when did you know?
Nov 30th 2007, 12:19 pm
#31
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: when did you know?
[QUOTE=Pollyana;5517572]
Snap! I guess I always harboured a hope that I would be able to go home one day but it is just in the past few years that DH has come out and said outright that he wont go. So, been here 28 years - existing just about describes the current situation!
Very much the same position that I'm in. Aussie husband, who is too much set in his ways to ever cope with emigrating. I've been here in Queensland just over 4 years, and I live for my trips home. I still have spates of thinking it'll get better, but I think I know now that I won't, and I just have to settle for "existing" rather than "living". A situation I think many mixed-nationality couples will know only too well.
Nov 30th 2007, 4:59 pm
#32
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,859
Re: when did you know?
Nov 30th 2007, 5:19 pm
#33
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 135
Re: when did you know?
Ditto! My DH has now said that he will never go and live in the UK; I don't think he would actually stop me from going though. He said he'd visit me. Not too sure what to make of that!!!
Perhaps we should form a little club - a band of merry grass-widows flatting together in the UK for a period of time.
Last edited by Pollyana; Dec 1st 2007 at 1:21 am. Reason: Fixing quote
Nov 30th 2007, 5:20 pm
#34
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 135
Re: when did you know?
Sorry, seem to have shown the wrong person being quoted.
Nov 30th 2007, 5:54 pm
#35
'In limboland'
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,880
Re: when did you know?
I hope you all can eventually have the same, even if it's just going home for a few years.
Good luck to anyone in the same situation.
Nov 30th 2007, 7:29 pm
#36
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: when did you know?
Oh gosh, you sound so sad and believe me, I know how that feels (((big hugs for you))). It's just so sad to read other people say that they are just existing. What a waste of life eh? We only have one and yet a few of us seem to have given up on what we really want and need for our partners. I decided this year, after my father died, that I wasn't going to just exist anymore, so I started to work out what I would do when our son graduates from uni next year if OH was definite about not coming 'home' with us. After much soul searching, I came to the conclusion that I need to go home for my healths sake and, if it meant going without my OH then so be it. A few months after I thought I'd got my head sorted and feeling much better about myself, I had another really bad week or two so decided to tell my husband about the conclusion I had come to. Well, I nearly burst a blood vessel when he said that we'd all be going home together. I walked on air for a few days after that and now and then I have to ask him whether he really meant it. Just to hear him say yes is enough right now, as I know we can't do anything about it at least for another year, but at least now I have something to look forward to, something to work towards.
I hope you all can eventually have the same, even if it's just going home for a few years.
Good luck to anyone in the same situation.
I hope you all can eventually have the same, even if it's just going home for a few years.
Good luck to anyone in the same situation.
I go home for a month or 6 weeks pretty much every year now but miss the DH something chronic - I had thought about going home for longer by myself but my phone bill would be astronomical. Perhaps we can just satisfy ourselves with being jet setters!!! (at least for the time being until the fares get too expensive!)
Nov 30th 2007, 9:15 pm
#37
'In limboland'
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,880
Re: when did you know?
Oh wow! He said YES!!! How good is that?!
I go home for a month or 6 weeks pretty much every year now but miss the DH something chronic - I had thought about going home for longer by myself but my phone bill would be astronomical. Perhaps we can just satisfy ourselves with being jet setters!!! (at least for the time being until the fares get too expensive!)
I go home for a month or 6 weeks pretty much every year now but miss the DH something chronic - I had thought about going home for longer by myself but my phone bill would be astronomical. Perhaps we can just satisfy ourselves with being jet setters!!! (at least for the time being until the fares get too expensive!)
By the way, the phone charges from the UK to Oz are cheaper than in reverse can you believe. I think the phone card I have here charges 2½cents a minute + the local connection call. My family pay 0.65p with the card they use back home. Cheap as chips..........no, cheaper.
PS. Where is 'home' for you Quoll?
Nov 30th 2007, 10:59 pm
#38
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Canberra
Posts: 8,378
Re: when did you know?
I'm a Cambridge girl - my avatar is shows the rapeseed fields from the Gogs on my last trip.
DH is going home with me in July (family celebration) but I will be going on my own in December (another special event). Our eldest son is in UK at the moment and I have had some really good trips about with him.
The long haul doesnt bother me a bit - I usually sleep from the moment the wheels are up, especially on the return leg. Wake up in Bangkok and it's almost all over!!!
DH is going home with me in July (family celebration) but I will be going on my own in December (another special event). Our eldest son is in UK at the moment and I have had some really good trips about with him.
The long haul doesnt bother me a bit - I usually sleep from the moment the wheels are up, especially on the return leg. Wake up in Bangkok and it's almost all over!!!
Dec 1st 2007, 12:14 am
#39
Account Closed
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 43
Re: when did you know?
After five months .... but I stuck it out for my children mainly cos of my oldest son who is now 18 and has just completed year 12. I also wanted to get Oz c ship. Well now, 2 and a half years later, we are all Oz citizens, with Oz passports, My son has completed year 12. I have a post grad cert sponsored by the nurses board of SA. No regret, so glad we stuck it out, just so so happy to be going home for christmas with it all under our belts - all our stuff packed with shippers, enjoying our last two weeks here - fly out in two weeks. Its been an experience, made lots of friends, but, no,, not for us.
Dec 1st 2007, 1:21 am
#40
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,859
Dec 1st 2007, 1:15 pm
#41
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,234
Re: when did you know?
Not having a go Caroline, but personally I think it is. You could say "I'll give it another year", then waste another year being lonely and miserable when you could have moved back and been happier. I mean, how long do you go on for hoping it will get better? Some people might not want to spend years waiting to settle like you did, when they could move back and be settled straight away. They may see those as just wasted years. There's people posted on this board who've been in Aus for a decade or more and still aren't happy. I guess everyone's different but I'd advise people to just go with their instincts, and if you feel you aren't settled, then unless you're prepared to do something radically different to improve your situation, then I think 12 months is enough time to make a call on it.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Good luck to everyone out there wish life so black and white sometimes and caroline glad you are liking London...big cities are always a little harder to settle in to
Jackie
Dec 1st 2007, 1:26 pm
#42
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,234
Re: when did you know?
After five months .... but I stuck it out for my children mainly cos of my oldest son who is now 18 and has just completed year 12. I also wanted to get Oz c ship. Well now, 2 and a half years later, we are all Oz citizens, with Oz passports, My son has completed year 12. I have a post grad cert sponsored by the nurses board of SA. No regret, so glad we stuck it out, just so so happy to be going home for christmas with it all under our belts - all our stuff packed with shippers, enjoying our last two weeks here - fly out in two weeks. Its been an experience, made lots of friends, but, no,, not for us.
I would like to wish everyone who is coming over all the best wishes and everyone who is going home...good luck and best wishes....what an experience to tell the grandkids!!!!!
Jackie in Perth who is not looking forward to a hot Christmas!!!
Dec 1st 2007, 2:26 pm
#43
'In limboland'
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,880
Re: when did you know?
I'm a Cambridge girl - my avatar is shows the rapeseed fields from the Gogs on my last trip.
DH is going home with me in July (family celebration) but I will be going on my own in December (another special event). Our eldest son is in UK at the moment and I have had some really good trips about with him.
The long haul doesnt bother me a bit - I usually sleep from the moment the wheels are up, especially on the return leg. Wake up in Bangkok and it's almost all over!!!
DH is going home with me in July (family celebration) but I will be going on my own in December (another special event). Our eldest son is in UK at the moment and I have had some really good trips about with him.
The long haul doesnt bother me a bit - I usually sleep from the moment the wheels are up, especially on the return leg. Wake up in Bangkok and it's almost all over!!!
Spent many a good Sunday in Cambridge. Took a punt out a few times and had a picnic on the river bank. Lovely memories.
After five months .... but I stuck it out for my children mainly cos of my oldest son who is now 18 and has just completed year 12. I also wanted to get Oz c ship. Well now, 2 and a half years later, we are all Oz citizens, with Oz passports, My son has completed year 12. I have a post grad cert sponsored by the nurses board of SA. No regret, so glad we stuck it out, just so so happy to be going home for christmas with it all under our belts - all our stuff packed with shippers, enjoying our last two weeks here - fly out in two weeks. Its been an experience, made lots of friends, but, no,, not for us.
Eric, I feel the same, we have been here in Aus coming up to 10 years and although we have had good times we can say it never felt like home...we kept trying another year...seeing what this "feeling" was that made us feel the way we did....It is hard to know when to go...family,friends keep saying to you "your daft" or it's great here...give it longer" and now we are planning go home next year in some ways I do wish we had gone home a few years earlier....everyone is different we all know that, I have met people who have stayed six months and gone back home never to regret it.....I know people who really love living here and people who have been here years and still pine for home....but deep down if you feel like this place is not for you then I really think you should go...........save a lot of heartache and stress in the future...but I wish life was that simple.
Good luck to everyone out there wish life so black and white sometimes and caroline glad you are liking London...big cities are always a little harder to settle in to
Jackie
Good luck to everyone out there wish life so black and white sometimes and caroline glad you are liking London...big cities are always a little harder to settle in to
Jackie
Dec 1st 2007, 5:58 pm
#44
BE Forum Addict
Joined: May 2007
Location: England
Posts: 4,234
Re: when did you know?
I've been in the US for almost 5 years, and I just realized I wanted to move back to the UK a few months ago.
I feel the same about lack of time off. I work 8-5 Mon-Fri, a regular work week, but it's the lack of vacation time that kills me. I wondered why I felt more and more tired every year when my lifestyle hadn't changed, then it dawned on me. I've been at my current job for a little over 2 years, and while they're generous with vacation and benefits, I'd still have to work here another 3 years just to get 3 weeks paid vacation. I really don't think that's enough to keep people rested enough to perform well, unless they're a robot. After 3 weeks a year, that's it, no more, no matter how long I work here.
I also don't like a few other policies here, ie, health care system, etc, but that's a whole other story and makes me mad so I won't get into that. Like you, I don't hate this country, I think it's beautiful and does have a lot to offer, but it's just not suitable for me.
I also miss my family too much to be happy here now. I just had the worst year and a half of my life, and I can't stand not being able to lean on people who've supported me my whole life. I can talk to them on the phone all I want, but it isn't the same.
I feel the same about lack of time off. I work 8-5 Mon-Fri, a regular work week, but it's the lack of vacation time that kills me. I wondered why I felt more and more tired every year when my lifestyle hadn't changed, then it dawned on me. I've been at my current job for a little over 2 years, and while they're generous with vacation and benefits, I'd still have to work here another 3 years just to get 3 weeks paid vacation. I really don't think that's enough to keep people rested enough to perform well, unless they're a robot. After 3 weeks a year, that's it, no more, no matter how long I work here.
I also don't like a few other policies here, ie, health care system, etc, but that's a whole other story and makes me mad so I won't get into that. Like you, I don't hate this country, I think it's beautiful and does have a lot to offer, but it's just not suitable for me.
I also miss my family too much to be happy here now. I just had the worst year and a half of my life, and I can't stand not being able to lean on people who've supported me my whole life. I can talk to them on the phone all I want, but it isn't the same.
Good luck with your move back home (read on another thread) I think yours was one of the first threads I read along with Megans mummy (I found this site by accident after living in Aus for 8.5 years thinking we were the only people that felt like we did about missing home!!!) you sound like you have a lovely family and you will be there with them at Christmas....lucky thing!!
All the best for the future
Jackie who is so wanting today to be home but not long now...March 08
Dec 1st 2007, 11:59 pm
#45
Forum Regular
Joined: Sep 2005
Location: fareham hants
Posts: 178
Re: when did you know?
We knew after a few days that we had made a big mistake .OH has a contract for 3 years which without paying out alot of money to get out of it we are here till sept 2010.
I am really finding life here very difficult .
We dont dislike Oz at all but for us its not .We have sat and talked and realised that our life in england was fine and there are too many things in england we like . Here we have lovely beaches , weather and its lovely but not for us .
My daughter has had a tough time since she arrived , my son is ok , but hes not that happy . My daughter will return to england in about a year and a half to get her GCSEs , and then we will then follow .
People keep telling us we will change and love the place and we will stay , but we know even if we do we will be going home .We still have our house in england so we will still have our home to go back too .
The next three years will be an adventure and thats how we want to look at it and enjoy the experience and not be negitive .
I am really finding life here very difficult .
We dont dislike Oz at all but for us its not .We have sat and talked and realised that our life in england was fine and there are too many things in england we like . Here we have lovely beaches , weather and its lovely but not for us .
My daughter has had a tough time since she arrived , my son is ok , but hes not that happy . My daughter will return to england in about a year and a half to get her GCSEs , and then we will then follow .
People keep telling us we will change and love the place and we will stay , but we know even if we do we will be going home .We still have our house in england so we will still have our home to go back too .
The next three years will be an adventure and thats how we want to look at it and enjoy the experience and not be negitive .
