Wow! What a conversation but it is very relevant especially as we get older. It is one of the reasons we have applied for a spouse visa so we can go back to the UK. To be honest, I always felt I would die here in the Bahamas and have no problem with that. But with friends leaving and dying around us (we are older than most members of this board!) it has made us realize how alone we are. Our children and other family members are in the UK. We would like to spend more time with them, apart from the annual holiday we presently have. So it is a conversation we have had. If we do not get the visa, then I hope Plan B will present itself.

It's a question I have asked myself many times over the last 18 years I've lived in the US...and every time the answer is...I'd be on the next plane home. As several have said the OP's question is very relevant.

It was the same question I asked myself about 2 years ago, do I want to be old and alone here in Canada? and do I want to die here? No!!! So we are also planning on returning as well. I think it is very pertinent when you get to a certain age!

I think its a very good question to ask when a person has some ambivalence about where they think they want to be.

Moving back is not easy (finances etc.) but this a question that I have used to help me focus on what it is I really want to do as opposed to what is easiest (stay).

I'd be interested to hear what other questions your friend came up with if they are not ones that would only be specific to you and your husband.

I've asked myself the same question. If my USC hubby passed while I was still in good health & fit for travel, I would go back to the UK as well. I've also had the same feeling should our financial status change. Currently we are employed and live in a nice location. If we were to lose our jobs and become hard up, I would much rather be in that scenario near my UK family, than here in the USA. I do have "friends" here, but it's been an eye opener when my hubby has been out of town, and they've known I've been on my own, and I don't get a call. It's a very lonely feeling and really begs the question "why do I stay?" I do enjoy my life here, given my current lifestyle, but like I say, sometimes the pull to return to the UK is very strong. It's very confusing at times!

I actually know of someone that lost her husband 2 years after emigrating to NZ. They were 40 somethings. It was sudden.

She eventually returned to the UK for a while but then came back to NZ. She said that whilst she had extended family and old pals back in the UK, the place just did not 'fit' her anymore and that her home was in NZ.

Until recently , I had thought that if I found myself a widow, I would make a UK return. Now I am far from sure.

If Mr BEVS found himself without his ball and chain I believe he would remain here in NZ He is comfy .

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"I don't want to die here" I don't want to die full stop

Home is where the heart is and our home is NZ...we are settled and we will stay in NZ as a pair or either singularly.
Neither of us came 1/2 way round the Globe for a short holiday or a change, we searched out our new country as a new life together. We are both content with Kiwi life and have made good friendships among people who accept us for what we are.

Hypothetical question:

If two people are perfectly happy in a different country, why would one of them go straight home if the other died?

Maybe because a large part of that 'happiness' is the happiness of being a couple. Once one of the partners passes away a whole new set of emotional and psychological feelings come into play.

Exactly, it depends where their happiness is derived from.

Some couples (as we have seen on this thread) really love living in the country they have moved to and nothing about that would change for the surviving partner so that person would have no reason to move.

However, for some couples their partner becomes almost their whole support system in their "new" country and so there is this realization that when their partner dies they will be left feeling more alone than they believe they would feel in their country of origin.

My reason would be because I have already had cancer and if my husband died and I remained here, I would not have any family support when, inevitably, I become ill again. As I said above, some of our friends have already died and it really brings home the reality of life, and death.

yes the OP has a relevant question. In fact my USC wife and I have had this discussion. We plan on moving to the UK soon and would she stay in the UK when I die. Her answer was it all depends on where our children are physically at and where they are at in their lives. Certainly if one of our kids ends up back state side (which they might?) then I could see her move back. Or maybe she will like the UK so much so wont want to leave (he said hopefully!)
Good topic
Cheers
Nigel

I think that making the decision to go back shouldnt be done at a moment of tragedy or sadness. I lost my job a couple of years ago and started thinking about going home. I ended up staying and found a new job. Two years later I have made the decision to leave my job and return to the UK. I am happy that I waited and made a decision when I was in a good place in my life and able to think clearly about my decision. Sometimes sadness makes us feel that we should do something but it may not be the right thing. I feel if I had gone back two years ago I would have been unhappy when I got back. Now I feel fully in control of the decision and feel I am more likely to enjoy being back.
It is a good question to think about but if your answer is yes that you would go back then I would say start thinking about returning now rather than waiting for such negative circumstances.

For some reason when young and middle aged we don't know this time is coming. My wife and I met in Israel in the 70s, lived in England, lived in America, lived in England again, lived in America again. We always said in the future we'd make some other decision, move somewhere else. But not just infirmity catches up, there's also the desire to live in your home country as you get older. We have one child settled in England and one in the US. Now we are retired and actually could go cycling in China or whatever, but find we are losing the desire to drive sixteen miles to the grocery store ....

Because life would change, a lot. For the remaining partner, life may or may not become less perfect after the death, but it would be different.

This was always my husband's and my own thought too--Where in the world will the children end up? We wanted to be within reach. Haha, well our children have ended up in two countries, and about as far-scattered geographically as they could be.