whitelinen

I felt like that in France and then Spain

Anyway, good luck with the move, I am sure it will be good for all of you.

Irishcpl

Hi to you and your husband, I said I would not post on this forum due to what I felt was serious lack of support and a kick you when you are down attitude by some on these forums. I posted for the first time "10 years of ping pong" http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=621971

I totally appreciate your situation with returning to and fro., My wife & I have returned to Canada quite a few times and all be it sometimes as for little as a few weeks. We would save like nutters and then lash all our savings just to get there. They more we moved back and forward the less money and security we had anywhere. Like a donkey stuck between two bails of hay and starving because he can't decide which one to eat!

The bottom line is that we were due to go back on July 24th 2009, so many issues at home popped up and My wife and I couldn't travel....and even today I am still wrestling with the decision. And we are unsure if we will be on another flight out in a weeks or so. :S We have been in mental turmoil for weeks..toing and froing with the decision..weighing up the pros and cons.

We gave it our best shot ( Not our last) in 2000 and lasted approx 5mths before we were broke , house rental, car purchase, furniture electrical items all on the whims of getting jobs.. being an Skilled CNC Machinist in the Aerospace game you would think, on the pigs back! I worked for Martin Baker machining ejector seat parts for fighter planes. I worked in production control for many years before becoming a CNC Supervisor and programmer, then I went on to becoming a Materials planner and buyer for the company. Not the case, less qualified Canadians getting the jobs over the highly experienced Irish Man...discrimination is a hard word , but I am sure thats what it was. I would do apptitude tests for jobs and they would say, there is no possible way we can hire you, you got them all right!!!Over qualified!! I would turn up in shirt, tie and dress trousers, and there was competition in T-shirt jeans and baseball cap

I now run a sucessful bizz in the UK, although runable while I am in Canada it may be taking my eye of the ball...not sure really!

For us also, it was the lure of the outdoor life as we are tired of rain here in Ireland, but I am starting to think Europe me be a better compromise, or perhaps both home in Ireland and holiday home in Spain.

I totally sypathise with your situation as when times are hard it can often lead to serious mental sickness and even physical illness. I know I have been there. Each time we went back we would tell ourselves it will be different this time, and this time we planned it out too the last detail. I am really starting to worry for my Marriage and my sanity! But deep down something is tell me its not right!! Not matter how seduced I am with the beautiful scenery and outdoor life.. I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness wherever it may be!

Irishcpl

An absolutely Amazing thread!! I thought it was just me and my wife and that we were going Insane!! Good Luck to everyone on this thread making those difficult decisions!

frenchchick

Well it's so reassuring to know it's not just me that feels like that! Husband and I moved to rural France in 2001 and I've spent pretty much all my 20's here with my brain cells slowly melting out of my ears. Now I want to go back to the UK but husband is suffering from that common expat phobia of all things English (yes I know it's not perfect, nowhere is, but it's certainly not as bad as he has convinced himself) whilst also thinking that life here is perfect. Don't get me wrong the people are friendly enough, I speak the language reasonably well and we have a lovely house but I have a limited social circle, nowhere to go in the evening and no support network. That bit of water between us and the UK makes such a differance, I miss my family and the friends I have a shared history with. Sorry that's me finished letting off steam! I hope all of you wanting to return find your way home, wish me luck in persuading him the uk isn't the some sort of hell on earth or I'll be back there on my own before I suddenly discover I'm 40 and have wasted another ten years of my life!

nutgrove

I wish I could say my brain cells are melting - here is me trying everyday to keep up to the things going on, at times reciting the times table

you are less than what, one-hour away - give or take

8-years is a long time, maybe its you that just needs a quick fix to appreciate life in France

Pick a time during the year (either the worse or best) and trip across the channel & live &/or work for 3-months. That will do it me thinks in making that decision whether to move back full time or not

it's OK to let the bottled up feelings out

Good thing that you dont live in OZ, NZ or SA then you'd really have the long distance feeling

I live in Canada and I know that in less than half a day I can be in the UK. In less than 24-hours I can be anywhere in the world

No need to do anything nor to harp on at 'I miss the UK', the fact is that all of the bad things that ever happened are usually forgotten over time

Compared to when I last lived in the UK in 1972, to me its far cleaner, brighter, lively and prosperous

Suggest you mention time away - short sojourn in blighty & that you'll check it out for him to see if its as good or bad as he thinks .... then see his reaction

40 is not old, you have two more lifetimes ahead of you

N1cky

I think this is the most truthful thing I have ever read.

I really wish I had realized the huge impact moving my 5 year old away from her grandparents would have on everyone. I'm not sure I will ever forgive myself for doing it.

nutgrove

"Ping Pong" is a good term especially for someone that has 'ying yang' across the pond so much

Unsettled is a better term me thinks & it seems to me that you want the best of both worlds

What about doing just that, have a condo or cottage in Canada, you run back & forth to NI see make sure that your business is OK, maybe keep within the visitor/visa residency rules for each country (3-6 months stints) & bingo

is it the fear do you think from your first experience in Canada or the permanency to settle in one place for good?

this is very valid

there are zillions of places as beautiful as Canada .. look in your own back yard

I dont know your situation but I'm guessing that you are saying that your wife is getting tired of you going on about Canada, if so, then take Canada as the holiday resort place

there are zillions of places as beautiful as Canada .. look in your own back yard

asher

We have had a great time in Australia I don't feel it was wasted we have made good friends seen a lot of the country and had an adventure.

I miss my family and friends in the UK but when back in the UK will miss my Aussie friends.

No experience is wasted it all adds to our wisdom. It may not have worked out for you but you were brave enough to give it a go

Irishcpl

Hi I appreciate your kind words, looks like you have done a lot of moving around also.

Perhaps it is the fear of settling in Canada for it all go to pot again.
Its hard for us to forget the long dishearting days at the job centre there 6-8 hrs a day for months , calling, faxing sending out hundreds of resumes. Door to Door, and not being able to get a job as a CNC machinist when the HIgh Comission told me that my Skill was in such high demand (2nd Highest points on the list) Having jobs offered only to be taken away at the the last minute.Got a job as a supervisor for one company and was invited to a family BBQ with the boss, we were elated, the disaster her rings me up and says that he cannot hire me,as his existing supervisor was gonna walk if I was hired as he was threatened by the level of my experience!!!

We knew no one there when we first moved there, that feeling of being alone and helpless was very depressing at the time. This went on for approx 5 mths. I did get a job only to have work dry up after as little as 3 weeks, I was gutted. My wife got a job in a life insurance company the day after I got laid off and her company went under in approx 6 weeks. ( No accounting for bad luck I suppose) We have been back a few times since that and each and every time we have had serious issues. I suppose thats where the fear comes from. Being unemployed in a foreign country with no money for a return flight or down to a few bucks in the bank can be a very scary experience!

The trouble being is no matter how bad its been to us, N.Ireland has been bad also. Low employment and sometimes bad attitudes to life. I think we have gone back so many times as we were either between a rock and hard place or that we are the eternal optimists.Thinking that Canada would treat us better or that it cant be as bad as last time. I know some people reading my original post would think we are crazy for even considering going back.

But we have made some great genuine friends there and were really passionate and proud about living in Canada, I will admit it was originally my dream and it became my wifes are after vacationing there a few times.. I completely adopted the way of life when I got there , got straight onto supporting the Maple Leafs just loved the Ice Hockey! We both joined the gym and were loving that..All we needed was those so elusive damn jobs!!

I have worked there since and hate to say it guys, but in Canada it seems that canadian nationals definetly get perference over the available jobs, less skilled or not! I was highly skilled with a serious level of experience and training approx 14yrs.That is the reason why I got PR satus in the first place!!!! Some of the machines I worked in Canada seemed like Anti-CNC compared to the equipment in the UK..It was a 10 yr backwards step for me.. most worrying..but I am starting to digress... I would say to anyone going to Canada to rely on employment from another company, be very careful and do your homework..we did and we still got burned!! Expect to work in a field different that your own, if you can get a job that is!! Expect to go the bottom of the ladder regardless of your experience in the UK. Expect to take a drop in wages!Expect to work the worst shifts, nights and eves. Met a doctor who was a taxi driver, left a practice in the UK after being promised the world. It was a price we were willing to pay and we did!

We did everything right and applied for the jobs from Ireland , going over for Vacation and job interviews, get offered the job arrived in Canada , to sit twiddling my thumbs for 4 weeks, very demoralising! And only to end up working for that company doing a job completely different to what they originally said and for less money! I am really sorry guys for blabbing on.... But we thought it would be different this time and maybe it will, perhaps the security of the UK and a Few months a year in the summer is the right idea.!! Time will tell! Thanks for listening and very good luck with your plans in life also.

nutgrove

The post above from the Irishcpl can be the typical immigrant story, whether they come from the UK or some other place

Being a Canuck by Birth (& a professional in later life) I dealt with many on the same stories told by the Irishcpl, & can vouch that what the Irishcpl says can happen.

Some fall lucky and bingo never have problems, then there are those that luck is never in their favour

As a visitor to Canada one may think that its the land of 'milk & honey', but the major urban centres are extremely expensive

Depending on the age that you move, dependants along side of you, if you have £100,000 ++ when you make the move you may hit lucky or lose the lot.

Securing a job before you come helps, but with almost 10% unemployment in Canada these days I suggest that folks think deep & long before emigrating anywhere.

When I left the UK in 1966 at 18 tagging along with my family I had no job when I arrived, in fact none of us did

My dad (a born Canadian & WWII vet) was a skilled glass cutter, no-job, it took 3-months for him

When my sister & I went for a job (broad Lancashire accents) we were immediately asked "do you have any Canadian experience" ... go figure

We both took the first available minimum wage job (factory work $1.35/hr) and Mum worked in a variety store

In the beginning what the three of us brought home in wages-it just paid all of our living, accomodation, groceries and bus/subway travel expenses, little left for anything else

I can hear you all saying that was then not now, even though emigrating back then was much easier & times were better we still struggled (an immigrants story)

In 1967 my husband whom I married in 1968 was fresh out of Liverpool polytech, a degree in hand went through exactly the same issues.

Any of you reading this emigrate way back when under the £10 scheme and can tell the horror stories of the 2-year imprisonment

Emigrating in modern times provides you with ease of travel, most have lots of money to go back if it doesnt work out, some will be homesick forever, others will find their fame and fortune as immigrants in their new found home and never return back to their place of birth

aes1

Emigrating in modern times provides you with ease of travel, most have lots of money to go back if it doesnt work out, some will be homesick forever, others will find their fame and fortune as immigrants in their new found home and never return back to their place of birth[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. Me, being anxious to get back to the UK next year, at age 59 then, and having lived in US for 26 years. (Have other post on here somewhere. BTW I am now officially addicted to this site!!! Hello, my name is ...... and I am an expatforum'olic!!! It happened so fast, now I can't go an hour without my fix!!)

Being a now divorced female, living on my own, burned financially, I can only say one thing. No matter what age, no matter where you are, something deep inside will tell you at some point what you need to do. Then there will be no more doubts. People may call you crazy, people may get you down about it, obstacles may get in your way, but, and it all comes down to the but.......if, despite all the negative feedback coming like arrows out of all directions, your inner voice says "BUT, I want to go back, or I want to live there......", then listen to it. No matter how much or how little money (in my case!) you might have, happiness comes from within, from comforting and satisfying that little "BUT" voice, that resides in your heart and/or stomach, that flutters and flaps its wings in the form of intuition or homing pigeon instinct. That is the voice that tells you where your true home now lies, at this age, at this fitness level, at this state of health, at this level of income- all of which are important, but it's the NEED not the WANT that must be heard. This, from a girl who always said, are you crazy, I would NEVER return to England??? I have listened and ingnore my inner 'BUT' voice for too long........counting the days/months till I can get back to where my European soul belongs.

mcmorrow1

Always follow your gut instinct,you know deep inside when the time is right.

the troubadour

It is a little mind numbing at times and little breath taking ever occurs and one is required to be rather resilient to get through the mundaness ,which at times seems to inflict varied degrees of havoc on the lives of some of us folk,living here.And i would include a lot of locals(born and never left)in that assessment.
To be far i feel it is similar for those in New Zealand,Canada and even USA.
It has often struck me how little stimulation a lot of folks appear to need here,i guess i mean the internal here as much as the external.
We always try and go somewhere different and far away every year,as we find it gives a refferance point to any particular period,like 07 oh that was the year we spent 6 weeks in Laos for example.
The social fuse is so slow burning as to be worthy of little comment except to say it is very unexceptional and will i expect be a large part on why we return and to be honest i would have left years ago if not for my OH,who is European,a little unsure,shall we say to living in the UK and i do not have the fluency in language that would allow me to fully function in OH country.

St.Georges Girl

Without financial security, where will you live?

...and I have known for many years, which is why I feel my life is now being wasted.

Irishcpl

It really can be quite a quandry this Emigarting Melarkey, for me I never realised the enormity of my decision the first time we went, until I got to Canada, but by that time it was too late we were commited, so we gave our best shot. We sold our house that year to make the move and quickly diminished the money from that living and trying to stay.

We were so full of hopes and dreams, but quickly got fed a huge dose of reality.
When the jobs seemed unobtainable and the money was dwindling. All the beautiful weather and scenery were quickly pailing to insinificance.

I wonder am I destined to have history repeat itself over and over again.
I am perplexed as to what it is I am chasing, is it the impossible dream?
I can't believe it is and I have friends out there who are living the dream or appear to be from my eyes to be living it.

I have always been the eternal optomist and quite possibly and over achiever, very stubborn and not knowing when to quit on something, could be my downfall. For quite a few years it seemed the harder I tired the worse things became, the opposite to the Midas touch.

Out of the fog of confusion came a back bedroom bizz started in the Uk.
From that it grew quite sucessfully and for the first time we could live!!
My wife and I were never truly happy with our home sorroundings but unfortunately it is our home, good bad or indifferent!

I am now afraid to go and afraid to stay , for a variety of reasons. Its a catch 22 situation for us now.. Bizz in the UK although manageable from Canada, but may not preform to its best If I am not here to manage it may quickly slide.

Problematic inlaws ( her side) that want to strip the very lifeforce from My wife and I with their negative outbursts and borderline physcotic behaviour.
We now believe my wifes parents to be what they call "Narcisstic Parents"
I feel this was my original motivation for originally moving to Canada to escape the inlaws and the destructive behaviours and ways. The mention of us returning to Canada set off a chain of events that lead to total chaos for my wifes mental being while we prepared to move. IMO all orchestrated to achieve just that goal!!

All I ever wanted was peace and quiet and areasonable way of life, they seem to aspire to be extras in Eastenders and believe that life should be lived as a soap opera! After a heated argument with my wife last night , I nearly walked away from a 20yr realtionship, from the woman I have been since I was teen..I love this woman with all my heart, but can no longer have my soul invaded by vampires of oppression.

I believe that even if we do not go this time, perhaps in 6mths it will rear its head again and eventually we will have to go somewhere to escape the madness.

Thanks for lsitening guys, Take Care!

C