Talking to hubby tonight!!!
May 18th 2010, 7:47 pm
#16
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Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
Re: Talking to hubby tonight!!!
Lorry, is there anything apart from missing family and friends thats making you miserable?
It takes a while to fill that void, and its something you have to work at, people are not likely to come to you. Who knows, in a few years maybe things will be better. Its a horrible situation to be in though, so good luck, I hope it works out. Your plan seems to be sound though, wait for kids school to end and to get your citizenship, but also make an effort to take time for yourself and try and get out and make some local friends too...hard as that can be.
It takes a while to fill that void, and its something you have to work at, people are not likely to come to you. Who knows, in a few years maybe things will be better. Its a horrible situation to be in though, so good luck, I hope it works out. Your plan seems to be sound though, wait for kids school to end and to get your citizenship, but also make an effort to take time for yourself and try and get out and make some local friends too...hard as that can be.
May 19th 2010, 1:02 pm
#17
The Brit is back
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2010
Location: NS, Canada 2007-2013. Now....England!
Posts: 2,211
Re: Talking to hubby tonight!!!
Lorry, is there anything apart from missing family and friends thats making you miserable?
It takes a while to fill that void, and its something you have to work at, people are not likely to come to you. Who knows, in a few years maybe things will be better. Its a horrible situation to be in though, so good luck, I hope it works out. Your plan seems to be sound though, wait for kids school to end and to get your citizenship, but also make an effort to take time for yourself and try and get out and make some local friends too...hard as that can be.
It takes a while to fill that void, and its something you have to work at, people are not likely to come to you. Who knows, in a few years maybe things will be better. Its a horrible situation to be in though, so good luck, I hope it works out. Your plan seems to be sound though, wait for kids school to end and to get your citizenship, but also make an effort to take time for yourself and try and get out and make some local friends too...hard as that can be.
Thanks
When we arrived I made a huge effort to make friends. The people we bought our house from left us a list of people in the area who had kids about our age. So I took my kids and knocked at these houses (this is something I had never done before, but knew I had to do if I wanted to settle here!). I soon made friends and they introduced me to their friends, etc...
I find the culture so different here. There are no 'pubs' locally and no one wants to travel downtown for a night out. I hardly see anyone unless there is a house party or social function.
I miss just calling someone and saying 'fancy a drink down the local!'
My hubby will go off contracting in a couple of years and will be possibly gone fore weeks at a time. I need to be with friends and family to keep me sane and socialising.
Who knows, I may feel different in a couple of years and finally set down roots here. I do feel as though a weight has been lifted though knowing we can go back if I want to.
Once we have citizenship here, we can always come back later in life and explore more of Canada.
May 19th 2010, 1:07 pm
#18
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Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
Re: Talking to hubby tonight!!!
Yeah, that pub culture doesnt really exist here, its more "organised" I guess for want of a better work. Having said that there is a lot of social drinking on the proches and decks of my neighbourhood...but Im not really that much of a drinker I guess, but maybe its just a question of adapting to Canadian rules?
Sounds like you at least have a starting point though.
Sounds like you at least have a starting point though.
May 19th 2010, 11:58 pm
#19
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Joined: Dec 2009
Location: Leicester UK
Posts: 793
Re: Talking to hubby tonight!!!
Hey Lorry1, glad to hear your little chat had a positive side to it as well. I know how you feel, like many others on this forum. I desperately also want to return home but my situation is looking like a possible seperation. My husband is totally resistant to it.
I actually proposed a seperation last month quite seriously. But it did not go very well. The whole thing got quite emotional and it ended with lets give it 6 more months. I think he believes that one day i will wake up and feel differently about it all. But I still feel very strongly about returning.
Things just feel even worst for me now, I feel even more trapped. Still feel like this is going to end bad now. Maybe I have just given up on the hope that he will one day change his mind. Its quite a scary place to be, knowing that i may have to do this alone now. But I cant spend the rest of my life like this. I am thinking of having a serious conversation with my parents about this as I am fed up of living a lie.
Good luck with your future plans. You are lucky that your husband is at least a bit open to it for the future.
I actually proposed a seperation last month quite seriously. But it did not go very well. The whole thing got quite emotional and it ended with lets give it 6 more months. I think he believes that one day i will wake up and feel differently about it all. But I still feel very strongly about returning.
Things just feel even worst for me now, I feel even more trapped. Still feel like this is going to end bad now. Maybe I have just given up on the hope that he will one day change his mind. Its quite a scary place to be, knowing that i may have to do this alone now. But I cant spend the rest of my life like this. I am thinking of having a serious conversation with my parents about this as I am fed up of living a lie.
Good luck with your future plans. You are lucky that your husband is at least a bit open to it for the future.
But I am 58 and realise i can not let my life go by like this, I have a plan and I am working on it.
I wish you and all the other ladies in the same position the strength to think of you and your life and what you deserve. I know I will never be happy living here.
May 20th 2010, 2:10 am
#20
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Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,152
Re: Talking to hubby tonight!!!
Thanks everyone 
The long term plan is a good idea, and maybe he will come round to that.
OH loves it here and really does not want to return. The fact that his parents are deathly ill doesn't even make him want to go back, so I don't know what chance I have!
My eldest would be doing her GCSE's next year in England and yet she will not leave school here until she is 18. She would not be ready for those exams so it would be unfair to go back now.
I feel so trapped and a bit resentful cos I am stuck and don't know what to do.
I have really tried to get on here but after 3 years, I know it's not working and now I am just depressed.
I don't know if I want to stay another 3 years here.
I don't think moving to Ontario would help to be honest as I miss my friends and family in England. I just feel like I don't fit in here anymore and I have no roots here.
I guess I have to just suck it up and do whats best for now
The long term plan is a good idea, and maybe he will come round to that.
OH loves it here and really does not want to return. The fact that his parents are deathly ill doesn't even make him want to go back, so I don't know what chance I have!
My eldest would be doing her GCSE's next year in England and yet she will not leave school here until she is 18. She would not be ready for those exams so it would be unfair to go back now.
I feel so trapped and a bit resentful cos I am stuck and don't know what to do.
I have really tried to get on here but after 3 years, I know it's not working and now I am just depressed.
I don't know if I want to stay another 3 years here.
I don't think moving to Ontario would help to be honest as I miss my friends and family in England. I just feel like I don't fit in here anymore and I have no roots here.
I guess I have to just suck it up and do whats best for now
There were many times over the years when if circumstances had allowed I'd have moved back in a heartbeat. But now there seems no urgency anymore and I feel very comfortable here although I always tell myself that I can still move back should I ever want to.
