Thinking of moving back
 

Been in the USA 7 years now I'm established in a good job, great friends. My husband is in a decent job. We just had a baby boy and my parents came over for 2 weeks to stay. It was a very emotional goodbye which made me think how much I gave up to move over here. I love living here and I'm comfortable but being so far away family is to hard.

I mentioned moving back to my husband and he was surprised he thinks I'm to emotional to make a decision on this now. He was like well what about my family and me being away from them. No matter where we live there will be distant family.

I know I wanted to move over here but I did because I wanted to move to be with him. I guess I didn't realize how much I was giving up. I'm just wanting some advice from Expats that might be feeling the same thing or have moved back after so many years.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

At least in UK he'd have more paid vacation to be able to see his family.
So sorry you are feeling down, it wasn't till my kids came along that I really missed having my family around.
Don't stop talking to him about how you feel, then you will bottle it all up and start to feel resentful.
Oh and BTW Welcome to BE :thumbsup:

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Thanks for the welcome :) Yes, having my boy has made me realize how much family and friends I have in the UK and really miss. My husband has only his parents and uncle. I have my parents, sisters, grandparents, aunts cousins and friends. I really do love living in the US I just don't know if I can handle being so far away anymore.

I have a feeling my husband doesn't want to move to the UK he has voiced before he doesn't think he could handle it. Which I guess leaves me to suck it up here.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

It is hard , especially when parents get older and neices/ nephews etc grow up with out you hardly getting to see them. I remember clearly one day having this feeling that I wasn't in the "circle" of my family anymore because I'd been away so long and they had all moved on together over there. It's a feeling of having "given up" a life you once had.
I think when one comes here ( I'm in the US ) you don't think about those things because, naturally , you are wrapped up in the adventure. Once you've been here a while, life becomes routine again and priorities shift these feelings do start to surface.
I've been here 13 years and when I first came LOVED it , couldn't imagine leaving. Now I'm as sure that I will end up back in the UK.

I'm rambling a bit but I think what I'm trying to say is, you're not alone, heaps of us feel the same exact way.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

That's really a dilemma which is normally faced by the persons who have a lot of care and love for their families. There was a time when I was also in a situation similar to you. I went to abroad for my Masters, but within a year I left it and came back to my native place. I thought that there's a lot of colleges near my home, so why to stay away from my parents. My parents tried hard to make me understand the importance of my masters degree but I couldn't come out of my home sickness. But for you I would suggest to wait a while. Let your husband find a good job there and then take any step.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Thank you everyone for your responses. I'm still talking to my husband about it. He's more than a little hesitant. He thinks it would hurt his parents to much if we moved seeming our baby is there only grandchild. I don't want to do that but I'm missing my family so much it's really hard. His parents have never been entirely suppotive of us and they didn't agree with us getting PG but ever since our son has been born they can't get enough. I know they'd be upset if we moved away, but what about my family. I am selfish for wanting a life with them.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

No you aren't being selfish at all. (hugs)

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

It's not easy being in a 'transatlantic' relationship. I left my grown children and 3 young grandsons in order to move to the UK with my husband. I miss them terribly.

There is no perfect answer to your dilemma. The only advice I can give is that any decision - either to stay in the US or move to the UK - has to be based upon what is best for you, your husband and your children. Parents, extended family and friends are lovely, but it's your marriage and your future.

Communication, compromise, and courage are three things that I think all of us in this type of situation depend upon.

I feel for you, I truly do.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

No you aren't !!! I have this exact discussion with my missus a lot. I want to be able to see my parents more as they grow older and nephews more as they grow up. She want's the same with her family. We both see that one of us must give if we want to stay together.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

You are not being selfish. You have been in the US for 7 years. My husband (British) moved here in 2002 and after a 3 week stay this past May in England, he decided we should move back. Of course, it's a little easier for me. My mom passed away in 1991 and my dad in 2002 so I have no family here being the only child. I have family in England, a mother & father-in-law and brother & sister-in-law that I love them all dearly. My husband has gave this country a go for 9 years and I think that is a fair shot. We are planning on moving back in 2012 if we can get there. Like he says, life is too short and I agree.

Tell your husband that you have gave it a good shot and now it's time for his turn. International marriages are very hard. One person may or may not be unhappy about where they are at but you have to decide on what is best for your marriage, children & future.

We have spent a lot of time wasting time and we really regret that. Just a thought for you to think on.

Best wishes with whatever you decide.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling the way I do. Yes 'transatlantic' marriages are very hard. I wonder if we do move over there will my husband handle it, I worry what we'll do then. I love the culture in America and I love where I live I will feel disappointed if we move. More than anything I feel homesick for my family not the country. I mentioned to my parents about thinking of moving back obviously they were overjoyed, but they want me to think long and hard. They mentioned I always seemed so happy here in the states and they don't want me to make a decision just yet. Especially with me just saying goodbye to them and having a baby my emotions and hormones are on overdrive.

My husband mentioned we can skype more but it's not quite the same.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Aw I feel sad for you natalie, but it may be that your hormones are all over the place. Is there any chance you could go home for a visit, for a couple of weeks or even longer. It is always difficult being with a partner who does not want to return or move. I am from the UK so is my husband, but from the day we moved here 14 years ago, he has loved it, I have always had a gaping hole in my heart.
I hope you wont be like that. Very tough one. Any chance your mum could maybe come stay with you for longer. Its a huge decision and one where one of you will probably be hurting.
Good Luck and where in the US are you?

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Thanks Charle, it's been a little easier over the last few days. But I still feel that strong pull to go home. I want my son to know his heritage and be apart of my family. I want to be able to see my family and be apart of my grandparents lives before they pass away. My nan passed 2 years ago and I wasn't there. My husband has agreed to a 2 year plan that we move and he'll give it a shot for 2 years. I do however feel that he's still not happy with his decision.

We live in Washington State and my family is in Wales. I do wonder if I'm being crazy in thinking we should move, I mean we are all settled here but something in my heart is telling me to go back.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

If he's willing then go for it, don't second guess yourself. I commend him for listening and wanting you to be happy and have the chance to be near your family as he has had the chance to be near his.

Re: Thinking of moving back
 

Thanks me to, he starting to come round. He was watching an international house hunters earlier that was in England :p