Been in Canada for nearly 8 years and now thinking of home.
Kids 16 and 12. Selfish? or is it possible. (schools friends)
Ideas please. Be kind.

Honestly, it's really hard to give an opinion without more of your story. If you explain, I'm sure people will be able to offer words of wisdom.

Will your 16 year old be staying in school or working if you move back?

how do the children feel about it

Haven't really told them, We know they wont like it so until we think this could be a possibility we don't want to worry them.
we have had ups and downs living in Canada, but mainly been happy, could moan about lack of holidays, lack of pay rises but I wont cuz we moved on from it, but just always had a feeling that we were still too English. Very hard to explain, The boys feel they are Canadian, they have girlfriends and friends which i know will be hard but, do we wait for them to get even more established here then leave and run the risk that they wont come with us, or tell them its tough and this is whats happening. Selfish I know, thats why were in very early stages of thinking.
we brought our money with us, which helped us with our home, but feel that jobs in this area will never let our kids be able to even afford a small home.
Its a case of employers get richer and employees dont.

I have just posted this on another thread "Rover Return" which is along the same as your thoughts. Although we have been here 10 years going on 11years.

We are thinking about moving back to the UK for one year to try it out before making any major decisions.

I'm ok here (Canada) but my husband wants to move back. He doesn't fit in at all. What stops me making the final decision is the kids (boys age 9 and 11) who are sport mad. They love all the North American sports especially ice hockey! They hate soccer / football, but they do love rugby! They have some nice friends especially my nine year old, his social life is crazy. My eldest was born in the Uk but came over here when he was just one and my youngest was born here.

Even though my kids have visited the UK many times, I'm worried that they are so North American that they won't fit in with UK kids, who seem a lot more streetwise. My eldest son is still in grade 6 at elementary school and will be for another year, but back in the UK I would have to place him into High School - now that really does make me nervous.

We have been talking about this for over a year now and I know the window of opportunity is closing in fast as the kids get older it will be harder for us to move them. Behind all these comments is the love we have for our children and we just want to make sure they are happy, but does that come at the expense of the parents happiness?

I so agree.
Im happy where ever. Came to Canada for my husband, now he misses family (and I do )Children are older, so think we have missed the window to return, so does that mean we carry on living here and hope that are feelings change.

I don't think you have missed the opportunity to move back. I thought we had, then Ds decided while in Uni to move back after he graduated (he went in 2010), now the next Ds finishes high school and will go next summer (after the Olympics) So Dh and I will then sell up and follow with Dd who will be about 8 by then.
The older boys have said we should have moved sooner so they could have gone to school in UK.
The 16 year old will still be young enough for 6th form (either at the local high school or 6th form college) If you really want to go, do it before they are old enough to move out and then you'd really be torn. (Reading online I saw than under 19 gets a free education)

Do you have jobs to go to in the UK? A home? Plenty of money in case the jobs do not materialise for a few months/a year perhaps.

I think you said that you had recently spent a vacation in the UK and loved it. Well I visited my sister in Norfolk and thought it was a great place to live- but I was on holiday! Going for walks, out to restaurants, family gatherings etc etc; but if I was living there, going to work every day, commuting, paying the bills, cooking the meals, taking the kids to school etc etc; well you know what I mean.

I realise that you emmigrated from the UK but compared to your current life in Canada what would living in the UK be like?

Would your quality of life be the same/better/worse?

Good luck though in whatever you choose

Thankyou,
these are the things that I think about as well.
We are here mortgage free and feel that life isnt any easier here because wages are far less, than in England with a mortgage. It isnt really about money, but family life. Yes were closer to places that we would like to see, but never have enough spare cash or vacation time to go.
Wouldnt dream of going back without jobs though. Luckily Oh has job that seems to be still available in the UK and im a hairdresser so hope I could still do that.
Maybe we did see the Uk at xmas through rose coloured glasses, but their something to be said for being poor but near family and being poor with no one. (maybe poor is the wrong word)

I think you can do it. I would be the same as you my big worry would be the children but if being away from home is creating unhappiness for you and your husband then whether you realize it or not that will be having some effect on your children.

If you decide going home is the right thing for you and your husband then I would put tons of energy into researching how you can make the transition as easy as possible for your boys. Thank heavens for the internet, search for areas of the country where it would be possible to play ice hockey, start reading ofsted school reports for those areas and then checking out the individual websites of schools that sound good. If rugby is of interest to them then research that and maybe there are other sports that would grab their interest too, anything to help them get onboard and to make it easier for them once they are here. Speak to schools direct and explain your concerns about your son starting in HS and see what suggestions they have for helping with that transition - if they have none then you know you don't want to be in their catchment area

If they are interested in travel let them see how accessible the rest of Europe will be to them in the UK. Perhaps research summer camps in Canada and ticket prices etc. so they can save up to do that in the summer if they want. Let them know that Canada will always only be a flight away and will always be there for them. Do they have citizenship? If not can they get it? Maybe a friends of theirs might want to visit them in the UK too.

They will make friends again and they can stay in touch with the friends they have in Canada. I think as long as you let them know that you do understand that this move might not be what they would choose and that their concerns they may have are real and valid and just keep communicating that will go along way to making it easier on them. Show how you want to help make it easier for them, get suggestions from them and try and get them excited about things they can do and see in the UK that maybe they can't in Canada.

All that said I think you do have to also accept that your boys may decide to return to Canada when they are older but then there is never any guarantee that grown children will want to stay geographically close no matter where you live. I don't suppose any of our parents thought their children would not be living in the UK! You could stay in Canada and they as adults might decide they want to move to the US or UK or who knows where!

I did a quick search for ice hockey in the UK and loads of links came up these were the top two - I know it won't be anything like as prevalent as in Canada but at least it does exist there! Your sons would probably be star players with their experience from Canada!
http://www.britishicehockey.co.uk/
http://www.icehockeyuk.co.uk/

Best of luck making your decision, nothing worth doing is ever easy but if this the move is the right thing for you and your husband and you are considerate of what the boys will need to help them then I say go for it. I know I wouldn't have wanted the burden of thinking my parents stayed somewhere just for my benefit.

Also I meant to say that reading your post I think that the difference in schools (and maturity of children) between the 2 countries is a big concern? Maybe that is a concern you can reduce by looking for areas of the country with smaller schools in more rural/gentle areas than the big cities? Even if it means a longer commute for work it might be worth it for you?

Thankyou so much.

This is a very difficult one!!
We moved out to Canada last summer with a 16 year old and a 13 year old. There have been a myriad of things that we have come across living here, even though its only been for a very short time, that makes us feel we would never 'fit' in. Canada for us is just too Americanised and we have come to realise we are very much English and European in the way we live, our views on life and outlook.
Both of our kids have been so homesick, it has been the most horrendous experience. They were both outgoing kids doing loads of activities back in the UK, sports, music, etc but due to the extortionate cost of doing the equivalent over here they are just not doing much at all.
We are planning our move back to the UK.
I would be concerned that you could have the same problems with your two children the other way round. If they have become 'Canadianised' it could be (or may not be) so hard for them back in the UK. Fortunately we all feel the same, but always said that even if just one was unhappy then we would move back as we were quite happy in the UK (please don't ask why we came, I keep asking myself that question every day!?!?!)
The main issue which our two have constantly told us is that they feel on a totally different planet to their Canadian counterparts. Please don't take this as disrespectful, I am just saying how they have felt, but our two seem much more in tune with the wider world, more cultured, have been to so many different countries (with us on holidays and with school on history trips, cultural exchanges etc) and have a high respect for other faiths, cultures, and other peoples views. Their schooling in the UK was excellent but very different to the way they are being taught and what they are being taught here in Canada. I am not saying one education system is better than the other, its just different. Each education system is there to serve that country.
For us, although the UK is slammed from every angle including its education system, we feel that our children will have a good life in the UK. I am not talking about 'the big house, the big car etc etc' but a life which has quality.
I really feel for you and your dilemma.

If they don't have Canadian citizenship then that may not be possible. It really would be inadvisable to take children who feel Canadian away from Canada without them being citizens. At least that way, they can go back later on if they want.

Otherwise, there is a risk that it could lead to some long term resentment and even estrangement if they want to go back and find out that that cannot. That has happened to others.

The other option, which may be better, is to wait until the children are a little older and able to remain in Canada independently if they wish. That's probably the least risk option.