sickbrit

How do I tell my wife that after 3 years in Ontario I am so homesick it is affecting my health ? My wife loves it here and for the last year I have tried so hard to make it work, but I know deep down Canada is not for me. My kidds love it here and I feel like I am trapped if I dont get home soon. Any suggestions on how to approach this ? I told my wife I was homesick a few months ago and she thinks I am mad. I know in a marriage you should be able to talk to each other openly and honestly (and as a rule we do) but this is going to be a big issue for us and I was hoping for some guidance from someone who has experienced thios in the past. Help much appreciated.

Mummy in the foothills

I burst into tears and let it all out, would that work?
Don't let her convince you that you are mad, you aren't you just feel differently.
Have you really asked the kids? Most act fine and get on with life but don't let on where they want to be, they wouldn't want to disappoint Mum and Dad.

sickbrit

I think the main issue is the enourmous wrench we put the kidds through in comming here, they were not keen on comming but now seem to love it here. I guess I just feel guilty after putting them through that all for nothing. My eldest daughter has just arrived to live with me so that compounds the problem. I think your right I will just have to come out with it (without the tears), I am just dreading that conversation! and scared that I will be blammed for ruining everyones lives again.

LisaP

How about casually doing some sort of survey with the kids? Trying to find out how they really feel about it.

If they really do love it there, then everyone is happy except you. You might have to accept that for the sake of the greater good, and find some ways to live with it.

Good luck.

Easterndawn

Is it possible to go back for a holiday, that sometimes puts things in prospective. Being homesick is a horrible thing and affects your whole life. I would before I told them try to find out a few things, will I have a job when I return, where will we live etc, make a list of pros and cons. Is it perhaps where in Canada you moved to, the provinces are so different.

sickbrit

Thats good advice thank you, I find it difficult to think logically over this issue. I will talk to the kids casually about this and I think making a list of the pros and cons is a good idea, so I will get onto that immediately after this post. In my profession getting a job is no real problem; the cost is one of the biggest nightmares for me. I have monitored this site silently for the last year I will be seeking advice more often from now on. Again I thank you all for your comments.

manamama

I found it hard to talk about my homesickness to my husband because I didn´t want to put a damper on his enjoyment.

So for months I kept my thoughts to myself and I had constant feelings of despair. I put on a brave face and tried to enjoy myself and keeping busy but after about a year it just got too much. I became a grumpy so and so. Then it all came out in a bit of a meltdown because I got so unhappy here. The feelings were just so overwelming and took over all my thoughts.

After that, I took a short break back home and it helped. I got my old self back together and we started talking about returning. We had to wait for the right time which was for when the children finished their year at school..so I did lists and wrote up handwritten calenders showing what needed doing and planning. I counted the weeks down and now I am just so happy to be leaving in a week...

Moving as been an experience that I never want to go through again. I missed my old life and familiar lovely things around me. I miss the parks in London, I miss the humour and having that feeling that I belong there.

You should talk with your wife before you turn into Mr Grumpy and your marriage may suffer (like mine for a short time). Your mental health is so important...at least to talk it out. She may not give you the reaction you want but it will help.

Good luck...

sickbrit

I will take that advice on board, the last thing I want is for my marriage to suffer. As to being Mr Grumpy, well its to late for that by about 25 years LOL
Thank you for your advice, it is obvious that you have experienced what I am going through now and it is a hideous experience. England all is forgiven, including the Chavs !!

Bevm

I'm just curious if you know what it is about Canada that doesn't work for you -- and also what in particularly is working for your wife. It might help you if you could figure out that.

We returned last year from Canada, so I'm not arguing with your emotions or thoughts.

Bev

sickbrit

Hey Bev

Where can I start; Its everything really. Work (especially the way seniority is applied), TV, Food, peoples attitudes, the complete and utter boredom i feel every day of the week, lack of money, I never see the wife as she is always at work and the feeling that I am slowly wasting away like I am being forced to retire and work at the same time (If that makes sense). AS far as my wife is concerned I have no idea why she likes it so much, she has a much bigger family than mine and she is closer to them, she works more here, she is exhausted every night, she hardly gets any time off and earns crap money. I just cannot understand why she likes it so much, she has made loads of friends at work but she had them in the UK. She loves our house and the pool and that is the only plus I can see !!! so as they say here, go figure !!

shelley748

Listen I have been through 2 near death experiences and life too bloody short... I advise you not to waste your life here in Canada if its really not for you. Read my previous posts, hubby and I came in 2002 and our life has been terrible since we came, the only reason we did not go back straight away is cos of our dogs, at the time there was no pet passport. Now we have 1 dog who is comiong up to 14 yrs old and we won't put her down, she is happy in herself. Both OH and myself want togo back we think,... he has not worked properly since we came to Canada, was in IT and now has nothing to show for 8 years other than manager of his own business in USA. I have 30 yuears financial services and have only recently become a MGR, my career has gone backwards.

I am going back in October to see my Dad in UK and bluntly a reccy of returnign to UK to see if we can make it somehow at ages 52 and 51 this year.... enough is enough as far as I am concerned...

Maybe your wife is trying to put on a brave face for you....??

paranoidandroid

It should do, right?
Nice one!

paranoidandroid

Kids adjust better than adults. If they want to move back out when they are older then they will.
They would adjust to life back at home quickly, too.

sickbrit

Thanks for all your help on this issue. I have discovered since my original post that my wife is fully aware of my misery and takes the attitude that if I dont like it I should go (on my own). I know she is just frustrated with the situation and she is just sounding off about it, but it highlights the gulf in attitudes between us. Shelly748 is totally correct, you only live once. I have therefore decided to inform my wife that after the kids finish this school year we are going back (summer 2011). Such is my misery that I will give the Canada or me ultimatum. The thought of ending my life here fills me with such dread I feel I will do anything to get away, the ironic thing in all this is I am actually a Canadain, I was born here to a Canadain mother and Scottish father. We went to the UK when I was a child (10 yrs old). All my formative years were in the UK and it is the only place I feel at home. I have allways felt more British than Canadain.

Mummy in the foothills

You better let her know that very soon, give her time to let it sink in and decide whats more important to her, Canada or you and the kids.
Do the kids want to go back too?