Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
Nov 26th 2010, 8:58 am
#16
Forum Regular
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Toronto
Posts: 220
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
Sometimes I think i am just a little crazy. When I read this thread, I knew I wanted to respond, to let Big_matt know that it is normal to feel that - and it is not country specific. It is called reversed culture shock ...i think. there are a few older forum postings on it and there is a great wiki article on it. My story is about Canada - not oz but I think the premise is the same.
I was born in the UK, but raised in Canada. I don't remember any of my life before i came to Canada in 1976. But being raised by expats I was often taught The British way is superior. lol ( asks in head ..so why did they move then?). For the most part I considered my self a Canadian.
When I was 28 I moved back to UK with loads of fantastic expectations... goodness knows I was raised seeing it thru rose-coloured specs. Things were fantastic financially, but our personal lives and health was terrible. I craved to go home to Canada, back to the arms of my family. Eventually we did.
After 1 year being back in Canada, I knew I had made a mistake. 3 years on we are finally going back to the UK - but not for family or friends or the familiar - but for the lifestyle. Sure I have family in both countries, but they are no longer part of the equation. We looked at what we wanted to be doing in 5 years 10 yrs and thru retirement - it would be very expensive in Canada - but not so in the UK. We are fortunate that hubby works for an international company that loves to let it's staff move around the world.
We make this move after lots of thinking, planning, comparing, and cold hard facts. I may still experience some of the "damn I miss that" but I am ready for it this time. No Rose-coloured specs.
reeni
I was born in the UK, but raised in Canada. I don't remember any of my life before i came to Canada in 1976. But being raised by expats I was often taught The British way is superior. lol ( asks in head ..so why did they move then?). For the most part I considered my self a Canadian.
When I was 28 I moved back to UK with loads of fantastic expectations... goodness knows I was raised seeing it thru rose-coloured specs. Things were fantastic financially, but our personal lives and health was terrible. I craved to go home to Canada, back to the arms of my family. Eventually we did.
After 1 year being back in Canada, I knew I had made a mistake. 3 years on we are finally going back to the UK - but not for family or friends or the familiar - but for the lifestyle. Sure I have family in both countries, but they are no longer part of the equation. We looked at what we wanted to be doing in 5 years 10 yrs and thru retirement - it would be very expensive in Canada - but not so in the UK. We are fortunate that hubby works for an international company that loves to let it's staff move around the world.
We make this move after lots of thinking, planning, comparing, and cold hard facts. I may still experience some of the "damn I miss that" but I am ready for it this time. No Rose-coloured specs.
reeni
Nov 27th 2010, 12:46 pm
#17
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 4,100
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
Sometimes I think i am just a little crazy. When I read this thread, I knew I wanted to respond, to let Big_matt know that it is normal to feel that - and it is not country specific. It is called reversed culture shock ...i think. there are a few older forum postings on it and there is a great wiki article on it. My story is about Canada - not oz but I think the premise is the same.
I was born in the UK, but raised in Canada. I don't remember any of my life before i came to Canada in 1976. But being raised by expats I was often taught The British way is superior. lol ( asks in head ..so why did they move then?). For the most part I considered my self a Canadian.
When I was 28 I moved back to UK with loads of fantastic expectations... goodness knows I was raised seeing it thru rose-coloured specs. Things were fantastic financially, but our personal lives and health was terrible. I craved to go home to Canada, back to the arms of my family. Eventually we did.
After 1 year being back in Canada, I knew I had made a mistake. 3 years on we are finally going back to the UK - but not for family or friends or the familiar - but for the lifestyle. Sure I have family in both countries, but they are no longer part of the equation. We looked at what we wanted to be doing in 5 years 10 yrs and thru retirement - it would be very expensive in Canada - but not so in the UK. We are fortunate that hubby works for an international company that loves to let it's staff move around the world.
We make this move after lots of thinking, planning, comparing, and cold hard facts. I may still experience some of the "damn I miss that" but I am ready for it this time. No Rose-coloured specs.
reeni
I was born in the UK, but raised in Canada. I don't remember any of my life before i came to Canada in 1976. But being raised by expats I was often taught The British way is superior. lol ( asks in head ..so why did they move then?). For the most part I considered my self a Canadian.
When I was 28 I moved back to UK with loads of fantastic expectations... goodness knows I was raised seeing it thru rose-coloured specs. Things were fantastic financially, but our personal lives and health was terrible. I craved to go home to Canada, back to the arms of my family. Eventually we did.
After 1 year being back in Canada, I knew I had made a mistake. 3 years on we are finally going back to the UK - but not for family or friends or the familiar - but for the lifestyle. Sure I have family in both countries, but they are no longer part of the equation. We looked at what we wanted to be doing in 5 years 10 yrs and thru retirement - it would be very expensive in Canada - but not so in the UK. We are fortunate that hubby works for an international company that loves to let it's staff move around the world.
We make this move after lots of thinking, planning, comparing, and cold hard facts. I may still experience some of the "damn I miss that" but I am ready for it this time. No Rose-coloured specs.
reeni
One of the main reasons I want to return is for the lifestyle. Britain is a lot more stable "society-wise". Centuries of history has made it so. The U.S. doesn't have that history behind it and, in my opinion, is still striving for an identity. You feel it in the people and everyday life. I can no longer bend who I am and what I believe in to try to pretend it isn't so.
Nov 27th 2010, 5:29 pm
#18
Greetings Traveller
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Sydney
Posts: 278
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
The six months we've been back have shown us we stayed away a bit too long. The practical things like finding jobs, houses, schools etc go onto autopilot and just get done and, six months down the line are all sorted out (we complete on our new house Dec 6th). But after 4 1/2 years of Skyping my mum every week from Oz, of chatting and talking about how nice it would be for the kids to spend time with her - and all the plans we had for her to move down to live near us when we got back, in the end we got just over 2 months with her before she passed away unexpectedly in her sleep. You can't turn back the clock and we are grateful for the short time we all had together with her - a beautiful summer's day at Wakehurst Place will stay with us forever - but time is something that being away robs you of and sadly it's the only thing you can never get back.
This is precisely why I want to go back as soon as we practically can -for our son to have time with his grandparents as you never know what's around the corner. We actually worked out that wheny they stay with us once a year for about 6-8weeks the total amount of time we see them is probably about the same or more than if we were all in the UK, but it is all in one lump & not the same as being able to keep up to date properly with the developments & the small things. Even being able to pick up the phone for a quick chat on the spur of the moment rather than waiting for the time zones to be right.
Nov 30th 2010, 9:20 pm
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 517
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
You must have some precious moments to be thankful for even though you had a short time all together. Much better than being stuck far away & having to go through the loss.
This is precisely why I want to go back as soon as we practically can -for our son to have time with his grandparents as you never know what's around the corner. We actually worked out that wheny they stay with us once a year for about 6-8weeks the total amount of time we see them is probably about the same or more than if we were all in the UK, but it is all in one lump & not the same as being able to keep up to date properly with the developments & the small things. Even being able to pick up the phone for a quick chat on the spur of the moment rather than waiting for the time zones to be right.
This is precisely why I want to go back as soon as we practically can -for our son to have time with his grandparents as you never know what's around the corner. We actually worked out that wheny they stay with us once a year for about 6-8weeks the total amount of time we see them is probably about the same or more than if we were all in the UK, but it is all in one lump & not the same as being able to keep up to date properly with the developments & the small things. Even being able to pick up the phone for a quick chat on the spur of the moment rather than waiting for the time zones to be right.
Dec 2nd 2010, 12:23 am
#20
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 36
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
This is a really great thread and very useful. Matt - I can so identify with how you're feeling! I moved to Vancouver in 2007 on an adventure with the intention of never coming back to the UK. I lived the dream, travelled, skied, met friends, adventured and met a wonderful Canadian guy who I married last year in Vancouver. In the spirit of adventure and perhaps still on a high from 3 years of fun, we sold our condo and moved back to the UK in March this year. We have now been back almost 10 months.
After a very rocky start back in the UK we eventually both managed to find jobs. My husband works in public health and shortly after he secured his job, the coalition government was announced and the cuts began. I work for the NHS and I make no bones about it - it is very hard at the moment with massive staff shortages, high levels of stress and very poor morale. We have both found the economic climate working in the public sector very challenging and soul destroying - it has led to us both feeling really quite miserable.
We live in a beautiful village in the south of England where there are country pubs and beautiful rambles - it is quintessentially English with thatched cottages, farmers markets and a strong WI (womens institute) presence! On the surface it is the dream but despite having joined various sports clubs and attempted to try and fit in, we clearly do not! The community is very rooted and hard to 'break' into. Everyone knows each other from school or the college, their kids play together, the older folk have lived here generations - you get the gist! People have said to us that if we had children we might have an easier time of it.
Perhaps we are both sensitive but we are both feeling acutely aware of our differences in this part of middle England - what with my husband being Canadian and me being mixed race!
As for former friends, well, like others have mentioned, life has simply moved on. Most of them have children now and are just in a different head space all together, which is inevitable. My family continue to do their own thing and my rose coloured specs that I had on while I was in canada of us all meeting up and doing things together, have now fallen off! Life can never be like that for our family and I had forgotten!!!!
My husband has found the pace of life in the UK very challenging and particularly in the South, it is VERY busy! Be warned! Having said that he finds the scenery stunning, the food amazing and loves the ol' British sense of humour!
All in all though, we are seriously reconsidering life in the UK. Whilst it really is beautiful and there are many wonderful things about it, the economic climate and recession is really tough and I think it will take the public sector many years to get back on its feet again. We have no regrets about having made the move - as many of us agree - you only get one life. It's just that both of our hearts belong back in Canada.
After a very rocky start back in the UK we eventually both managed to find jobs. My husband works in public health and shortly after he secured his job, the coalition government was announced and the cuts began. I work for the NHS and I make no bones about it - it is very hard at the moment with massive staff shortages, high levels of stress and very poor morale. We have both found the economic climate working in the public sector very challenging and soul destroying - it has led to us both feeling really quite miserable.
We live in a beautiful village in the south of England where there are country pubs and beautiful rambles - it is quintessentially English with thatched cottages, farmers markets and a strong WI (womens institute) presence! On the surface it is the dream but despite having joined various sports clubs and attempted to try and fit in, we clearly do not! The community is very rooted and hard to 'break' into. Everyone knows each other from school or the college, their kids play together, the older folk have lived here generations - you get the gist! People have said to us that if we had children we might have an easier time of it.
Perhaps we are both sensitive but we are both feeling acutely aware of our differences in this part of middle England - what with my husband being Canadian and me being mixed race! As for former friends, well, like others have mentioned, life has simply moved on. Most of them have children now and are just in a different head space all together, which is inevitable. My family continue to do their own thing and my rose coloured specs that I had on while I was in canada of us all meeting up and doing things together, have now fallen off! Life can never be like that for our family and I had forgotten!!!!
My husband has found the pace of life in the UK very challenging and particularly in the South, it is VERY busy! Be warned! Having said that he finds the scenery stunning, the food amazing and loves the ol' British sense of humour!
All in all though, we are seriously reconsidering life in the UK. Whilst it really is beautiful and there are many wonderful things about it, the economic climate and recession is really tough and I think it will take the public sector many years to get back on its feet again. We have no regrets about having made the move - as many of us agree - you only get one life. It's just that both of our hearts belong back in Canada.
Dec 2nd 2010, 3:36 am
#21
The Kwisatz Haderach
Joined: Aug 2008
Location: North Wales
Posts: 8,080
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
This is a really great thread and very useful. Matt - I can so identify with how you're feeling! I moved to Vancouver in 2007 on an adventure with the intention of never coming back to the UK. I lived the dream, travelled, skied, met friends, adventured and met a wonderful Canadian guy who I married last year in Vancouver. In the spirit of adventure and perhaps still on a high from 3 years of fun, we sold our condo and moved back to the UK in March this year. We have now been back almost 10 months.
After a very rocky start back in the UK we eventually both managed to find jobs. My husband works in public health and shortly after he secured his job, the coalition government was announced and the cuts began. I work for the NHS and I make no bones about it - it is very hard at the moment with massive staff shortages, high levels of stress and very poor morale. We have both found the economic climate working in the public sector very challenging and soul destroying - it has led to us both feeling really quite miserable.
We live in a beautiful village in the south of England where there are country pubs and beautiful rambles - it is quintessentially English with thatched cottages, farmers markets and a strong WI (womens institute) presence! On the surface it is the dream but despite having joined various sports clubs and attempted to try and fit in, we clearly do not! The community is very rooted and hard to 'break' into. Everyone knows each other from school or the college, their kids play together, the older folk have lived here generations - you get the gist! People have said to us that if we had children we might have an easier time of it. Perhaps we are both sensitive but we are both feeling acutely aware of our differences in this part of middle England - what with my husband being Canadian and me being mixed race!
As for former friends, well, like others have mentioned, life has simply moved on. Most of them have children now and are just in a different head space all together, which is inevitable. My family continue to do their own thing and my rose coloured specs that I had on while I was in canada of us all meeting up and doing things together, have now fallen off! Life can never be like that for our family and I had forgotten!!!!
My husband has found the pace of life in the UK very challenging and particularly in the South, it is VERY busy! Be warned! Having said that he finds the scenery stunning, the food amazing and loves the ol' British sense of humour!
All in all though, we are seriously reconsidering life in the UK. Whilst it really is beautiful and there are many wonderful things about it, the economic climate and recession is really tough and I think it will take the public sector many years to get back on its feet again. We have no regrets about having made the move - as many of us agree - you only get one life. It's just that both of our hearts belong back in Canada.
After a very rocky start back in the UK we eventually both managed to find jobs. My husband works in public health and shortly after he secured his job, the coalition government was announced and the cuts began. I work for the NHS and I make no bones about it - it is very hard at the moment with massive staff shortages, high levels of stress and very poor morale. We have both found the economic climate working in the public sector very challenging and soul destroying - it has led to us both feeling really quite miserable.
We live in a beautiful village in the south of England where there are country pubs and beautiful rambles - it is quintessentially English with thatched cottages, farmers markets and a strong WI (womens institute) presence! On the surface it is the dream but despite having joined various sports clubs and attempted to try and fit in, we clearly do not! The community is very rooted and hard to 'break' into. Everyone knows each other from school or the college, their kids play together, the older folk have lived here generations - you get the gist! People have said to us that if we had children we might have an easier time of it.
Perhaps we are both sensitive but we are both feeling acutely aware of our differences in this part of middle England - what with my husband being Canadian and me being mixed race! As for former friends, well, like others have mentioned, life has simply moved on. Most of them have children now and are just in a different head space all together, which is inevitable. My family continue to do their own thing and my rose coloured specs that I had on while I was in canada of us all meeting up and doing things together, have now fallen off! Life can never be like that for our family and I had forgotten!!!!
My husband has found the pace of life in the UK very challenging and particularly in the South, it is VERY busy! Be warned! Having said that he finds the scenery stunning, the food amazing and loves the ol' British sense of humour!
All in all though, we are seriously reconsidering life in the UK. Whilst it really is beautiful and there are many wonderful things about it, the economic climate and recession is really tough and I think it will take the public sector many years to get back on its feet again. We have no regrets about having made the move - as many of us agree - you only get one life. It's just that both of our hearts belong back in Canada.
Dec 2nd 2010, 3:51 am
#22
Home Sweet Home
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Surrey, England
Posts: 5,128
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
I would try another part of the UK before ping ponging back to Canada. Not all are closed communities, I've never encountered that. Maybe a small town with transport links that is a little more diverse would be better suited. I always found the north and northerners to be every open and friendly. Chocolate box villages seem a bit too remote for me, and I worry that we wouldn't be accepted as we are from the North.
That is so funny Mummy worried about not being accepted 'cos we are from oop North.
But possibly true..............
Dec 2nd 2010, 4:22 am
#23
Forum Regular
Joined: Nov 2010
Location: Le Marche
Posts: 32
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
I have to say i agree, i am from oop North! and lived down South for a few years and can honestly say there is a north/south divide, i moved back up north as i couldnt cope with the southerners any longer! there is something about us northerners........
Dec 2nd 2010, 5:16 am
#24
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 130
Re: Thoughts/Issues on being back in UK after Oz
We lived oop north for a few years and had a great time but like you we were always outsiders "bloody southerners" so I guess it's horses for courses - didn't take it to much to heart though like I was never too offended with the bloody pom comments in Oz most were made in good humour ( even if the truth).
