ugh...homesick
 

I'm trying to work through the usual stuff of being in the US rather than back home in England...
If we stay here, we can have a better life materially, houses cheap (am in Omaha, NE, can get a v. nice 3 bed for $130,000) cheaper cost of living. My head says we should be here, but heart says go back to England. (We have been here 3 years, have 3 little kids and our company is handling our green card application and fees...). But some days are fine, you know how it goes, other days feels like we may have more 'stuff' and more possibilities here, but essentially we have no-one to share it with. We have got comfortable here, both have okay jobs, house big enough for the kids, couple of nice cars etc...so we could go back home to the tiny house, look for new jobs, and have family a couple of hours away, but would feel desolate to wake up if we returned thinking what the hell have we done???
I think I just miss the usual birthdays, bank hols, xmas with family, when we were home we didn't live in each others pockets, but got together for major things.
Is it fair of me to bring up my kids here, not really knowing family? Or do we completely downsize and go back home and start over. Was looking on a website quickly earlier, and the houses we could afford now look like pebble-dashed council houses!
Maybe just need to give more of ourselves and try to network a bit more, we have found people in the midwest here to be very friendly, but more on a superficial level, only a small handful of people have been genuinely friendly and people I would count as friends. Does this feeling of being a bit alone ever get better?
Maybe just need to look at my kids and see they are happy and go and have a cuppa!

Re: ugh...homesick
 

For me everything got better over here once I started making some really good friends. Hang in there and pursue all lines of friendship. I bet there are some like-minded people out there somewhere. 130k for a house? Holy smokes! Good luck, I still get sad sometimes and I've been out here since 93/94.
Naomi.

Re: ugh...homesick
 

As your kids grow older and get involved in school (and you too) you're going to develop more and more ties to the local community, helping out at this and that and sleep overs at so and so's house. It's rough to start, but it usually does get better as long at you keep at it.

One thing to consider, if heading back home is in the works--get your green card first. Get the green card in your wallet and then if you think going home is an option, grab a flight back and check things out. You'll be surprised at how much things are not the same and how some things are not as you hoped. But with a green card in your pocket, you have the option of coming back to the US should you want. It's a nice bit of security to have.

Hang in there.

Re: ugh...homesick
 

Best security/option is to keep your house in the UK. IMHO.

Re: ugh...homesick
 

I know just how you feel. Just back from a month in the UK and missing it loads although not to a totally wrecked state, just I am soooooooooooo bored here. Nothing ever happens, my kids have a life through school, my OH has a life through work, and I do housework and run the kids around. Its boring. I do what I can, help at school, take the kids to clubs and playdates and so forth and have some good brit friends, but I am BORED!!!

Re: ugh...homesick
 

UNderstand completely and I've only been here 11 months myself. Expressing some similar views in thread I started 'Stay at home mum culture shock'. I am really excited to be somewhere new, but I still find myself checking out the property sites to see what is available in UK if we do move back. Property is so much cheaper here. I was in London and had what would be considered a decent sized family house in an expensive area. The garden was like a postage stamp! In texas we have the sort of climate and home we could never afford in london, but the trade off is the loss of family to share it with! Sure, they can come over for long holidays, but I hear you when you talk about missing family events and children not growing up with family. I underestimated how important that was, and I find it difficult without grandparents and aunties/uncles to give us a break.
That said, it is a great life here and like anything, I'm hoping time will make it better. I think when you are at home with the children you feel it more than if you were dashing around at work.
Why don't you draw up a list of pros and cons? THis helped me a little bit and helped to organise my thoughts. I know my son will generally have a better life where we are but I still find myself hankering for home. The big thing for me is how polite, educated and considerate the children are here, and the fact there are open spaces to play, unlike a lot of london. The higher crime in london was an issue - there are certainly no hoodies around this way (I presume in Texas they would be shot!).:)

Re: ugh...homesick
 

I really understand where you are coming from, especially as after 11yrs in the states we moved back to the UK for a trial! My hubby is a USC, so he would have regretted not trying it, I had been at the same job for 9 yrs and it was time for a change. Anyway we have been here in the UK now since Feb 07 (with our two little boys), housing is so expensive still, we would be starting as first time buyers and we just can't afford anywhere we would like to live. Daycare is extremely expensive, I just recieved my £700+ bill for part time ;) Now I am over here I can appreciate alot of things that I took for granted over there, its nice all the lovely places to go visit here, but everytime we go anywhere it is packed full of impatient people (ok generalization - sorry) and it end up costing a fortune!, weather is a big factor I find, the kids don't get to go out so much because of the rubbish weather, my 4 year old hated the winter (was a mild one), we used to be able to take them outside all the time, here, its finally summer this week, don't know how long it'll last but its in the 70's! Yippie!! We are planning our move back to the US, our house is so cheap in comparison, we lived near the ocean and rivers, so lots of watersports for the kids, we have more opportunities for owning our own business. For us as a family, I think the US is home, I feel awful for leaving my family again, but I really didn't see them that much! they were always too busy with there lives, I think I talked more too them across the webcam. I think one thing I didn't do in the states is find enough friendships, I was pretty lazy about it! this time I would definately try harder.

Re: ugh...homesick
 

I've been in the States for about 3 years and I just recently got married, so I am applying for residency now. I think most of us can understand how you feel. I have had many times of feeling home sick and wanting to be close to my family again. I think the hardest part for me, aside from being away from my family, is making friends. I haven't really made any good friends since I've been here, so I rely a lot on my husband and his friends for company. I like my husband's friends, but were not close like I am with friends back home. Sometimes I think about what it would be like if we moved back home, and sometimes that is a nice thought. But, to be honest, I don't necessarily think that a lot would be different.

One thing I've realized is that people move on and have their own lives. Friends move away, even some family like siblings etc. So, you might think you'd be going back to what you had before, but chances are a lot has changed since you were last there. I've experienced this first hand. Wherever you go in life, you have to deal with getting a nice home, a good job, good schools for the kids, and making new friends. This could just as easily be a problem for you back in the UK. Where you are now, you are settled, you have a nice home, two cars etc.

With that said, you've got to do what you think is right - no regrets! Life is too short. I agree that you should wait until you've got your greencards. That way you can always come back to the US if you decide to check out the UK again.

Re: ugh...homesick
 

I've been living in the US for two years and am currently in the UK and have been for the past six and a half weeks. Hubby is here too at the moment and I am desperate to get back home to the US. It's taken me this trip home to realise that life is not here for me anymore and that I am really happy and settled where I am. I never in a million years thought I would here myself say that I am home sick for Texas.
Things have changed so much here in the short time that I have lived in the US. The cost of living in the UK is just so much more expensive than the US, there was a show on tv a while back called rip off Britain and it was a real eye opener. Hubs and I were in London last weekend and kept having to remind ourselves that we weren't in Eastern Europe what with all the Polish people that have moved to London and other parts of the UK.
It took me a while to get into the swing of things and I totally agree with what somebody says above but pursue all friendship opportunities and get involved in activities. I tired loads of things some worked out some didn't. I also did the mom thing and got involved with school activities and met people through my oldest some complete morons some not. It's a learning curve and I am still learning.
I like the pace of life in TX and enjoy waking up to the sunshine everyday (even though we have to hide from it in the summer months).
What with web cams and cheap phone calls to the UK I can have daily contact with my nearest and dearest if I so desire.
I feel really fortunate to have had the opportunity to live in the US and think and hope that I/we will be there for a good few years to come.

Re: ugh...homesick
 

The thing about a few weeks back is that everyone makes time for you. They'll drop in and join you for dinner here or there or meet you someplace.

But when you are backing living there 'I'll catch you next time" is a real option for people. Gradually you start to notice that you are not seeing them that much. It then becomes apparent that many people have moved on in their lives without you around, such that they are used to you not being a part of their weekly or

It's like where you live. Have you visited every museum and touristy thing in your town? Probably not, because you can always do it later. If you were to visit on vacation you'd probably cram it all in to make sure you saw it, but living there is a different story.

Re: ugh...homesick
 

I wanted to say that I live in Clay Center NE (population 800) and I love it!! Of course I get bad days when I think that I want to go home and OMG what the hell am I doing here!!!! But I have thrown myself into living here and made a lot of friends. maybe we could have a nebraska meet-up although I think it would just be me and northyorkshirelass, unless Manc you want to drive back through this way??!!!

Re: ugh...homesick
 

Thanks for all the comments. I think it really is about trying to forge some new genuine ties with the people here. My hubby and I work at the same office, and I just feel like we are from different planet sometimes, as if people don't get us, but are a little intrigues by us. Our kids go to the daycare/preschool connected to our office too, so maybe we need to step outside our company culture and try to make connections outside work. American parents seem a lot more anal about their kids than we are! We go to work do's, our company is all for get togethers, but it is in the office, and all very corporate/false/ultra positive, so we are putting on a front I guess. Back home, office get togethers were the whole office going to a nice pub in the beer garden on the Thames, having a few too many pints, but we were sitting next to our bosses and could moan and swear, and it was okay cos it was the weekend, and she wouldn't remember anyway.
I think as well, because our company is sponsoring hubby, we can't kind of really voice how we are really feeling, if we ain't engaged they might give us the boot, then would be packing us and kids up and going home.
Plus of course, the handful of people we can be honest with don't get it. They all grew up here, this vast nothingness is home to them. They don't get how cool it was to be able to get the ferry over to France ona long weekend, to drive to Brighton ona Sunday afternoon, have a walk round Covent Garde, go to Ikea!! You have to drive 8 hours to get ANYWHERE!! I think maybe it is just Omaha NE that is putting a downer on it too. It is just flat nothingness, with new houses and malls, all looking the same, all over town. I want to go out and see something beautiful, there just isn't that here. We lived in Kingston upon Thames, near Hampton Court, very lovely buildings, and near the river, there is nothing old here, nothing of interest to the eye, no hills, no sheep, no country pubs.
Maybe once we have our green card, which is looking like the next 6 months in our hand, we can maybe think about getting out of here and somewhere with a bit more character to it, some scenery!
My kids love it here, and our youngest was born here two years ago so he is okay! I'm just not sure what is best for us, and feel a bit weighted down with the decision, as our choices will shape our kids lives I guess.
Will try to make more of an effort, and get involved in more stuff. And put up with people thinking I am actually from Australia. (Must be the Scarborough accent!!)

Re: ugh...homesick
 

OMG the Australia thing! One of our neighbours has it in his head that we are from Oz, and despite us telling him sooooo many times we are from the UK, he still said to us at Xmas, have a great time in Australia! I just grin and bear it and wish him G'day when I see him now!

Re: ugh...homesick
 

Yeah, the Walmart staff here get really confused, me with the English accent, my hubby is Italian, and my 3 little ones with American accents. If ever I have to ask anything, they hear the accent and nothing else. If I say am from the UK, they sometimes say, 'The Ukraine?' Guess Europe just confuses them, but hey, I don't know the presidents or where the states are I guess!

Re: ugh...homesick
 

Isn't there only one? Dick Cheney :lol: