toodlepip

We've been in Australia for nearly 4 years. Have had a great time and don't regret coming for a moment. It was never our dream as such to come here, we wanted to experience living in a different country. And well, we feel like we've done that and the pull of family & friends back home is becoming stronger.

My husband hasn't been happy here for a while and has wanted to go back for about a year. I have been more settled than him, I love my job and I love where we live. However, I do miss my friends & family and I often feel quite lonely here, I have a very limited social life and have really struggled with some school mum friendships, we just don't click!

My biggest reservation in going through all the upheaval of going back is what it will do to my 10 year old. He has really struggled with emigration and change and says he wants to stay here in Australia forever. This is in spite of him being bullied at school on a regular basis here and I really think he is scared of change rather than actively loving it here. My 7 year old daughter wants to go back as she misses her grandparents a lot and claims that life in England is better (though she was only 3 when we came, I'm not convinced she actually remembers that much about it!).

Any advice, we've not made a definite decision but I think we're swaying more towards going, and if we do go it needs to be in the next couple of years, I don't want to disrupt my son's secondary education any more than I have to.

We also need to get citizenship before we go, I can apply from November (missed the deadline for pre-2007 residents through my complete ambivalence about becoming Australian - another sign for me that this just isn't where we belong), so that at least we can come back in the future if we would like to.

This feels like such a hard decision

quoll

It's only a hard decision because you are supposed to love Australia and probably those around you cannot conceive that someone doesnt love it and think it is paradise on a stick. I think it is easy to get bored with Australia when the initial tourist/holiday mode wears off and there is nothing wrong with choosing a bit more buzz in your life and a greater variety of places to go and things to do.

I am sure your son will be fine but moving is going to be stressful for everyone. Once he discovers his extended family and how much they envelop him into their lives it will be easier for him (assuming you do have a network of family and friends). With the bulk of his primary schooling in Aus he may well have some catching up to do as the standards are generally not quite as high but if you do it in the next year or two he should have plenty of time to make up the slack.

You still have time, you are not yet past the point of no return - that is when it gets very difficult and if you have those ambivalent feelings now, believe me that when you are trapped here they can blossom into a full blown hatred of the place. Now is a good time to go back because of the dollar and the inflated Aus house prices - we havent had a time like this in the past 30 years and it may never happen again.

I have been here 31 years now and still feel lonely despite friends that have come and gone - none of them have been that long lasting friendship that I have with half a dozen UK mates and there are maybe 2 friends here now that I could call at 3am.

Good luck with your decision.

pinkkristen

Ahh bless ya, its not an easy descion! I have to say though we have done non stop thinking and debating it for so long, but now we have come to a final desion it feels SO much better. I am no longer questioning myself and continously comparing everything. i can move on with a clear head and enjoy the time we have left here, but i agree, that the country can be perfect in so many ways, but if you are lonely then all of that doesn't matter!

I went back to the UK, a few weeks ago and laughed like i hadn't laughed in ages, i just felt at home and at peace and that was when i knew where we needed to be!
Don't get me wrong, the sun is shining here, its warm, the kids are playing in the pool and about to have a glass of wine on the porch ( i know its early but thats my point!!). However, there are no friends or family popping in to have a glass with me and i miss my life there, so to me there is no comparison.
Its also made easier, that my daughter still misses her school back home and would settle back no probs.

good luck with it all and i hope you make the right choice for the family, but just making that descion makes everything seem more better

toodlepip

Thank you, a lot of what you say makes sense. There is lots about Australia I love, and lots about it I don't like and I think you're right when you say that this might become full blown hatred if we leave it too long to go back.

Originally I was thinking we'd go when the kids have finished their education here but that's another 10 years for my daughter and I think that will make it too difficult to return. And my husband says he can't face that much longer here.

I'm not worried academically about my son as he is quite ahead here, but socially he's very young for his age and struggles with various things (I actually think the UK school system will support him better, it's one of the reasons that's swaying me to move). Also he's an August birthday so very young for his year in the UK, I might have to look into whether it's possible to put him back a year there.

And yes, agree now is the time to go financially - we feel lucky that we came here at a good time and got on the housing ladder in Oz quite quicklyso will hopefully be going back in a better financial position than we came out. I am saying to my husband than he has to have a job lined up before we go back though, I can't face that stress of uncertainty again.

toodlepip

Thanks, I too was back in the UK recently (on my own to visit friends and my new nephews/nieces that I'd never met) and had a great time and it didn't really feel like coming home when I returned, even though obviously I'd missed my husband and children. I think that was a bit of a turning point for me and I have felt quite torn ever since.

This is very rapidly becoming a definite decision to go, it's more just a question of when now, and how we can make it as easy as possible for our son. I can relate to your feelings of relief at having made a decision and my husband is noticeably already happier! However a part of me is also very sad about what we will leave when we go.

Thanks and good luck with your move.

killerhales

In your shoes I would go as soon as you have got your residency. Your kids are the perfect age and they will adapt quickly, as long as you and your OH are committed to the decision, and the kids can see that, then they will follow your lead.

If you wait for a year or too it will get more difficult for your oldest.

Good Luck!

Kentish Lass

It seems so much harder to return then come here in the first place(NZ). We just came. Now there always seems to be a reason to 'wait for a bit' before we make the move back. Kids at a crucial year at school, wait for citizienship, where will we work ?????...

tdib

Hi toodlepip,

Just two thoughts...

1) I think - other things being equal - your kids should do all of their secondary schooling in either one country or the other. IMHO its too disruptive to move them when they are in high school (especially with the differences in the two countries educational systems). So you are at the perfect time to go if that's what you decide to do. Won't be as easy if you leave it until later.

2) I understand you agonizing over how this would affect your son. It does you credit. However - you are the parent and he is the child so you get to make the decisions! And I think I you are right about him fearing the change rather than not wanting to live in the UK. Make a decision based on what is right for your whole family and I am sure you won't go far wrong.

toodlepip

Thank you, I'm tending to agree with you. Typical me, I take ages dithering about things but once my mind is made up I get impatient to be doing whatever I've decided! We can apply for citizenship at the end of November so hopefully it won't take too long. Then we can go next year, I'd like another summer here before we head back but if we went from May or so that would be in time for our son to start secondary.

toodlepip

Yes I know what you mean, I still want my husband to have a job lined up before he goes though or at the very least have done some research about what's available where we want to live (we want to head for York area). I'm not so bothered about me as though I want to work I also want to help my son settle before I go back to work, also my husband's earning potential is way more than mine because or our respective professions!

toodlepip

Yes you are right and I think it would be wise to move so my son can start secondary in the UK. He's already been to 3 primary schools and that hasn't been helpful to him. So hopefully after november it won't take long to get our citizenship and we can head back sometime next year. And yes, we definitely won't be staying based on his decision, the rest of us want to go back, but it's still painful to watch him struggle so much, it took him a long time to get used to being here and he was happy to come then, so I can see some hard times ahead for him and us.

tdib

Hi toodlepip,

Re-reading what I said to you - I sound like a bit of a know-it-all. Sorry if it came across that way!

Anyway -I will now open both loungeroom doors so I can get my big-head out....!

Picnic

Hi Toodlepip,

I sympathise with what you're going through.

Just wanted to make a comment regarding your son's schooling: I'm not sure (and this is just my personal opinion/experience) that you will be able to have him held back a year.

New regulations have come into force for children with August birthdays to allow them to start school earlier and not miss out on one or two terms' education (see below) but there doesn't appear to be a mechanism for "holding them back" as in the US (and Australia?).

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/index/...ory_school_age

"Starting school
In England and Wales, most local authorities have a policy of accepting children into school at the beginning of the term during which the child becomes five. However, the child does not have to attend school until the beginning of the term following their fifth birthday.
In Northern Ireland, a child who is four years old on or before 1 July in any year must start primary school on 1 September that year.
In England, from the school year beginning September 2011, local authorities must accept children into primary school in the September following the child's fourth birthday. However, parents may request that their child does not start school until later in the year or until reaching compulsory school age. A parent will also be able to request that a child attends school part-time until compulsory school age."

In the best scenario the school would have their own policies and practices as to age/attainment groupings and be able to place your son in a setting which suits him BUT I believe he will still leave primary school at age 11.

Children change so much in primary school - one minute they seem young for their age and the next you wonder why you ever thought that! So I wouldn't worry too much, you sound like a great and involved parent and I am sure your son will get all the support he needs.

toodlepip

LOL, no I didn't read it like that! It's useful to hear what other people think.

toodlepip

Thanks Picnic,

I guess it will depend on where we end up, if we go next year he will leave half way through grade 5 here and start secondary in the UK, and that seems a big jump. If he did Year 6 in the UK he'd still be 11 when he finished primary school but would have just turned 12 starting secondary which I'd much prefer given what he's like. I wish UK schools offered a bit more flexibility in this way. I do know a friend of mine lived in Italy in her teens and dropped back a year when her family returned to the UK, I can also recall people repeating a year when they had glandular fever.

I imagine I'll just have to talk to the schools when we're there and see what they think and will be willing to offer.