Re: Thinking of moving back
 

:lol::lol:

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

My husband 'couldn't handle it' in a very real sense, he came to live in the UK with me and after 6 months said he couldn't cope with the homesickness and he moved back. We were apart for 18 months, I didn't want to move to the US for all sorts of reasons related to work, my health, family etc which I won't go into. 18 months later he came back again but a few months later he wanted out again. He went back to the US again and I remember seeing an email he sent to someone saying 'There won't be a third bloody time!' and feeling heartbroken.

But there was a third time and 6 weeks later he was back, having realised the grass wasn't greener (he was living with his parents and his dad was saying it was time he left home!)

Over 10 years later and he's still here with me, knows we're better off here because of more holidays and the NHS etc, although he goes home every year to see his family for two weeks, and they've been here loads of times. He was very negative at first (still is in regards the weather and lack of a proper summer!), but since then he's had an open mind and is not unhappy here.

I think your husband needs to move without any preconceived attitude as I definitely think some people move expecting to hate it and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Oh and make sure you get your US citizenship before you leave if you haven't already! (And your 2 year UK plan would be better as a 3 year plan so he can gain UK citizenship).

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Good start!

Yeah, id say if you were a fresh emigrant then you would be better to give it some time etc but since youve been there 7 years you obviously know the ins and outs by now. Enough to make a decision.

Im in a similar situation with regards to family, but my wife realises that one of us will always be away from our families so this didnt really factor into our decision at all...in the end it came down to quality of life and what we wanted to get out of it...the UK offers a lot of things that other countries dont and, personally speaking, it gets taken for granted often.

The one thing I take with me, knowing that I may not enjoy living in a different city to my home etc (for work) is that life generally tends to be what you make of it with the tools to hand. If you think you can make something better...show it to your husband, like I did with my Mrs - start google imageing the hell out of him...look at this, look at that, think this is nice? imagine doing this on sunday morning, want to drive there? blah blah blah. Lifestyle is a huge selling point.

Good Luck!

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Thanks I'm trying not to look at it to much from a family perspective because like you said one way or another one side has to be without family. I'm trying to compare Apples to Apples like the Medical NHS and taxes etc. What things do you think the UK gives that the US and other countries don't? What other benefits other than the NHS and more tax breaks does the UK give?

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Hmm, I couldnt comment on the differences between the US and UK but I can tell you the things im looking forward to returning to, comparison to living in Latin America.

I must have gone through the good and bad points a million times with my wife, she agrees on all of them but we have come to think of it as more than just a checklist for comparison. We just arent happy here and, with her already having experienced life in Ireland with me, she knows life in the UK has a lot to offer...

For instance - working days here are a minimum of 8.30-7pm standard, and thats rare. Normally they are 9am-9pm, you get home, you quickly rustle up some food and you fall into bed with no time or energy for anything else. The NHS is fine, I dont mind paying for my medical to be honest because then you can complain about poor service and you can go somewhere else.

Language - speaking English is great..im sick of Spanish or not being able to express myself properly. Yes thats a matter of practise but do I really want to? Nah, not really. For our kids, yes I will become fluent as fluent can be but for livings sake..her English is far better than my Spanish and always will be.

Services - service here sucks...you NEVER plan on getting anything done properly first time - if I plan to go to immigration or tax office, doctor, dentist, mechanic, stay home for plumber etc - I always have to plan for at least 3 occasions - 3 times where I tell the office Ill be a few hours late... for every single incident. Car always needs looked at 3 times, I need to get xrays done twice normally, plumbers always leave leaks and have to return, my doctor always gets the diagnosis wrong until the third attempt by a different doctor, and immigration always need different paperwork from last time we spoke!!!

Danger - Ive seen two dead bodies by shooting or hit and run and I dont like that kind of thing day to day. UK is safer. Full stop.

Manners and Respect - theres a different kind of attitude in the UK - we, as a society, take more time about our business and dont put people at risk or trample everyone around us just to get to the front of the line.

Crime - crime in the UK is tolerable to a degree. Law is by and large obeyed - here it is the norm to DISOBEY the law, and pay off an officer who stops you - to the point that on certain days of the year like mothers day..police officers will intentionally stop more cars on violations... to top up their mothers day gift fund. This is well known here and is expected. My wife carries cash in the car on these days specifically for dirty cops.

....the way of life, quality of life is affected by all these things and for us, whilst the UK may not be all roses - it certainly offers a more balanced lifestyle and for us, thats all we want. Normal hours, decent salary, some respect, some safety...a decent place to raise children.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Thanks for sharing your reasons. I agree with you on the working hours, my job I have now I am expected to work 60hr work weeks June through August. Yes the money is nice but I am exhausted at the end of it! Being a new parent I'd like to be able to see my son, especially during the summer. In my eyes the mental mentality seems to be work and sleep.

We have a lot of Spanish speakers here also, funny my Mother in law mentioned that my son has to learn Spanish over here as most jobs now require you to be bilingual.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Ah yes being bilingual anywhere in the world is definitely a bonus nowadays what with so many companies going multi-national or using off-shore customer services/project management. Im happy that our kids will be speaking English and Spanish - thats 900 million people they can speak to at todays numbers! Cant be bad.

The reasons vary for everyone but if I had to give one generic reason for the UK - its probably the reason why a lot of people leave - normality! Sorry to say it but I miss what I guess is normality. My wife sees it as being less chaotic, less anarchistic, more respectful etc which is why she is so excited.

What would you miss about where youre at now more than anything? Weather for me.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Yes the weather I will miss, we do live in the Pacific Northwest so it's generally about the same. But I feel the seasons are more defined in this area. I will miss the vastness in this area the large trees and country side. In some things the Pacific Northwest is similar to England. I will not miss the busy traffic and the hustle and bustle of life here.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

You're so lucky your husband has agreed to go back. Once kids come along you realise how important family is. I'm in NZ (am from the UK) with my kiwi husband refusing to move, despite him rarely seeing his family here. My heart is breaking at my parents missing out on seeing my kids grow up.

Hope it works out for you.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

I just wanted to reach out to you and say by far you're not alone. I'm in almost exactly the same situation. I had a baby in March 2010 and from the moment my very tearful Mum left 2 weeks later in a taxi I've wanted to go home.

My husband's agreed to give it a try but because he's been going to Uni part time over here we're going to have to do it in a bit of an unorthodox way! I'll be taking our boy to live with my parents for a year while he finishes up Uni. Once he's done he'll come over and join us.

Good luck to you and I hope you're able to form a new plan soon!

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

I wish I had found this forum 14 years ago ( was it even here) but if i had any idea I was not alone in the way i felt, i would have so put my foot down and gone home, my husband is a brit so there was no reason for us to be here, except for the so called "better life" which never has happened in my opinion. Yes our children all have their own cars although old and junky, but where we live they have to, and we have a nice big home, but god have I been unhappy in this home.........nothing will ever make up for the loss their grandparents have endured with us being here, my son was just 6 and my girls 4 when we moved here. They have missed everything family in my opinion and now they dont feel as if they have family, just friends.
If I had known it was "not only me" who felt so lost and alone and made to feel selfish I would have long gone.
Good luck girls!

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Aw glad I'm in good company then! It's been very hard since my mum & dad left I wish I was over there right now. I thought it was just emotions but I have thought of nothing else for the past week. A lot of things are just adding up that makes me want to go back. I never even imagined I would leave the States until now.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

The worst bit was forgetting what I once missed :eek:
Living in the US for so long has done such a complete number on me mentally and socially that now medication has become a daily need. How I managed before without going off the deep-end is a mystery.

I'd say to anyone who is still miserable and homesick after (truly) trying for a while - just get out while you can. They don't give out medals for being stubborn or stupid.

Roll-on retirement and being home again. :thumbsup::thumbup:

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

I agree Charleygirl, I remember when I first found this forum and saw that I was not the only one who felt this way. :ohmy:

It makes you feel so isolated living in a country where you don't want to live and nobody understands like the other like minded people on here......

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Oh yes barb if only i had known I was not alone and it was normal to miss home so much, i would have turned around and been back there 11 years ago.........
Never mind though cant change it and 8 weeks today i leave, now that is a very scary thought! Want to meet for a cold one one day, I will be heading up to Blackpool soon after i get home. My nieces are both expecting babies in Sept.