First post so please be kind
We have been here almost 4 years and are now in 2 minds as to what to do for the best.
We live in Brisbane and love it here but I have always felt it would not be permanent.
2 Months after we moved here I lost my Mum (suddenly), followed by my Auntie, and my Nanny. My Dad has also had a heart attack since we were away.
I have a nice job and am studying at uni, and my husband loves his job too. But increasingly, I miss my family and being around English people (who know how to drive courteously). I also hate the dark evenings here, no matter what the weather is like.
There are so many other reasons to go and so many other reasons to stay and all of us are equally undecided. We are going back for Christmas this year – maybe that will help us one way or the other.
Any thoughts would be welcome…

My thoughts are go for it, sell up and move back.

Otherwise you will always be wondering. If you are going back for Xmas then that should help with your decision.
We are hopefully moving back to UK when house sells. But if we realise we have made the wrong choice in years to come, then we have citizenship that will come in handy. Do you have that? It will always be a back up plan.

Welcome to MBTTUK. It sounds like you are really torn - going back for a holiday especially at Christmas when the nights will be dark, will certainly give you a feel for what the alternative is. If you were to come home now you would have a different opinion probably - the long summer nights and bright early mornings are to die for (home for a holiday myself at the moment). As long as you can all live with the decision that you make, you will be fine!

Edited to say that personally I would be back here like a shot if it werent for the Aussie DH so am somewhat prejudiced!

I certainly know how you feel. I have been struggling with the same uncertainty for many years now, for the same reasons as you.

However a recent trip back (not the first though by any means) combined with the current economic circumstances has made me FINALLY make up my mind.

I am lucky enough to still have grandparents in UK and I certainly don't want to wait until it's too late to spend some time with them.

Also the next couple of years, with falling house prices, is probably a good time to buy a house in Britain.

I'm under no illusions now. The lifestyle and other factors are very good, in most respects here, and there are problems in UK that I wish there wasn't (although without a doubt the miserable British media exaggerates them wildly).

Anyway after years of homesickness and uncertainty, I think I have just finally reached a point where
a) I realise my grandparents will not be around much longer and I don't have the luxury of taking my time to think about it anymore, and
b) I have reached a point where I feel I have done all the things I wanted to do here (get a good job, nice place to live, travel around and see Australia, drive a new car) and I have enjoyed it but I feel I need a major change in my life and a new set of challenges (could be an early 'mid life crises' but then I've been having that for many years now so nothing new to me!).

Anyway I have just sort of naturally come to a point where at long last I feel much more sure that I know what I want, and that's to make the move as soon as possible. I can't say I don't still have some days when I feel it might be better to stay here though, but I am now tending to only feel that way for short periods here and there, and most of the time I am sure I should go back.

So, for now at least, I have decided that's what I will do and I have already begun to set the wheel in motion and have a plan to be back in Britain by Dec / Jan hopefully.

I haven't ruled out ever returning here again in the long term if it doesn't work out, but I sure hope it does because I could do with feeling truly settled. I haven't felt that way for 2 decades now and it's not right!

All of your replies are helpful - yes we do have citizenship thankfully.

Part of the problem is we moved here for the adventure, not because we didn't like the UK. Now the adventure has worn off a bit.

I do feel a bit resentful though because although I have always felt a bit homesick, my husband didn't feel it until it hit him like a ton of bricks when his parents went home after sepnding 6 weeks with us. Now he finally understands, he wants to move back. If it wasn't for him and his crazy ideas we wouldn't have been here in the first place. I do love it here now and I am not sure I want to go back - I guess I want to have my cake and eat it!

I think Christmas will help make up our minds - we will test the water for jobs and houses etc.

Backgen,
I too have been back a few times, and loved it - there has never been anything I haven't liked - I know there are economic problems but to me it is still and always will be "Great" Britain

There's several things I have personally seen on my visits back to Britain that I don't like, and these include:

- Observable high crime rates and general anti-social behaviour (IN SOME AREAS) so obviously I will avoid moving into such an area.

- A lot of poorly controlled immigration, with lots of little enclaves of immigrants who don't make a decent effort to integrate into British society.

- Obviously miserable weather for a fair part of the year

- Houses are NOT as nice as in Australia, for the most part

- Traffic is a nightmare in most big cities.

- Petrol is unbelievably expensive, to the point where I really don't know if I could afford to drive a car there. Public transport is hardly an attractive alternative to me.

I'm not saying these are good reasons not to move back, but they are things you should be aware of, as part of having REALISTIC expectations.

I just think if you have realistic expectations you're much less likely to face the additional problem of getting unpleasant surprises when you arrive back, which can make you regret your decision.

My advice to you would probably be to accept that you have had your 'adventure' now, and that it is over. Leave before the adventure turns into a nightmare! Also you can choose to look at your return to UK as another new adventure. I am doing that!

Good luck anyway and I hope whatever decision you make it works out well.

Whereabouts in Brisbane are you? (I'm north side, regularly meet with other Brits in the city for a few drinks )

Pollyanna,

You may remember me - I registered almost 4 years ago and the last time I came to a British Expats night out was at Gilhoolys in Brisbane. That was the evening I got the phonecall to say my Mum had died and I had to leave early.

A bit of a partypooper me...

That's so sad.

Get yourself off to some more meet ups with Polly. Hope you can decide what to do, as not knowing is always the thing that sends us crackers.

If you are still thinking like this after 4 years even with good jobs etc I would move back to the U.K, 4 years is enough time to have figured out want you are "after" in life and sometimes at the sake of good jobs and big homes etc it's being in a country that feels like home........

How have your home opens been Jackie?
Saturday opens for us have been quiet, but Sunday brings loads. We had 12 groups through yesterday....but still no bloody offer.

Sorry did not read this bit...you love it now and Oh is very homesick maybe that will "wear off" after a while...after 10 years here I still "cry" when my dad goes back home to the U.K....and takes me ages to get back in to the swing of things here....the same when I come back from a visit to the u.K...we are "lucky" I suppose as both my Oh and sons are desperate to go back to the U.K....after 10 years we have had our "adventure" here and just want to return home to our family and friends.....see how your holiday goes at Christmas (we had a fab time for Christmas and New Year on our first visit home)..you may be one of those people who can love two countries at once and live with it.....just give your husband time to see how he feels......

Oh that's becoming another Saga (I should be use to this the way my life pans out at times) I will pm you with all the details...........

I think that Backagen has described pretty well what I feel.

The US for me has allowed me to do some of the things I have always wanted to to do. Have a decent job, travel somewhat and as we generally say live large. However, I now feel a little different about what I want out of life and I generally believe my wife wants the same things.

I never knew my grandparents and have seen how my niece and nephew are with my parents. It's a wonderful relationship and I can see the joy in both my niece and nephews eyes when they see my parents. My wife and I want that relationship if we are ever lucky enough to have children.

I also saw the guilt that my mother felt when she lost her mother, who lived in a different country. It was almost guilt on top of grief too. I don't want that.

I keep on questioning my job prospects in the UK as I want to stay in the same field, but I haven't done any research into what the real situation is.

One thing that is stopping me going back is that we don't have citizenship yet and we would lose our PR, pretty quickly if we went to the UK. It's been a struggle to move out here and get PR and giving that up would be very difficult. But citizenship is five years away and I know you should never say never but I don't know if I would want to move back to the UK and then ever come back to the US.

Sometimes I ask myself did I do the right thing moving out to the US and the answer is I don't know. I know I made the best decision with the information I had at the time, but I don't know if I just didn't make things more difficult for myself now.

I may start to consider April 2010 as a return date, but boy even that seems like an awfully long time away.