windsong

I am sitting in a cafe at the moment doing - or supposed to be doing - some work on my computer. The owner of the cafe is from Korea. She's been here in the USA 33 years. We had a little chat about how one feels living in America after being born overseas. She feels EXACTLY the way most of us expats do - isolated, alone, shallow connections, slightly different from others, etc.

Amazing!

Perth

Just call me Dr. Doolittle. I talk to my dog all the time. I love the way she listens to me with rapt attention. Can't get the OH to do that ever

feelbritish

I agree, I had a wonderful little dog who travelled all over the world with me, from Cape Town to England, then to Canada and died at age 15 and became known as the "world's most expensive dog" as she also had to do 6 months quarantine in those days but I would not have a dog here, vet bills will bankrupt you and we are planning to return as you know and then travel. Oh well! maybe one day

Perth

I am sure it is not you. It has not always worked with me either. Just wanted to make sure you had given it a try though, as sometimes, just sometimes, you can be successful. In the end, though, maybe a friendship is not worth all the work if you are the only one doing it!

I have signed up with a British expat meet-up group, but have not had the courage to go yet (and my hubby being the USC doesn't really care). I don't want to hear about how dreadful it is back home and how glad they are to be here....because the weather is so great all the time, and they can have a pool, blah blah blah...

feelbritish

Making friends is not just confined to America. In 10 years I have yet to make a true friend here. The same happens: we must get together! Give us a call! The chit chat is of "nothing". I have 2 friends here both are from UK and South Africa and over the years I have noticed that they are also withdrawing themselves if I do not do any initiating for get togethers. One says she is also just marking time (how sad) and the other has got new interests and is no longer working in the same industry as me and we are not finding any common ground. I am so tired of always planning functions or "get togethers" that I now have given up. Just waiting my two years, planning our move and my next trip to Cape Town When I am back in RSA and UK and meet up with friends, I come alive again! I am like a flower blossom which has been closed without sun and the sun has shined on me and I open up!

happyglow

Though I'm not very sociable, I do agree with the sentiments here. The Canadians are lovely, but I find being in their company in most social situations very tiring. It's all this non-stop stream of consciousness stuff, perhaps it's just how people are these days, idk. Oh for a two way conversation with some wit and content, and a few companionable silences....

So yeah, haven't made a true friend here, just lots of pleasant acquaintances, and one who is just a bit stalkery and weird, oh great

windsong

My pets are one of the few things/beings that made life worth living here. I don't know what I would have done without them.

feelbritish

Actually it is when my little dog died, and then a year later my dad died, (2008) that I started having feelings of wanting to leave here. From then on I had feelings of not being settled and then our English trip in May 2012 which I took with my OH to visit my step-children and grandchildren that cemented it! I do not have children myself nor any family in Canada except OH so see no reason to remain here!

windsong

I completely understand. You lost your own "family unit", so to speak - your dog and your dad.

I never liked living here but I survived it when my mother and stepfather were alive. My stepfather died 15 years ago and my mother, 10 years ago. I have no other relatives so I am completely alone here. Once I began to feel the "aloneness" after losing my parents, I could not find any solace at all in US society. It was at that point that life here got more intolerable with each passing year. In fact, over roughly a five-year period I lost both parents, was laid off from a job of 16 years (which I buried myself in for the first decade and a half I was here) and after those losses I was left facing life in the US with nothing to distract me from it. I was okay at work but outside of it, I had no life. It was just a "nothingness".

Combine those losses with the drastic changes in the USA in the last 10 years and I feel I want to run away sometimes.

feelbritish

I know a lot of us feel that way. It is just a matter of when it is the right time to move back! It is no use being too emotional I guess, we have to wait until my OH retires and we have also accumulated some more money. Today when he came home for lunch I spoke to him and he told me that what he earns in the next two years he will not earn in UK and we will have to draw on savings, so it makes sense to wait. Hard as it is!

Perth

My town is in the national news here in the USA for a sinkhole swallowing a man in his bed overnight. Is there a "what I won't miss" thread? <sigh>

RChappo

Yes! Wit and humour is in very short supply where I live.
It's like pulling teeth to start a conversation with anyone. I can tell that people just don't feel comfortable talking - their eyes glaze over!
Even if they DO ask you a question, they don't really expect you to answer and if you reply with anything more that a few words then their attention drifts and they stop listening. Whenever I see my MIL she always asks me "How's your Mother doing?" - it doesn't matter if I answer "Doing good" or "Not doing so good" - there is never any follow up question or opportunity to expand. Apart from that the only questions people ever ask me are about work - as if that's the only thing that defines a person. So frustrating. I sometimes feel my head will explode with all the things stored in it that I'd like to talk about but I don't ever get the opportunity to let it all out in a conversation.

I had a weird, stalkery acquaintance here once too. It was not the kind of friendship I was looking for unfortunately.

nuttyandfruity

I saw that on GMA this morning and thought of you as I remember you saying you lived in Tampa! Glad you weren't literally swallowed up by America Perthhomeschool!!!

Perth

Ugh, they are a problem here. We have had at least 3 in our neighbourhood. My husband checks around the house every few days to make sure there are no cracks. I don't think you have them down by you, do you?

Perth

Yes indeed, same here. Tacking on another year or two of owning the business will make a big difference to our bank account. It's not something we can take with us. And, who knows, maybe something will change as far as the immigration requirements in that time, and it will be easier/cheaper. Well I can't dream, can't I