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Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Old Jul 10th 2020, 10:42 am
  #31  
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

I'll put the tin hat on for this comment, but I often read on this thread that ex-pats in USA and Canada struggle to make friends and integrate into their communities. Are Canadians and Americans that difficult to make friends with or as ex-pats are we used to closer communities and possibly being a bit friendlier (although maybe not so much now in the UK but certainly when I was younger)? Different values, culture, history, sense of community?
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Old Jul 10th 2020, 2:48 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Jamesy5008 I often here people asking the same question. 30 years in one place and still not assimilated?

The responsibility doesn’t always fall on the host community and there are varying shades of grey.

I can’t talk for others, but can clarify how I feel. Have I assimilated? In many ways, definitely. I understand Americans and the culture and there’s lots of things I like about America. I have some good American friends (unfortunately my closest friends are in another state). I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve had here. I’ve done pretty well financially - we own a nice home and have a good life but, something is just a little off. Culturally, I still feel very British, despite now having dual nationality. I can’t explain why I miss the U.K. so much. I know the weather can be pretty dire, coming from London, it feels very crowded, property is expensive for what you get, and many people have short fuses and will look at you as if you have two heads should you dare to try and start up a conversation. Americans are often more open, laid back, and a lot are really nice people. So, I don’t hate America. I’m actually quite torn and as I might have said, I would love to be able to spend some of the year here in an ideal world.

But...I miss the British culture, our history, the way we use the English language, the beautiful countryside, the food, and yes, the people who for
the most part are quite down to earth.

I’ll still defend America and Americans from snidey attacks and generalizations that I hear when I am back home. One of my children was born in the USA, and the other one feels just as American because he was only 8 months old when we moved back to the States. So, when people make disrespectful statements and generalizations about Americans, I’ll put them in their place because they’re talking about my kids.

I’m rambling on but getting back to the assimilation question. Maybe it’s because there’s just too many things you miss about the U.K. and not enough you like about your host country that keeps one foot in and one foot out, metaphorically speaking?

Never been to the Cayman Islands but I did live on another Caribbean island for a little over a year so understand a little about that life you live.





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Old Jul 10th 2020, 2:49 pm
  #33  
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

UkWinds5353 Are you a Floridian? How do you feel about moving to the U.K.? Have you spent much time there and if you moved, where would you live?
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Old Jul 10th 2020, 3:47 pm
  #34  
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by Rythmik View Post
Jamesy5008 I often here people asking the same question. 30 years in one place and still not assimilated?

The responsibility doesn’t always fall on the host community and there are varying shades of grey.

I can’t talk for others, but can clarify how I feel. Have I assimilated? In many ways, definitely. I understand Americans and the culture and there’s lots of things I like about America. I have some good American friends (unfortunately my closest friends are in another state). I’m thankful for the opportunities I’ve had here. I’ve done pretty well financially - we own a nice home and have a good life but, something is just a little off. Culturally, I still feel very British, despite now having dual nationality. I can’t explain why I miss the U.K. so much. I know the weather can be pretty dire, coming from London, it feels very crowded, property is expensive for what you get, and many people have short fuses and will look at you as if you have two heads should you dare to try and start up a conversation. Americans are often more open, laid back, and a lot are really nice people. So, I don’t hate America. I’m actually quite torn and as I might have said, I would love to be able to spend some of the year here in an ideal world.

But...I miss the British culture, our history, the way we use the English language, the beautiful countryside, the food, and yes, the people who for
the most part are quite down to earth.

I’ll still defend America and Americans from snidey attacks and generalizations that I hear when I am back home. One of my children was born in the USA, and the other one feels just as American because he was only 8 months old when we moved back to the States. So, when people make disrespectful statements and generalizations about Americans, I’ll put them in their place because they’re talking about my kids.

I’m rambling on but getting back to the assimilation question. Maybe it’s because there’s just too many things you miss about the U.K. and not enough you like about your host country that keeps one foot in and one foot out, metaphorically speaking?

Never been to the Cayman Islands but I did live on another Caribbean island for a little over a year so understand a little about that life you live.
I wasn't speaking for myself. I won't be torn when I have to go back to the UK although I WILL miss the outdoor lifestyle and scuba diving! I fully accept the transient nature of Cayman. I was more observing the real struggle some posters seem to be having with moving home.
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Old Jul 10th 2020, 3:53 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by Jamesy5008 View Post
I wasn't speaking for myself. I won't be torn when I have to go back to the UK although I WILL miss the outdoor lifestyle and scuba diving! I fully accept the transient nature of Cayman. I was more observing the real struggle some posters seem to be having with moving home.
Slip of the tongue. I meant 'you' as in everyone who feels like that, not you specifically

I figured you probably were a diver. Me too - my wife and I love diving and I just got my eldest certified. Our youngest will be old enough at the end of the year, but we'll have to see what the Covid situation is. We had planned to head back down to the Caribbean this winter but that might have to wait.
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Old Jul 10th 2020, 5:33 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by Brightongirl View Post
We've decided to move to Newhaven or Seaford, just along the coast. We can catch a train or bus into Brighton whenever I need my city "fix" and those hot, fresh doughnuts they sell at the base of the Palace Pier! Streetlegal, feel free to private message me any time.
I would love to pick your brains on this - I’m a Londoner and husband is not but years ago we decided we would eventually move to brighton (this is before we moved abroad) now he wants to be more rural, I want and need at least access to London and Brighton and pref a town with a good community and the odd pub or coffee shop - whats Seaford like? We have kids though as well which puts extra needs on schooling for them
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Old Jul 10th 2020, 6:01 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by mymatemarmite View Post
I would love to pick your brains on this - I’m a Londoner and husband is not but years ago we decided we would eventually move to brighton (this is before we moved abroad) now he wants to be more rural, I want and need at least access to London and Brighton and pref a town with a good community and the odd pub or coffee shop - whats Seaford like? We have kids though as well which puts extra needs on schooling for them
Sorry, but I can't be of much help because we don't have kids and have only visited Seaford once and know nothing about the schooling or much about community. We've chosen Seaford or Newhaven because we can't afford the Brighton prices and want to be on the coast and close to family. I've been assured by family that both are nice towns and are ideal for us because of the train service into Brighton and beyond. Obviously we'll check it out for ourselves by renting an airbnb in the area for a few months before buying; have to make sure it's not too sedate.
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 12:10 am
  #38  
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by Rythmik View Post
UkWinds5353 Are you a Floridian? How do you feel about moving to the U.K.? Have you spent much time there and if you moved, where would you live?
I am a Floridian to the core and prior to this pandemic there really wasn't a better place to live for me. Amazing winters, awesome outdoor activities and a multitude of various places to visit for entertainment. But marriage isn't about satisfying the needs of just one partner and I'm lucky to have an amazing wife and relationship, and for that reason where ever my wife wants to live that is where we need to be. She has been amazing and totally open to living in various regions of America during our careers and family life, which has taken us from NYC, NJ, and out to California over the years. She truly misses her family in Manchester and they're (her parents) getting up in age. So for those reasons I'm OK with moving to the UK. We just have to make sure it works for our three sons.

I've spent only short amounts of time in the UK a few months here and there but my wife and kids actually did move back several years ago, and after about half a year we had to reverse course because our youngest struggled with the change. But now two of our boys are college grads and the youngest starts University this year online. Family wise we are in a much better situation and after some arm tugging and several negotiated deals everyone is agreed to making this move. For us it helped a great deal that the family spent a chunk of last year's summer visiting various regions of the UK, and that trip also included time in other countries as a reminder of how fun it could be to live in Europe.

After the trip some of the kids were still not totally convinced but my wife does not give up easily and she is determined not to leave the boys here in the States. So now it's a count down and a matter of planning while dealing with the pandemic dynamic. We are not 100% sure where in the UK is the best fit. At one point we were considering the Brighton area. Time will tell.
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 5:38 am
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

If I marry my partner in the US, can he come and live with me in the UK?

I am concerned about my future. I might be losing my hearing rapidly.
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 2:25 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

I visit this section of the forum a lot as I feel so lost at times since moving back to the US in 2016. My husband and I are both US/UK citizens (we are both originally from the US, but naturalised in the UK). When my father passed away in 2015, it did something to me - it made me really think about family and how being closer to them was of paramount importance. Looking back, I now believe that I pushed for a move to the US out of grief, rather than anything else.

Since moving to the US, our careers have taken off and we have a lot more money. We also have a lot more sun, which has been so wonderful. Are we happier though? Not necessarily. It feels like constant chaos here. The current administration (if you can even call it that) hijacks Americans' emotions every single day with antics that are beyond comprehension. This country feels like it is falling apart. The values that it once espoused seem to have flown out the window - or more accurately have been eradicated after years of abuse of power and legalised corruption. Americans, whether they realise it or not, live in constant fear. Fear of being shot, fear of saying the wrong thing in the workplace, fear of paying for medical expenses (even if you have health insurance), fear of another school shooting, fear of being sued...I can go on. So what does this do to society? It brings about lots of people on antidepressants, lots of people dealing with stress/anxiety, lots of people never actually saying what they mean because of fear. In the workplace, you have to learn to speak code because people seem incapable of actually being straightforward (again, fear of lawsuits), so it creates a lot of disfunction. When there is a so-called leader in the White House who stokes and exacerbates this fear on a daily basis, and you have a whole new level of chaos and quite frankly, craziness.

Daily, I lament on our lives back in Edinburgh. I think about how calm it was - how the normal day was rising, walking to work, walking home, meeting friends for dinner parties on weekends, and occasionally climbing Arthur's Seat. We'd buy our groceries at Waitrose and special treats at M&S. There was always something to do in terms of shopping, the museums, or special events. I even saw Sting at the Edinburgh Playhouse. Now, yes, I have lots of sun and I make a lot more money. But, I cannot say hand on my heart that I am happier. I am hoping it changes with the next President. If I listen to people here in South Carolina though, I am not convinced that Trump will lose. He is a master at pulling at peoples' emotions and stoking fear to get people on his side. And, with a two party system as it is, even if Trump leaves, what happens the next time? Will it be this constant roller coaster of implementing positive change, only to have it wiped out by the other party when they are inevitably back in power? The country is so divided that as someone else said, they cannot seem to consider other perspectives - which is extremely dysfunctional.

I am not sure what our future holds. In a way, it feels we are stuck here for the time being (Covid and getting vested in our retirement systems). In the future however, we have not ruled out moving back to Scotland, or another part of Europe.

To the poster who is worried about his wife being chastised for being American. I can say that in Scotland, this never, not once, happened to me in the 9 years that I lived there. It did however happen quite a bit when Bush was President and I lived in the home counties or worked in London.

Following this thread with interest now.
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 2:35 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by Streetlegal View Post
If I marry my partner in the US, can he come and live with me in the UK?

I am concerned about my future. I might be losing my hearing rapidly.
Yes, but he'll be subject to the usual spousal visa rules - you have to provide proof of relationship, and you have to have either an income of £18,600 in the UK (might mean you going back first and getting a job), or be able to show savings of £62,500. They don't want new arrivals claiming benefits so they insist you have basically a couple of years' worth of money in the bank. On the upside, once you are resident in the UK again, you are fully eligible to use the NHS. I think your partner would have to pay the NHS surcharge of £400 per year until he qualifies for indefinite leave to remain (usually 3 years for partners). I think this is due to go up in 2021 as part of the post-Brexit immigration reforms.

The income requirements were introduced by Theresa May, back when she was Home Secretary, back in 2012. She also removed the ability for a relative to sponsor you.
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 4:52 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by jenninedinburgh View Post

To the poster who is worried about his wife being chastised for being American. I can say that in Scotland, this never, not once, happened to me in the 9 years that I lived there. It did however happen quite a bit when Bush was President and I lived in the home counties or worked in London.
Thanks for the feedback, did you live in Scotland during the Obama administration by chance or was it more to do with the good people of Scotland being more tolerant or polite compared to their neighbors in the south?
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 7:20 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Rusty,

Can the savings of 62,500 be split between you and your partner?
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 7:22 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by jenninedinburgh View Post
I visit this section of the forum a lot as I feel so lost at times since moving back to the US in 2016. My husband and I are both US/UK citizens (we are both originally from the US, but naturalised in the UK). When my father passed away in 2015, it did something to me - it made me really think about family and how being closer to them was of paramount importance. Looking back, I now believe that I pushed for a move to the US out of grief, rather than anything else.

Since moving to the US, our careers have taken off and we have a lot more money. We also have a lot more sun, which has been so wonderful. Are we happier though? Not necessarily. It feels like constant chaos here. The current administration (if you can even call it that) hijacks Americans' emotions every single day with antics that are beyond comprehension. This country feels like it is falling apart. The values that it once espoused seem to have flown out the window - or more accurately have been eradicated after years of abuse of power and legalised corruption. Americans, whether they realise it or not, live in constant fear. Fear of being shot, fear of saying the wrong thing in the workplace, fear of paying for medical expenses (even if you have health insurance), fear of another school shooting, fear of being sued...I can go on. So what does this do to society? It brings about lots of people on antidepressants, lots of people dealing with stress/anxiety, lots of people never actually saying what they mean because of fear. In the workplace, you have to learn to speak code because people seem incapable of actually being straightforward (again, fear of lawsuits), so it creates a lot of disfunction. When there is a so-called leader in the White House who stokes and exacerbates this fear on a daily basis, and you have a whole new level of chaos and quite frankly, craziness.

Daily, I lament on our lives back in Edinburgh. I think about how calm it was - how the normal day was rising, walking to work, walking home, meeting friends for dinner parties on weekends, and occasionally climbing Arthur's Seat. We'd buy our groceries at Waitrose and special treats at M&S. There was always something to do in terms of shopping, the museums, or special events. I even saw Sting at the Edinburgh Playhouse. Now, yes, I have lots of sun and I make a lot more money. But, I cannot say hand on my heart that I am happier. I am hoping it changes with the next President. If I listen to people here in South Carolina though, I am not convinced that Trump will lose. He is a master at pulling at peoples' emotions and stoking fear to get people on his side. And, with a two party system as it is, even if Trump leaves, what happens the next time? Will it be this constant roller coaster of implementing positive change, only to have it wiped out by the other party when they are inevitably back in power? The country is so divided that as someone else said, they cannot seem to consider other perspectives - which is extremely dysfunctional.

I am not sure what our future holds. In a way, it feels we are stuck here for the time being (Covid and getting vested in our retirement systems). In the future however, we have not ruled out moving back to Scotland, or another part of Europe.

To the poster who is worried about his wife being chastised for being American. I can say that in Scotland, this never, not once, happened to me in the 9 years that I lived there. It did however happen quite a bit when Bush was President and I lived in the home counties or worked in London.

Following this thread with interest now.
You sum up much of it so well, my feelings. I deal with students and I have to talk in code all the time. No joking, no humor, every little thing I do I feel I'm under the microscope in case I slip up. San Francisco. If I get through my medical emergency alive, I'm gone. I don't smile anymore.
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Old Jul 11th 2020, 7:48 pm
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Default Re: Wanting to move back - sounds like I'm not alone

Originally Posted by Streetlegal View Post
Rusty,

Can the savings of 62,500 be split between you and your partner?
I believe so. If you could put it into a joint account with both your names on it would probably look better though.
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