Re: Want to go home
 

Miserable in America we live in South Florida and have been here 7 months also. To be honest we had a really sh1t time for the first month and nearly got straight on a plane back to Blighty. We felt angry and displaced for quite a while. A lot of the anger we can now see was irrational but it doesnt make it less valid or real. The key we have found is accepting the differences and learning to ride with them rather than fight them. Like the rudenes thing. I deal with it by being ultra polite back in as very British an accent as I can muster, which I find leaves a kind of bemused look on their face and me feeling all warm and satisfied.

If you want to chat to some Brits in Florida feel free to PM me.

As for the national pride thing we respect the US and its people (after all we live here) but we also make a point of being British. Me my wife and my daughter spent all St Georges day wandering around wearing England T-Shirts which our American friends all liked, I have a Cross of St George on my car along with a Stars and Stripes and I often wear a Union Flag top I have.

Theres things we dont like about living here but conversely theres a lot we do like so we work round the crap and enjoy the good bits, since there was also things we didnt like about living in the UK.

Re: Want to go home
 

I do not see the term 'alien' as derogatory either, and I recognise that it is simply a label that designates our status here in the US, but I have to admit that it does make me feel uncomfortable. It just reinforces this feeling of being unwanted - and the latter, unfortunately, is how I have come to feel through our dealings with this whole immigration business.

But definitely not unwanted as far as ordinary Americans are concerned, I hasten to add. Far from it. Moreover, USCs generally cannot understand why we are having all these problems with immigration; actually, they are mystified... Which is why your point about joking about this whole 'alien' thing is beside the point. The only people who call us that are 'you-know-who'. And you don't joke with them!!! :scared:

Re: Want to go home
 

Finding Americans and America hugely irritating are all part of the 'culture shock' process, and I am not being at all sarcastic with this comment..
stage 1 - everything is new and exciting, you embrace the differences with open arms and welcome all the changes greatly..this stage can last from between a few weeks to 3 to 4 months.
stage 2 - everything you found new and exciting becomes intensely irritating, differences now stick out like a sore thumb and you crave for all things familiar...usually kicks in around the 3 to 4 month stage and can last for anything up to a year.
stage 3 - a slow gradual acceptance of differences, eventually you will no longer notice..usually happens at around a year, sometimes sooner if you're lucky..

I thought this was a load of bollocks until I actually sat down, read it and thought, shit this is me, at around the 4 months stage I would of been quite happy to see every American on the face of the earth, well I will leave that to your imagination, but I'm sure you know what I mean..if one more person said "you're welcome" I would have killed them myself, I considered everyone who asked me whereabouts in England is Europe, to be a complete moron (although really they are :D ) all the mums I met at moms clubs were drug induced supermums with ritalin enforced 'always on their best behaviour' kids, drivers were, well, just trying to kill themselves or someone else, god I could go on forever...
Now after almost a year, I can completely understand the ignorance many Americans have about the rest of the world, they have everything they need here, why do they need to leave?
I no longer notice people as being American, now they are just my neighbours, friends etc etc
If someone says "thankyou" I automatically say "you're welcome"
I am now the President of my 'Moms Club'
I eat sandwiches and drink (water!) when I'm driving, everyone has autos, you don't need 2 hands!!!!! :rolleyes:

If everything was o.k, you wouldn't be homesick, the differces are what make you homesick, simple as..as things become more familiar, the less homesick you become, I'm guessing you are very much still at stage 2, stage 3 will come and you probably won't even notice it happen. 7 months is no time at all to pack it in and bail out. I'm not one of those people that thinks you're stupid if you do, but having been through it, I can safely say you need to hang on in there, it will get better.
You also sound just like me in that you are feeling desperately guilty for making your daughter so unhappy, you have taken away everything she knows and you don't know how to make it better other than going home..Again time is all it takes (longer with kids) 2 months ago my daughter was heading home to live with her grandparents, she had no friends and was distraught, this weekend, birthday party, sleepover, hanging out with friends all day, sleepover at our house, tomorrow going to a mothers day do with her friend and her mum, leaving me at home! She still drives me insane but she'd drive me insane in England, I don't agree with the school system but when in Rome...Your daughter will also be picking up on your negativity, try to be more positive, you'll be amazed how it rubs off..
These are obviously just my experiences but I'm sure you can see where I'm coming from, I hope it helps..Good Luck. :)

Re: Want to go home
 

I hope you don't mind me adding something to this thread but there seems to be something similar to my situation, even though I'm in NZ. I wonder if one of the problems is that in some ways, we think our new compatriots might be similar to us possibly because we all speak English. We share the same language in Oz, NZ and USA and so we have a common connection but the similarity stops there.

I was saying on the NZ forum that I'd noticed how fiercly patriotic Kiwis are and dare I say this, in my experience, don't take kindly to any form of suggestions that things can be done in an easier way or more economically sound way. They are very protective and defensive about their country. The thing is, as Brits, I don't think we really go in for the patriotism as much. I also think we tend to laugh at ourselves and can take the pi$$ out of our own country whereas in other countries, well I can only speak of NZ, this is unheard of. With regards to things like manners, I think that is a truly uniquely British thing. Yeah, I was raised to say please and thank you and I have to say, I do notice when people dont say these things-it appears dead rude. However, that is the difference between our culture and other cultures. I think you just have to accept it is a cultural difference.

On the flip side, I know my Kiwi colleagues have found me quite "cutting" at times to the point, I truly upset someone at work inadvertently (and which I felt so ghastly about) because of a remark I'd made. I think being a Scot, we tend to "tell things as it is" but for many of my colleagues, who are real sensitive souls, saw me as perhaps a bit brash!!! It took a lot of getting used to in terms of my trying to adapt to their approach to things and vice versa.

At the end of the day, you will know deep down if you have made the right decision. I do think cultural differences can be overcome but financial and emotional issues are much more difficult to deal with.

Woodsey, I too found a website a couple of months after I arrived in NZ and quite frankly, it lifted a ton weight off my shoulders after reading it. I honestly thought I was going out of my mind with madness!!

Here is the link:
http://edweb.sdsu.edu/people/CGuanipa/cultshok.htm

I don't know if this will help anyone but it's worth a read. Additionally, please don't think I don't understand what you are going through-believe me I do!!! I came to NZ 1 year ago (I know, not long, but it's felt like an eternity!!) by myself, with no family and no friends. I'm returning to the UK for a variety of reasons but at least I can say I tried. Just as you have!! :)
Please take care. Kind regards.

Re: Want to go home
 

I can completely understand where you are coming from with your opinions but I think that I share the sentiments of everyone here who have suggested that you give it more time. Another thing though, have you thought about moving to another part of the country? When I moved to the US, I hated it with the passion, mainly because I was living in the h e l l called Baltimore. The people there were ignorant beyond belief, rude and always seemed to had a chip on their shoulders. The place made me miserable and homesick. We decided to take a risk and move to New England and I haven't looked back since. Its like living in a different country compared to Maryland because the people here are so much nicer and laid back, the area is beautiful and the place is safer. I would never move anywhere else or back to england. My point is as most other people on here have stated, you probably need more time before making the life changing decision of moving back to the uk

Re: Want to go home
 

I sympathise.
Have you thought about moving to Canada?
I've been to the US a few times and hated it. I couldn't wait to get back across the border! :D
The place stinks in my opinion.

Re: Want to go home
 

:confused: :confused:

Re: Want to go home
 

Haha, that's true for me too! Stage 1 is over, and stage 2 is in at present!! :)

Main part of reason for stage 2 is work - now the initial learning everything and getting settled phase is over, I'm finding there are too many yes men around for my liking who have to tell the world how great they are everyday - shut up you tits and get on with your jobs!!! ;) It's wearing thin. Plus, everyone works loads of hours, yet I swear that production is less than in the UK. Too much face time and not enough work, methinks. (Got to be another phase 2 cultural difference - I think get your work done and go home - they think mince about doing your work, cos it makes it look like you are busy for hours on end and increases facetime).

Several other annoyances are in as well - the stupid "automaton" mentality of lower end workers and customer service types - and it is the corporate american system of no trust of employees that makes them like this. Whatever happened to initiative - dirty word over here!!

The ripoff mentality as well is getting right on my nerves - hard sells on extra warranties, completely bewildering amount of paperwork on new cars etc - where they have on several occasions just tried to slip one past you for more money - its all bollox, and I am now at the point where I just about lose it when they try it on - draws some good reactions from them though ! ;)

Having a bad day! ;) Hopefully stage 3'll be here soon! :D

Re: Want to go home
 

I am definitely still at stage 2, but it seems to be getting harder instead of easier. I see, hear or read something new everyday that irritates me even more. I have come to the conclusion that I am too British for my own good. ;)

Re: Want to go home
 

I don't think so....more like everyone else is too American! It'd be so nice if we could all just be HUMAN and forget countries and nationalism. But I know it's not likely to happen any time soon. Maybe future generations will manage it.

Re: Want to go home
 

Don't worry I was just the same, honestly thought I was going to be taken away to the local loony bin I felt so bad, cried every night, didn't want to go out, I was thoroughly miserable..hang on in there. :)

Re: Want to go home
 

I'm still on stage two then and been over here comeing up 3 year's!!! Dont want to go out and bloody smokeing like a dog.

Re: Want to go home
 

[QUOTE=Dan725]
Main part of reason for stage 2 is work - now the initial learning everything and getting settled phase is over, I'm finding there are too many yes men around for my liking who have to tell the world how great they are everyday - shut up you tits and get on with your jobs!!! ;) It's wearing thin. Plus, everyone works loads of hours, yet I swear that production is less than in the UK. Too much face time and not enough work, methinks. (Got to be another phase 2 cultural difference - I think get your work done and go home - they think mince about doing your work, cos it makes it look like you are busy for hours on end and increases facetime).


My husband is always going on about the same thing. The funny thing is his boss always moans about the Europeans taking 'yet' another bank holiday. Another thing he has noticed is that his workers always try to do things that go against company policy. He talked with one of his collegues about it and his response was that they do it because they believe they were born with the freedom to express themselves whereas europeans follow rules. My husband said I think we will have to end this conversation before I say something I will regret. :)

Re: Want to go home
 

And what about stage 4? thats when you accept it all for many years, then suddenly think, OMG, I desperatly want to go home and why didnt I do it sooner??? :(

Re: Want to go home
 

FREEDOM........?????? What do Americans define as being free? I just can't see it.