick the good bits from the past while glossing over the not-so-good. I love it here; missed the UK like crazy when we lived in the US.
Everyone is different. Our situation as retirees will not mirror that of a younger family with kids in school. As others have said, give yourself time, and keep an open mind. When folks ask "why did you give up living in such a great place as NZ?" - just smile and say "because we live in an equally great country now"!
Sep 21st 2014, 8:14 am
#19
Cup of tea, Father?
Joined: Oct 2004
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
Good luck.
Sep 21st 2014, 11:09 am
#20
Was in Canada, now home.
Joined: Aug 2011
Location: Devon
Posts: 3,388
Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
The older I get, the more I believe that folks who are miserable want others to be as miserable as they are. DH is the UKC; I am the USC spouse (hoping to become a UKC soon - application is in). At 74, he yearns for the England he knew as a child in the late 40s and as a teenager in the early 50s. He hates change, and after perusing far too many websites saying that the UK is totally screwed up, he moans about the state of the country for hours on end.
I lived here in the early 90s and loved it. We went to the US in 2000 (economic reasons/family issues - long story) and returned in 2011. I see changes, some of which I don't like, but then again I don't like all of the changes I see in the US. Bottom line though - I accept the UK for what it is, and don't pick the good bits from the past while glossing over the not-so-good. I love it here; missed the UK like crazy when we lived in the US.
Everyone is different. Our situation as retirees will not mirror that of a younger family with kids in school. As others have said, give yourself time, and keep an open mind. When folks ask "why did you give up living in such a great place as NZ?" - just smile and say "because we live in an equally great country now"!
I lived here in the early 90s and loved it. We went to the US in 2000 (economic reasons/family issues - long story) and returned in 2011. I see changes, some of which I don't like, but then again I don't like all of the changes I see in the US. Bottom line though - I accept the UK for what it is, and don't pick the good bits from the past while glossing over the not-so-good. I love it here; missed the UK like crazy when we lived in the US.
Everyone is different. Our situation as retirees will not mirror that of a younger family with kids in school. As others have said, give yourself time, and keep an open mind. When folks ask "why did you give up living in such a great place as NZ?" - just smile and say "because we live in an equally great country now"!
Sep 21st 2014, 1:15 pm
#21
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
I've also found that miserable people tend to be miserable wherever they are, and people with sunnier personalities make the best of the situations they find themselves in.
Sep 21st 2014, 5:30 pm
#22
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
It looks like we are moving back to the uk after living in nz for over ten years. For the past 3-4 years I have been really homesick and would spend hours looking at things on the internet, in fact I had to come off here and rightmove at the request of DH as he thought it was unsettling and I promised to throw myself into enjoying things here. Recently some very close friends have let us know they are moving back, who were always NZ zealots and I made the comment that everyone of my close friends have left. DH then took upon himself that we were leaving and found himself a job in Bath, it initially looked like he might not be able to as he works in defence and needed security clearance and supposed to have lived in Uk for last 5 yrs, but then MOD just came back and said they would clear him, so good to go.
However really not sure it's a good idea, it's one thing to say it, but the horror stories are really off putting. I work in health and have built up a good reputation, been in senior roles and currently working from home, as well as doing some freelance work researching and teaching for uni, which has meant life been a lot easier. We live in a good area, with good schools and have a friend who works at the local high school and said the things the kids get up to and think is naughty is hilarious in comparison to when he was teaching in the uk. We would be bringing our three who are 12, 8 and 6 and I would be worried about how they would cope, they are really not street wise.
However the work opportunities for DH here are really ltd, he hates his job and this would be a good opportunity for him. Our kids are growing up away from most of their family and have been missing out and would have opportunities they don't get here being so small. DH parents live in bath so we can live with them and look at buying their house.
So pluses and minuses for both and feeling really torn. He might have to go quite quickly , leaving me to sort everything which isn't a nice thought either.
However really not sure it's a good idea, it's one thing to say it, but the horror stories are really off putting. I work in health and have built up a good reputation, been in senior roles and currently working from home, as well as doing some freelance work researching and teaching for uni, which has meant life been a lot easier. We live in a good area, with good schools and have a friend who works at the local high school and said the things the kids get up to and think is naughty is hilarious in comparison to when he was teaching in the uk. We would be bringing our three who are 12, 8 and 6 and I would be worried about how they would cope, they are really not street wise.
However the work opportunities for DH here are really ltd, he hates his job and this would be a good opportunity for him. Our kids are growing up away from most of their family and have been missing out and would have opportunities they don't get here being so small. DH parents live in bath so we can live with them and look at buying their house.
So pluses and minuses for both and feeling really torn. He might have to go quite quickly , leaving me to sort everything which isn't a nice thought either.
You are moving at the right time, to put it off would be a Major mistake, you're kids will settle at this age, leave it for 5 or 10 years and it most likely would never happen.
Bath is lovely I can only say I wish I were in your shoes.
Good Luck to you.
Sep 23rd 2014, 1:41 am
#23
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Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
Posts: 2,744
Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
Although I understand property is expensive but that's a generalisation and I really don't want this thread to turn into a property price discussion thread.
Sep 23rd 2014, 1:48 am
#24
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Location: Peterborough, Cambridgeshire
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
I don't see that things are a great deal different in NZ to the way they are in Britian. Same old disappointments in NZ as there are in Britain.
There's personal taste and the things you prefer, but, 'the kiwi way' means what, exactly ? Probably differs from person to person enough to make it meaningless anyway. Not all kiwi's subscribe to, 'the kiwi way'. They just get on with things, like everyone else does. 'The kiwi way' seems only to matter once someone is no longer in NZ. Which, to my mind, is pretty close to the Australasian whine that tjhings are, 'better back home.'
Last edited by Snap Shot; Sep 23rd 2014 at 1:53 am. Reason: the kiwi way
Sep 23rd 2014, 4:27 am
#25
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
I offer this perspective. As someone who was euphoric, ecstatic and could not wait to move back to the UK - Bath area as well. I did move and then 'boomeranged' right back in a short space of time (complicated) but it was all my own doing. Now I sit here and regret every single living moment of my decision to return to the US, it all seemed so much better and more comfortable once I had returned to the UK and I think I imagined those things going through your mind about how easy life was for me in the US etc. Not I hasten to add because there was anything wrong with the UK - quite the opposite.
My decision was driven by my own poor impulsiveness and now almost daily I wish I could turn back the clock and be back in the UK. Instead, I am faced with the prospect of finding another job (so much energy and luck involved I feel when applying from abroad!). Or just making a dash for it and dropping everything - not very responsible but certainly extremely appealing. Today is one of those days when I idly dream of being out of here in 48 hours or less - its really no way to live. I balance and laugh at my original indecision in 'flip flopping' back by calling it the first 'try' or a trial run
I say go back to England. If it was causing you such heartache once it is likely in my humble opinion to return and pop up at inopportune moments in your life should you stay. Suppressing the inevitable for me at least has never really worked, and after all there really is no point in being miserable.
Don't doubt yourself too much and whatever you do when you get there do not second guess yourselves. Give yourselves plenty of time if at all possible to readjust based on my own experience.
I wish you well whatever your decision and hope to be there soon.
My decision was driven by my own poor impulsiveness and now almost daily I wish I could turn back the clock and be back in the UK. Instead, I am faced with the prospect of finding another job (so much energy and luck involved I feel when applying from abroad!). Or just making a dash for it and dropping everything - not very responsible but certainly extremely appealing. Today is one of those days when I idly dream of being out of here in 48 hours or less - its really no way to live. I balance and laugh at my original indecision in 'flip flopping' back by calling it the first 'try' or a trial run
I say go back to England. If it was causing you such heartache once it is likely in my humble opinion to return and pop up at inopportune moments in your life should you stay. Suppressing the inevitable for me at least has never really worked, and after all there really is no point in being miserable.
Don't doubt yourself too much and whatever you do when you get there do not second guess yourselves. Give yourselves plenty of time if at all possible to readjust based on my own experience.
I wish you well whatever your decision and hope to be there soon.
Last edited by vikingsail; Sep 23rd 2014 at 4:29 am. Reason: need to learn to type better the first time
Sep 23rd 2014, 6:27 pm
#26
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
Vikingsail I haven't seen you post for long time. Thank you for your honesty. Will you ever be able to go back?
Sep 24th 2014, 10:19 am
#27
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
you know your in the wrong place! I think I would rather do time/ porridge than suffer this.
Sep 26th 2014, 12:26 am
#28
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
I offer this perspective. As someone who was euphoric, ecstatic and could not wait to move back to the UK - Bath area as well. I did move and then 'boomeranged' right back in a short space of time (complicated) but it was all my own doing. Now I sit here and regret every single living moment of my decision to return to the US, it all seemed so much better and more comfortable once I had returned to the UK and I think I imagined those things going through your mind about how easy life was for me in the US etc. Not I hasten to add because there was anything wrong with the UK - quite the opposite.
My decision was driven by my own poor impulsiveness and now almost daily I wish I could turn back the clock and be back in the UK. Instead, I am faced with the prospect of finding another job (so much energy and luck involved I feel when applying from abroad!). Or just making a dash for it and dropping everything - not very responsible but certainly extremely appealing. Today is one of those days when I idly dream of being out of here in 48 hours or less - its really no way to live. I balance and laugh at my original indecision in 'flip flopping' back by calling it the first 'try' or a trial run
I say go back to England. If it was causing you such heartache once it is likely in my humble opinion to return and pop up at inopportune moments in your life should you stay. Suppressing the inevitable for me at least has never really worked, and after all there really is no point in being miserable.
Don't doubt yourself too much and whatever you do when you get there do not second guess yourselves. Give yourselves plenty of time if at all possible to readjust based on my own experience.
I wish you well whatever your decision and hope to be there soon.
My decision was driven by my own poor impulsiveness and now almost daily I wish I could turn back the clock and be back in the UK. Instead, I am faced with the prospect of finding another job (so much energy and luck involved I feel when applying from abroad!). Or just making a dash for it and dropping everything - not very responsible but certainly extremely appealing. Today is one of those days when I idly dream of being out of here in 48 hours or less - its really no way to live. I balance and laugh at my original indecision in 'flip flopping' back by calling it the first 'try' or a trial run
I say go back to England. If it was causing you such heartache once it is likely in my humble opinion to return and pop up at inopportune moments in your life should you stay. Suppressing the inevitable for me at least has never really worked, and after all there really is no point in being miserable.
Don't doubt yourself too much and whatever you do when you get there do not second guess yourselves. Give yourselves plenty of time if at all possible to readjust based on my own experience.
I wish you well whatever your decision and hope to be there soon.
Sep 26th 2014, 2:06 am
#29
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
I read Viking sails post.I also went back with all intent of staying I arrived April 8th 2012 and returned in August.I could KICK myself. I think because I had to weigh everything out. My daughter and then her 8 year old son were going to come over if I settled. I missed my dogs, could not find a place that would take them! In the town I moved to there were not many jobs etc and one day I was staying , the next I was moving. I felt like I was going crazy so I came back and if I could turn back time, I would. Now my daughter has a baby. She had sole custody and was free to go wherever she wanted.Now she is happy and in a relationship which is nice. For me, well time will tell. About to rent out my mobile home and live in travel trailer on my property as I don't make enough at my job for by bills. I would definitely say if you go back to the U.K give it a decent amount of time. No one can tell you all the emotions you are going to experience... but give it time.
Sep 26th 2014, 5:34 am
#30
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Re: Worried that it will be a case of be careful what you wish for
Vikingsail, I know what you mean about counting months. I am not doing that exactly but like you wish I could move sooner than later.. But if I bide my time and save well I will be able to go back within 5 years. I am in my early 50s and have a super job in US which will tide me over until my return. Still same situation - nobody calls, no close friends etc.. cannot live like that in my latter years.. You'll make it....